RKMBs Forums .::Important::. RDCW INVADED!!!

Monroe: It's finally here! The pay per view to end all pay per views! Rob's Damn Championship Wrestling vs. Worst Wrestling Ever! It's all on the line!

Marcum: The RDCW has been INVADED!!!

Monroe: And it starts now!

Epic battle of high-flyers! single choice

"The One And Only" James Fantastic (71%, 10 Votes)

Latino Shee-it (29%, 4 Votes)

Total Votes: 14 Voting on this poll ends: 2026-05-04 4:43 PM

Battle of the split personalities! single choice

Johnny Evil (93%, 14 Votes)

Mick Roly-Poly! (7%, 1 Votes)

Total Votes: 15 Voting on this poll ends: 2026-05-04 4:43 PM

Handicap Match single choice

Tommy Savitz (67%, 10 Votes)

Heidenshite / Gene Shitsky (33%, 5 Votes)

Total Votes: 15 Voting on this poll ends: 2026-05-04 4:43 PM

Rage In A Cage single choice

Chris Oakley (60%, 9 Votes)

Pisstian with Gay Pharoah (40%, 6 Votes)

Total Votes: 15 Voting on this poll ends: 2026-05-04 4:43 PM

Conniver Series-style Match single choice

Slick Willie William's Company (80%, 12 Votes)

Just Fuckin' Lousy's Cabinet (20%, 3 Votes)

Total Votes: 15 Voting on this poll ends: 2026-05-04 4:43 PM

MASS DEBATE single choice

King Snarf (75%, 12 Votes)

Michael Smokespole (25%, 4 Votes)

Total Votes: 16 Voting on this poll ends: 2026-05-04 4:43 PM

ECW Hardcore RuleZ match! single choice

Nowhereman (88%, 15 Votes)

Rob Van Dyke (12%, 2 Votes)

Total Votes: 17 Voting on this poll ends: 2026-05-04 4:43 PM

HUGE task single choice

Captain Sammitch (88%, 15 Votes)

The Big Shmoe (12%, 2 Votes)

Total Votes: 17 Voting on this poll ends: 2026-05-04 4:43 PM

Hardcore Hell In A Cell Match! single choice

Spandex Monkey Man (75%, 12 Votes)

Underwear-Taker / Kane-Dee-Ass / Horrible-Cane (25%, 4 Votes)

Total Votes: 16 Voting on this poll ends: 2026-05-04 4:43 PM

The Dark Side versus the Suck Side! single choice

Darth (87%, 13 Votes)

Mandy Shortone with The Cock (13%, 2 Votes)

Total Votes: 15 Voting on this poll ends: 2026-05-04 4:43 PM

Turf War single choice

Joe Mama (82%, 14 Votes)

John Semen (18%, 3 Votes)

Total Votes: 17 Voting on this poll ends: 2026-05-04 4:43 PM

Champ vs. Chump single choice

PenWing (76%, 13 Votes)

Crippled-H with The Grand Wizard Dick Hair (24%, 4 Votes)

Total Votes: 17 Voting on this poll ends: 2026-05-04 4:43 PM

Battle Of The Icons single choice

Grimm (88%, 14 Votes)

The Hogster Hog Hogan with Brother Fruity and Jimmy Fart (13%, 2 Votes)

Total Votes: 16 Voting on this poll ends: 2026-05-04 4:43 PM

Hoboken Street Fight! single choice

Rob Kamphausen (94%, 16 Votes)

Billioaire Vince (6%, 1 Votes)

Total Votes: 17 Voting on this poll ends: 2026-05-04 4:43 PM

*The Camera shows the back of Johnny Evil. He's recognizable by his shirt, which has the word "Good" in a red circle with a line through it.*

JE: Oh the Humanity, Cowboy Jack and Dud Love. It doesn't matter which personality you come at me with. I'll be ready. You see, I'll do anything to win this match. Even if it means doing the unthinkable...

*He turns arouns, the front of the shirt says "I'm #4" and he's wearing a cheap, bright green mask. The shocked crowd cheers the return...of Notwedge"

Notwedge: We've formed an alliance. We hate each other. But we hate you guys more. Heck, I hate you more than I hate John Byrne. And that's a LOT.

*The camera moves in for a closeup as he puts on the hood of the Original Johnny Evil. He speaks with an electronically altered voice.*

OJE: There is nothing we won't do to destroy you. I will stoop to any level. Remember the mimes?

*Ariel joins him. He removes the masks and the "I'm #4" shirt, back to being the Bastardo Family's Johnny Evil.*

BFJE: We're coming for you Roly-Poly. Bring whoever you want with you, it won't matter. Tonight, the hardcore legend will fade into history.

*Loud eighties style guitar rock blares throughout the CheeseDome, as Jimmy Fart, Brother Fruity, and the Hogster himself make their way to the interview podium, where a familiar looking man in a rumpled tuxedo waits for them.

Ream Gene: "Hogster, tonight you've got an Icon matchup."

HHHogan: "Brother, let me tell your something, brother. The Hogster is a hundred and fifty two years old, and I'm still the champ, brother!"

Brother Fruity: "That's right, Hogster!"

Jimmy Fart: "You tell 'em, baby!"

HHHogan: "Brotherbrotherbrotherbrother. It's the Hogster's turn to talk. Let the Hogster speak. It's the Hogster's show, brother, it's all about the Hogster. I've got all the money. I've got all the power. I've got all the creative control clauses. And I've got Billionaire Vince in my back pocket, brother."

Ream Gene: "And these two guys in your front pockets!"

*Camera pulls back to show Brother Fruity and Jimmy Fart with their hands down the Hogster's pants. The Hogster tries to act surprised. Badly.

HHHogan: "Brother, it's not hot!"

Ream Gene, Brother Fruity, and Jimmy Fart:

HHHogan: "It doesn't matter, brother. Because tonight, the Hogster will prove once again that Hogamania is immortal, the legdrop is immortal, steroid use is immortal, backstabbing your friends is immortal. All the demandments of Hogamania, lying, backstabbing, steroids, and paying people off will live forever!

Brother, the Hogster's heard about this Grimm talking trash about him, brother. Well, brother, let me tell you something, brother. The Hogster remembers that Monday Shitro when Grimm and his buddies had the nerve to flip me off, brother. And brother, let me tell you something, brother. Tonight, Grimm's getting the legdrop and he's going to lay down for the Hogster one two three!

Because I am the icon, I built this business all by myself with no help from anybody, and I am the only icon ever, brother!"

Brother Fruity (hands still in the Hogster's pants): "That's right, Hogster!"

Jimmy Fart (hands also still in the Hogster's pants): "You tell 'em, baby!"

HHHogan: "Jimmy Fart, you little pipsqueak sissy, Brother Fruity, you little mental midget, it's time for you two to wash the Hogster's limo, and give the Hogster a blow job before his match tonight. Let's go."

*The Hogster's music cues up again as the trio leaves the interview podium.

Ream Gene: "Well, there you have it! It's the Icon match tonight at Invaded! Grimm versus the Hogster!"

*Backstage at the Cheesedome...*

Chesty Lerou: I'm standing backstage with Darth, who has agreed to conduct an interview outside the cellar this evening!

Cameraman: (mutters) _{Thank Gob!}

Chesty: Darth, tonight you have agreed to face Mandy Shortone, of Worst Wrestling Ever!

Darth: Someone had to.

Chesty: You don't sound to enthusiastic about this match.

Darth: Mandy Shortone cannot stand up to the power, of the-

The Cock: Of the what? What can't Mandy Shortone, third generation superstar, and youngest WWE champion ever stand up to?

Chesty: I don't think-

The Cock: It doesn't matter what you think! Now why don't you face this direction and interview a real man, Mandy Shortone!

*Mandy Shortone steps around the corner.*

Mandy: Thanks, Cock! Let me explain what's going to happen tonight-

Darth: You will explain nothing. She was not talking to you.

Chesty: (beaming with confidence) That's right! I was talking to Darth!

The Cock: Know your role, and shut your mouth! You are an interviewer! Your role is to interview! Right now, you are going to interview the third generation superstar, not this cloaked joke!

Chesty: This cloaked joke is going to send you to the dark side!

The Cock: The dark side? He doesn't know what the dark side is! The Cock just showed Mandy the true dark side, and he liked it!

Mandy: That's right! The Cock has prepared me for you, Darth! I'm not afraid of you, or the dark side!

Darth: You know nothing of the true power-

The Cock: -of the dark side! Yeah, the Cock has heard enough of that. All the Cock has to say is this: Just bring it! If ya taaaaaaassssssssssstttttttttttteeeeeee, what the COCK is SUCKING!

*The Cock and Mandy Shortone walk off, leaving Chesty and Darth alone in the hall.*

Chesty: Do you have comments about that, Darth?

Darth: No one can stand up to the true power, of the dark side!

*Darth disappears into the shadows as Chesty is left trembling in her place.*

*"It's time to play the Gay-muh!" starts playing and crowd errupts in booes as Crippled-H and Grand Wizard Dick Hair walk down the ramp. Dick Hair holds the ropes for Crips, who has a mic in his hand.*

Crips: None of you thought I would be here. None of you thought Crippled-H would return after my last visit to this crap-hole. Well here I am! You can't have a real pay-per-view without the Gay-mah! And I am the Gay-muh! I am the greatest wrestler in the history of the WWE! No one has fought harder, bled more, and won more than me! And there is not one person backstage who can beat me one-on-one! You think this nobody PenWing can take me on? You think he has what it takes to beat the Gay-muh? He's got nothing on me!

*The crowd booes as Crips hands the mic over to Grand Wizard Dick Hair.*

Dick: You people, and I use that term loosely, need to shut up! You know nothing! This man standing before you is the Gay-muh! There is no such thing as a title match if he's not in it! That's how good he is! This PenWing doesn't even deserve to be in the same ring with the Gay-muh!

*The crowd continues to boo as Crippled-H takes the mic back.*

Crips: That's right, Dick. That's why I'm not going to wrestle PenWing tonight! It's beneath me to face him!

*Dick Hair nods. The crowd starts chanting for PenWing.*

Crips: That's right! There is no way I'm going to get in this ring with PenWing tonight...unless he first proves his worth and defeats the Grand Wizard Dick Hair!

*Dick Hair is startled by this, and starts talking to Crips as the crowd booes.*

*Suddenly, the stomping beat of "We Will Rock You" blasts over the speakers and the fans roar to their feet and sing along as PenWing and Meeko make their way to the ring. PenWing is wearing the Tag Team Donkey Lovin' Title around his waist, with the Big Cheese Belt draped over his shoulder. Meeko is sporting a lovely referee tank top with black hip-hugging pants, and she is raising PenWing's Sherwood abover her head.*

Buddy you're a boy make a big noise
Playin' in the street gonna be a big man some day

You got mud on yo' face
You big disgrace

Kickin' your can all over the place

Singin'
'We will we will rock you'

'We will we will rock you'

Everybody
'We will we will rock you'

'We will we will rock you'

Alright

*PenWing takes a mic, holds the ropes for Meeko to enter the ring, and then follows suit.*

PenWing: So, you're the Gay-muhtherfucker?

*Pops from the crowd as Crips looks on in anger.*

PenWing: And you say no one has fought harder, bled more, and won more than you?

*The crowd booes.*

PenWing: And you want me to prove myself by beating up your little Dickie here first?

*The crowd begins to chant "Asshole."*

Crips: (as he backs out of the ring) That's right! If you can beat him, you get to face me!

PenWing: It sounds more like no one cries harder, whines louder, and cowers more than you!

*The crowd erupts in cheer as Crips drops to the floor leaving Dick Hair alone in the ring.*

PenWing: I figured you would try and pull something like this.

*PenWing drops the mic and runs at Hair as Meeko signals the bell, but Hair gets in a quick rake to the eye. He then slaps PenWing across the chest. PenWing slaps him back. PenWing then grabs Hair's arm and whips him into the corner, following it up with a spear for a vicious Drag 'n Whip. PenWing goes for the pin but Hair rakes his other eye, and PenWing roles over. Hair tries to get a quick pin, but PenWing kicks out.*

Monroe: This is the most disgusting wrestling I have ever seen!

Marcum: What did you expect? They're from Worst Wrestling Ever!

*Hair tries to lock in a figure four, but PenWing manages to break out and get back to his feet. Hair moves in close and PenWing stuns him with Sudden Death. A three-count later and Meeko declairs PenWing the winner. She hands him the mic.*

PenWing: I'll be seeing you later tonight, Crips, because anytime, anywhere, (the crowd chants) SUDDEN DEATH RULES!

*The crowd roars as "Gonna Fly Now" starts playing and PenWing helps Meeko out of the ring. He raises both titles as they walk back up the ramp. Crips reenters the ring and helps Dick Hair back to his feet. He glares at PenWing and Meeko, but is left speechless, not that anyone would have heard him over the crowd.*

*Backstage in the Hogster's dressing room. . .

HHHogan: "Brotherbrotherbrotherbrotherbrotherbrotherbrother. . ."

*The camera pans in to see the Hogster looking at himself in the mirror. The Hogster flexes his muscles and practices his poses. Jimmy Fart is at his side, still speaking into his megaphone.

Jimmy Fart: "Attaboy Hogster, you show 'em baby! You're the greatest!"

*Suddenly, the image in the mirror changes from that of the Hogster. . .to Grimm! The Hogster's jaw drops as he points at the image of Grimm.

HHHogan: "Brotherbrotherbrotherbrotherbrother!"

Jimmy Fart: "I see it, Hogster!"

Fart pauses momentarily, as if remembering something.

Jimmy Fart: "I mean, uh, what is it, Hogster?"

HHHogan: "It's Grimm! He's in the mirror! It's not hot! Fire burns, Jimmy!"

*Brother Fruity's head rises up from below the camera angle.

Brother Fruity: "What?"

HHHogan: "Get back down there, brother, the Hogster's not finished yet."

*Brother Fruity's head disappears again. The image of Grimm in the mirror laughs at the Hogster before fading away.

Marcum: "What the hell was that?"

Monroe: "Grimm's playing mind games with Hog Hogan!"

Fat Retard: "DROP TOEHOLD!"

LLarry LLawller: "Can I play some games with Brother Fruity?"

Monroe, Marcum, & Retard:

*Camera dissolves to the Bond Brigade locker room,where we see Chris Oakley wearing an ECW 'One Night Stand' T-shirt.He holds a mic in one hand;the other is clutching 8 X 10 glossies of Pisstian and Gay Pharaoh.Huge pops from the crowd watching him on the Cheese-O-Tron as he begins to speak.*

Ladies and gentlemen,I won't take up much of your time....I just want to give you all a quick sneak preview of what's going to happen to Captain No-Charisma and his pet monkey in the cage match tonight.

*Without another word,Chris begins tearing the glossies to bits;the crowd erupts in a standing ovation as he methodically destroys them and spits on the remains.He then walks out into an adjacent hallway and dumps the shredded photos into a nearby trash can.*

To my fans:Thanks for cheering me on.To my fellow RDCW superstars:I've got your back.To our GM the Doctor and our CEO Rob Kamphausen:I'll make you glad you signed me to an RDCW contract.To Billionaire Vince....

*Hush falls over the crowd as they wait to hear what Chris has to say next.Camera zooms on Chris' right hand as he flips Vince the bird.*

...fuck you and your whole company.

*Another standing O from the crowd,and Chris heads to the ring as we fade to commercial.*

Backstage Nowhereman bumps into Rob Van Dyke who is talking to Gey Misterho

RVD:"Dude!"

NM:"What?"

RVD:"Dude!"

NM:"Yeah,you already said that!"

RVD:"I totally did dude!"

NM:"So what else ya got to say?"

RVD:"Errr.....dude?"

NM:"Geez man,you been hittin the happy baccy to much!"

DVD:"Heh heh dude,I have seriously got the munchies!"

NM:"Yeah well theres a snack machine down the hall,dont go eating too much as I dont want you puking all over me during our match!"

RVD:"Dude,I am so there!"

RVD runs off

Nowhereman glances down at Gey Misterho

NM:"Shit,who's left their little kid unattended?"

Gey:"Yo homes,I am Gey Misterho & if you dont show me some respect I will 69 you!"

NM looks disgusted

NM:"Fuck that,I aint no Michael Jackson."

NM leaves rather abruptly

Gey:"Hey vato,I aint no kid.......why does everyone think I am a kid?"

RVD comes back,hands him a lollipop & pats him on the head

Gey:"Thanks pops!"

ICP's "Chicken Huntin' (Rock Remix)" plays and, as the RDCW crowd groans at the music, John Semen struts down to the ring, throwing up the "Big Kahuna" sign with both hands. He enters the ring and takes the time to stand at each ring corner and mug for the fans. Their reaction is a mix of abject pain at his music and polite apathy at his arrival. He is handed a microphone.

John Semen: YO! YO YO YO YO YO!! YO YO YIZZLE-DEE-DIZZLE YO!!! Where my thugs be at? Yo' Doctor Of Thuganomics is in the HIZ-OUSE!!!

Polite silence from the crowd.

John Semen: Yo, seriously, I gots some mad drama dat I gots ta git off'a my chest! I gots me a match tonight against a playa hatah and I gots me one thing to say...BUY MY ALBUM!!!

A bored sigh comes from the crowd.

John Semen: This punk-ass bustah's been goin' around, all flappin' his gums about how HE'S the "Enforcah" and how he's gonna kick my city-born ass! Well, Joe Mama, maybe you haven't heard, but I'm the WWE Heavyweight Champion! I'm the big dawg! An' - t'night - I'm all 'bout droppin' some violence an' kickin' some science! The science of...THUGANOMICS!!!

The crowd looks on as he starts spinning the dial on his title belt. As he pretends to do some scratchin', they can hear him saying "wicky-wicky-wicky-wowww!" It's a sad sight!

John Semen: YO! YO YO YO YO YO YO YO YO!!! Who wants to hear be break out my new single?!? Buy my album!!! Yo, DJ - drop that beat!!!

But the "DJ" doesn't drop any beat. Instead, the opening chords of "Faded" play and the crowd erupts. John Semen looks genuinely confused and actually stops spinning the disk on his belt. Joe Mama steps into the ring area and walks down the ramp. In a uncharacteristic display (over the past few months), the crowd is chanting his name and he's actually acknowledging the crowd with high fives. At one point he stops in front of a large family (grandmother, parents, and two kids) and signs some autographs. Then he pulls the kids out of the stands for a photo op. As he helps the kids back into the stands, the grandmother tells Joe Mama, "Kick his ass, Champ!" Joe Mama grins and replies, "Not just yet, ma'am. In a little while." Then he walks over, grabs a microphone, and enters the ring.

John Semen: YO YO YO YO YO!!! That's Wacko like Jacko on Tobacco! I wuz gonna bust some fresh flavor fo' yo' ears an'...

Joe Mama: SHUT!!! UP!!!

The crowd cheers. John Semens takes a couple steps back.

Joe Mama: Now, I could come here and ask you which Man On A Mission you are. I could stand here and call you "Vanilla Ice" or "ICP" or "Eminem". But that's too easy and obvious. Plus, you wouldn't know if I was complimenting you or making fun. So I won't do that, John Sellout.

John Semen: Yo, whut'd you call me, punk?

Joe Mama: What's the problem, too many well-defined syllables? I called you JOHN SELLOUT!

"Oooooooooooooooooohhh!" from the crowd. John's not happy.

Joe Mama: I mean, look at you. Sure, you have a title, for however long Crippled-H decides to let you keep it. But what'd it cost you? You look like a jackass prancing around, trying to sound all ghetto! But West Newbury isn't anywhere NEAR Boston! It's practically on the New Hampshire border! It has a population of about 4000! There's more people in these stands than there are in West Newbury!!!

John Semen: Uh...dat...that's just my home town. I was made a man on the STREETS OF BOSTON, YO!!!

Joe Mama: John, I don't even want to imagine what that means or if it's even true. But here's the thing - I know you don't even like your own gimmick, John. You're no rapper. WWE writers wrote your lyrics. You're just a kid from a small town who's making some big money. You don't even like rap - look at this!

On the Cheese-O-Tron is some footage of John at the last WWE pay-per-view. John's in his locker room with a set of headphones on. His eyes are closed and he's singing:

I looked out this morning and the sun was gone
Turned on some music to start my day
I lost myself in a familiar song
I closed my eyes and I slipped away

It’s more than a feeling, when I hear that old song they used to play (more than a feeling)
I begin dreaming (more than a feeling)
’till I see marianne walk away
I see my marianne walkin’ away

The crowd laughs. John is blushing and furious.

Joe Mama: Hey, don't feel bad. I like that song as much as the next guy. I just don't sing it to myself in the Bastardo Family locker room. But check this out.

Now the Cheese-O-Tron shows John is his locker room here at the Cheese Dome. Same headphone, same closed eyes, but now he's weeping a little and the tears are rolling down his face as he sings:

And I meant, every word I said
When I said that I love you I meant
That I love you forever

And I’m gonna keep on lovin you
Cause it’s the only thing I wanna do
I don’t wanna sleep
I just wanna keep on lovin you

John is so angry he's shaking. The crowd is laughing hysterically.

Joe Mama: Now THAT...that's a damn shame!!! Maybe you're not the guy I should be facing. Maybe we can make a last minute change and I'll wrestle Wedge or Chris Jericurl. Doesn't Shitista have a title? I'll wrestle him. I'd feel bad about using the Brain Buster on a guy who cries while singing REO Speedwagon...

John Semen: (high-pitched whine) Darn it, mister! Now you've peeved me off! You and I ARE going to fight tonight! And I promise that I'm going to take it to you! I'll hit you with so many rights you'll beg for a left! I'LL PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE!!! No one makes a fool out of John Semen!

John stomps out of the ring. He looks like he's about to cry. As he stomps up the ramp towards the back, Joe calls out to get his attention. At the head of the ramp, he turns.

John Semen: What do YOU want?

Joe Mama: Whatever you do, John, DON'T listen to any Bob Seger! Christ, you'll never leave the locker room!

John throws a tantrum, then stomps off. "Faded" plays as Joe Mama leaves the ring. The crowd is cheering...

<'Let's Get it Started' blares over the speakers but is quickly drowned out by the roar of the crowd as Captain Sammitch makes his way to the ring. Joe Mama tenses, but Sammitch holds up a hand and tosses his staff and another partially-concealed item aside before climbing the stairs and ducking under the top rope into the ring with a microphone.>

CS: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. <Pops from the crowd.> How's it goin', Joe? <Joe is completely unsure of what to expect.> Relax, man, we've been given a week off. This isn't about the Family and SD-6. I just thought I'd drop by the ring to wish you luck in your match tonight - along with all the other RDCW superstars who are here to show our guests what real wrestlers look like!

<Huge applause from the crowd.>

Marcum: What's this? Sammitch is actin' all chummy with Joe Mama! Something's gotta be wrong!

CS: No tricks, Joe. No gimmicks. I'm sure we'll all have plenty of time to kick each other's asses on Tuesday. Just be cool and put that whiny little bitch in his place.

Monroe: Captain Sammitch is clearly demonstrating solidarity with his RDCW colleagues, a solidarity that transcends even the biggest rivalry in the RDCW!

Marcum: I don't believe it! It's gotta be a trick!

CS: To all you fans out there, I just want to let you know that tonight, we of the RDCW are gonna give you, the greatest fans in the world, the biggest show you've seen in a long time! And a word of advice to a much littler show out there: You can't hit what you can't catch. Slow-ass jobber.

<The crowd erupts in applause as Captain Sammitch turns to leave.>

JM: Hey, Sammitch!

<Captain Sammitch turns.>

JM: Go get 'em.

<Sammitch nods, then reaches down to grab his staff and the other object, which turns out to be a Red Sox baseball cap. Sammitch dons the cap, turns, acknowledges Joe once more, then exits to the cheers of the crowd.>

Monroe: Who could have expected this? The bitterest of rivals, united under the banner of the RDCW! I hope the Worst Wrestling Ever knows what it's in for!

Edited because my original ending kinda sucked.

Monroe: It's been an amazing night so far, ladies and gentlemen! The RDCW is truly united against its common foe!

Madman: I'm in awe of the solidarity between the RDCW wrestlers! I predict a bad night for any WWE "wrassler"!!!

Monroe: I gotta agree with you, Madman! Um...wait a minute...who's that in the crowd?

The camera pans up to where Monroe and now Marcum are looking. Two very familiar-looking people are coming down the steps. They stop a few rows away from the ring area, turn, and start walking down the row.

Monroe: Are those two who I think they are?

Madman: Noooooo...can't be! Doesn't he actually have a match tonight?

Monroe: And his..."friend"? Are they friends? I thought those two hated each other!

The camera shows these two former allies and enemies. They seem to be getting comfortable in their seats. The mostly bald, slightly blond one tries to steal a nacho from his friend, who is trying to adjust the colorful cowboy hat he's wearing. But the friend pulls the nachos away, waving a fringe-gloved finger at him.

Madman: I'm confused, but I'm gonna be watching those two tonight!

Monroe: It looks like Vince has some kind of plan...but how will it affect the rest of this historic Pay-Per-View???

The camera approaches a door backstage bearing a sign that says “CAUTION! HEAD WRITERS’ OFFICE!!!”. The door slowly opens and the camera enters. Inside are five men:

CC McBastard: Dressed in all black with black cowboy boots and Oakley sunglasses, this writer glares at the pool table he’s standing by. He looks surly as he scans for a shot.

Jason: Clad in a black Misfits T-shirt, jeans, and motorcycle boots. He walks away from the bar with two large glasses of whiskey in his hand, one of which he puts in the hand of…

DOC: Slumped across his desk, fast asleep and snoring loudly. Jason puts one of the glasses in his hand and, reflexively, it closes around the booze. There are TONS of empty pitchers and glasses spread around his desk…

Finndawg: His Red Sox baseball cap is on backwards and his glasses are slightly askew as he writes feverishly on some paper. He looks like a fratboy trying desperately to finish his pop quiz with seconds left. His desk is covered with notebooks, novels, and foreign beer bottles.

Mr. Bradley: He looks the most professional of the group in his button-down shirt and khakis. His small oval glasses are perfectly straight on his face. His desk is the most orderly of them all, and he’s writing something with an almost serene look on his face.

Finndawg slams his pen down with a “HAH!” and then grabs the papers he’s been writing on and runs over to CC McBastard. CC looks at the papers, bellows “Shite!” at Finndawg, and slams the papers at his chest. Finndawg smiles at what apparently is a compliment. Just before walking away, he points to the 7-ball and says “Side pocket”. He walks towards Mr. Bradley as CC yells “CUNT!!!” at him.

Finndawg: Check it out…I think we’ve got some gold in this promo…

Mr. Bradley: Cool. I’ll give it a once-over.

The camera pans back to the door and Billionaire Vince is standing in the doorway.

BV: Gentlemen! How nice to FINALLY meet some of the brains behind this great promotion!

Jason: Look guys! It’s the man who’s letting his son-in-law ruin HIS once-great promotion!

CC: Poof!!!

DOC: Zzzzzzzzzz…Davros!…zzzzzzzzzzz…

BV: Heh heh…well-played, my good men. It’s good to see some loyalty around here. Loyalty is an all-too-rare thing in this business, eh?

Mr. Bradley: Kinda like when you screwed Bret?

CC: And Matt?

Jason: And anyone from Hillbilly Championship Wrasslin’?

BV: Uhhhhhhhh…Listen guys, we could banter back and forth all night, but that’s not why I’m here! I want to discuss with you what your favorite WWE matches were!

CC: Armageddon 2000!

Mr. Bradley: Any Hardy Boyz match was GOLD!

Jason: Submission Match at Wrestlemania – Bret Hart vs Steve Austin!

Finndawg: Wrestlemania 18. ‘Taker vs Flair!

Jason: Seriously???

Finndawg: Arn Anderson delivers a textbook spinebuster. It’s the last match I ever saw where I jumped out of my seat cheering.

BV: Well, gentlemen, how would you like to be the brains behind matches just as epic as those?

DOC: …mmrbble glbbb…K9!!!…*snort*

Jason: What’re you talking about?

BV: I’m talking about leaving this small pond, where you are all huge fish, and coming over to my very large pond…

Finndawg: Where we’ll be nothing but small, unused, overworked, underpaid, ignored fishes. No thanks!

CC: Fuckoff!!!

BV: Gentlemen! You’d be my crown jewels! With you working for me, there’d never be another…

CC: Six-Man Hell In A Cell!

Mr. Bradley: Every Hurricane squash match!

Jason: “New Generation” era!

Finndawg: Another year like every one since you “acquired” Hillbily Championship Wrasslin’!

DOC: Jon Pertwee…ZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

BV: Uh…yeah. Exactly! And what’s all this about being “underpaid”??? I’m a Billionaire! A big sell-out of a BILLIONAIRE! I’ve got plenty of money to go around!!!

DOC: Zzzzz…not after tonight…zzzzzzzzzzz

BV: WHAT WAS THAT???

Jason: Don’t worry about him. He’s drunk and sleeping it off.

BV: Oh. Well, okay then. My good men, I’m offering you a boatload of money to leave the RDCW and work for me! Fat paychecks, full benefits, your own offices instead of having to share this one…whattaya say?

The writers confer for a minute. Vince tries to listen in, but can’t seem to catch what’s being said. CC points to the pool table at one point while Jason motions to the very well stocked bar. Finndawg motions just to the left of the bar, but Mr. Bradley slaps his hand down. Jason walks over to DOC and lifts up his head – he mutters something about “jelly babies” and Jason lets his head drop to the desktop. The group then turns back to Vince.

Jason: Sorry, Vince. No deal.

BV: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!?

Jason: Well, it’s just that your promotion sucks! I mean, Christopher Daniels has more talent in his little finger than roughly 90% of your entire roster! Plus…

CC: You’re a big stupid cunt!!!

Finndawg: Rob’s gonna win all your money tonight, anyways! Plus, who wants to deal with your son-in-law and his fucking whining?

BV: Mr. Bradley…I haven’t heard YOUR answer! And I KNOW you still watch the show…why don’t you leave these poor, deluded morons and join up with a REAL federa…un, promotion?

As Mr. Bradley answers, “America The Beautiful” plays in the background…

Mr. Bradley: Because I'm tired of cookie cutter body builders who can't wrestle. I'm tired of pointless squash matches that could easily be replaced with good mid-card filler. I'm tired the shows always being about HHH and JBL. I'm tired Rick Flair being forced to suck HHH's dick. I'm tired of RVD being held back. I'm tired good wrestlers being shown the door, like the Hardys. I'm tired of the Undertaker wasting his time on new crap when he should own the championship. I'm tired of Divas who are only there to look good when there are plenty of hot women who can actually wrestle. I'm tired of Chris Jericho being held back. There was a time when he was heir to the Rock but WWE squashed him when he won the championship. I'm tired JR calling everything the Sternum. I'm tired of the downfall of tag team wrestling after the demise of the Hardy Boyz. I'm tired of a lot of other shit, but I think that's enough for now.

There’s a lull as Vince silently fumes. The other writers are staring at Mr. Bradley, then at each other.

Jason: I think that about sums things up.

CC: Couldn’t’a said it better m’self.

Finndawg: Ummm, yeah. I can’t add anything to that.

DOC: Zzzzzzzzzz…Daleks an’ Kaleds!…zzzzzzzzzzz

Finndawg: Well, except for THAT.

BV: Well, boys, if you want to commit career suicide, that’s YOUR choice! But I guaran-DAMN-tee that my wrasslers will carry this night! And, when this genetic jackhammer in front of you gets in the ring with your boss, he’s gonna crush him and win not only the match, but this whole stinkin’ promotion! So let me give you a preemptive “YOU’RE FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRED!!!”

Vince stalks out of the room. After the door slams and the writers are sure he’s gone, they collectively bust out laughing.

Finndawg: What a TOOL!

Jason: He truly is a dick!

Mr. Bradley: I thought he’d be taller…

CC: CUNT!!! POOF!!!

The writers go back to what they were doing. Then…

Finndawg: Hey, Jason? Is it time now?

Jason: *sigh* Yes…go ahead…

Finndawg walks to the spot next to the bar that he’d been motioning to earlier. He presses a button under the bar top and a panel slides open. Out walk about a dozen gorgeous women, all naked. They enter the office, and then separate off to join the writers.

DOC: Zzzzzzz…Teela…zzzzzzzzzz

CC: I knew it was a great idea to negotiate with Rob for this perk!

Finndawg and Jason grab themselves drinks at the bar, and then walk to their desks. A pair of women sits on each of their laps. Mr. Bradley sits back at his desk. Two women come over and start rubbing his shoulders.

Mr. Bradley: I love the RDCW!

Was there any doubt how the voting would end?

No

James Fantastic beat Latino Shee-it.

Tommy Savitz won his match against Heidenshite and Shitsky.

The Company was victorious against the Cabinet.

Rob Van Dyke was no match for Nowhereman.

Captain Sammitch soundly thrashed the Big Shmoe.

Somehow, SPAMM was able to pull a win away from Underwear-taker, Kane-Dee-Ass, and the Horrible-cane.

Johnny Evil vs Mick Roly-Poly

*Mick Roly-Poly makes his entrance to the sound of screeching tires and familiar music. The crowd cheers when he says the name of their city over the microphone for some reason. Then the lights go out and EVIL IS COMING appears on the screen as the opening of "Won't Back Down" plays, fireworks shoot up the ramp in time to the drumbeats, the lights come back on and...*

HEEEEEEERE WE ARE
BORN TO BE KINGS
WE'RE THE PRINCES OF THE UNIVERSE...

*The crowd goes crazy as the vaguely UFO-like golf cart drives up to the ramp, but it's empty.*

When I pretend everything is how I want it to be
I look exactly just like you wanted to see
When I pretend I can forget about the criminal I am
Stealing second after second just 'cause I know I can..

*The crowd is pretty confused by this point, then Johnny Evil steps around one side of the VUFO-LGC and Ariel steps around the other side as YET ANOTHER song starts to play...*

AM I more than you bargained for yet?
I've been dying to tell you everything you want to hear
'Cause that's just who I am this week...

*JE poses, ducking down a bit and flexing as Ariel holds his NW mask up in one hand and the Original JE hood up in the other, more pyro goes off as Fall Out Boy's "Sugar We're Going Down" continues to play, then they make their way to the ring."

Marcum: Wow! What an entrance!

Monroe: I've seen better.

Marcum: Sure you have.

Monroe: This is not just a no DQ, falls count anywhere match. Any of Mick Roly-Poly's or Johnny Evil's personalities can become involved!

Marcum: And it looks like they're starting off with the big guns! The Bastardo Family's Johnny Evil vs Cowboy Jack!

*CJ seems ready to lock up, but BFJE counters with a tae kwon do combo. CJ scrambles out of the ring, reaches underneath and pulls out a 2x4 wrapped in barbed wire, he then lights it.*

Monroe: Johnny Evil is crazy, but I don't think he's crazy enough to want to get in range of that!

*And, he's right. JE and Ariel take off up the ramp and duck behind the curtain. CJ goes after them. But, before he's halfway up the ramp, NotWedge comes out from behind the curtain! The crowd goes nuts as he climbs into the Vaguely UFO-like Golf cart and drives it right at CJ! CJ jumps off the ramp, but in his haste he sets himself on fire. He screams in pain and goes under the ramp. NW gets out of the VUFO-LGC to go after CJ, when Oh the Humanity climbs out from the other side, he has a sock with a face on it as he stalks NW.*

Monroe: It's Mr. Tubey!

*NW suddenly turns around and kicks OtH in the gut and picks him up and slings him over the shoulder. He grabs his head with his other arm, takes a couple steps, spins and...*

Marcum: It's the WEDway PeopleMover!

Monroe: No! It's the Reverse Monkey Death Drop!

*...right on the ramp. NW covers OtH but OtH kicks out at the last possible moment. NW stands up and pulls OtH to his feet. He grabs OtH's mask, pulling it off by mistake. OtH pulls off his outer shirt, revealing tie dye underneath.*

Marcum: It's Dud Love, the Dirty Hippie!

*They go at it again, DLtDH catches NW off guard and goes for his Big Kick to the Shin. He connects, and hits a double arm DDT, NW's mask goes flying. DLtDH goes for a cover, but Ariel puts the Original Johnny Evil hood onto JE, and he kicks out. JE gets up and puts DLtDH into a full nelson and makes him face the screen, suddenly an episode of the Wiggles appears on the screen. DLtDH screams in terror at the sight of the worst thing to come out of Australia since Young Einstein.*

Marcum: That's evil, even for him!

*OJE slams DLtDH to the ground and takes off his hood, once again the Bastardo Family's Johnny Evil. DLtDH struggles back to his feetas Ariel steps up with a chair in her hand. BFJE his DLtDH with the Making of Flubber! He then goes for the cover, but DLtDH kicks out at the last moment. BFJE can't believe it.*

Marcum: Good Gob! No one's ever kicked out of the Making of Flubber!

Monroe: Even as Dud Love, Mick Roly-Poly is still the hardcore legend!

*Mick Roly-Poly struggles back to his feet, only to get hit by ANOTHER Making of Flubber. Instead of going for the pin right away this time, he has Ariel lay the chair on MR-P's face, and he slams it down with a devastating axe kick.*

Monroe: That variation of the Making of Flubber is even more damaging than the original!

Marcum: And he's not done!

*JE hits MR-P with another axe kick/Making of Flubber. The crowd gasps at the impact. He does it again and makes the pin. MR-P doesn't move at all.*

Marcum: He's done it! The hardcore legend is no more!

*EMTs come out with a stretcher.*

Monroe: I don't know if he can fully recover after a beating like that!

Marcum: I don't think things will ever be the same for him, or for Johnny Evil!
Now he's the hardcore legend!

Monroe: But what will happen now that Johnny Evil's other personalities have been reawakened?

Rage in a Cage! Chris Oakley with Ian Bond vs. Pisstian with Gay Pharaoh

Pisstian and Gay Pharaoh come out and begin taunting the crowd. Pisstian gets on the mic.

Pisstian: Oakley, you have no chance against me! There is no way you can beat a real man! A Canadian!

The Cheesedome lights abruptly go out; the lights come up again a second later to the strains of "Rooster" and Chris Oakley roars up to the cage in a black Hummer with Ian Bond at the wheel. Ian gets brawling with Gay Pharaoh near the announcers' table. This allows Oakley to enter the cage unhindered. The ref locks the door, and Oakley and Pisstian start slugging it out.

Monroe: This is total chaos!

Marcum: That's what happens when Oakley gets involved! And for once, it works to his advantage!

The match in the ring turns into a series of aerial moves and body slams. Oakley hits a pair of German suplexes on Pisstian, but he kicks out of the pin.

Monroe: How did Pisstian kick out?

Marcum: Incoming!

Monroe and Marcum get out of the way as Ian Bond slams Gay Pharaoh onto the announce table. Miraculously, it doesn't break. Ian Bond starts climbing up the outside of the cage.

Marcum: What is Bond doing?

Ian Bond leaps off the cage and rolls himself into a ball as he spins in a 360 splash. He lands on top of Gay Pharaoh, and they go right through the table.

Monroe: Thunderball!

Just then, Pisstian nails Oakley with the Unprettier. He then starts to climb up the cage.

Monroe: Pisstian is almost at the top!

Marcum: Oakley is getting back to his feet!

Pisstian is about to reach the top of the cage, but Oakley starts shaking the cage, causing Pisstian to lose his grip. Pisstian is hanging by one hand, and Oakley starts to climb up to him. Oakley grabs his leg and pushes of the cage. Pisstian can't hold on, and both wrestlers fall to the mat. Oakley takes a moment to catch his breath, and quickly clamps Pisstian in the Snuff the Rooster sleeper hold.

Marcum: Pisstian is off to Dreamland!

Oakley climbs to the top of the cage and over the side. By the time Pisstian wakes up Oakley is already halfway down the other side. Pisstian screams for Gay Pharaoh, but when he looks for him, he sees the mess that was the announce table. The crowd roars as Oakley touches down on the floor to win the match. As the bell rings, Oakley runs up to the crowd barrier and high fives the fans. But Pisstian is pissed, and Oakley doesn't notice him climbing the cage. Once at the top, Pisstian launches himself at Oakley, sending him hard to the ground with a cross body from the top of the cage. Both wrestlers look to be out.

Monroe: What's Pisstian thinking? The match is over? He lost!

Ian Bond runs over to check on Oakley, but Pisstian hits him with a low blow. He then gets up and hits the Unprittier on Ian Bond. Pisstian then walks over to help Gay Pharaoh back to his feet, all the while yelling at Monroe and Marcum. However, he doesn't notice Chris Oakley getting back to his own feet. As Pisstian and Gay Pharaoh turn around to walk back up the ramp, they find Oakley standing right in front of them. Oakley quickly hits Gay Pharaoh with a roundhouse kick to the jaw, sending him back to la-la land. Before Pisstian can react, Oakley spins him around and delivers the Full Metal Jacket, right onto the ring bell, which is lying on the ground. Ian Bond is back on his feet. He walks over the Hummer and pulls out some rope. Together, Oakley and Ian Bond secure Pisstian and Gay Pharaoh to the hood/grill of the Hummer. As Ian Bond gets into the driver's seat, Oakley grabs a mic.

Oakley: Billionaire Vince! Don't...cross...the Bond Brigade!

Ian Bond starts up the engine and Oakley gets in the passenger seat. Rooster starts playing, and Bond drives the Hummer back up the ramp.

Monroe: Where are they taking them?

Marcum: That's fucked up! But it's all right!


Interlude: Monroe and Madman

Monroe: I’ve been watching our two guests and I can’t help but notice that the bald/blonde one looks awfully familiar, Marcum!

Madman: Why’s he up there when he has a match later tonight?

Monroe: And where does his friend get all the beef jerky he’s been eating? Do we sell that at our concession stands?

King Snarf Mass-Debates Michael Smokespole

We come to a man in a suit and sunglasses standing in the ring, mic in hand.

Tazz: Hello, ladies and gentlemen! I'm Tazz and I'll be the special guest moderator for tonight's mass debate!

Marcum: Hey, why doesn't he have a goofy name like Cripple-H or Rob Van Dyke.

Monroe: Because I don't want to risk Tazz fucking us all up, and there's a good chance he can do it, too!

Tazz: Tonight's subject for the debate will be whether or not it's right to sell out. Allow me first to introduce the man arguing against selling out, the RDCW World Champion, King Snarf!

"When it All Goes Wrong Again" hits the loudspeakers as King Snarf makes his way to the ring

Tazz: King Snarf, thank you for coming.

KS: My pleasure Tazz! Ladies and gentlemen give it up for the Human Suplex Machine! *Pause for cheap pop*. Now before we begin, allow me to say a few things. I am the innovator of the mass debate. After the first time I mass debated, it left a mark upon the RDCW that could not be removed! In fact, I have continued to hone my mass debating skills. I mass debate at least once a day, sometimes twice! Why, I even had the assistance of some the RDCW hotties backstage in an impromptu mass debating session. So let me just say that I am no stranger to mass debating!

Tazz: Thank you, King Snarf. And now, let me introduce you to the man arguing for selling out. He is my announce partner and something of a weird guy, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Michael Smokespole!

"It's Raining Men" hits the speakers as Michael Smokespole comes out (not that way!) and enters the ring.

Pole: Thank you Tazz. King Snarf made mention of how he's a great mass debater. Well he can't hold a candle to me. I've tried my hand at mass debating all the way back since middle school, and haven't stopped since. And since this event was announced, I've mass debated at every opportunity just thinking about the chance to get my hands on King Snarf. *At this King Snarf starts to fidget uncomfortably* I also begged my colleague Tazz to help me mass debate. *Tazz looks disgusted* Undaunted, I went to every WWE wrestler backstage and mass debated in front of them. Heck, I even went to the local elementary school and mass debated for the kids there! *Snarf and Tazz couldn't look more disgusted even if they were watching a replay of a Mae Young match.* And my skill at mass debating is only equaled by my oral skills. Why, it was my oral skill that got me my announce job. Vince was so impressed with how I worked my mouth that he gave me a job right on the spot! *The audience starts a loud "Homo" chant* I...

Tazz: Okay, 'Pole. That's quite enough. Why don't we get down to the debate? King Snarf, you won the coin toss backstage, so you'll start. The topic is selling out. You may begin now.

King Snarf: Thank you, Tazz. The wrestling business is a business in the loosest sense of the word. If anyone becomes a wrestler thinking he's going to get rich, that man is an idiot. Rather, most of the men and women who are in this industry are in it because of love. Their stories are full of tragedy and triumph, heartbreak and heady achievement. In fact, my own story is filled with such, and you can read all about it in my new autobiography, Hail to the King Snarf, Baby, available at RDCW shopzone right now!

But I digress. It is love that fuels this business, not money. Look at ECW. Men put on 4-star matches not for money, but for the thrill. Now look at WWE. When was the last time you saw flaming tables? Barbwire? Let's be honest, when you money is a factor, you stop taking risks and the product suffers. To be honest, you need emotion to make a great match, not money. And you can see some really great matches on my new DVD, King Snarf: Headlocks and High Spots, available at RDCW.

In closing, selling out hurts the business. And I promise you this- King Snarf won't sell out. In fact, that's what's on my new T-Shirt, available at RDCW shopzone: King Snarf Won't Sell Out. Thank you.

Tazz: Thank you, King Snarf. Now, 'Pole, your thoughts?

'Pole: Thank you. Despite King Snarf's allegations, the wrestling business IS a business. The point is to make money. Look at Tazz. Sure, he's lost the respect of many fans, but he's supporting his family. And as far as I'm concerned, that's more important than respect. Besides, who needs respect? NO ONE respects me!

Tazz: Uh.... Well said, Cole. Now it's time to determine the winner, for which we need the audience. So, folks, who wins? King Snarf (pause for cheers or boos) or Michael Smokespole?

The crowd is overwhelmingly behind King Snarf's mass-debating skills. Only one person cheers for Smikespole's mass-debating ability. It's clearly his mom.

Tazz: Well, there you have it. The winner! Thank you all for participating in this mass debate. Good night and...

'Pole: Hold up a second, Tazz. Now that this is over, and it's just you and me, WWE employees, ALONE with one of the Superstars of RDCW, isn't there something you've wanted to do to King Snarf for a long time?

Tazz: As a matter of fact, 'Pole, there is...

A buzz goes through the audience as Tazz gets right up in King Snarf's face. The two stare down each other for many moments, until Tazz puts out his hand. Snarf accepts the gesture and the two shake heartily to the approval of the audience!

'Pole: What the hell are you doing?

Tazz: You might not agree with what he says, but Snarf has every right to say it. In fact, he made some good points, just as you made some good points. That's the great thing about this country; two people can have two different opinions and neither is necessarily wrong! The crowd chants "U.S.A.!" and cheers The fact is I respect King Snarf! More cheers! But, now that you mention it, there IS someone who I've wanted to get my hands on for some time...

The crowd buzzes again as King Snarf and Tazz both step toward 'Pole, who steps back. However, it's cut short as Tazz is hit from behind by a steel chair! Scheme Gene Okerlund himself snuck into the ring, and he and 'Pole begin to put the boots to Tazz! Snarf goes to intervene, but none other than Fat Retard and Llarry “The Queen” Llawler jumps him from behind!

Monroe: My god, it's a damn ambush!!

Marcum: Have Retard and the Queen been actually working for Vince all this time?!?

Monroe: They probably just missed their medication, but the fact is it's clear that the little queer with the frosted hair had this planned all along! He probably intended it to be a 5-on-1 assault, but he hadn't counted on Tazz's integrity!

Marcum: A lot of good integrity's doing him now! Look!

In the ring, the onslaught continues, with chair shots and kicks to the two helpless wrestlers.

Monroe: Okay, I've had enough of this!

Monroe makes moves to get up!

Marcum: What are you doing??

Monroe: I'm gonna go down there and see if I can't even up the odds a bit!

Marcum: Oh, what the hell! Wait for me!

The crowd roars with approval as Mike the Mouth Monroe and Madman Marcum charge the ring! They enter and set their sights on their counterparts, Fat Retard and the Queen! Monroe grabs Retard and throws him into the corner and punches him square in the mush! The crowd goes BANANA! Marcum delivers a kick to the groin on the Queen, and follows that up with a knee to the face! The crowd goes absolutely NUT! However, they've forgotten about 'Pole and Scheme Gene! 'Pole delivers a low blow from behind on Monroe (ew), while Scheme Gene hits a chair shot on Marcum. The Queen and Fat Retard have regained their wind and are aiding in the assault on the valiant announcers. However, only the crowd notices that King Snarf has gotten back to his feet! The Queen turns, and goes down to a vicious punch! Fat Retard tries to attack Snarf, but he too goes down! Gene and 'Pole try a double team, but Snarf switches off punches between the two, before knocking both their head together! The crowd goes wild! The Queen tries once more to charge King Snarf, but he dodges and throws him out of the ring. He then goes to Fat Retard who soon joins his announce partner on the arena floor! Snarf then grabs Gene and that makes 3! Marcum and Monroe soon regain their feet, and they along with Snarf look on as 'Pole slowly regains his senses. He turns to see three angry RDCW employees who start on him menacingly. A dark stain appears on 'Pole's pants, who backs up. However, he doesn't notice that someone's standing right behind him. He's backed up into an angry Tazz! With fear in his eyes, 'Pole turns to his angry colleague, perhaps to try and explain himself. It's for naught, however, as Tazz quickly delivers a belly-to-belly Tazzplex! 'Pole tries to crawl out of the ring, but Tazz grabs him by the hair and drags him to his feet. He stops for a moment, and looks to the crowd, perhaps for a suggestion. A roaring chant of "Choke him out!" comes forth! Tazz smiles and quickly slaps on the Tazzmission! 'Pole flops about, flailing his arms wildly, but to no avail! He taps, but Tazz refuses to release. 'Pole stops moving; he's been choked out! Tazz stands up and together with Snarf, Marcum, and Monroe, gather around the still form of 'Pole. They all face the audience, Monroe raises Snarf's hand, and Marcum raises Tazz's, as the crowd cheers heartily! Victorious, the four exit the ring to thunderous applause!

Darth vs. Mandy Shortone with The Cock

Mandy Shortone and the Cock come out to the ring first. They just begin posing in the ring when the lights go out, replaced by a red glow. The Imperial March starts up, and Darth rises from beneath the stage. As he makes his way to the ring, the Cock gives Mandy advice. When Darth reaches the ring steps, the Cock quickly slips out of the ring.

Mandy: Hey! Where are you going?

The Cock: Don't worry Mandy, the Cock has taught you everything you need to know! Now the Cock has to get back to his millions...and millions of fans who would not know what to do with themselves if the Cock was injured in this match.

Monroe: Did I hear that right? The Cock is worried about his fans?

Marcum: He has fans? What a cocky son of a bitch!

Mandy quickly turns to face Darth, and after a moment, dares to give him a chop across his chest. Darth just stands there. Mandy gives him another chop. Mandy then grabs Darth's arm, and move to whip him into the corner, but Darth counters the move, it's Mandy who is sent into the corner ropes. Darth runs at him, but Mandy manages to stop him with a low blow. This gets a loud boo from the crowd. Mandy tries to take advantage, jumping up to hit the MKO, but he botches the move, completely missing Darth and falling hard to the mat.

Monroe: How did he miss that move!?

Marcum: He's clearly short one...

Mandy gets back to his feet, and walks right into Darth's outstretched hand. Darth quickly lifts him up and delivers a Sabre Slam. However, before Darth can go for the pin, the Cock runs down the ramp pulls the ref out of the ring, knocking him out in the process. The Cock then slides into the ring. Darth turns to face him, but the Cock catches him with the Cock Sucker. The Cock then stands over Darth and throws his shades into the crowd.

Monroe: Buhgawd! We're about to see the-

Marcum: That's gotta hurt!

After delivering a hard knee for a low blow to the Cock, Darth quickly returns to his feet and lifts the Cock up and into the Sabre Stretch. After a few minutes, Darth completes the Darkside Slam on the Cock. He then lifts Mandy into a Sabre Stretch, and completes a Darkside Slam on him as well. With enough time to recover, the ref gets back in the ring, and Darth covers Mandy for the victory as the crowd cheers him on.

Joe Mama vs John Semen

John Semen steps onto the ramp and waits for his music to start, spinning the disk on his title belt and generally pretending to be a real rapper. But instead of his latest single, Louie Bastardo’s voice pipes over the CheeseDome speakers.

LB: No, John SELLOUT! You haven’t earned the right to play your poor excuse for hip- hop! But my Enforcer – and the RDCW’s Inter-Cunt-Inental Champion – picked a song that’s more your speed! Win the match, and play your single…but we all know that ISN’T gonna happen!

John Semen throws a tantrum as Bob Seger’s “Beautiful Loser” plays. After the song cycles through, “Faded” blasts over the speakers and, as the crowd erupts, Joe Mama walks down the ramp. John Semen is screaming to him to get in the ring, but Joe Mama takes his sweet time to enjoy the fans’ adoration. He enters the ring, holds up the Inter-Cunt-Inental Title, and hands it to the ref. John takes some time to do his “wickee-wickee” ritual on his title before handing it to the ref as well. Then the bell sounds.

Joe Mama’s laid back, light-hearted demeanor gives way to the brutal, sadistic wrestler that RDCW fans have known for the last several months. They lock up, and John Semen gets a headlock in, but Joe Mama turns it into a belly-to-back suplex. After driving his fists into his opponent until the ref pills him off, Joe Mama takes a few moments to drive his foot into John Semen’s face and ribs before pulling him to his feet, Irish-whipping him into the ropes, and executing an Enforcer that causes the whole ring to shake. He stands up, turns to Billionaire Vince’s private box, and screams, “This is what a REAL wrestler does to one of your Sell Outs! Hope you like the show…’BOSS’!!!”

Monroe: What’s Joe Mama talking about? Why is he yelling at the WWE’s owner?

Madman: Maybe he’s trying to psyche him out before his own match. Maybe Joe Mama has a history with the WWE. I really don’t know.

John Semen takes advantage of the distracted opponent and ref and delivers a low blow to Joe Mama. He double over in pain and John starts working him over with fists and kicks. At one point, he knocks Joe Mama down and successfully hits him with his “Mary Palms Shuffle”. He goes for a pin, but Joe Mama kicks out after “one”. John Semen stands up with a look of frustration on his face and then exits the ring, grabs the Inter-Cunt-Inental Title, and re-enters. By this time Joe Mama’s made it to his feet and manages to duck the attempted attack. He sees John’s weapon of choice and stops the ref from calling the match.

Monroe: Oh God…John Semen’s just made the worst mistake of his life! If the ref had any mercy, he’d end this match right now!

Madman: John’s made his decision…let him deal with the consequences!

The crowd is hushed as Joe Mama stares at John Semen and says something to the ref. John’s eyes widen as the ref nods and steps out on the ring. The silence in the arena allows everyone to hear Joe Mama say, with no microphone:

JM: You want a Hardcore Match, John? You got it!!!

John Semen runs at Joe Mama to try and hit him with his own title, but Joe Mama drives his shoulder into John’s gut and delivers another Enforcer. The belt slides near the ropes, but Joe Mama ignores it. He’s too focused on driving punch after punch into his opponent’s face. Joe Mama rushes to the ropes and executes a Flying Tea Bag Slam. Another one, from the opposite corner. Two more from the other corners. John lays prone in the center of the ring but Joe Mama doesn’t cover him. Instead, he steps out of the ring, reaches under, and pulls out a table, which he sets up. Then he drags John Semen out of the ring and puts him on it. He re-enters the ring, heads to one of the corners, and hits a FIFTH Flying Tea Bag Slam, shattering the table in the process.

Madman: Joe Mama is sending a message to John Semen, Billionaire Vince, and everyone in this arena!

Monroe: Absolutely, Marcum! But has his message caused him to do more damage to himself?

Joe Mama stands up, holding his side. Although obviously in some pain, he has a huge grin on his face. He drags John Semen back into the ring and delivers one Brain Buster after another, the crowd counting each one. He stops at five, and then drapes his opponent across his shoulders. He turns to Billionaire Vince, screams “Remember THIS finisher, ‘BOSS’?”, and drives John Semen’s head into the mat with the East Coast Hammer. Finally, Joe Mama covers his opponent for the victory. He stands, looks at the sound booth, and nods. Somebody (Louie Bastardo?) plays “The Ecstasy Of Gold” as Joe Mama basks in the cheers from the crowd. Then he turns back to Vince, who has a look of rage - and recognition? – in his eyes, and grits his teeth as he drags a thumb across his neck. Joe Mama exits the ring and walks to the back, acknowledging the crowd as he goes.

Monroe: I think Joe Mama sent a very clear message to Billionaire Vince…but how do they know each other?

Madman: I’m getting to the bottom of this! This is the scoop of a lifetime!!!

PenWing vs. Crippled-H with Grand Wizard Dick Hair

"It's Time To Play The Gay-muh" starts playing and Crippled-H walks out, accompanied by Grand Wizard Dick Hair, who is carrying a bag. When they get to the ring, Crips grabs a mic.

Crips: PenWing, you did it. You beat Dick Hair. Now give yourself a nice pat on the back and get your ass out here!

Monroe: The Gay-muh is calling out the champ!

Marcum: I'm surprised he actually showed up!

Crips: Dick, give me the bag.

Dick Hair gives Crips the bag, and Crips pulls out a sledgehammer.

Crips: PenWing, you either come out here, or I go back there, with this!

"Strike It Up" starts playing and Meeko walks onto the stage.

Meeko: So you're finally ready to face PenWing?

Crips: That's right! And if he doesn't come out here right now, then I'm going to come up there, and use this on you!

Meeko: You won't need to do that, Crippled-H. PenWing isn't afraid to face you. In fact, he's looking forward to it. He just wants to make sure that he understands the rules of the match.

Crips: The rules of the match?

Meeko: You are the Gay-muh, right? Every game has its rules. I see you've got a sledgehammer in your hand, and you look like you want to use it, so what kind of rules are we talking here?

Crips looks over to Dick Hair, and they huddle for a few seconds.

Dick Hair: You're right, the champ wants to use that sledgehammer. So how about...no disqualification!

Meeko: No DQ?

Dick Hair: That's right, Meeko! No DQ!

Meeko: So, what you're saying is, SUDDEN (crowd joins in) DEATH RULES!

As the crowd chants with Meeko, PenWing climbs over the barrier and enters the ring. Crips and Dick Hair don't see him. He's holding a Sherwood in one hand, and mic in the other.

PenWing: If that's the way you wanna play it.

PenWing throws down the mic and delivers a British Columbia Two-Hander to Crips. Dick Hair quickly gets in front of PenWing and rakes his eye. He follows it up with a low blow, and PenWing drops to the mat.

Monroe: That is just low!

Meeko slides into the ring with a Sherwood in her hand, and breaks it on Dick Hair. Crips gets back to his feet, and Meeko slides out of the ring. Crips turns to PenWing, and helps him back up. He then whips him into the ropes and sticks out his leg to trip PenWing up on the rebound. Crips then begins to work on PenWing's leg. Not satisfied, Crips goes to pick up his sledgehammer. PenWing slides himself to the ropes, and when Crips turns around, PenWing slips out of the ring and falls to ground. Crips decides to turn his attention to Meeko. He exits the ring and starts walking slowly towards her.

Monroe: Oh no! Crippled-H is going after Meeko!

Marcum: Of course he is! His wife wears the pants in the family! This is how he feels like a “real man”!

As Crips nears Meeko, she starts running away from him. Crips runs after her, but when he turns the corner-

Monroe: BC Two-Hander! He never saw it coming!

Penwing picks up the sledgehammer and tosses it aside.

PenWing: Come on!

PenWing starts beating on the Gay-muh outside the ring. Dick Hair finally gets up and slips out of the ring. He picks up the sledgehammer and moves towards PenWing. Meeko jumps up onto the ring apron and runs towards Hair-

Monroe: Meeko-canrana!

PenWing helps Crips get back into the ring, and he slides in after him. Crips gives a kick to PenWing's leg, and chops him across the chest. PenWing returns the chop. They continue to trade chops until Crips grabs PenWing's arm and sends him into the ropes, but PenWing bounces back and as Crips sticks out his knee, PenWing jumps up for a spinning heal kick. Somehow, Crips manages to keep himself from completely falling to the mat. PenWing quickly runs up to him and delivers Sudden Death. PenWing then climbs the corner ropes and delivers the-

Moroe: High Holy-

Marcum: HOW?!? How did he do it?!?

Monroe: He's the champ!

Lothar counts to three and the crowd erupts as "Gonna Fly Now" blasts over the speakers.

Battle of the Icons: Grimm vs. the Hogster

The Hogster's loud eighties guitar rock blared as the Hogster, Jimmy Fart, and Brother Fruity made their way down to ringside. Once inside the ring, the Hogster immediately began going into his posing routine as Jimmy and Brother Fruity cheered him on. The Hogster reached up to rip off his T-shirt, but couldn't tear it. Brother Fruity and Jimmy reached up to help him and finally the Hogster's shirt came off as his flabby gut flopped out.

Then the CheeseDome went dark as "Return of the Living Dead" cued up and Grimm entered the arena. Motioning to the back, Grimm waited on the entranceway as he was joined by two Goth cowgirls who stood on either side of him. The trio made their way to ringside, laughing at the Hogster and his lackeys.

Once inside the ring, all parties gathered in the center as Lothar gave out the instructions. The Hogster walked over to a corner and told Jimmy and Brother Fruity to "Take care of the Hogster's light work, brothers."

As Jimmy Fart began screaming at the two girls from his megaphone, they looked at Grimm. Grimm motioned for the girls to go ahead and the two kicked Fart in the groin, doubling him over! They grabbed Fart and hit him with a double-DDT, knocking him to the mat!

Brother Fruity jumped in, but was intercepted by Grimm, who choke slammed him and pointed to the Hogster, cowering in the corner!

The Hogster made his way to the center of the ring and began punching Grimm. He poked Grimm in the eyes and raked his nails down Grimm's back!

Marcum: "A back rake?!? What kind of lame ass offense is that?"

Monroe: "The kind that Billionaire Vince and the Hogster tried to sell to people twenty years ago!"

The Hogster body slammed Grimm and started to bounce off of the ropes, but Grimm rolled out of the way of the elbow drop. Grimm got to his feet and began a series of running clotheslines, knocking the Hogster to the canvas!

Grimm picked the Hogster up and hit a Kobe Special before running his thumb along his throat, signaling the finish! Grimm prepared to finish, but the Hogster no sold Grimm's attempt to pick him up. The Hogster started shaking like he was having an epileptic fit! He looked up at Grimm and wagged his finger back and forth.

Monroe: "He's Hogging up!"

Marcum: "Hogging up the match!"

Grimm shrugged, looked at the fans, and hit the Hogster with a Crapping Wizard, knocking him on his ass! Grimm then picked up the Hogster and delivered three straight Triple 6 Bombs, knocking him into unconsciousness. Grimm made the pin as Lothar counted the Hogster out of the match!

"Return of the Living Dead" cued up again as Grimm's new friends joined him in the ring. The trio embraced and made their way to the back and the Dark Lords' locker room.


Interlude: Monroe and Marcum

Monroe: I’ve got just one question, Marcum! How can…

Madman: “How can the Hogster be watching the very match that the Hogster just wrestled in?” Is that your question, Mouth? I have no clue! But those two STILL look familiar!!!

Monroe: What are they doing here? What do they want???

Main Event: Rob Kamphausen vs Billionaire Vince

Monroe: Ladies and Gentlemen, we have reached our Main Event! RDCW’s Owner, Rob Kamphausen versus the CEO of WWE, Billionaire Vince!!!

Madman: Remember, folks, this is a street Fight-style match! The only stipulation is that NO ONE from EITHER roster can come anywhere near ringside! Anyone who violates this rule will cost his Boss the victory!

Monroe: And remember what’s at stake! It’s the entire RDCW put up against Billionaire Vince’s money and a weekend with his Divas! Let’s get to ringside!!!

Billionaire Vince’s entrance music plays as the WWE’s CEO struts to ringside like a man who has already won his match (or has something large stuck up his arse). He enters the ring, points at everyone and bellows “YOU’RE FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRED!!”

Rob's Killer Instinct Theme Music plays and the crowd shoot to its feet! Out walks the man with the money behind the greatest promotion in wrestling today! He pauses at the head of the ramp and takes a moment to enjoy the fanfare He points to Vince and then points to his groin.

Monroe: Shades of Raul Mondesi to the Red Sox fans in Fenway’s right field seats!

Madman: Gah-DAMN I’m excited!!! Go get ‘im, BOSS!!!



Rob walks to the ring. The ref has to move Vince back to allow Rob entry…into the ring, that is. Rob stands at each corner and points at the fans, who get even louder – if that’s possible! Then the ref motions for the bell and the match gets underway!

Billionaire Vince gets the early advantage, turning a collar and elbow tie-up into a headlock. As he tightens his grip on Rob’s…head…he calls out (to no one in particular), “I’m a genetic jackhammer!!!” He lets the grip go, allows Rob to face him, and then slaps Rob in the face, screaming “YOU’RE FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRED!!!” Rob responds by driving fists into Vince’s gut, backing him into a corner, and deliver chop after stinging chop to Vince’s chest!

Crowd: !!!

Vince manages to get out of the corner and deliver a clothesline to Rob, knocking him to the mat. Vince drives an elbow into Rob’s chest and tries for a pin, which Rob quickly kicks out of. Vince picks him up and Irish whips him into the ropes, trying for (but missing) a big boot. Rob ducks it, but gets hit with another clothesline. Another pin is quickly kicked out of. As Rob gets to his knees, Vince starts posing for the booing crowd. But Vince’s arrogant expression is replaced by a look of shock and pain. His face goes gray as Rob locks in…

Madman: It’s the HAND OF GOB!!! THE RIGHT HAND OF GOB!!!

Sure enough, Rob has locked Vince’s “genetic jackhammer” in a Killer Claw that would do Killer Kowalski proud. Vince tries to free himself from the terrible grip without actually moving. His eyes fill with tears and he is whimpering as Rob stands up.

Rob: Tap out, or I’ll twist my wrist!

BV: (high-pitched whimpering)

Madman: It looks like Vince won’t be doing much genetic jack hammering for a while!!!

Monroe: Waitaminnit! What’re those two idiots in the crowd doing???

The two familiar looking men jump into the ring area. With some difficulty, they enter the ring and hit both promotion owners, causing Rob to break the hold. The ref is trying to sort things out as the two men scramble to get a mic.

Monroe: It’s the HUCKSTER AND THE NACHO MAN!!!

Madman: FUCKING WHO???

Monroe: Remember Billionaire Vince’s botched parody angle? Back when he was obsessed with Hillbilly Championship Wrasslin’?

Madman: Those wrasslers were REAL???

Monroe: Apparently so.

The Huckster and The Nacho Man stand in the ring.

H: Brutherrrrrrrrrr…we haven’t worked in over ten years!

NM: Oooooh YEAH!!!

H: We sold out to Vince and got tossed aside when he was done with us!

NM: Diggit!!!

H: I’ve eaten so much Slim Jim that I’ve stopped having solid bowel movements!

HM: Snap into it!!!

H: So we’re gonna take out our revenge on Billionaire Vince! And, when we’re done, Rob is gonna hire us – or we’ll kick his butt!

NM: Will work for food, brother! YEAH!!!

The pair moves to attack Vince, but the Huckster seems to have a heart attack. It becomes clear that it’s just heartburn from the Slim Jims, but it staggers the big guy. As he drops to one knee, Rob delivers a Crapping Wizard to the Huckster! The Nacho Man tries to surprise Rob, but falls prey to an Enforcer! Rob tosses both men out of the ring, where security drags them away…

NM: SNAP INTO IT!!!

H: Please hire us!!! We’ll clean toilets!!!

Rob waves goodbye to the men. Vince tries to use the distraction to hit another clothesline, but Rob locks in the HAND OF GOB(!!!) again, eventually turning it into a body slam. As Vince writhes in pain on the mat, Rob runs at the ropes, bounces off, and hits Vince with a BIG LEGDROP!!! Rob goes for the pin.

REF: 1…

Monroe: Rob’s gonna win!!!

REF: 2…

Madman: Dammit, I knew he would!!! I KNEW HE’D WIN!!!

REF: 3!!!

Rob Kamphausen has won the match!!! The entire RDCW roster streams out to the ring. As the ref helps Billionaire Vince out of the ring, the roster enters and both Grimm and PenWing lift Rob onto their shoulders! Rob's Killer Instinct Theme Music plays as the crowd and the wrestlers celebrate. Rob is moved onto the shoulders of Joe Mama and Captain Sammitch, then onto Nowhereman and Darth! Chris Oakley and King Snarf high-five and then run out of the ring, up the ramp, and to the back. When they return, they’ve got all the WWE Divas with them. The wrestlers part, creating a path for the ladies to enter the ring. They surround Rob and every RDCW faction’s manager approaches Rob with larges suitcases marked “BV”. Everyone knows what’s in those suitcases – Rob opens one, looks around smiling, and nods. The wrestlers erupt with cheers!

Monroe: Ladies and Gentlemen, it has been an AMAZING INVADED!!! PPV! We want to thank you for tuning in!

Madman: Enough talk, Monroe! Let’s get in there and CELEBRATE!!!

The announcers leave their broadcast positions and enter the ring to join the party as INVADED!!! ends.

Now that's what I call a recap!!