Wargasms: The Climax
PenWing, Captain Sammitch, Nowhereman, & The Dark Lords versus King Snarf, Joe Mama, El Superbeasto, & Howlerama

Monroe: Next up is the main event. The match that this PPV is named for. Wargasms. And we've been guaranteed a special guest official to handle the coin toss and the gate. One with a history with Wargames, the match that this and many others (including tonight's previous DCMB Masturbation Chamber) are based off of.

Marcum: Matthew Broderick!

Monroe: Would you be quiet?!



Monroe: Two rings. Side by side. Encased in a steel cage. Five men will enter. First, one man from each team will be locked inside the cage. For five minutes they will battle each other inside the massive cage. At the end of that time, the official, who will remain outside the cage until the last man has entered, will flip a coin to determine which team takes the advantage. The winner will then have another of their men enter the cage. The other team will have to wait another five minutes until they can send someone in to assist their lone partner. And so it will go. Every five minutes they will alternate between teams until every man has enter the ring. Then, and only then, will the official enter. Because when the last wrestler enters the cage, we begin the part of the match called the Wargasms Climax. The first man to submit or surrender will loose the entire match for his team. Remember, folks: Only after all the participants have entered the ring will a win be recognized. The match will run an entire 45 minutes before a winner can even be declared.

Marcum: But that's unfair. Joe Mama, King Snarf, Highwayman, El Superbesto! They've all been in the MOD tournament. This is cheating!

Monroe: No it's not. Most of the men involved in this match have had previous matches tonight.

The overhead lights go out as O Fortuna begins to play over the PA system. Spotlights begin to circle the arena.





*The Allman Bros. "Midnight Rider" starts up as a face familiar to all ambles out onto the rampway.

Marcum: What the hell?! That can't be!

Monroe: It is! It is! The American Dream! Dusty Rhodes! Dusty Rhodes is the official gatekeeper for tonight's match! As promised, the American Dream, a man who's been in many Wargames matches, has been brought in to keep both parties in line.

Dusty makes it to the gate and begins to explain the rules.

Dusty: Now, dis is how it gets done. We gonna lock two of youse into da cage he-ah! You can use da cage or any udder plunder you may find in der. After da five minute, I gonna toss dis coin. No udder coin. Dis coin. Der is only one coin to be tossed. An' dis is it. Der is only one coin just like der is only one Duke, an' dat is John Wayne. Gob rest his soul. I toss da coin, and anudder one of you goes in ta start ragtaggin'. And so it goes until da last of youse is inside the cage der. Den you win by unklin' one a da guys from the udder team. Now, in youse go.

*At this point, the familiar ZZ Top guitar chords cued up as Slick Willie Williams and Highwayman walked out into the CheeseDome, a diva on each arm.

Monroe: Highwayman, the first entrant for the Family Business team!

MarcuM: Slick Willie looks pleased. And those divas look fine!

*RDCW officials allowed Highwayman into the cage as the CheeseDome lights began to darken.

Monroe: You know what this means!

MarcuM: Unfortunately.

*The Imperial March began to play as Darth rose up from below, Chesty Lerou at his side.

Monroe: BUHGAWB! Chesty looks amazing tonite!

MarcuM: The only thing that could make her look better would be to stop hanging out with Darth!

*Darth slides into the cage as the referees lock the door behind him. He immediately begins trading punches with Highwayman as the two fight through both rings.

Monroe: It's Darth and Highwayman alone for five minutes! The Dark Lords have a score to settle with Slick Willie's boys!

*Darth pulls Highwayman out onto the ring apron and begins raking his face across the cage. Soon, Highwayman's busted open. He elbows Darth in the gut and begins ramming his face into the cage as Slick Willie cheers him on. The two continue punishing each other as the Cheese-O-Tron clock starts counting down.

At ringside, Dusty is joined by Louie Bastardo and Meeko for the coin toss. Dusty tosses the coin and asks for the call. "Heads!" Louie screams out quickly. Dusty looks at the coin and points to Louie with a big grin. Louie laughs as he and Meeko return to the back.

Monroe: The Family Business team won the coin toss! They'll have a two on one advantage for two minutes!

MarcuM: As it should be!

ZZ Top cues up again as Howler heads down to the ring, carrying Slick's lasso. Howler slids into the ring and jumps Darth from behind, pounding on him with forearms. Howlerama begin working over the Dark Lord with Big Businesses and attempt to tie him up. At ringside, Chesty looks worried.

The clock begins counting down again as the Howlers work over Darth. Highwayman attempts to hold him down as Howler walks over to the cage door in preparation as the fans countdown with the clock.

"Backstage Pass to Hell" hits as Grimm bursts through the curtains and runs down to ringside as the fans explode!

Monroe: The Dark Lords together! BUHGAWB!!!

Lothar unlocks the cage as Grimm impatiently pulls the door open and jumps in, targeting Howler. They battle on, but Grimm is fueled by his anger over the last few months, and seems unstoppable early in the battle. Highwayman heads over to help his fallen teammate, but is caught by Darth, who wraps Slick's lasso around Highwayman's neck, strangling him!

MarcuM: That's not right!

Monroe: It's Wargasms! All's fair, Madman!

cont.