RKMBs Forums .::Important::. RDCW Tuesday Night Havoc 05/03/05

Heavyweight Grudge Match single choice

King Snarf (37%, 11 Votes)

PJP (63%, 19 Votes)

Total Votes: 30 Voting on this poll ends: 2026-05-04 6:19 PM

Hardcore Porn Contender Match single choice

James Fantastic (48%, 13 Votes)

Charlie (52%, 14 Votes)

Total Votes: 27 Voting on this poll ends: 2026-05-04 6:19 PM

Lipstick Lesbian Tag Title single choice

Anibabes (Champs) (41%, 12 Votes)

Divas (59%, 17 Votes)

Total Votes: 29 Voting on this poll ends: 2026-05-04 6:19 PM

Falls Count Anywhere single choice

Darth (86%, 24 Votes)

Balls Nasty (14%, 4 Votes)

Total Votes: 28 Voting on this poll ends: 2026-05-04 6:19 PM

Lightweight Faggot Contender Match single choice

Tommy Savitz (32%, 9 Votes)

Johnny Evil (68%, 19 Votes)

Total Votes: 28 Voting on this poll ends: 2026-05-04 6:19 PM

EuroTrash Title single choice

Nowhereman (Champ) (65%, 20 Votes)

El Superbeasto (35%, 11 Votes)

Total Votes: 31 Voting on this poll ends: 2026-05-04 6:19 PM

Grudge Tag Match single choice

MisterJLA / Capt. Howdy (58%, 18 Votes)

Wednesday / TK-069 (42%, 13 Votes)

Total Votes: 31 Voting on this poll ends: 2026-05-04 6:19 PM

The lights dim and a cloaked figure steps on to the stage revealing himself to be the latest super juiced worst wrestler ever, the Masterprick. He does his pose, kisses his biceps, and struts down the ramp to the ring. He grabs a mic and holds up a wad of bills.

Masterprick: To this day, no one has been able to break the Mastercock. It doesn't matter what I offer. Every Monday night, I walk out to the ring and give some fat fuck the chance to make himself famous by breaking my Mastercock. So here I am, at the Cheesedome, home of the RDCW. I am issuing an open challenge to anyone in this building. In my hand is 1000 dollars. But that's not all you'll get. If you can break my Mastercock, I'll also give you your very own cloak, so that when you go home tonight, you can wrap it around yourself and pretend to be...me.

Masterprick pauses, but the arena is silent.

Masterprick: So, you get 1000 dollars, and a cloak. Who can break the Mastercock?

More silence.

Masterprick: Anyone?

No one raises their hand.

Masterprick: There must be someone out there who thinks they can break out of the Mastercock. I didn't come all this way from Worst Wrestling Ever just to stand alone in the ring.

Another pause is met with more silence.

Masterprick: It looks like Billionaire Vince was right about this place. If you can't break out of the Mastercock, there is no way you will be able to-

Masterprick is cut off by the stomping beat of "We Will Rock You" and the fans roar to their feet and sing along. The lights dim and the Cheese-o-tron comes to life.

Buddy you're a boy make a big noise
Playin' in the street gonna be a big man some day

PenWing surprises Grimm with a low blow kick to the groin as he walks over him, and Sammitch hits him with a chair.

You got mud on yo' face
You big disgrace

Darth begins to swing PenWing out for the Darkside Slam, but PenWing grabs Darth's head, using Darth's own strength to deliver a momentous Sudden Death!

Kickin' your can all over the place

Snarf turns to face PenWing, who connects a Spin-o-rama to Snarf's face, sending him flying off the ladder.

Singin'
'We will we will rock you

PenWing grabs the belts to retain the Donkey Lovin' tag team championship and SD-6 celebrates in the ring.

We will we will rock you'

Locked in Snarf's barbed wire Headlock, PenWing jumps up. As PenWing's feet leave the mat, he swings his body away from Snarf, and wraps his arms around Snarf's head behind him, executing Sudden Death!

Everybody
'We will we will rock you'

Snarf tries to set up the BastardBomb, but PenWing gets a hold of Snarf's arm and turns it into a Drag 'n Whip. PenWing then hits the High Holy Howe from the top rope.

'We will we will rock you'

Two-Ton Tommy and James Fantastic lift PenWing up on their shoulders, and Meeko and Nuriko raise the roof as the fans cheer.

Alright

The lights come back and PenWing is standing on the stage, Donkey Lovin' tag title around his waist, the Heavyweight Cheese title raised in one hand, and his Sherwood in the other. PenWing's forehead is bandaged from where the barbed wire scratched him. He makes his way to the ring and trades the Sherwood for a mic.

PenWing: 1000 dollars and a cloak if I break the Mastercock. Did I get that right?

Masterprick: That's right.

PenWing: What do all of you have to say? Should I accept the challenge?

The crowd cheers.

PenWing: It looks like I'm going to have accept your challenge, Masterprick.

Masterprick: All right. Let's do it. Ref, how about you set up a chair here, so that this young man can sit down.

The ref sets up a folding chair.

Marcum: What is the knucklehead doing?

Monroe: He's putting on a show for the fans!

PenWing: I better hand these over to the ref. Wouldn't want them getting in the way.

PenWing hands the ref the Heavyweight Cheese and Donkey Lovin' tag belts. He then takes a seat.

Masterprick: All right. Here we go.

Masterprick puts PenWing into the Mastercock and lifts him violently out of the chair. PenWing gets a foot hold on the chair on the way up, and gives an extra push, reaching backwards with his arms to grab Masterprick's head as he shifts the momentum and brings him down to the mat with Sudden Death! The roars as PenWing gets back to his feet. The ref hands him the money and the cloak. PenWing flips through the bills and tosses them to the crowd. He then spreads the cloak over Masterprick's body and takes the mic.

PenWing: Welcome to the RDCW, where -

PenWing with the crowd: Sudden Death Rules!

PenWing: Snarf learned that the hard way Sunday night. He thought he could beat me with a little barbed wire and a headlock. There's a reason it's called Sudden Death.

More pops from the crowd.

PenWing: Rehash was far from a total victory for SD-6. Nuriko competed in one of the most amazing ladder matches I have ever seen, but Sneaky Bunny was able to hold on to the Women's Boobie Belt. The other half of the Donkey Lovin' tag team champions, Captain Sammitch, and Joe Mama, helped put each other into the hospital in a double count out. And the Legbreakers defeated the team of James Fantastic and Two-Ton Tommy in a brutal grudge match. After taking in a hatrick of losses, it looked like the Family was going to walk away with a sweep. All I can say is, it's a good thing we're living in OT!

The crowd cheers.

PenWing: King Snarf, you put on a hell of a match. And history was on your side when you locked in the Headlock. No one had ever broken out of the Headlock. Until Sunday night. Now, just like the Masterprick lying over here, your move has been broken.

More cheers from the crowd.

PenWing: And before you start whining about your rematch, let me beat you to it. Any time. Any where. Any way you want it. Just remember the rules, Snarf. Sudden Death.

PenWing drops the mic and raises both titles as "Gonna Fly Now" starts playing over the speakers and Havoc cuts to commercial.

La Grange plays, and The Company make their way to the ring, sans Bill Williams but accompanied by a bevy of buxom beauties. The trio climb into the ring, and Howler produces a mic from inside his suit

Howler: You know what happened at Rehash? We took the Dark Lords down. Darth was strung up over this ring...

The crowd boos

Howler: And Grimm was also taken down, thanks to the boys from the Bastardo's! By the way, boys, we owe you for that. Any time you need some help, any time at all, we'll be here. And as for Nowhereman, Jimmy Faboo and any of their cronies, All I gotta say is this: SHUT...THE...HELL...UP!

The crowd boos again, louder than before. Howler then smirks, and hands the mic to Highwayman

Highwayman: We'd like to issue a challenge to Pindick and Cabana-boy Sonovabitch. You guys want to see what real tag champions wrestle like? Step into the ring wth us and take a lesson!

Yet more booing from the crowd. Highwayman ignores them, instead strutting around the ring and pulling one of the girls into the ring. He then grabs her in a particularly sophisticated kiss, keeping it up until the girl faints. |He then drops her onto the mat, and returns to his speech

Highwayman: Lest you all forget, Myself and Howler are the greatest tag team in the RDCW, and we're gonna prove it! Not only are we issuing a challenge to the Champs, we're inviting Jimmy and Two-Tobn Tosser into the match, and Joe Mama and Kung Snarf! That's right, not only will you have to face off against us, Boys, you'll be facing off against The Bastardo's Finest!

Marcum: Brilliant! Penwing and Sammitch have to accept now, otherwise they'll look like they're scared of The Bastardo Family!

The crowd gives The Company even moree heat, as a smirking Highwayman hands the mic to Charlie

Charlie: So, I'm facing Jimmy Faboo tonight, huh? Jimmy, who was it took you down at Rehash, huh? ME! Who was it took on Nowhereman and squashed him, despite having never wrestled here before? ME! You wanna face off with me in a hardcore match, you better have the EMT's on standby, 'cos you are not gonna be able to CRAWL away from the match, let alone walk!

The crowd starts to chant FAN-TAS-TIC!, and Charlie gives them the two-fingered salute. La Grange hits again, and The Company leave the ring, ignoring the booing fans

As the Company begins to walk up the ramp, the lights in the arena go out, replaced by a red glow, and the "Imperial March" begins playing as Darth rises from beneath the stage. The lights come back on, and Darth swings a chain, smacking it into Charlie and sending him to ground. Howlerama come running at Darth, but he fights off their attacks, kicking Highwayman down and strangling Howler with the chain.

Marcum: Somebody stop this! Darth is out of control!

Monroe: He looks completely in control to me!

Darth pulls Howler to the ring and secures the chain over the ropes. He then walks over to Highwayman and lifts him up onto his shoulders. Darth walks over to the Spanish announce table and steps on top of it as the announcers flee. He then executes the Darkside Slam. Charlie is back on his feet, trying to free Howler when Darth pops back up.

Marcum: Get out of there, Charlie!

Charlie turns around only to come face to face with Darth, who grabs his neck and delivers a Sabre Slam. Darth then steps into the ring with a mic.

Darth: Tonight, Balls Nasty will feel the power...of the dark siiiiiiiiiddde. But next week...next week, Howlerama will not be facing the tag team Donkey Lovin' champions. Because next week, Howlerama will face the Sith Lord...in a gallows match. Beware the power...of the dark siiiiiiiiiddde.

The Imperial March plays as Darth leaves the ring and walks up the ramp. The lights are replaced with a red glow as he is lowered beneath stage.

Marcum: A gallows match? What's a gallows match?

Monroe: Unless I'm mistaken, it means there's gonna be a hanging next week!

Marcum: That's fucked up! That ain't right!

The camera goes back stage & there is a familiar looking guy smoking what appears to be a doobie

Rob Van Dyke:"Whoaaa,a camera.......ya got me dudes!"

Crowd cheers a bit

RVD:"Billionaire Vince sent me here to invade you guys but I'm not sure Mary Poppins would agree with this!"

Crowd seems bemused

RVD:"My good friend Gey MisterHo said he would come with me,but there was a height restriction on the door!"

Crowd laughs

RVD:"Anyway dudes,just remember,I'm Mr. Tuesday night,I'm Rob......Van......Dyke!"

*Back from the commercial break, the ring has been converted into Louie's Lounge. Tonight, Grace is busy behind the bar while Louie and the Legbreakers sit on stools, taking shots. Louie pics up the mic, stands, and begins to speak.

LB: "Well, I suppose you're all expecting me to stand around out here and cry about the events of Rehash."

*Crowd chants "YOU SUCK!"

LB: "Well, I'm not going to. You see, unlike you humanoids out there, Louie Bastardo doesn't sit around and cry when he suffers a setback. Louie Bastardo goes out and finds a way to succeed. The Family finds a way to succeed."

LB: "Now, I'll let the rest of the Family members speak for themselves when they're ready, but right now I have other pressing matters at hand. My guest tonight has been a recent. . .competitor. . .shall we say of the Family's. In the past, we've had a few things to say about each other. Unkind words as it were. But as it comes to be, we actually have quite a bit in common! Let me welcome into Louie's Lounge. . ."Slick" Willie Williams!"

*"La Grange" plays as "Slick Willie" heads down to ringside, accompanied by several girls. He climbs into the ring, and is welcomed by Louie and the Legbreakers, who escort the fine young women to the bar.

LB: "Welcome to the Lounge, Slick."

SWW: It's a pleashah to join yah heayah tonight, Louie, for this momentous occasion.

LB: You see, Slick Willie and I have formed a business agreement. A partnership, if you will. A partnership we are refering to at this stage as "The Family Business."

SWW: That's right! We're poolin' our resources togethah to take on the radical group callin' itself SD6!

LB: But right now, I'd like to take this moment to bring someone else out to the Lounge, someone without whom this partnership might never have come to pass!. . .Madman Marcum!

Mike Monroe: "WHAA??"

*Primus' Antipop begins to play as the Madman removes his headphones and leaves the announce table to get into the ring. He smiles broadly, as Louie and Slick Willie shake hands with him.

MM: That's right! I knew that both Slick Willie and Louie not only had a lot in common, but also shared similar goals. Especially after what SD6 did, kidnapping Louie and framing Slick's boys for it. I knew that if they only got in the same room together, they could work out their differences and come together against this common enemy. And when James Fantastic pulled me into the ring at Rehash, that was the last straw! I'm not a wrestler or a manager, I'm a broadcast journalist and you don't put your hands on me, James! We're going to make life for you and your little friends extremely difficult from now on!

SWW: And that all starts with a little somethin' our lawyers have been putting together. It's called a class action lawsuit. You wanna mess with us outside the ring? You wanna play games? Well all right then, we'll play games. But we'll play them our way, with business suits as our attire, and pens as our weapons!

LB: "That's right, Slick. We know that SD6 is afraid to face us in the ring, so we're going to force you to face us the only way you'll respect. . .in a court of law!"

*The three men are paused, as "Gonna Fly Now" hits, and Meeko walks out onto the rampway. She is soon followed by Nuriko, Two-Ton Tommy, and James Fantastic. They head down to ringside and enter the Lounge. Louie, Slick Willie, and the Madman all have smug looks on their faces. We briefly see that Grace is giving SD6 an icy stare from behind the bar.

Meeko: Louie, you should really stop talking about lawsuits and courtrooms. I mentioned last week that as a manager, much like yourself, I have to know certain laws. I also have to know about business ethics, and Louie, you don't want me to go there right now. But, since you obviously didn't believe me last week, I thought it best to present to you exactly what I can prove.

*Meeko hands Louie an envelope. Louie opens the envelope, looks at it's contents, and turns pale white. Slick Willie and the Madman exchange quizzical glances.

Meeko: "You want us in the ring, you don't need to force us! We live by our own set of rules. Anytime, anywhere, (the crowd chants with Meeko) Sudden Death Rules! You want the match, SD-6 against the Family Business? You can have it! But we get to name our own partners!"

*As the SD6ers leave, we focus in on Grace, cooly watching from behind the bar.

We see Chris Oakley wearing a "BOND BRIGADE ON THE MARCH" t-shirt,and standing in what looks like part of a cemetery under an early afternoon sun;the caption RECORDED EARLIER TODAY can be seen in the upper left-hand corner of the screen. As he starts to talk,we notice what looks like a white marble headstone directly behind him,and at the top of the headstone are the words "Bastardo Family".

Well,well...now that Peasant Snarf and Johnny Awful have lost their titles,it's safe to say the Bastardo Family is starting to crumble.And speaking of the Family,El Supergeeko will probably be extremely disappointed and downright terrified to know that Los Monstros Azules are fully recovered from his sneak attack on them and will be returning to action very,very soon to collect some payback.Let me ask you guys a question:how does it feel knowing that your days as RDCW's number-one stable are rapidly coming to an end?I'll bet it must suck--one by one,every competitor,manager,and stable who's been screwed over by you goons is chipping away at your power base,and pretty soon,your (snicker) Family will be dead.And soon,I and a tag team partner whose identity I can't yet reveal will help shovel the last handfuls of dirt onto its coffin.To make a long story short,I'm throwing down the gauntlet for Joke Mama and Peasant Snarf to face me and my mystery partner in a no-holds-barred tag team bout anyplace,anytime....that is,if you're not too busy hiding behind Disgrace's skirts or Screwy Bastardo's oversized beer gut.After the Triple Threat match I had against Nowhereman and El Superbeasto at Rehash,I think it should be pretty clear even to you two first-grade dropouts that I'm willing to put my neck on the line in order to reach my goal.Can either one of you say the same?

Chris turns and walks off-camera;as the camera zooms in on the headstone,we can distinctly make out this inscription:BASTARDO FAMILY,2004-2005,REST IN PIECES.

Fade to black,then back to Madman Marcum and Mike "The Mouth" Monroe at ringside.

Captain Howdy's locker room

Howdy looks depressed that he just lost in his bid to win the Hardcore Porn title.

In walks JLA, with the DCMB Championship slug over his shoulder.

JLA: Hello Howdy. I bet you're wondering why I chose you as my tag partner, and why I attacked Wednesday after your embarrassing loss.

Howdy: What the hell did you think you were doing? You dont care about me,all you care about is you,and championship gold! Thats why you screwed my chance at the hardcore porn title!

JLA: It's true, I would like to be able to place a tag championship over my left shoulder...that shoulder is getting jealous of my right one, since it has this beautiful DCMB Title over it.

It's also true that I could use an ally to look out for me, considering that URG was able to blindside me before our match.

But this is really all about you, Howdy. I feel bad that you have yet to win a championship here at the RDCW. I also feel bad that even with Nowhereman as your partner, you two couldn't beat the Playboys.

So I'm here to help you...think of me as an ally.

Just like when my country saved yours during the war, I'm here to save you from a meaningless career.

Howdy: What the fuck? Dont even fucking start with that pro-USA shit with me. I'd take old glory & shove it where the sun dont shine,but I reckon you'd enjoy that too much!

JLA: I'm sure you'd enjoy that sight. Look Howdy, we're off on the wrong foot, here. The fact of the matter is that The Playboys are very pissed at both of us right now. We should try to join forces for at least for one tag match. If we do well enough, perhaps we'll get a chance to fight for the tag gold. Plus, you can show the world that you are worthy of a rematch for the Hardcore Porn Championship if you give Wednesday a "jolly good thrashing' or whatever it is you people say. So...is it a deal?

Howdy finally decides to shake JLA's hand, and the Allied Powers are born!

King Snarf's music hits as he makes his way to the ring!

Alright, pipe down, we've got a lot to talk about and not much time to do it in! Now, as I'm sure you know, things didn't go quite as I hoped at Rehash. Roll the footage!

*The Cheese-O-Tron shows King Snarf with his barbed wire headlock locked on PenWing*

As you can clearly see, at this point in the match, PenWing was out of it. Now any competent, any compassionate referee, would've called the match. However, the ref allowed the match to continue. Just another clear cut example of the rampant bias and incompetence of the RDCW officials!

But that's not what I'm here to talk about. Y'see, it's come to my attention that one of RDCW's superstars has been living a lie. The Bastardo Family has found documentation implicating none other than PenWing himself of scandal! On page 34a of PenWing's official RDCW application, on the space where it clearly reads "This space to be used by RDCW; do not write in this space", PenWing had written "Okay". What does this mean? Well, quite frankly it means that PenWing was ineligble to compete in RDCW title matches, meaning the match at Rehash is null and void, meaning that I, King Snarf am still your World Champion!

*Crowd boos*

Marcum: Oh, thank goodness. I was worried for a while!

KS: Now, being a benevolent and magnanimous champion, I will allow PenWing to hold on to the title for a while. And, I will even grant him a rematch! However, as PenWing picked the stipulations for our last encounter, I pick this time. I will announce the match next week! Goodnight ladies and gentleman, the World Champion bids you adieu!

Marcum: Did you hear that, Monroe? King Snarf is still the World Champion!
Monroe: No he's not! Of all the lowdown, conniving, underhanded schemes! If PenWing refuses this so-called "rematch" some might say he's giving credibility to King Snarf's ludicrous claims. If he agrees, you can be damn sure Snarf is gonna do everything he can to stack the deck in his favor. I wouldn't want to be in PenWing's shoes, that's for sure!

King Snarf vs PJP

PJP is standing in the ring, waiting for Snarf. Everclear's “When It All Goes Wrong Again” hits, but King Snarf is nowhere to be found.

Instead out comes Louie Bastardo!

"Greetings! I have a message from the REAL World Champion, one who respects the chain of bureaucracy, and understands the importance of filling out proper paperwork. He has the World Title rematch with PenWing to worry about, and thus cannot be bothered with non-title matches, especially against someone like PJP. Therefore, King Snarf regretfully forfeits the match!"

Monroe: Of all the arrogant, disrespectful... He can't forfeit!

Marcum: Of course he can! He's the World Champ! King Snarf has bigger fish to fry!

Monroe: He's no more the World Champ than I am! PenWing beat him fair & square!

Marcum: Well, fortunately, King Snarf's giving him another chance to prove himself!


James Fantastic vs Charlie

Tonight saw Family Business consolidate their threat to SD-6 as Charlie stormed to victory against James Fantastic, literally beating him into unconsciousness to claim the victory.

Charlie was first down to the ring, with Bill Williams and Howlerama in tow. All were armed, and Charlie carried a steel pipe and baseball bat. However, none of The Company were prepared for Fantastic, who emerged from under the ring as The Company were ringside, taking down Bill Williams with his trademark guitar. Howler and Highwayman went for him, but Fantastic dodged them both and entered the ring to face Charlie.

Marcum: Fantastic's going down! Charlie's the REAL Hardcore King in this corporation!

Monroe: Don't be so sure about that, Marcum!

The pair stood nose to nose before Charlie struck first, battering Fantastic with both his weapons before throwing them both aside and going for a Pitbull DDT. However Fantastic had a surprise in the form of a pair of knuckle-dusters, which he produced from under his jacket before battering Charlie in the head. Fantastic then went for a Classy Kick, but Charlie dodged and hit Fantastic with a DDT and an elbow drop before leaving the ring to grab a ladder. He then set this up and Irish whipped Fantastic into it, bringing it down on top of him.

Marcum: See what I mean, Mouth?

However Fantastic threw the ladder aside and hit a bulldog on Charlie before going to grab a table. However as he left the ring Howler and Highwayman grabbed him and attacked him with lengths of chain. Fantastic was able to fight them off, but Howler climbed the turnbuckle and hit him with a Lockdown, whilst Highwayman set up a table. Fantastic was then pulled onto the table, whilst Charlie set up the ladder in the ring and hit a Wall Street Drop off the top onto Fantastic's prone form, putting him through the table. Charlie then grabbed Fantastic and whipped him into the ring before going for the pin, but Fantastic was able to kick out just before the ref counted three.

Monroe: Fantastic's still not down, Marcum! There's every chance he may come back yet!

Fantastic picked his guitar up and pummeled Charlie with it, before leaping onto the top rope and hitting a Classy Kick to the outside, knocking Howler into Highwayman and knocking them both down. Two-Ton Tommy then ran down the ramp to help Fantastic, entering the ring long enough to hit a Two-Ton Powerslam on Charlie before leaving the ring. The ref got Tommy to leave, but by this time Fantastic was back into the ring, and he proceeded to split Charlie open with his own steel pipe before whipping him into the turnbuckle and hitting him with a Moonsault Kick. As Charlie got to his feet and staggered into the middle of the ring Fantastic climbed the turnbuckle and hit Charlie with The One and Only.

Monroe: This looks to be all over folks!

Suddenly, the Legbreakers ran down to the ring. While Winged Creature distracted the ref by trying to enter the ring, Stupid Doog hit Tommy with a Big Bark as the giant went to stop him. As Fantastic turned to meet him Charlie climbed back to his feet and hit him with a Pitbull DDT, and Winged Creature climbed into the ring whilst a recovered Bill Williams leapt onto the apron at the other side of the ring to distract the ref. The Legbreakers Took Out The Trash before quitting the ring and, as the ref turned back to the match Charlie hoisted Fantastic up before hitting him with The Tower of London, knocking Fantastic out cold and setting him up for a pin to win the match.

Anibabes vs Diva: Lipstick Lesbians Titles

Stareena and ButterRican regained the Lipstick Lesbians Tag Team Titles against the Anibabes in a seesaw battle that ended when the Divas were able to lock in the Three-Way to make Bianca tap out.


Falls Count Anywhere: Darth vs. Balls Nasty

Balls Nasty came out first, accompanied by his new manager, Slick Willie Williams. With mic in hand, Balls blasted Darth, calling him nothing more than little Grimmonowsky's boy toy. Just as he finished that line, the lights dimmed, replaced by a red glow, and the "Imperial March" played as Darth rose from beneath the stage. Slick Willie Williams slipped out of the ring, along with his female companions, and took a seat between Monroe and Marcum, with a diva taking separating him on each side from the announcers.

Marcum: Mr. Williams, it is an honor to have you join us here tonight.

Slick: Thank you, Madman. With this being Balls' first match as a Company man, Ah thought it best that Ah sit here and lend him mah support.

Monroe: He's going to need a lot more than your support to beat Darth!

Marcum: Monroe, you better watch that mouth of yours tonight! We are in the presence of greatness!

Balls Nasty attacked Darth as soon as he entered the ring, and clotheslined him back out. He then climbed onto the top turnbuckle and jumped for the Kentucky Falls, but Darth got out of the way, and Balls made contact with the floor instead. Darth immediately went to work on Balls, throwing him into the steps, whipping him into the ring post, and kicking him into the crowd barrier.

Monroe: It looks like Darth is going to make short work of Balls Nasty tonight!

Slick: Don't speak too quickly, Balls is far from out of this match. The Company, and for that matter, the entire Family Business, consists of the toughest, most feared wrestlers in the Are Dee See Dubyah! It's no accident that Balls is now with Big Business.

Darth went for the pin outside the ring, but Balls kicked out. As Darth stood up, Balls delivered a low blow, and when he got back to his feet, he kicked Darth in the head, sending him staggering back up the ramp. Balls then ran at him for a clothesline, but Darth grabbed his arm and swung him over down onto the ramp. Darth then took Balls' arm and helped him back to his feet. He tried to get his hand locked around Balls' throat, but Balls avoided the deadly grip and put his shoulder into Darth's stomach. Balls half carried, half pushed Darth up the ramp and slammed his back into the screen at the top of the stage. Darth fell over, and Balls went for the pin. Darth kicked out at two. Balls helped Darth back to his feet and started trading blows with him. He led Darth off the stage and into the hallway.

Monroe: Where is Balls leading Darth?

Marcum: Does it matter? It's falls count anywhere!

The fans watched the Cheese-o-tron as Balls and Darth worked their way through the arena. Locker room doors slammed shut as the two whipped each other into walls, bystanders, and any objects that looked to have the ability to inflict harm on their opponent. Balls then speared Darth through the Bible Babes' locker room door, and a piercing shriek was heard throughout the Cheesedome. Even everyone at the announce table had to cover their ears. Both Balls and Darth staggered out of the room with their hands over their ears as small, solid objects that one would imagine to be in a women's locker room were thrown at them.

Monroe: Buhgawd! I have never heard a scream like that before!

Slick: Obviously those girls have never seen a real man like Balls Nasty up close like that, so they were overcome with shock to the point that they didn't know what to do with themselves!

Marcum: That must be it, Slick!

Once Balls and Darth turned the corner, the shrieking stopped, and the two continued to go at each other. By this point, more than one referee was present, and they worked to try and keep the halls clear of bystanders. Balls slammed Darth next to an elevator, causing him to push the button. The doors opened, and the mic picked up the elevator music. Darth grabbed Balls by the head and threw him into the elevator. Darth entered himself and began working Balls over with punches as the doors closed behind him.

Marcum: Darth is torturing Balls with elevator music! That's fucked up! Balls should win via disqualification for this!

Because there was no camera in the elevator, a cameraman was quickly stationed at every floor on the Cheesedome, and the Cheese-o-tron split to display each camera simultaneously. The door finally opened on the sweet level. Balls, with his hands over his ears, tried to escape, but Darth grabbed him back in. This startled a young couple waiting for the elevator. As the doors closed, Darth excused himself and Balls Nasty. The doors opened again at the top of the Cheesedome, and Darth threw Balls out, onto the rafters.

Monroe: Buhgawd! They're fighting in the rafters!

Darth grabbed Balls' neck for a Sabre Slam, but before he could lift him a chain wrapped around his neck, and he was pulled backwards. Howlerama came out of the shadows. Each wrestler had an end of the chain, and they pulled it to secure it around Darth's neck. Balls started punching Darth in the stomach, causing him to fall over. Finally, Howlerama swung Darth off the rafters and released their hold on the chain. After falling a few feet, Darth stopped, securely hanging from the rafters.

Monroe: Howlerama hanged Darth! They had this planned all along!

Marcum: We truly are in the presence of greatness!

Slick Willie was now standing in the ring with a mic.

Slick: We have been beaten! We have been ambushed! We have been set up! Tonight, we have struck back! Tonight, we have made an example of Darth! Darth, yah want a gallows match next week against Howlerama? As you can see right now, assuming you're still conscious, they accept! And as for the rest of you lowlifes in the back, take a good look at what just happened to Darth! Take a long hard look! Because this was done by the Company alone! Now, just imagine if the entire might of the Family Business had been used heayah! This is how we do business!

"La Grange" plays as Slick Willie Williams and his escorts leave the ring.


Tommy Savitz vs Johnny Evil

Johnny Evil regained his momentum and got right back into the Lightweight Faggot Title hunt with an impressive display against an equally impressive foe. The Bastardo Family member took the first step in getting his revenge by bludgeoning the Champion’s former teammate. Though Tommy Savitz was able to fight back throughout the match, Johnny Evil was able to hit the Making Of Flubber to score the victory.

Nowhereman vs El Superbeasto: Eurotrash Title Match

What should have been a great match, full of great brawling and some high-flying Luchador-style wrestling, was cut short when Chris Oakley interfered in the match. Though he tried to make his presence felt and take out BOTH men, he discovered that the numbers were against him. After Nowhereman and the giant Luchador took turns beating down the Bond Brigadier, El Superbeasto hit Chris Oakley with a Giantsault. But this left him open for a Cuntface Crippler, which forced the Bastardo to tap out.


MisterJLA & Captain Howdy vs Wednesday & TK-069


It all started when DCMB Champion MisterJLA was savagely attacked by URG before their Championship Match. JLA decided he needed an ally, and he chose Captain Howdy, who just lost a close match to RDCW Hardcore Porn Champion Wednesday

JLA and Howdy got off to a rough start, but they agreed to be form a tag team and the Allied Powers were born!

The first test of this new team would be The Playboys!

The Playboys take the ring first, as the sound of "Bring the Pain" by Method Man is piped through the arena.

TK and Wednesday appear to be in step with each other. They also seem to be in high spirits, and perhaps are not taking the match too seriously.

Next, the crowd hears MisterJLA's theme music! The crowd goes wild, with boos, obscenities, and thrown debris!

JLA and Howdy try their best to make it to the ring without getting killed!

"What the bloody Hell did you get me into, you tosser!" Howdy shouts at his partner.

JLA looks embarrassed and just shrugs his shoulders.

JLA and Howdy enter the ring, and are immediately attacked by The Playboys...and the crowd goes wild!

Special Guest Referee Snarf (not to be confused with King Snarf) separates the men, until Wednesday is alone in the ring with Howdy. These two met just days ago, with Wednesday successfully defending his Hardcore Porn belt against Howdy.

During all of the chaos, being the highly skilled technical wrestler that he is, Wednesday has applied a figure-four leglock to Howdy! Wednesday looks over at JLA, points to Howdy and shouts "This is going to you if you make the tag!"

JLA looks nervous. He starts to look back toward the entrance ramp.

Howdy slides over to the ropes, and Snarf orders Wednesday to break the hold. Once he does, he immediately back suplexes Howdy back into the middle of the ring. From there, an angle lock is used on Howdy.

Howdy looks like he wants to quit, which prompts JLA to run in, and break the hold...but TK intercepts him, and hits him with a flying clothesline!

Snarf rolls JLA out of the ring, and Howdy looks more desperate than ever...but he again manages to move over to the ropes, prompting Wednesday to break the hold.

As Snarf separates the two, Howdy sneaks a thumb to the eye of Wednesday. He then levels a series of punches, kicks, and elbows to the Hardcore Porn champ.

Howdy goes to tag in his partner, but Wednesday hits the Captain with another back suplex! He reels off a series of suplexes and slams which clearly take a toll on his enemy. Wednesday then fires the Captain into TK's boot, and makes the tag.

TK wastes no time in going for The Flying Negra: , a devastating Phoenix Splash...and he hits it! 1...2...Howdy somehow slides his foot under the bottom rope, breaking the count.

"I'm glad you did that" laughs TK. "Now I get to punish you some more." He drags Howdy by his hair to the middle of the ring, motions to the crowd, and nails the Captain with The Orchepocalypse!

JLA knows this is it! He runs in before Snarf can even make a one count. Wednesday enters the ring to counter JLA, and Snarf now focuses on getting some control back in the match.

JLA and Wednesday both tumble out of the ring, and now Snarf goes to make the count.

1...2...Howdy kicks out! TK gets in Snarf's face, and unknowing to him, Howdy staggers to his feet, and then drills TK with a clothesline to the back of the head!

Outside the ring, Wednesday and JLA are still brawling. Wednesday attempts a "See You Next Tuesday" super-kick but misses JLA face...and JLA counters with the Final Justice!

JLA then scrambles to his corner, and practically begs an obviously dazed Howdy to make the tag...but Howdy refuses!

He hits TK with elbow drops, knee drops, and a few stomps as TK tries desperately to regain his senses. Out of the corner of his eye, Howdy sees Wednesday barely pull himself into his corner...Howdy then irish whips TK into his own corner, allowing him to make the tag!

Still holding himself because of the low and illegal kick, Wednesday tries to mount an offense, and surprises Howdy, who thought his opponent was finished!

After executing a few various slams, Wednesday hits Howdy with a gut buster...which leads into a "MidWeek Crunch" pile driver...but Wednesday is too winded from JLA's kick to make a cover!

Both wrestlers are lying on the mat, but neither can pin the other due to extreme pain and exhaustion. Both men try to roll to their corner to make the tag, and Howdy tags in JLA.

JLA enters the ring, and looks confused! He has Wednesday in a bad spot, but JLA doesn't know how to wrestle...he only knows how to complete one move, and it's an illegal kick! JLA talks to Snarf.

"Uh...hey Snarf...look over there."

JLA points toward the crowd...as Snarf looks away, JLA pick up Wednesday, and gives him the Final Justice for the second time!



An ecstatic Howdy run into the ring, and knocks TK off the apron.

JLA covers Wednesday. 1...2...JLA picks up Wednesday!

"What the bloody Hell are you doing!' screams Howdy.

But JLA, in a rare move of sportsmanship, walks over to Howdy, and tags him in...he wants his partner to get the pin.

Howdy enters, and places Wednesday in a pile driver position.

"Help me lift this tosser up" says Howdy, and JLA does so.

Holding Wednesday over his head, Howdy says "Now help me bring this bugger down!" and JLA does...the two hit Wednesday with a devastating team move...a double power bomb!



"I reckon we can call that the Allied Bombing! says Howdy.

"Just pin him, wanker" replies JLA.

1...2...3

The Allied Powers! have won their first match.

*Before Havoc comes to a close the Cheese-o-tron comes to life. The screen shows a dark-lit room somewhere in the Cheesedome. Nuriko is tied to a chair, bloody and beaten. A shadowy figure hits her in the stomach with a sledgehammer, causing Nuriko to spit out blood.

Monroe: Buhgawb! It's Nuriko! What happened to her?

Figure (a woman's voice): How does that feel, bitch!? How does it feel to be at the mercy of your enemy? How does it feel not knowing what's going to happen next?

*Nuriko caughs up some blood.

Marcum: The psychopath is finally getting what she deserves!

Figure: You know, right now, you're completely defenseless. If I wanted to, I could permanently end your career. But I won't.

*The figure slams the sledgehammer against Nuriko's knee. Nuriko screams in pain.

Figure: Quit you're crying, bitch! You'll be back in few months.

*The figure drops the sledgehammer.

Figure: You want to know why I'm doing this? You want to know why I've chosen you as my victim?

*Nuriko caughs up some more blood.

Figure: I've singled you out for one reason and one reason only. So SD-6 can witness what happens to those who personally attack Louie Bastardo. I want them to see the extent of my mercy, and the mercy of the Family Business, by witnessing the pain you will go through as a result of your injuries. I want them to watch what I did here tonight. I want them see me at my most sadistic moment. I want them to know who it was that did this to you, and I want them to come at me. I want Meeko to come after me.

*The camera pans out and the figure comes into focuss.

Nuriko: (whispers) Grace-

Grace: And I want them all to know, they'll all soon be as battered as you are right now.

*The screen goes dark and Havoc comes to a close.