King Snarf Mass-Debates Michael Smokespole
We come to a man in a suit and sunglasses standing in the ring, mic in hand.
Tazz: Hello, ladies and gentlemen! I'm Tazz and I'll be the special guest moderator for tonight's mass debate!
Marcum: Hey, why doesn't he have a goofy name like Cripple-H or Rob Van Dyke.
Monroe: Because I don't want to risk Tazz fucking us all up, and there's a good chance he can do it, too!
Tazz: Tonight's subject for the debate will be whether or not it's right to sell out. Allow me first to introduce the man arguing against selling out, the RDCW World Champion, King Snarf!
"When it All Goes Wrong Again" hits the loudspeakers as King Snarf makes his way to the ring
Tazz: King Snarf, thank you for coming.
KS: My pleasure Tazz! Ladies and gentlemen give it up for the Human Suplex Machine! *Pause for cheap pop*. Now before we begin, allow me to say a few things. I am the innovator of the mass debate. After the first time I mass debated, it left a mark upon the RDCW that could not be removed! In fact, I have continued to hone my mass debating skills. I mass debate at least once a day, sometimes twice! Why, I even had the assistance of some the RDCW hotties backstage in an impromptu mass debating session. So let me just say that I am no stranger to mass debating!
Tazz: Thank you, King Snarf. And now, let me introduce you to the man arguing for selling out. He is my announce partner and something of a weird guy, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Michael Smokespole!
"It's Raining Men" hits the speakers as Michael Smokespole comes out (not that way!) and enters the ring.
Pole: Thank you Tazz. King Snarf made mention of how he's a great mass debater. Well he can't hold a candle to me. I've tried my hand at mass debating all the way back since middle school, and haven't stopped since. And since this event was announced, I've mass debated at every opportunity just thinking about the chance to get my hands on King Snarf. *At this King Snarf starts to fidget uncomfortably* I also begged my colleague Tazz to help me mass debate. *Tazz looks disgusted* Undaunted, I went to every WWE wrestler backstage and mass debated in front of them. Heck, I even went to the local elementary school and mass debated for the kids there! *Snarf and Tazz couldn't look more disgusted even if they were watching a replay of a Mae Young match.* And my skill at mass debating is only equaled by my oral skills. Why, it was my oral skill that got me my announce job. Vince was so impressed with how I worked my mouth that he gave me a job right on the spot! *The audience starts a loud "Homo" chant* I...
Tazz: Okay, 'Pole. That's quite enough. Why don't we get down to the debate? King Snarf, you won the coin toss backstage, so you'll start. The topic is selling out. You may begin now.
King Snarf: Thank you, Tazz. The wrestling business is a business in the loosest sense of the word. If anyone becomes a wrestler thinking he's going to get rich, that man is an idiot. Rather, most of the men and women who are in this industry are in it because of love. Their stories are full of tragedy and triumph, heartbreak and heady achievement. In fact, my own story is filled with such, and you can read all about it in my new autobiography, Hail to the King Snarf, Baby, available at RDCW shopzone right now!
But I digress. It is love that fuels this business, not money. Look at ECW. Men put on 4-star matches not for money, but for the thrill. Now look at WWE. When was the last time you saw flaming tables? Barbwire? Let's be honest, when you money is a factor, you stop taking risks and the product suffers. To be honest, you need emotion to make a great match, not money. And you can see some really great matches on my new DVD, King Snarf: Headlocks and High Spots, available at RDCW.
In closing, selling out hurts the business. And I promise you this- King Snarf won't sell out. In fact, that's what's on my new T-Shirt, available at RDCW shopzone: King Snarf Won't Sell Out. Thank you.
Tazz: Thank you, King Snarf. Now, 'Pole, your thoughts?
'Pole: Thank you. Despite King Snarf's allegations, the wrestling business IS a business. The point is to make money. Look at Tazz. Sure, he's lost the respect of many fans, but he's supporting his family. And as far as I'm concerned, that's more important than respect. Besides, who needs respect? NO ONE respects me!
Tazz: Uh.... Well said, Cole. Now it's time to determine the winner, for which we need the audience. So, folks, who wins? King Snarf (pause for cheers or boos) or Michael Smokespole?
The crowd is overwhelmingly behind King Snarf's mass-debating skills. Only one person cheers for Smikespole's mass-debating ability. It's clearly his mom.
Tazz: Well, there you have it. The winner! Thank you all for participating in this mass debate. Good night and...
'Pole: Hold up a second, Tazz. Now that this is over, and it's just you and me, WWE employees, ALONE with one of the Superstars of RDCW, isn't there something you've wanted to do to King Snarf for a long time?
Tazz: As a matter of fact, 'Pole, there is...
A buzz goes through the audience as Tazz gets right up in King Snarf's face. The two stare down each other for many moments, until Tazz puts out his hand. Snarf accepts the gesture and the two shake heartily to the approval of the audience!
'Pole: What the hell are you doing?
Tazz: You might not agree with what he says, but Snarf has every right to say it. In fact, he made some good points, just as you made some good points. That's the great thing about this country; two people can have two different opinions and neither is necessarily wrong! The crowd chants "U.S.A.!" and cheers The fact is I respect King Snarf! More cheers! But, now that you mention it, there IS someone who I've wanted to get my hands on for some time...
The crowd buzzes again as King Snarf and Tazz both step toward 'Pole, who steps back. However, it's cut short as Tazz is hit from behind by a steel chair! Scheme Gene Okerlund himself snuck into the ring, and he and 'Pole begin to put the boots to Tazz! Snarf goes to intervene, but none other than Fat Retard and Llarry “The Queen” Llawler jumps him from behind!
Monroe: My god, it's a damn ambush!!
Marcum: Have Retard and the Queen been actually working for Vince all this time?!?
Monroe: They probably just missed their medication, but the fact is it's clear that the little queer with the frosted hair had this planned all along! He probably intended it to be a 5-on-1 assault, but he hadn't counted on Tazz's integrity!
Marcum: A lot of good integrity's doing him now! Look!
In the ring, the onslaught continues, with chair shots and kicks to the two helpless wrestlers.
Monroe: Okay, I've had enough of this!
Monroe makes moves to get up!
Marcum: What are you doing??
Monroe: I'm gonna go down there and see if I can't even up the odds a bit!
Marcum: Oh, what the hell! Wait for me!
The crowd roars with approval as Mike the Mouth Monroe and Madman Marcum charge the ring! They enter and set their sights on their counterparts, Fat Retard and the Queen! Monroe grabs Retard and throws him into the corner and punches him square in the mush! The crowd goes BANANA! Marcum delivers a kick to the groin on the Queen, and follows that up with a knee to the face! The crowd goes absolutely NUT! However, they've forgotten about 'Pole and Scheme Gene! 'Pole delivers a low blow from behind on Monroe (ew), while Scheme Gene hits a chair shot on Marcum. The Queen and Fat Retard have regained their wind and are aiding in the assault on the valiant announcers. However, only the crowd notices that King Snarf has gotten back to his feet! The Queen turns, and goes down to a vicious punch! Fat Retard tries to attack Snarf, but he too goes down! Gene and 'Pole try a double team, but Snarf switches off punches between the two, before knocking both their head together! The crowd goes wild! The Queen tries once more to charge King Snarf, but he dodges and throws him out of the ring. He then goes to Fat Retard who soon joins his announce partner on the arena floor! Snarf then grabs Gene and that makes 3! Marcum and Monroe soon regain their feet, and they along with Snarf look on as 'Pole slowly regains his senses. He turns to see three angry RDCW employees who start on him menacingly. A dark stain appears on 'Pole's pants, who backs up. However, he doesn't notice that someone's standing right behind him. He's backed up into an angry Tazz! With fear in his eyes, 'Pole turns to his angry colleague, perhaps to try and explain himself. It's for naught, however, as Tazz quickly delivers a belly-to-belly Tazzplex! 'Pole tries to crawl out of the ring, but Tazz grabs him by the hair and drags him to his feet. He stops for a moment, and looks to the crowd, perhaps for a suggestion. A roaring chant of "Choke him out!" comes forth! Tazz smiles and quickly slaps on the Tazzmission! 'Pole flops about, flailing his arms wildly, but to no avail! He taps, but Tazz refuses to release. 'Pole stops moving; he's been choked out! Tazz stands up and together with Snarf, Marcum, and Monroe, gather around the still form of 'Pole. They all face the audience, Monroe raises Snarf's hand, and Marcum raises Tazz's, as the crowd cheers heartily! Victorious, the four exit the ring to thunderous applause!
