We see Chris standing at the doorway of the Bond Brigade dressing room,wearing combat fatigue pants and a "SCREW XPW" T-shirt.He's holding a mic in one hand and an RDCW superstars group portrait in the other.
Well,folks,tonight I'm taking to the ring for what may be the most important match of my career.I'll be facing XPW's world heavyweight champion,Darien Irons,in a bout that for sheer brutality promises to top even my ladder match with the Captain of Outer Space at Robblemania XX.You're probably wondering why I'm putting myself through this torture,why I've agreed to take this match to wrestle for the heavyweight crown of a federation I've said over and over again I don't want to be part of.There's a lot of reasons...
Chris picks up his "Bond Brigade" baseball cap and puts it on.
For one thing,I want to prove that my stints as RDCW hardcore and IC champion weren't a fluke.For another,I'd love to wipe that smug smirk of Rob Hasnoclue's face.But the most important reason?
Holds up the RDCW superstars group photo.
These guys.When Rob Blackandblue and his XPW goon squad showed up at last week's "Havoc",they basically perpetrated an attack on RDCW's honor and I just can't let that go.So I'm making it my business to give Darien Irons the ass-whipping he so richly deserves.When I ram his swollen,arrogant head into the ringpost,I'll be doing it for SD-6.When I suplex him through the table,I'll be doing it on behalf of the Company.When I kick his teeth in with the Kill 'Em All,I'll be thinking of the Dark Lords and the Anibabes...
INSANELY loud pops from the crowd;elsewhere in the backstage area,the rest of the RDCW roster is listening in admiration to Chris' passionate declaration of devotion to RDCW.Madman Marcum just stares at the Cheese-O-Tron,for once having nothing to say.
When I drill him with the Full Metal Jacket,it'll be in the name of the Allied Powers,Team GOP,the Liberal Conspiracy,the Bastardo Family,the Bible Babes,Two-Ton Tommy and Nuriko.When I clamp the Snuff the Rooster on him,I'll be applying it for the sake of Spandex Monkey Man and Los Monstros Azules.When the match is over,and I've beaten "Big Joke" Darien Irons for his XPW world title,I'll take the belt to the Divas and tell them:"This is as much your championship as it is mine."And then I'm going to find Ian Bond,Louie Bastardo,Insane Liberal,Sweet Willie Williams,Terri Savitz,Meeko,Grace,and Brian Owlmouth and bring them with me down to XPW headquarters so we can all have the pleasure of laughing in Rob Blackandblue's face over the fact that we destroyed his penny-ante fed's biggest star.
The loudest pops from the crowd yet.Back in the locker room,RDCW superstars are high-fiving one another in anticipation of Darien Irons' imminent destruction;Fat Retard and Llarry "The Queen" Llawler are going around the backstage area interviewing various RDCW stars and officials for their reaction to Chris' speech.Camera then fades back to Madman Marcum and Mike "The Mouth" Monroe at ringside.
MARCUM:Wow.I just...I don't know what to say.
MONROE:I do--KICK HIS ASS,OAKLEY!TEACH THAT BROOKLYN SON-OF-A-BITCH THAT NOBODY SCREWS WITH RDCW AND GETS AWAY WITH IT!
