Inter-Cunt-Inental Division (non title) Joe Mama (Champ) vs. Rex

Rex is waiting in the ring when “Faded” starts up. A visibly pissed off Joe Mama runs to the ring, dropping his belt along the way. As he slides into the ring, Rex starts in on his opponent, focusing on Joe Mama’s ribs. Rex flings him into the ropes and clamps a bear hug on the Inter-Cunt-Inental Champion.

Monroe: It looks like Rex is making quick work of Joe Mama! He shouldn’t have rushed back into action!

Madman: The only thing Rex is doing is making the Champion angrier!!!

Joe Mama’s face is a mask of rage as he drives his forehead over and over into the bridge of Rex’s nose. Rex breaks the hold and Joe Mama starts working on Rex’s head with a series of chops. At one point, Rex moves his hands away from his broken nose to block another shot, but Joe Mama pauses to spit in Rex’s face and Irish whips him into the ropes. Rex ricochets off them and Joe Mama drives him to the mat with an Enforcer. Then the Champion takes some time to kick Rex in the sides and the head before the ref pulls him away from his opponent.

Monroe: Joe Mama seems to be forgoing any type of technical wrestling in favor of punishing his opponent. But why? Rex isn’t involved in next week’s match…

Madman: Who knows? Maybe he wants to send a message to his opponents…

Joe Mama pulls away from the ref and slaps Rex into the Joe Mama-Lock. Rex taps out and the bell sounds, but the ref has to get Joe Mama’s attention and demand the hold be broken before Rex is freed. As “Faded” plays, Joe Mama motions for a microphone and then, mic in hand, turns to the crowd.

JM: Cut my music!!!

“Faded” abruptly stops.

JM: I guess you’ve all figured out that reports of my injuries were greatly exaggerated. Maybe you’ve caught on that I’m back at 100%. Thing is, while I was in the hospital nursing my injuries, I heard what a few people in the back were saying.

Marcum: Dammit, Monroe, what did you say?

Monroe: I’ve got no idea what he’s talking about!

JM: It seems that, after my match with Sammitch, several of the wrestlers who are not part of the Family were flapping their gums about me. Would I come back? What shape would I come back in? And what would happen if I DIDN’T come back? There were more than a few wrestlers jockeying for a spot in a supposed tournament to decide the next Inter-Cunt-Inental Champion. A certain member of SD-6 and one of the so-called Dark Lords actually discussed how my injuries would force me to retire, making Family Business, in their words “easy pickings”.

Now, I don’t know whom these two thought they were talking about. But let me be perfectly blunt: I’m back, I’m completely healthy and, next week, I intend to compete in this huge match that has been set up. And I WILL beat the HELL out of you! You might think that you’ve succeeded in evening the odds against Family Business. You might think that you’ve succeeded in creating a team perfectly designed to take on the combine forces of the Bastardo Family and the Corporation. You might even think that Captain Sammitch somehow softened me up enough that I won’t be much of a factor in the match. But let me assure you of one thing: The only thing you’ve succeeded in doing is making me VERY angry!!!

PenWing, I had a lot of respect for you before there was ever an SD-6 or a Bastardo Family. You were a fighting champion, willing to take on all comers. And maybe you’ll be a fighting champion, taking on all comers when you win the Heavyweight Cheese Title. But you aren’t the Champion – you know it, I know it, and even these self-deluded fans know it. So you don’t have the ability to grant me a title shot. But I will take the next best thing – sometime soon, you WILL face me to see who truly is the #1 Contender for the Heavyweight Cheese Title. Because I’ve torn up enough of the RDCW to know that I’ve earned my shot. And NOBODY – especially not someone who won a match based on a bureaucratic FLUKE - is standing between me and what’s mine! You may want to have a long conversation with Sammitch, PenWing, and you’ll definitely want to take notes. Because, when it’s time to face me, you’ll need all the help you can get!!!

And don’t think I’ve forgotten about you, Grimm! Mr. “I-Came-Back-From-The-Darkside-And-Brought-Darth-With-Me”. Mr. “Former Monster of the RDCW”. Mr. “Coffin-MAAAAAAAAAATCH!!!” Don’t doubt for a second that I heard you planning and plotting to put my title around Grimm Jr’s waist! You talk awfully tough for a guy whose last match with me ended with him being carried out in a coffin with a stake hand-driven through it! You want a rematch, Grimm? You name the time and place, chump, and I’ll be there. Because the Family isn’t going away! And I’m not going away! The only place any member of the Family – or Family Business – is going is straight to the top of this promotion. And if the Family’s Enforcer has to permanently eliminate some roadblocks to get there, then so be it!

You people have been warned. The Enforcer’s back! And I’m fixing to take out as many people as Family Business needs to to achieve our goals!!!

Joe Mama drops the microphone as “Faded” restarts, then he leaves the ring and heads to Family Business’ locker room.

Monroe: It looks like Joe Mama’s returned with a new fire in his eyes, Marcum!

Madman: All I know is I’d hate to step into a ring with him when he’s this angry! And it looks like he’s gonna be angry for a long time!!!




Hardcore Porn Championship Wednesday (Champ) vs. Charlie

Charlie used everything he could think of except the kitchen sink, and maybe even that would not have been enough. Charlie broke Wednesday open with a Pittbul DDT onto a steel chair, but after taking a beating just prior to this move, he was not able to get the pin quickly enough. After Wednesday kicked, out, Charlie set up a table outside the ring. Wednesday put up a fight to stay in the ring, but with both wrestlers standing on the corner turnbuckle, Charlie sent both of them through the table with Big Business. Lothar came close to counting them out, but just before he reached ten, both champion and challenger were back in the ring. So Charlie began to set up a ladder, presumably to hit the Wall Street Drop. However, Wednesday slowly got back to his feet, and whith Charlie still holding the ladder, he superkicked it into him.

Monroe: See you next Tuesday, Charlie!

Wednesday then set up the ladder and climbed all the way up, only to flip off of it to get the pin with an increadible Seven Days.