It's time for my last annual summer movie preview. Slap on some sun block and enjoy, ya cock-rubbers!
KICKING AND SCREAMING – Will Ferrell plays the coach of a kiddie soccer team. Isn’t it a tad early in his career to be stealing from Rodney Dangerfield?*
STAR WARS: REVENGE OF THE SITH – If it’s anything like the last 2.5 STAR WARS movies, it’ll be a giant mound of shith.
CINDERELLA MAN – Russell Crowe plays the title pugilist. Is he called that because he has a glass jaw? I can’t wait to not find out!
BATMAN RETURNS – INSOMNIA director Christopher Nolan takes over the Batman franchise. I’m sleepy already!
FUN WITH DICK AND JANE – Jim Carrey and Tea Leoni star as a bank robbing couple who take the fun out of movie-going!
HERBIE: FULLY LOADED – Which is what I’ll need to be to sit through a re-make of THE LOVE BUG. Holla!
FANTASTIC FOUR – From the director of BARBERSHOP. Awwww, no he didn’t!
WAR OF THE WORLDS – Look out, computer generated effects are attacking America's favorite Scientologist!
BEWITCHED – If anyone can fuck up a Will Ferrell comedy, it’s Nora Ephron!
CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY – Fans of the original need not worry: Tim Burton left in the Oompah Loompahs AND the reveal of the Statue of Liberty at the end. Gloop!
THE DUKES OF HAZARD – Finally the phrase "Check out Jessica Simpson’s ass!" is not a reference to Nick Lachey.
*LADYBUGS!
