Hunh. Never thought this thread would continue as long as it has... Haven't even been over in this neck of the woods for a while.
Well, guys, it's been a month and 3 days. I've spoken to her on numerous occasions... I finally broke down and met her at the park. Neutral ground. I wound up crying and sobbing like a baby. Thankfully we were in my truck (it was raining, ironically), so no one else witnessed my moment of weakness. She seemed so unaffected by everything... and it pissed me off. Like, How come you get to feel better than me? How come you don't have to feel a fraction of what I'm going through?
Anyway... We're supposed to go see a matinee of Pirates of the Caribbean tomorrow. Other than the park, it's the first time I've seen her. I don't know what's going to happen... I think, somewhere in the back of my head, there's this inextinguishable voice whispering, "She's still one, she's still the one..." I don't want to act on this impulse. I want to go into the movies tomorrow knowing that we're there just as friends, that we're there because it's better than seeing it alone. I don't want to keep alive that twinge of hope that maybe, just maybe, she'll come back home with me. It's just going to be a movie. That's all, man. Just a movie...
I'm passed the sad phase, that's for sure. Now I'm in the angry phase. Before, when I saw a beautiful girl, it didn't really matter, because I knew I had a chick just as hot, if not hotter, waiting for me. But now, whenever I see a beautiful girl, I feel a little pang of anger. Like, I used to have someone like you... I bet someone already has you... And it's not me... I work at a popular restaurant downtown with happy hour until 10:00 p.m., so we get lots and lots of those super-trendy skirt-wearing thong-showing sorority girls, as well as an equal amount of beer-guzzling jockular frat-boy jack-asses. And when I see these two groups of beautiful, though empty, people hooking up and leaving together, I grind my teeth in jealousy.
And I know, you guys are right. I should be out getting laid. But... I'm an introvert. I've got my small group of friends, I hardly ever do stuff downtown anymore. "Going out" usually consists of bar-hopping across downtown Chattanooga, getting smashed, and locating a chick who's drunk enough to go home with you. I used to be able to do that, when I lived at home. I didn't have so many damn bills. Now that I live on my own, my income is severly limited, and I can't go galavanting around town as much as I'd like. Also, I'm a pothead, so a lot of my cash goes to that. It's not that I'm not confident... I'm loaded with self-confidence... I'm just extremely picky. I'm sorry, but I already fucked my prerequisite Drunk Fat Girl. I paid my penance. I'm not going to lower myself to those standards again. Especially not after the girl that inspired this thread. She was perfect. She had the perfect body. Beautiful, smooth, thin, soft, thin, thin, thin. Beautifully thin. A perfect ass. Perfect tits. Not an ounce of body fat on her. Gorgeous tan skin, long, flowing blond hair. How can I go from being with that to fucking nasty, herpies-ridden bar/club whores? I want to raise my self-esteem, not lower it.
I've got a mental block. I've been given about two opportunities to hook up since I've been single... But everytime I look at these chicks, all I see is my ex. All I'm thinking is, "She would have done THIS... She wouldn't have done THAT..." etc. Until I get past this mental stumbling block, I'm not going to get laid.
There is, however, a girl at work I'd be totally interested in tearing to pieces. A bartender. But she has a boyfriend. Someone told me she thought I was cute. I think I'm going to work that angle and invite her over for some booze and bud. Maybe throw in a little Air or Morcheeba into the CD player... light a few candles... suggest "watching a movie"... or offering/requesting a back massage... Never helped a girl cheat on her boyfriend before. Guess now's as good a time as ever. I've been fucked. Now's my time to fuck.
Nonoxynol9
