RKMBs Forums .::Important::. RDCW INVADED!!!

ICP's "Chicken Huntin' (Rock Remix)" plays and, as the RDCW crowd groans at the music, John Semen struts down to the ring, throwing up the "Big Kahuna" sign with both hands. He enters the ring and takes the time to stand at each ring corner and mug for the fans. Their reaction is a mix of abject pain at his music and polite apathy at his arrival. He is handed a microphone.

John Semen: YO! YO YO YO YO YO!! YO YO YIZZLE-DEE-DIZZLE YO!!! Where my thugs be at? Yo' Doctor Of Thuganomics is in the HIZ-OUSE!!!

Polite silence from the crowd.

John Semen: Yo, seriously, I gots some mad drama dat I gots ta git off'a my chest! I gots me a match tonight against a playa hatah and I gots me one thing to say...BUY MY ALBUM!!!

A bored sigh comes from the crowd.

John Semen: This punk-ass bustah's been goin' around, all flappin' his gums about how HE'S the "Enforcah" and how he's gonna kick my city-born ass! Well, Joe Mama, maybe you haven't heard, but I'm the WWE Heavyweight Champion! I'm the big dawg! An' - t'night - I'm all 'bout droppin' some violence an' kickin' some science! The science of...THUGANOMICS!!!

The crowd looks on as he starts spinning the dial on his title belt. As he pretends to do some scratchin', they can hear him saying "wicky-wicky-wicky-wowww!" It's a sad sight!

John Semen: YO! YO YO YO YO YO YO YO YO!!! Who wants to hear be break out my new single?!? Buy my album!!! Yo, DJ - drop that beat!!!

But the "DJ" doesn't drop any beat. Instead, the opening chords of "Faded" play and the crowd erupts. John Semen looks genuinely confused and actually stops spinning the disk on his belt. Joe Mama steps into the ring area and walks down the ramp. In a uncharacteristic display (over the past few months), the crowd is chanting his name and he's actually acknowledging the crowd with high fives. At one point he stops in front of a large family (grandmother, parents, and two kids) and signs some autographs. Then he pulls the kids out of the stands for a photo op. As he helps the kids back into the stands, the grandmother tells Joe Mama, "Kick his ass, Champ!" Joe Mama grins and replies, "Not just yet, ma'am. In a little while." Then he walks over, grabs a microphone, and enters the ring.

John Semen: YO YO YO YO YO!!! That's Wacko like Jacko on Tobacco! I wuz gonna bust some fresh flavor fo' yo' ears an'...

Joe Mama: SHUT!!! UP!!!

The crowd cheers. John Semens takes a couple steps back.

Joe Mama: Now, I could come here and ask you which Man On A Mission you are. I could stand here and call you "Vanilla Ice" or "ICP" or "Eminem". But that's too easy and obvious. Plus, you wouldn't know if I was complimenting you or making fun. So I won't do that, John Sellout.

John Semen: Yo, whut'd you call me, punk?

Joe Mama: What's the problem, too many well-defined syllables? I called you JOHN SELLOUT!

"Oooooooooooooooooohhh!" from the crowd. John's not happy.

Joe Mama: I mean, look at you. Sure, you have a title, for however long Crippled-H decides to let you keep it. But what'd it cost you? You look like a jackass prancing around, trying to sound all ghetto! But West Newbury isn't anywhere NEAR Boston! It's practically on the New Hampshire border! It has a population of about 4000! There's more people in these stands than there are in West Newbury!!!

John Semen: Uh...dat...that's just my home town. I was made a man on the STREETS OF BOSTON, YO!!!

Joe Mama: John, I don't even want to imagine what that means or if it's even true. But here's the thing - I know you don't even like your own gimmick, John. You're no rapper. WWE writers wrote your lyrics. You're just a kid from a small town who's making some big money. You don't even like rap - look at this!

On the Cheese-O-Tron is some footage of John at the last WWE pay-per-view. John's in his locker room with a set of headphones on. His eyes are closed and he's singing:

I looked out this morning and the sun was gone
Turned on some music to start my day
I lost myself in a familiar song
I closed my eyes and I slipped away

It’s more than a feeling, when I hear that old song they used to play (more than a feeling)
I begin dreaming (more than a feeling)
’till I see marianne walk away
I see my marianne walkin’ away

The crowd laughs. John is blushing and furious.

Joe Mama: Hey, don't feel bad. I like that song as much as the next guy. I just don't sing it to myself in the Bastardo Family locker room. But check this out.

Now the Cheese-O-Tron shows John is his locker room here at the Cheese Dome. Same headphone, same closed eyes, but now he's weeping a little and the tears are rolling down his face as he sings:

And I meant, every word I said
When I said that I love you I meant
That I love you forever

And I’m gonna keep on lovin you
Cause it’s the only thing I wanna do
I don’t wanna sleep
I just wanna keep on lovin you

John is so angry he's shaking. The crowd is laughing hysterically.

Joe Mama: Now THAT...that's a damn shame!!! Maybe you're not the guy I should be facing. Maybe we can make a last minute change and I'll wrestle Wedge or Chris Jericurl. Doesn't Shitista have a title? I'll wrestle him. I'd feel bad about using the Brain Buster on a guy who cries while singing REO Speedwagon...

John Semen: (high-pitched whine) Darn it, mister! Now you've peeved me off! You and I ARE going to fight tonight! And I promise that I'm going to take it to you! I'll hit you with so many rights you'll beg for a left! I'LL PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE!!! No one makes a fool out of John Semen!

John stomps out of the ring. He looks like he's about to cry. As he stomps up the ramp towards the back, Joe calls out to get his attention. At the head of the ramp, he turns.

John Semen: What do YOU want?

Joe Mama: Whatever you do, John, DON'T listen to any Bob Seger! Christ, you'll never leave the locker room!

John throws a tantrum, then stomps off. "Faded" plays as Joe Mama leaves the ring. The crowd is cheering...