Eurotrash/Inter-Cunt-Inental Unification Match: Nowhereman vs Joe Mama
“Faded” played as Joe Mama, with a grim, serious look on his face, walked down the ramp to the ring. The crowd was divided between support and derision, but the Inter-Cunt-Inental Champion paid to attention to the fans. He entered the ring, removed his title belt from around his waist, and held it in front of him, just staring at it for a few moments before finally relinquishing it to the referee. Then he stepped back from the center of the ring and waited for his opponent to arrive.
Monroe: It’s obvious that Joe Mama knows that he’s got a lot on the line tonight. And his opponent is one of wrestling’s elite.
Madman: Take a look in his eyes, Monroe. No one has as much intensity as the Family’s Enforcer! Nowhereman may be the bigger dog in this fight, but Joe Mama has proven that he has the will to win!
“Creeping Death” finally started. Joe Mama glanced all around him until he finally saw Nowhereman walking down the ramp, dragging the Eurotrash belt behind him and spewing obscenities at him. Nowhereman entered the ring and tossed his title to the ref while stepping right in front of Joe Mama and continuing the tirade. Joe Mama seemed to be quietly taking the verbal abuse, glaring into his opponent’s face the whole time. Finally, Nowhereman slapped Joe Mama in the face, screamed “I made you and I’ll break you, CUNT!”, and stepped back to flash a two-finger salute.
Madman: Nowhereman’s making it clear that he has no regard for either title or his opponent!
Monroe: But why is Joe Mama just taking it? Could Nowhereman actually be intimidating him?
Madman: I’ve gotta believe that he’s storing his rage, waiting for the bell to ring!
The bell sounded and, uncharacteristic for both competitors, the pair slowly circled each other. Neither man seemed willing to make the first move in this match. Nowhereman continued to berate Joe Mama, who stayed silent. Finally they locked up, with Nowhereman getting the first advantage by way of a headlock that he used to hold Joe Mama while driving punches into his face. Joe Mama was able to lift Nowhereman and deliver a belly-to-back suplex, but Nowhereman kept the hold locked in. The two manage to their feet and Nowhereman Irish whipped Joe Mama into the ropes. Nowhereman tried for a Cunt-Fu Kick, but Joe Mama ducked under the big boot, swept Nowhereman’s other foot out from under him, and tried to lock in the Joe Mama-Lock. Nowhereman struggled against it, eventually getting hold of the ropes and forcing his opponent to break the hold. As Nowhereman stood Joe Mama motions “by that much”.
Madman: Joe Mama’s definitely in the game, Monroe!
Monroe: We’re getting treated to a hell of a match!
The pair prepared to lock up again, but Joe Mama drove a knee into Nowhereman’s gut and proceeded to work on the back of his head with closed fists. Joe Mama flung Nowhereman into a corner and then hit him with a running clothesline. After an eight count’s worth of driving Nowhereman’s head into the top turnbuckle, Joe Mama set up a standing suplex – maybe a Brain Buster for a quick win? But he wasn’t able to complete the move because Nowhereman clamped a hand on his throat. Nowhereman dropped to his feet and delivered a Fuck Off Slam, driving Joe Mama to the mat. Then Nowhereman flipped Joe Mama to his stomach and locked in a Cuntface Crippler.
Monroe: Folks, we may be seeing the end of this match! Nowhereman has his finisher locked in tight!
Madman: Joe Mama has never tapped out to anyone! He’s got too much fight in him!
Joe Mama crawled towards the ropes, but Nowhereman pulled him back away and stopped any more attempts to reach the ropes. But Joe Mama was able to get to his hands and knees and execute a basic Greco-Roman sit-out and shoulder roll to get a quick pinning combination. Nowhereman kicked out of it and was the first to his feet. He started to work over Joe Mama with punches and kicks, eventually hitting a few Fucking Cuntlines. Nowhereman set Joe Mama up for a Poof Smasher but, as he brought his opponent up to drive him back to the mat, Joe Mama assaulted him with more closed fists. Nowhereman fell to his back, but the momentum caused Joe Mama to stumble forward, falling through the ropes and to the ring floor.
As Joe Mama got to his feet, Nowhereman met him outside the ring. The two competitors traded punches and Nowhereman Irish whipped Joe Mama into the ring stairs. As Joe Mama stumbled forward, Nowhereman went for a Fucking Cuntline but Joe Mama was able to turn it into an Enforcer. Before the ref could count to ten, Joe Mama rolled into the ring, then quickly rolled back out and started hammering Nowhereman with his fists. Joe Mama lifted Nowhereman to his feet and drove his back into the ring steps three times. Nowhereman raked Joe Mama’s eyes, rolled him into the ring and then entered the ring himself.
Back in the ring, Nowhereman and Joe Mama continued to brawl. Joe Mama gained the upper hand, Irish whipping Nowhereman into the ropes, hitting another Enforcer, and applying the Joe Mama-Lock in the center of the ring. Nowhereman tried to crawl to the ropes but, with Joe Mama’s knee planted in the back of his neck, he wasn’t going anywhere. Somehow, though, Nowhereman was able to power out of the hold, breaking Joe Mama’s grip on his legs. Joe Mama pulled Nowhereman to his feet again, but Nowhereman drove a knee into his gut and set up what looked to be an East Coast Hammer.
Monroe: Nowhereman’s using Joe Mama’s own finisher on him!
Madman: Nooooooooooo!!!
Joe Mama broke the set up, landing on his feet. Nowhereman was about to hit another clothesline, but Joe Mama clamped a hand on Nowhereman’s trachea.
Madman: Joe Mama’s gonna hit a Fuck Off Slam!!!
Monroe: Don’t be so sure, Marcum!
Nowhereman grabbed a rope, which kept Joe Mama from lifting him for the big choke slam, and whipped him into the ropes. But Joe Mama kept a grip on the ropes as Nowhereman ran in for another clothesline, drove a shoulder into Nowhereman’s gut and, as Nowhereman stumbled back, grabbed his head, set him up, and hit the Brain Buster. Joe Mama rushed to a ring corner and hit a Flying Tea Bag Slam. Finally, Joe Mama hooked a leg and the ref counted the pinfall.
Madman: Yes!!! Yes!!! YES!!! Joe Mama won again!!!!
Monroe: What an incredible match! These guys gave heart and soul to this match and to this crowd!
Madman: We have our NEW Euro-Cunt-Inental Champion! What a match! What a victory!!!
Monroe: I have a feeling that we’ll be seeing a rematch! And I’m looking forward to it!
“Faded” played as the ref raised Joe Mama’s arm in victory. Joe Mama could barely get to his knees, much less his feet, so the ref draped a title over each shoulder and helped him to his feet. Joe Mama leaned against a corner and raised the titles to a surprisingly appreciative crowd. He turned around to see Nowhereman stand and face him. Nowhereman gave Joe Mama a two-finger salute and said, “Cunt!” Joe Mama smiled back, flipped Nowhereman the bird, and said “Fag!” Nowhereman pointed to him and said, “You better have something in the tank for The Reunion, Papa Joe!” to which Joe Mama replied, “You know I will, Boss!” Nowhereman left the ring and, after a little more celebration, Joe Mama followed suit.
Heavyweight Cheese Championship: PenWing (Champ) vs. King Snarf
"When It All Goes Wrong Again" blasts over the speakers as King Snarf makes his way to the ring, ladder at hand. Snarf brings the ladder into the ring and leans it against the corner ropes. "Gonna Fly Now" hits, and the fans roar to their feet as the Big Cheese Champ, PenWing, makes his way to the ring, Sherwood held high. PenWing hands the Sherwood to a kid reaching over the barrier, and enters the ring. He raises the Big Cheese belt for the crowd, and hands it to Lothar, who places it on the hook and signals for the belt to be raised. Before the bell rings, Snarf, who quietly moved near the ladder, takes it, and swings it into PenWing.
Monroe: Snarf is wasting no time in his attempt to win the Big Cheese belt back from PenWing!
Marcum: Win it back? Snarf is defending HIS title!
Snarf lays the ladder over PenWing and climbs the corner turnbuckle. He jumps off to execute the Wildsault, but PenWing manages to get out from under the ladder, and Snarf is the only one to feel the effects of the devastating move. PenWing pulls Snarf to his feet, and quickly whips him into the corner ropes. He then picks up the ladder, and runs at Snarf to spear him. But Snarf gets out of the way, and as the ladder gets tangled in the ropes, Snarf hits PenWing with a running clothesline, sending him hard to the mat. Wasting no time, Snarf hits PenWing with a Bastardbomb, onto the ladder. He then rolls out of the ring, and reaches under to pull out a new ladder.
Marcum: Snarf is getting down the business tonight! All he has to do is set up that ladder, and he will have successfully defended his title!
Monroe: Don't count the champ out until the match is won.
Snarf sets the ladder up inside the ring and begins to climb. When he's almost near the top, PenWing finally stirs, and looks up to see Snarf getting ready to reach for the belt. PenWing uses the ladder Snarf is on to help get himself back his feet. This causes the ladder to shake a bit, and Snarf almost loses his balance. Looking down, Snarf yells to PenWing, who is picking up the other ladder.
Snarf: It's too late, Pinkywinky!
PenWing holds the ladder horizontally in front of him, and rams it into Snarf's ladder, knocking it over, and sending Snarf flying to the ground outside the ring. PenWing then sets up the ladder he is holding next to the ropes.
Marcum: What is he doing?
PenWing climbs the ladder, and leaps off of it, hitting Snarf with the High Holy Howe outside the ring.
Monroe: Buhgawd! They're both insane!
After a few moments, the two begin to stir. PenWing gets to his feet first, but Snarf isn't far behind, and he sneaks up to him to lock in the Headlock. PenWing struggles, but he can't break out.
Marcum: Once PenWing passes out, it will be nothing for Snarf to climb up and reclaim his title!
PenWing manages pull Snarf so they are facing the ring. He then uses the ring apron to help as he flips himself over Snarf, breaking the hold, and landing on his feet behind him. PenWing then dropkicks Snarf into the apron.
Monroe: PenWing broke the Headlock! Again!
PenWing climbs into the ring, and quickly sets up the other ladder underneath the belt. As PenWing begins to climb, Snarf gets back in the ring, and starts climbing the other side of the ladder. They reach the top at the same time, and begin trading blows. Snarf disorients PenWing with a quick punch to the stomach, and begins setting him up for the Bastardbomb. However, when Snarf lifts PenWing up, PenWing somehow manages to take control of the momentum, and he pulls Snarf off the ladder with him. Both wrestlers fall hard to the mat. This time, when they get back to their feet, they just start punching each other. Snarf grabs PenWing's arm, swinging him into an Irish Whip, but PenWing reverses it, and whips Snarf into the ladder, still set up along the ropes. Snarf bounces off of it, stunned, and PenWing hits him with Sudden Death. Not done, PenWing closes the ladder, and drops it on top of Snarf. He then resets the other ladder over Snarf, and begins to climb.
Monroe: Snarf is trapped!
Marcum: That's fucked up! That ain't right!
PenWing reaches the top, and grabs the Heavyweight Cheese Championship title. He then drops to the ground as Lother signals the bell. "Gonna Fly Now" blasts over the speakers, and SD-6 runs out to celebrate with the champ as Trippin' Tuesday comes to a close
