Donkey Lovin' Tag Titles Trios Match
"Lets Get It Started" blasts over the speakers as Captain Sammitch, Meeko, and PenWing, make their way to the ring. The crowd's cheers quickly give way to boos as "Ecstacy Of Gold" plays, and King Snarf, Louie Bastardo, and Joe Mama walk to the ring.
Monroe: Here we go, folks! This is a Trios match. To win, both wrestlers of one team must be pinned, or the team captain, in this case, one of the managers, must be pinned! And the managers can't interfere in the match!
Marcum: It's just like SD-6 to put Meeko in harm's way!
Monroe: Madman, SD-6 denies making the stipulation! They said the Family wanted this!
Marcum: They're lying! Joe Mama clearly stated that the Family had nothing to do with this stipulation!
Monroe: Then who did?
PenWing and King Snarf start off the match. Snarf quickly tries to take control early with a few technical holds and quick roll-up attempts, but PenWing counters with some throws, and eventually whips Snarf into the ropes. Snarf grabs them, stopping his momentum, and PenWing clotheslines him out of the ring. Joe Mama quickly climbs the corner ropes and flies at PenWing with a forearm, sending both wrestlers to the mat. Lothar counts two and PenWing kicks out.
Marcum: PenWing forgot Trios rules! No tags! I love it!
Joe Mama starts going to work on PenWing. He fires off a series of punches and chops, but seems to be measuring up his opponent as he does it. PenWing is forced back into the ropes, where Joe Mama Irish whips him and tries for a quick Enforcer. But PenWing is able to grasp the ropes and halt his momentum. The two wrestlers smile, giving each other the respect that two Champions deserve. Joe Mama motions PenWing to 'bring it on' and PenWing is about to comply, but Meeko's cries outside the ring get PenWing’s attention. PenWing, seeing King Snarf trying to get his hands on Meeko, steps out of the ring and moves to intercept the former Heavyweight Cheese Champion. The smile is gone from Joe Mama's as he moves to follow PenWing, but Captain Sammitch slips into the ring and catches Joe Mama with a belly-to-back Sammitch Suplex. Joe Mama's momentum allows him to continue the roll, eventually ending back on his feet.
Marcum: Bad move by Sammitch, trying to interfere! He's gonna pay for that!
Monroe: What are you talking about? There is NO interference!
Marcum: All I know is Joe Mama and PenWing were about to give these fans the fight they came to see. Joe Mama is about to work his frustration out on Sammitch! I hope SD-6 reserved a hospital bed!
Joe Mama tries to lock up with Sammitch, but he slides under Joe Mama's arms and tries to set up another belly-to-back Sammitch Suplex. But Joe Mama wraps a leg around Sammitch's, halting the lift. Joe Mama manages to turn around, facing Captain Sammitch and, with a few head butts, Sammitch's belly-to-back Sammitch Suplex becomes Joe Mama's belly-to-belly suplex. Sammitch crashes to the mat and Joe Mama follows him with a series of punches to the head. Joe Mama pulls Sammitch to his feet, flings him into the ropes, and hits an Enforcer that seems to shake the ring. A Brain Buster later, Joe Mama pins Captain Sammitch for the first "elimination".
Marcum: One down! All they have to do is pin PenWing or Meeko and the Family wins!
Monroe: Don't count SD-6 out just yet. It's not going to be that easy to pin the champ!
PenWing pulls Sammitch back to their corner, and Joe Mama exits the ring in favor of King Snarf. Again, Snarf tries to overpower PenWing with a series of holds, but PenWing manages to force Snarf into the SD-6 corner, and he begins working over his leg. After a few minutes, PenWing locks Snarf into the Sharpshooter.
Monroe: Snarf's gonna tap!
Marcum: The Champ will never tap!
Snarf tries to get to the ropes, but PenWing pulls him closer to the center of the ring. Snarf continues to struggle, and it's all PenWing can do to keep him away from the ropes. But Snarf finally pulls PenWing to the corner, and he grabs the ropes. Lothar orders PenWing to break the hold.
Marcum: The Champ got to the rope!
Monroe: Too bad he's in the wrong corner!
PenWing steps out of the ring, and Sammitch enters, grabbing onto Snarf and executing a series of technical moves designed to pin Snarf. However Snarf still has a lot of fight in him, and Sammitch can't get more than a two-count on one of the pin attempts. Snarf finally breaks out of Sammitch's hold, and tries to kick him. Sammitch ducks, and as Snarf spins around, Sammitch grabs him from behind and executes a Sammitch Suplex. Sammitch hits another, and the crowd starts to count. Sammitch hits a sixth Sammitch Suplex, and roles out of the ring as PenWing flies off the corner turnbuckle to hit the High Holy Howe and get the pin on Snarf.
Monroe: An amazing display of teamwork to even the match! The first team to pin a manager, or the non-pinned wrestler, wins!
PenWing remains in the ring, as Joe Mama slowly enters.
Monroe: Joe Mama's taking his time re-entering the ring. Is he sizing up the Heavyweight Cheese Champion, or is he just intimidated?
Madman: Joe Mama fears no man! He's letting the anticipation build! This is the battle these fans want to see!!!
Joe Mama and PenWing slowly circle each other, taking each other's measure. The fans are reminded of the Unification Match last week. Each man is giving his opponent his full due. Finally the competitors lock up. Neither man seems able to gain an advantage over the other, so the holds are broken. Joe Mama steps back and dares PenWing to hit him in the face. But when PenWing swings, Joe Mama slips under the blow and locks his arms around PenWing's midsection, setting up a belly-to-belly suplex. PenWing heads towards the ropes to block the move, and Joe Mama releases the hold. PenWing turns to see Joe Mama chuckling. Then Joe Mama motions again to "bring it on" and the two wrestlers clash.
Joe Mama and PenWing trade closed fist in the center of the ring, with neither man gaining the advantage. Joe Mama switches to chops and backs PenWing into a corner, but PenWing reverses, cornering Joe Mama, and drives another series of fists into the side of Joe Mama's head. Joe Mama battles out of the corner and tries to execute a standing Enforcer, but a Gordie Howe stops that dead in its tracks. PenWing tries to counter with a Spin-O-Rama, which Joe Mama ducks under. He sweeps PenWing's other leg out from under him and tries to set up the Joe Mama-Lock, but PenWing gets to the ropes. As PenWing gets to his feet, Joe Mama hits him with a closed fist and Irish whips him into the ropes.
What happens next happens FAST.
PenWing bounces off the ropes and Joe Mama lifts him into an Enforcer. But PenWing turns in mid-air so his back is to Joe Mama - the Enforcer is broken! As he makes it down to his feet, PenWing tries to hit Sudden Death. But Joe Mama slides his forearms between his chin and PenWing's shoulder and gets the space necessary to counter the devastating finisher.
Madman: OH MY GOD!!! The Champions each blocked the other's major move!!!
Monroe: I think we're seeing a preview to a major PPV match, Marcum!!! These two are giving 110%!!!
Joe Mama grabs PenWing by the back of his neck and trunks and tosses him out of the ring. As he turns to survey the match, PenWing grabs him by the legs and pulls Joe Mama out with him. The two continue to brawl, making their way up the ramp. Snarf enters the ring, and yells for Meeko to join him. This gets Sammitch steaming, and he bolts into the ring, right at Snarf. Snarf takes Sammitch down with a drop toehold, and quickly locks in the dreaded headlock.
Marcum: This is it! The champs have the match!
Monroe: Both Sammitch and Snarf have already been pinned! Nothing Snarf does to Sammitch matters at this point!
Sammitch fights to get to his feet, but he is clearly weakened by the headlock. Finally, Snarf releases his hold, and quickly takes Sammitch out with the Bastardbomb. Using the in ring action as a distraction, Louie Bastardo is able to position himself right behind Meeko. He grabs her, and before she can react, Snarf is leaning over the ropes and pulling her into the ring.
Marcum: They've got Meeko double-teamed!
Monroe: And PenWing is too distracted with Joe Mama to notice! This is just like the Bastardos to pull something like this!
Marcum: I know! It's brilliant!
As PenWing and Joe Mama continue to brawl, now on the stage, Snarf pulls Meeko in close and says something to her. Her eyes go wide, and she slaps him. She tries to get away, but Snarf grabs her suit jacket, pulling it off of her. Meeko turns around and tries to kick Snarf, but he blocks her leg. He then grabs her blouse, but it tears away, revealing her pink tank top. This encourages Snarf, who finally corners her. Snarf grabs her, and carries her to the center of the ring, where he begins to force her down to the mat.
Marcum: Tonight, Meeko gets pinned by a real man!
Monroe: This is just sick!
As the crowd boos, PenWing dares a glance to the ring. Still tangled with Joe, PenWing quickly drops and rolls, surprising Joe as he kicks him over and behind him. PenWing then makes a dash for the ring. However, before he can get there, MisterJLA and Captain Howdy get to their feet. They grab their chairs, and together, they nail PenWing, sending him to the ground, unconscious. They then turn they attention to Joe Mama, who was blindly following PenWing down the ramp. Joe blocks JLA's chair shot, but he can't stop Howdy, who knocks him over the head. Snarf finally has Meeko pinned, and Lothar begins the count. Before he gets to three, JLA and Howdy are in the ring, and they pull Snarf off of Meeko. JLA hits Final Justice, and he and Howdy then follow up with the Allied Assault. Lothar signals the bell, and JLA grabs a mic.
JLA: It is time to set things right in the RDCW! Tonight. Tonight I had my DCMB Title…
JLA looks so frustrated that he can barely speak…
JLA: Tonight I had my DCMB Title stolen from me, but some clown name Balls Nasty, a shameless cheater! And tonight, my partner…check that…UNDEFEATED Tag partner and I, sat here and watched a complete abomination of a tag match. We did everything that was asked of us. We defeated The Playboys, two fucking robots for fuck’s sake, liberals, conservatives, Dark Lords, Bright Lords, Purple Lords, whatever: we beat ‘em all, and nobody has defeated us. Yet here we stand without the Tag Championships. Howdy and I had front row seats, and I can honestly say from what we've seen here that we can beat both of these sorry ass teams at the same time!
Put us in the ring with the “champs” Joe Mama and Queen Snarf, and throw in Sammitch and Penwing for good measure, and we will still walk out the Tag Team Champions!
I have been politely asking the powers that be here in the RDCW for our championship match for some time, but I guess asking for opportunities does not get things done here. No, we have to make things happen in this half-rate organization, and that’s just what we’ve done! We were forced to take it upon ourselves to show the world what we are capable of, and look at the results! Look at the carnage we created! The so-called champs and the former champs lying in a heap!
So this is not our fault! It’s the collective fault of the RDCW! You ignored us for too long, and now I know we have your attention!
But this is just the start! I’m putting the championship committee on notice! I want in on the MOD tournament, and if I have to start a petition to make me a MOD wrestler, I will do it! I also want my return match with Balls Nasty, and I don’t want a traditional match either! Either Hell in the Cell, or a Last Man Standing match, I don’t care… but it will be the greatest World Title match that this organization has ever seen!
Next week, things are going to change. Harleykwin, the greatest wrestling find of the year, will become the next Women’s Boobie Champion, thanks to me! And if Howdy and myself do not get a Tag Title match, we will tear down the Cheesedome brick by fucking brick!
Monroe: I think the Allied Powers have made a damned solid case for a Title shot, Marcum!
Marcum: I hope JLA knows what he’s getting Howdy and himself into! Neither one of these teams forgets a grudge! And neither one will forgive the Allied Powers for getting into their business!
The two teams pull themselves together, glaring at the triumphant MisterJLA as Havoc comes to a close…
