Hogs Of War vs The GOP

As “Pomp And Circumstance” played, The G-Man and Wannabuyamonkey walked down the ramp and entered the ring. But their music had barely finished when they were blindsided by Pig Iron and Ghost Hog, who bludgeoned the Conservatives until the bell rang. Then a double Hog-Lock forced both men to tap out. The former DCMB’ers won their first RDCW match!


Lucha Libre Exhibition Match: El Superbeasto vs. Hombre Lagarto

As Hombre Lagarto stood alone in the ring awaiting his foe, the CheeseDome crowd held their breath collectively. Del Castillo's "Back From the Grave" began to play as El Superbeasto made his way to ringside alone, the rest of the Family searching for their leader.

Superbeasto stormed the ring and taunted his foe, signaling for the Chokeslam to Oblivion. Lagarto stood defiant and stoic, not allowing his opponent to unnerve him.

Superbeasto grabbed him and began an Irish whip attempt, but Lagarto tried to reverse but was unable. He kicked Superbeasto in the abdomen and slowed the giant.

Marcum: "What was that? This was supposed to be a Lucha Libre exhibition? I knew Bond hired somebody to take out the Giant!"

Monroe: "Kicks are still legal! Don't jump to conclusions!"

As Lagarto climbed the top rope and hit a flying tackle onto the beast!

Monroe: "Flying tackle! How's that for a Lucha move!"

Marcum: "Not bad, but it looked very familiar. . ."

Lagarto went for an inverted DDT, but the Giant Luchador rebounded with a pair of Giant Headbutts, sending his foe across the ring. Lagarto slapped the mat in frustration. Superbeasto went for a Giant Elbow, but missed as Lagarto rolled out of the ring.

Lagarto went under the ring and disappeared.

Marcum: "Where'd he go? He's hiding from El Superbeasto!"

Monroe: "He's not hiding! He's playing mental games with the giant!"

Lagarto resurced on the other side of the ring with a steel chair! Jumping the Giant from behind, Lagarto went to work with multiple chair shots to the head and torso of the giant, knocking him to his knees!

As the ref disqualified the luchadore, he climbed up top and hit a missile dropkick on the beast!

Monroe: "Missile dropkick! Lagarto! Dropkick!"

Marcum: "I know I've seen that before."

As Lagarto managed to pick up the stunned giant onto his shoulders for another maneuver…

Monroe: "Impressive display of strength from Lagarto! Wait, is that. . ."

Marcum: "IT IS! A RED ALERT! HE JUST HIT SUPERBEASTO WITH A RED ALERT!"

As Lagarto stood over his fallen opponent with the referee signaling for Lagarto's disqualification, Lagarto began removing his mask. Pulling his mask off, Lagarto revealed himself as. . .

Monroe: "Chris Oakley! It was Oakley all along!"

Marcum: "I knew those moves looked familiar!"

Oakley left the ring as Ian Bond smiled and nodded in approval while "Rooster" began to play in the CheeseDome.


Hottie Swimsuit Competition

It was easily the most delicious thing that the RDCW fans had ever witnessed. Nuriko was wearing a swimsuit in name only, preferring to wear strategically placed origami paper to conceal herself. Very little origami paper. Stareena and ButterRican wore the skimpiest bikinis that had ever been seen – Madman Marcum needed to be excused from the ring floor due to “personal business”. Then Sneaky bunny disrobed and stole the victory away from the other three women. I’ll let you use your imagination to picture exactly what he wore and didn’t wear…personally, I gotta leave for a minute…personal business…