I would kill for a burger and a beer right now. Seriously. This health food shit is killing me.
I'm in the middle of nowhere and apparently, I've paid a fortune to be denied beer and red meat. Things I have discovered or have reaffirmed: I hate tofu. I am not a morning person. I miss my liquor. Oddly enough I like deep tissue (read: painful) massages. I like hot tubs. I want portions of food that are bigger than my fist. I hate yoga. I can stay up later than my married friends. I hate salad. I can sneak out and drive to the Friendly's down the road in 5 minutes or less. Lennox really is in a land far, far away. I cannot get cell reception out here for more than two minutes at a time. Even this far from Boston these people don't think that the letter "r" is in the English alphabet. The chef can handle two Yankee girls booing him in an open auditorium after he mentions he's a Red Sox fan. I like steam rooms. Lamb should not be cooked to well done no matter how "healthy" that makes it.
Agh!
Dear, sweet Harley Kwink...I'm madly in love with you. Marry me! We can go to Canadia. Or Boston or something. It'll be grand...You know the cookies are a given. They are ALWAYS a given. You could dump me tomorrow and you'd still get the cookies. Boston..shit, wherever dyke weddings were legalized. And where better to rub their little piggie noses in how bad they suck than right on their doorstep? What are they gonna do? Be jealous of you? Stare furiously at your tah-tahs? Not willingly give you cookies, but instead begrudgingly give you their cookies? Woman, time to wake up to the powers you wield - Uschi
