Ever go into a restaurant and order up some food.



Chinese dude would be in there.
and when he leave you do like this:



Everybody makes fun of chinese when
they order some food up and shit.



And they're nice guys, be all courteous and shit.



Your friends and shit be laughing.



And he look out the back and say:
"The food is coming right up."



He be in the back watching us:
"Very funny. Very funny."



"Make a special Won-Ton soup for him..."



I wonder if they have,
like a McDonald's in China ?



Chinese people would be walking and say:
"Give me a Big Mac and a strawberry shake,
a large order fry and a cherry pie."



And dude say: "Big Mac, strawberry shake, large
order fry and a cherry pie, coming right up."



That's a fucked up language too, chinese.
Hard to learn.



I wanna learn to speak spanish.
That's the shit.



You know what I'd really want to speak?
I'd like to learn how to speak french,
'cos that's some cool shit, french.



You can say "I gotta shit" in french
and it would sound good:



Just sounds good.



I don't like that shit that arabic. That the motherfuckers
be speaking in the - . That shit's fucked for me.



It sounds nasty and shit, would be getting like:



That's a word in arabic:
That means some shit to them !



"Could I have a hamburger cheese roll?"



"Never mind, man."



"I don't want no hakana
on my bread, motherfucker !"



Spanish language.



You know why I want to learn how to speak
spanish? Coz I was always a Ricky Ricardo buff.



When he would get mad of Lucy and be saying:



I'd say: "Go on Ricky curse the bitch out."



Ricky would lose his mind. Ricky was cool and shit.



For the fifties Desi Arnaz, Ricky
Ricardo was a cool motherfucker.



He had his baggies on, pointed shoes, in the club
Babaloo and shit.



Remember that shit?



You be sittin' there like this:



He had a cool ass laugh too, it was like:



"It's justa ridiculous !"



"Hey, Fred ! How would you like
to fuck me up the ass ?"



TV is all screwed...
Any kids here ?



I mean, little kids.
I don't like you bringing those kids down here.



How old are you, man ?
How old ?



? Oh, you're gonna be fucked up
when you leave.



"Dad ! What's a dick, what is that ?"



How old is the other girl, over there ?



Oh, y'all fucked up now !



Y'all thought I would be going like this:



You didn't know I'd be saying: "A dick this big !"



The kid's gonna be waking up and:
"A negro's dick's coming to get me mom !"



I'mma tell you all a joke you can tell in school,
all right, 'cos I've been telling this dirty stuff.



Here's a little joke...
Y'all can listen to it too.



I know lots of times people seen my show then go to
work and try to tell and fuck my jokes up on the job and shit.



"...and then he said guni gugu !"



"And he had a G.I. Joe up his ass!"



"Hey, I'm Mr. T, I'll rip
your cock off with my ass !"



And dude be standing all:
"Yeah, very funny shit, right..."



Here's a joke you can tell at school,
when school starts.



Everybody be quiet now.
Are you listening guys ?



A bear and a rabbit
are takin' a shit in the woods.



And the bear turns to the rabbit and says: "Excuse me,
you have problems with shit sticking to your fur ?"



And the rabbit says: "No."



So the bear wiped his ass with the rabbit.



I like that joke.



Oh, shit !
Anybody got cable ?



I've been watching a lot of cable lately 'cos I'm
so mad with it. Only good TV show now is Star Trek.



That's some good shit !



I like Captain Kirk, 'cos Captain Kirk
will fuck anybody !



I've seen him beamed down on a planet-
ever seen that when he's fucked this dream bitch?



You gotta be a horny motherfucker
to fuck a dream bitch !



I mean, I'm no racist, but if the bitch is green
there's something wrong with the pussy!



He'll be fucking a mutant and:



Ship be gettin' all fucked up. Mr Scott, I like him
he made me laugh, he's never cool and shit.



He's the opposite of Spock.
The ship be all fucked up and Mr. Scott say:



"Captain, my ship can't take much more
of this sir. She's about to blow !"



"Let Spock handle it."



And Spock say: "Mr Scott, why don't you take
the phasers and point them at the dylithium crystals



and point them phasers at them
and then use the power from the phasers



to regenerate the dylithium crystals
and we can get out on the impulse power."



"Mr Spock ! It just might wax it !"



"The shit worked last week, motherfucker !"



I got fed up with TV and shit,
coz I seen all the Star Treks.



I start watching cable.



I was watching Poltergeist last month.



I got a question.



Why don't white people just leave the house
when there's a ghost in the house ?



Y'all stay in the house too fuckin' long.
Get the fuck out of the house !



Very simple: If there's a ghost
in the house, get the fuck out !



And not only did they stay in the house
with the poltergeist, they invite more people over !



Sitting around going: "Our daughter Carroll-Ann's
in the television set."



I would have been gone.



If I had a daughter, went down to the precinct and say



"Look man, I went home my fucking daughter's in the
t.v. set and I just fucking left."



You can have all this, I ain't going back
to the motherfucker.



I just came down so when she ain't at the school
you don't think I killed the bitch or anything like that.



But she is inside the tv set you can have
all that shit. Thank you.



"Mr. Murphy didn't you try to save your daughter?"



Yeah, I'm a man, see I tried to save her



I turned the channels the shit didn't work.
I got the fuck out.



The kid was only years old in the movie,
they couldn't have been to attached to her.



In the amityville horror the ghost
told them to get out of the house.



White people stayed in there. Now that's a hint
and a half for your ass.



A ghost say get the fuck out, I
would just tip the fuck out the door!



Lou Walker looked in the toilet bowl, the're was
blood in the toilet.



And said, "That's peculiar."



I would 've been in the house saying:
"Oh baby this is beautiful."



"We got a chandelier hanging up here, kids
outside playing. Its a beautiful neighbourhood."



"We ain't got nuttin to worry,
I really love it this is really nice."



"GET OUT !"
"Too bad we can't stay, baby !"



You know, I wanna say something.



I think maybe like 30 years ago there was a woman
that wanted to sing, a black lady wanted to sing opera...



What was her name ?



Mary Anderson? And this place was like
segregated and she couldn't sing here.



And she couldn't sing in the place.
And here we are, like not even 50 years later,



A 22 year old black male
on stage getting paid to hold his dick.



God bless America ! I gotta go now.
Y'all take it easy, bye bye !

Snarf is shit. His death will be rejoiced!