RKMBs Forums .::Important::. RDCW Tuesday Night Havoc 4/19/05

The CheeseDome is filled with the sound of a single pair of hands clapping slowly. Sarcastically. SD-6 looks up the ramp to see Joe Mama giving them the applause. Louie Bastardo and Grace are standing alongside him, and Grace is holding a microphone near Joe Mama's hands. After a few more moments of applause, Joe Mama takes the microphone and starts walking to the ring.

JM: Great job, guys. Really...you all must be proud. I gotta hand it to you: I never would've thought that any of you had it in you. To lie to your fans. To kidnap a rival faction's manager and hide him in a bathroom reserved for women. You people have truly shown your true colors. It must make you all so proud to have sunk so low.

Joe Mama enters the ring. Tommy makes a move towards him, but PenWing motions for him to stop.

JM: Jump me. I dare you…I double-dare you. Why not? You’ve already shown your true colors. You can babble all you want about supposed back-stabbings and underhanded business, but the facts remain that WE’VE done nothing but give you sad-sacks the chance to beat us, only to have you fail miserably. WE’VE made ourselves available for any challenges. And, while we’ve certainly been decisive in our victories (ask the RDJL is you don’t believe me), WE’VE never sunk so low as to actually kidnap any of your team members, have we now? And WE’VE never framed another faction for our actions – that was a brilliant move, you jackasses! I’m willing to bet that the Company will have something to say about your actions as well. You cowards!!!

Madman: That’s absolutely true! SD-6 has set the precedent for scumbaggery!

Monroe: Is that even a word?

JM: And speaking of which, you DO realize that you’ve admitted to committing a crime, right? And that you’ve admitted it to the public? I guess all I can do is thank you on behalf of the Bastardo Family – the tape of this show will make for some great evidence! And you people WILL be hearing from the Bastardo Family lawyers at the very least!

The crowd boos relentlessly. SD-6 manages to keep their composure, but Meeko momentarily looks like she realizes that a mistake was made.

JM: But I didn’t come out here to talk law. Law is no more my forte than wrestling is any of yours. I just wanted to let you know that your desperate pleas of attention have not fallen on deaf ears. The Family has spoken to the RDCW’s Executive Committee and made our desires very clear – we want to finish at Rehash what we started at Robblemania! SD-6 will have its hands full with the Bastardo Family, and we will finish you off once and for all!

The crowd chants “SD-6!!!” as Joe Mama turns his attention to Tommy.

JM: Well, Tommy, it’s nice to see that you’ve made a friend here! Funny that you were so quick to make amends for what you did to PenWing AFTER Louie decided that you were a complete failure and canned your ass! Were you smart enough to realize that you had a date with an ass whipping when he came back? But look, you two realized that you had so much in common – Hockey, Eskimo Kisses, and the inability to get the job done – that teaming up just had to happen. Good for you because, at Rehash, you’ll be teaming up with your new buddy, James Fantastic, against El Superbeasto and Johnny Evil!

The chants continue. Joe Mama turns to Meeko and Nuriko.

JM: Meeko, what can I tell you? You’re fixing to lose a lot of money for the actions of your boyfriends. You may even do some jail-time. I hope it was worth it, kiddo. But the Family is by no means a heartless group of professionals. We know that your decisive loss against Sneaky Bunny at Robblemania has soured you on singles wrestling. We know that your new focus – for what it’s worth – is on the Women’s Tag Team Division and driving this group into the ground with your managerial “skill”. So we’re content to take out our fury on the next best thing. Nuriko, you’ll be facing off against Sneaky Bunny. Have someone explain a Ladder Match to you, because that’ll be the method of YOUR demise!

Joe Mama moves on to Captain Sammitch.

JM: Aren’t you the big talker when you’ve got all your buddies to protect you, eh Sammitch? But I don’t remember you being so tough at Robblemania when I destroyed you without “the assurance that Daddy Bastardo” was gonna “bail me out”! As a matter of fact, I remember actually prolonging that match to add some drama to the proceedings. So show some respect when you talk about your betters, boy!

Captain Sammitch’s fists clench and his eyes are blazing, but he doesn’t make a move.

JM: Now, the way I see it, you’ve got a victory against me, and I’ve got a victory against you. Even though my victory was a lot cleaner, I think Rehash is a great place for a tie-breaking match. And maybe this is my temper talking, but I think that a Last Man Standing Match should settle things quite well. Even if I know it just opens up the opportunity for you to have someone – anyone – win your match for you. Because, you see, you and PenWing may have worn the belt, but we all know that I’m the greatest uncrowned hardcore wrestler that the RDCW has ever seen! We know that you, in your heart, don’t believe in a “level playing field”, no matter how much you like to pretend for your “fans”. So you bring your Bo staff, your pretty li’l girlfriend, and call in every favor you can from everyone you know. Because, at Rehash, I fully plan to cut through everything you put in my path until there’s nothing left for you but the inevitability of your own defeat!

Joe Mama turns his attention to PenWing, who stands defiantly.

JM: I don’t know whether to thank you or beat the crap outta you. Your plan to embarrass King Snarf only served to give him a new favorite TV show. He’s been watching Dragnet for the last week. Which wouldn’t bother me, except that he’s been dressing up like Joe Friday and doing monologues in that damn monotone. Do you have any idea how annoying it is to have to listen to his “film noir” narrations?

The crowd and SD-6 chuckle at this revelation. Even Joe Mama is trying to keep a straight face.

JM: You wanted the Heavyweight Champion’s attention? You got it, boy. Clear off your calendar, because you get to face off against The Man in a Cage Match! And you won’t have Son Of Mxy to try and play the spoiler for you! Oh…and before I forget, tonight you and my bitch Sammitch get to defend your Tag Team Donkey Lovin’ Titles in a Triple Threat, TLC Match against myself, King Snarf, and…The Legbreakers!!! How’s that sound, buddy?

Madman: That sounds great! The Bastardo Family gets to destroy SD-6 in one full swoop, get their revenge for the crimes they committed against Louie Bastardo, AND swipe the titles away from them tonight!

Monroe: Shut up, Marcum…

PenWing turns to SD-6, and they huddle for a moment. After a a minute, they turn back.

PenWing: Those are some interesting matches you've got lined up for Rehash, Joe. I can see you've put a lot of thought into them. But not nearly enough. El Superbeasto and Johnny Evil want to face James Fantastic and Two-Ton Tommy in a tag match? Well, we all saw what James and I did at Robblemania. Tommy may not be as fast as me, but he's a whole hell of a lot stronger than I am. As for the Boobie Belt title match, I can't wait to see what Nuriko can do with a ladder. All I know is that it's going to hurt a whole hell of a lot more than a Sherwood. And if you think your going to be the Last Man Standing at Rehash...

PenWing looks over to Captain Sammitch, who is now smiling at Joe.

PenWing: Joe, I don't know if you'll ever be able to stand again after that match!

The crowd cheers.

PenWing: Now, about the main event... King Snarf wants a cage match? Why? So Daddy can unlock the door for him while he distracts the ref? I'm sorry, but it's not going to be that easy. Not this time. Not ever. If King Snarf wants to have a match within the boundaries of a steel cage, then there is only way he's getting that match. We're going to have Hell In A Cell! Think you can convince Joe Friday to accept that stipulation?

Monroe: Buhgawd! PenWing just out challenged the champ!

Marcum: He just bought a one-way ticket to hell!

The crowd roars. Joe Mama barely glances at Louie Bastardo, who is grinning and slowly nodding his head.

Joe Mama: I think that can be done, PenWing.

PenWing: Now, as for the TLC match tonight... Joe, do I really need to remind you that both Sammitch and myself are former Hardcore Porn champions? Hell, I made my name in this league as a Hardcore Porn Champion! Tables, ladders, and chairs don't scare me! But, I do have a problem with this match. Normally, facing both you and Snarf with the Legbreakerers would be fun, except you scheduled a TLC match, not an Asylum Rules Match. So, to be fair, how about allowing the Donkey Lovin' champs to invite one more tag team, making this a four-way match?

Joe Mama: All right...champ. You can name one more tag team to this match, but I don't think it would be wise to name Jimmy Faboo and Two-Time Tommy. Remember what happened the last time he bit off more than could chew?

PenWing: (Laughs) Joe, why would I invite my own teammates to participate in this match? We would just wind up beating the crap out of each other, instead of beating the crap out of you. No, the champs would like to extend the invitation to...the Dark Lords.

Marcum: The Dark Lords?!? The knucklehead wants to invite the Dark Lords into a TLC match? He really is insane!

Monroe: He's just evening playing field!

Madman: Did Sammitch pay you to use that line, Monroe?

PenWing: Well, Joe, what do you say? Does that work for you? Or is you too scaaaaaaaared?

Joe Mama’s smile doesn’t break. He turns back to Louie and Grace, who look concerned but nod at him. Joe Mama turns back to PenWing.

Joe Mama: Do I mind? Have YOU forgotten who I beat – TWICE – to win and keep my Eurotrash title? Grimm doesn’t scare us any more than that pale imitation does! Funny how, when The Family was looking for them last week, they were nowhere to be found! You want them in the match – hey, it’s YOUR funeral! But I suggest you start preparing now, because I KNOW that we’ll be ready to destroy both team! Be seeing you, Boy Servant!

”Faded” plays as Joe Mama walks out of the ring and up the ramp to where Louie and Grace are standing. He turns back to SD-6, grimaces, and drags his thumb across his throat as Havoc cuts to commercial.