Monroe: Ladies and Gentlemen, earlier today I had the distinct pleasure of interviewing the manager of the Sudden Death Connection, Meeko, and the Heavyweight Cheese Champion, PenWing.
*The Cheese-O-Tron comes to life. Monroe is sitting in his chair in his interview room, and Meeko and PenWing are sitting across from him on the couch. Meeko is dressed in her usual business suit, but PenWing has taken on a completely different look, wearing a black button down shirt with the sleeves roled up, and green khaki pants.*
Monroe: I'd like to thank both of you for joining me this afternoon. I know you've been very busy preparing for your matches at WarGasms later tonight, and I appreciate you taking a few mintues to sit with me.
Meeko: It's our pleasure, Mike.
PenWing: How could we pass up the chance to do an in depth interview before WarGasms? There is so much riding on tonight's event, and we owe it to the fans to take the time to sit here and chat with you.
Monroe: On that note, the most outspoken member of your group when it comes to giving back to the fans, Captain Sammitch, hasn't been around much at all in recent weeks. It seems that you, PenWing, have taken on the role of spokesman for the SDC in his absence. Even when he has been present, he hasn't had a lot to say since you lost the Donkey Lovin' Tag Team Championship titles. He did participate in the Master of Domain Tournament, winning his match, and he will be in the Sweet Sixteen Battle Royale at WarGasmsm tonight. He will also be in the WarGasms main event. I extended an invitation for him to join us here, but he politely declined. This is highly out of character for one of the fan favorites of the business.
Meeko: You are correct, it is highly out of character. Captain Sammitch very much wanted to be here today, but he has personal things he needs to take care of, so his time has been limited outside of the ring.
PenWing: I'm sure he'll have plenty to say very soon. Especially if he wins the MOD Tournament.
Monroe: Speaking of the MOD Tournament, PenWing, what do you think of the participants? Who do you want to face at SummerScam?
PenWing: Mike, to tell you the truth, I would love to face Captain Sammitch. No one in that group has earned a title shot more than him. Last week, Joe Mama mentioned three things that work against me. The first was that I care too much about friendship. The second was that I care too much about the fans. The third was that being the Big Cheese Champ makes me the number one target, and that I can't trust my friends and teammates, because they all want to take the title away from me. I'm going to address all of those in reverse order.
First, I know I'm the number one target. I know everyone wants a piece of me. And I've made it clear, that I won't back down from anyone, even if there is nothing in it for me. I took Oakers on in the Cell from Hell. Why? What did I have to gain? I had to bargain with the Doctor to get the match on the card, because Oakers is not allowed Big Cheese or IC title shots for the year. But he needed a beating, plain and simple. He put my friends in harm's way, because they thought they still owed something to him. I highly doubt he'll ever try something like that again.
As for the fans, one of the first things Sammitch taught me was that the fans are all that matter in this business. Having the Big Cheese title wouldn't mean anything if the fans didn't want me to have it. There is nothing like the rush I get when "We Will Rock You" starts playing over the speakers and every single person in the crowd gets to their feet stomping and clapping and singing. That's what gives me that little something extra that I need to be able step into a barbed-wire steel cage, where I know my body will get ripped up, and put everything on the line with no care for the cost. It's all for the fans. With them behind me, I know I can do anything.
Finally, let me explain what true friendship is. True friendship is wanting to give Captain Sammith the title shot at SummerScam. Like the Doctor said, I can't go around demanding to face anyone I choose. I have to face the approved number one contender of the RDCW. I took a huge risk when I demanded the match against Oakers. There was already a tournament in place to determine the undisputed number one contender, and I demanded that it be bypassed for one night. I did that for Tommy and Nuriko. I did that for the fans, who wanted to see justice served. And it was. So now I wait. I want to face my friend, Captain Sammitch, because I know we would put on the greatest match the fans could ever hope for.
Monroe: What about some of the other competitors in this match? What about King Snarf, whom you defeated to win the Big Cheese belt? What about Joe Mama, who says a Big Cheese championship match between the two of you is inevitable? What about MisterJLA, the DCMB champion, and his World Tag Team championship partner, Captain Howdy, who could become the Hardcore Porn champion tonight at WarGasms? And the list goes on. The talent in this battle royale is increadibly deep.
PenWing: I've beaten King Snarf twice in heavyweight championship matches. I greatly respect his wrestling ability. However, like you said, the talent in this battle royale is so deep, it's just too difficult to even begin to guess who will become the number one contender. Joe Mama seems to think that person will be him. But so does everyone else. James Fantastic and Spandex Monkey Man both have a good chance at winning this match, yet no one seems to be talking about them. I do agree with Joe on one thing. Our time is coming. We will go to war, and it will be very soon. There is no way to avoid it. Fortunately for the fans, neither one of us is trying.
Monroe: Meeko, tonight, you face off against Women's Boobie Belt Champion Sneaky Bunny, Harleykwin, and the wrestler you recruited, Lor. We've already heard why you brought Lor into the RDCW. I think it's clear to anyone who has followed Lor's career that she never had any intention of joining the SDC. Do you regret bringing her in, and if she wins tonight, will you regret your decision tomorrow?
Meeko: As I have explained before, Lor adds an element to the women's division that was missing. She is a loose cannon. Her unpredictability and refusal to conform make her impossible to manipulate and control. The truth is, I was desperate to find a partner for the RDLL trios match, and that may have influenced my decision. But I don't regret it. And if Lor wins that title, it won't be me chasing after it. It will be Nuriko.
Monroe: Nuriko? Nuriko is returning?
Meeko: Nuriko is in the process of getting cleared to return to action. And she's looking for revenge. We all made a mistake. We underestimated Grace. We had no idea how sadistic she is. We will not make that mistake again.
Monroe: Sudden Death Rules?
Meeko: Yes.
Monroe: I've always been meaning to ask, what does that mean?
PenWing: When the game goes into overtime, first goal wins. There is no room for mistakes. There is no time for rest. You either put it all on the line, and bring your very best, or you may as well stay home.
Monroe: And you always demand the best from yourselves and you opponents.
Meeko: It's what the fans want. They pay for those seats. They take the time to come here. They want to see the best. That's what the SDC is all about.
Monroe: Well, I know that's what the RDCW is all about, too. Tonight, is the WarGasms match. The Family Business team of King Snarf, Joe Mama, El Superbeasto, and Howlerama will take on the team of PenWing, Captain Sammitch, Nowhereman, and the Dark Lords. Meeko, I can only assume that you had a hand in assembling this team.
Meeko: You assume correctly, Mike. With the SD Rockers all participating in separate matches tonight, I felt I needed to reach out of the SDC to those fan favorites who also have taken a stand against the Family Business.
Monroe: And you could not have allied yourselves with tougher partners than Nowhereman and the Dark Lords. Did recent events involving Grimm and Darth influence your decision to ask them to participate in this match?
Meeko: I would be lying if I said otherwise. The Family Business has been pushing for this match for some time, and I thought it was a good opportunity to give the Dark Lords a chance at some sweet revenge against Slick Willie Williams and Howlerema. Nowhereman volunteering to join this event was an unforseen bonus. He said he has something special planned for tonight, and I can only hope that whatever it is, it helps us win the WarGasms main event.
Monroe: PenWing, do you have any thoughts about facing both King Snarf and Joe Mama in this match?
PenWing: For Sammitch and myself, this is a chance for us to redeem ourselves after losing the tag titles to Snarf and Joe. I think everyone on our teem is looking for a little revenge in this match. Hopefully, we'll be able to work together to deliver some payback to the Family Business.
Monroe: And on that note, I'll let you go. Thank you again for taking the time to sit down with me this afternoon.
Meeko: Your welcome, Mike.
PenWing: We're glad to give back to the fans, Mike. Thank you for giving us the opportunity.
*The screen goes blank and the camera focuses on the announce table.*
Marcum: I can't believe what I just saw!
Monroe: What's not to believe?
Marcum: That was the most amazing "before" shot in the history of the RDCW! I wish we could have had a camera in the SDC locker room when Hollywood Hulk Nogan made his entrance! Now that would have been priceless! Mouth, you've got to go back there and interview them right now! Can we get someone back there?
Monroe: Something tells me they aren't the least bit concerned about teaming with Hollywood Hulk Nogan. It may be a new look for Nowhereman, but he is the Cunt Fu master, and no change of appearance can take that away from him!
Marcum: Right! He'll help them win the match by causing the Family to fall over laughing!
Monroe: Keep talking, Madman. I'll just move over there when Nowheremania runs wild over you!
