Rage in a Cage! Chris Oakley with Ian Bond vs. Pisstian with Gay Pharaoh
Pisstian and Gay Pharaoh come out and begin taunting the crowd. Pisstian gets on the mic.
Pisstian: Oakley, you have no chance against me! There is no way you can beat a real man! A Canadian!
The Cheesedome lights abruptly go out; the lights come up again a second later to the strains of "Rooster" and Chris Oakley roars up to the cage in a black Hummer with Ian Bond at the wheel. Ian gets brawling with Gay Pharaoh near the announcers' table. This allows Oakley to enter the cage unhindered. The ref locks the door, and Oakley and Pisstian start slugging it out.
Monroe: This is total chaos!
Marcum: That's what happens when Oakley gets involved! And for once, it works to his advantage!
The match in the ring turns into a series of aerial moves and body slams. Oakley hits a pair of German suplexes on Pisstian, but he kicks out of the pin.
Monroe: How did Pisstian kick out?
Marcum: Incoming!
Monroe and Marcum get out of the way as Ian Bond slams Gay Pharaoh onto the announce table. Miraculously, it doesn't break. Ian Bond starts climbing up the outside of the cage.
Marcum: What is Bond doing?
Ian Bond leaps off the cage and rolls himself into a ball as he spins in a 360 splash. He lands on top of Gay Pharaoh, and they go right through the table.
Monroe: Thunderball!
Just then, Pisstian nails Oakley with the Unprettier. He then starts to climb up the cage.
Monroe: Pisstian is almost at the top!
Marcum: Oakley is getting back to his feet!
Pisstian is about to reach the top of the cage, but Oakley starts shaking the cage, causing Pisstian to lose his grip. Pisstian is hanging by one hand, and Oakley starts to climb up to him. Oakley grabs his leg and pushes of the cage. Pisstian can't hold on, and both wrestlers fall to the mat. Oakley takes a moment to catch his breath, and quickly clamps Pisstian in the Snuff the Rooster sleeper hold.
Marcum: Pisstian is off to Dreamland!
Oakley climbs to the top of the cage and over the side. By the time Pisstian wakes up Oakley is already halfway down the other side. Pisstian screams for Gay Pharaoh, but when he looks for him, he sees the mess that was the announce table. The crowd roars as Oakley touches down on the floor to win the match. As the bell rings, Oakley runs up to the crowd barrier and high fives the fans. But Pisstian is pissed, and Oakley doesn't notice him climbing the cage. Once at the top, Pisstian launches himself at Oakley, sending him hard to the ground with a cross body from the top of the cage. Both wrestlers look to be out.
Monroe: What's Pisstian thinking? The match is over? He lost!
Ian Bond runs over to check on Oakley, but Pisstian hits him with a low blow. He then gets up and hits the Unprittier on Ian Bond. Pisstian then walks over to help Gay Pharaoh back to his feet, all the while yelling at Monroe and Marcum. However, he doesn't notice Chris Oakley getting back to his own feet. As Pisstian and Gay Pharaoh turn around to walk back up the ramp, they find Oakley standing right in front of them. Oakley quickly hits Gay Pharaoh with a roundhouse kick to the jaw, sending him back to la-la land. Before Pisstian can react, Oakley spins him around and delivers the Full Metal Jacket, right onto the ring bell, which is lying on the ground. Ian Bond is back on his feet. He walks over the Hummer and pulls out some rope. Together, Oakley and Ian Bond secure Pisstian and Gay Pharaoh to the hood/grill of the Hummer. As Ian Bond gets into the driver's seat, Oakley grabs a mic.
Oakley: Billionaire Vince! Don't...cross...the Bond Brigade!
Ian Bond starts up the engine and Oakley gets in the passenger seat. Rooster starts playing, and Bond drives the Hummer back up the ramp.
Monroe: Where are they taking them?
Marcum: That's fucked up! But it's all right!
Interlude: Monroe and Madman
Monroe: I’ve been watching our two guests and I can’t help but notice that the bald/blonde one looks awfully familiar, Marcum!
Madman: Why’s he up there when he has a match later tonight?
Monroe: And where does his friend get all the beef jerky he’s been eating? Do we sell that at our concession stands?
