Dear Friends and Family,
We have gathered today to mourn the loss of Theo's dick. Many will remember Theo's dick, back in its prime. Powerful, strong of will, got along with ladies as well as men. But now unfortunatley the Good Lord has decided that he needs Theo's dick now, up in Heaven. So let us not bereave at this loss, but be joyus! For Theo's dick is in better hands now than it ever was here on Earth.
Amen.
