Madman Marcum is standing in the ring…
Marcum: Here they are: the duo that unified the RDLL and RDCW Tag Titles last week here on Havoc: MisterJLA and Captain Howdy: The Allied Powers!
Rob’s Killer Instinct Rip Off Theme Music plays, and The Powers stand on the Cheesedome ramp and look out at the crowd. MisterJLA has his DCMB and IC Titles hanging from his left shoulder, and his share of the RDCW and RDLL Titles on the opposite. Captain Howdy has his Hardcore Porn Title fastened around his waist, with each tag title on a different shoulder. Allied Powers loyal butler Jeeves is in the background, holding an American flag in one hand, a Union Jack in the other.
Monroe: Before this love-fest gets underway fans, I have to admit: this is an impressive sight! JLA has 4 titles, and Captain Howdy has 3!
This is not stopping the fans from showing their hatred for these two! Ever since JLA fired harleykwin, the fans have gone right back to jeering The Powers at every turn!
The Powers finally enter the ring. Marcum wastes no time in shaking the Powers’ hands and congratulating them:
Marcum: Awesome…I mean AWESHOME win last week, gentlemen! You cleanly defeated the Legbreakereses, and now have two tag championships!
JLA: Thank you, Madman…WHOOPS!
MisterJLA mockingly falls to the canvas, and pretends to look surprised. Marcum plays along.
Marcum: Why, what’s the matter JLA?
JLA: Oh. WOW. I have so much gold on me right now, I can’t keep my balance! These belts are heavy!
Marcum: Nicely played.
JLA: Yeah.
Marcum: I wanted to take this time to congratulate you, on your brilliant interview last week as well.
Both MisterJLA and Captain Howdy answer at the same time:
JLA and Howdy: Thanks!
Howdy: He was talking to me you, you Minger!
JLA: How could he be? You stormed off like a complete… (MisterJLA pulls out a little book that appears to be a dictionary, and quickly looks through it)… prat!
Marcum: Now now, gentlemen…I was talking to both of you. During the interview however, one issue was not addressed: MisterJLA, when you first took the RDCW by storm, you only knew how to execute one move: The Final Justice, your devastating kick to the nuts.
Howdy: Goolies.
Marcum: Right, Goolies. But during your tag match against the Unholy Alliance, you demonstrated some terrific wrestling moves. I assume it was Captain Howdy who taught you how to wrestle?
JLA: Yes. Ever since we formed, Howdy has slowly been teaching me how to expand my repertoire.
Howdy: Don’t blame me for that!
JLA: Ugh. I’m not blaming you, I’m giving you credit! My version of “The Night Cap” and the “HowdySlam” helped us defeat the Unholy Alliance, and made me the Intercontinental Champion!
Howdy: CUNT!
The crowd breaks out in laughter. JLA responds with a shove to Howdy’s chest
JLA: Who are you calling a cunt?
Howdy: I meant it’s the Inter CUNT Inental Title!
JLA: Oh, that. Sorry.
Howdy: No problem, cunt!
The crowd laughs again, and JLA just shakes his head.
Marcum: Uh…speaking of which, we all heard Nott Hardy…I mean Nowhereman’s comments earlier tonight. And we just received word: tonight it will be IC Champion MisterJLA vs. Nowhereman!
the crowd goes ballistic, while JLA looks slightly perturbed by the crowd’s response.
JLA: He has his match all right, but it’s going to be a non-title event. You see, if Now here man wants a title match, he’s going to have to prove that’s he worthy of it. I know he’s some supposed Hardcore icon, but this is a WRESTLING championship. There will be no chairs, baseballs bats, or any of that. If he wants a title match, he’ll have to beat me fairly tonight, by wrestling for it…and as we all saw, I’m becoming quite the wrestling technician! He doesn’t have a chance!
If all that wasn’t enough, I will have someone who knows him very well in MY corner…his old friend, Captain Howdy!
The camera zooms in on Howdy’s face. He looks confused by the idea of siding with JLA over Nowhereman.
JLA: Yes, this is going to be another terrific night for The Allied Powers! Captain Howdy will successfully defend his Hardcore Championship against Darth, I will kick Now here man’s ass, and…
Just then, JLA notices that RDCW General Manager thedoctor is making his way to the ring with…Dark Typhoid Dave??? Both are wearing expensive suits, and are smirking. Dave has a briefcase with him, and they entered the ring as the audience members whisper to each other…
Monroe: It’s Typhoid Dave, of Aussie Scumbags fame! We haven’t seen him since he and Danny lost in their reunion bid to take the World Tag Titles from The Allied Powers!
JLA: What the FUCK do you guys want?
thedoctor: Oh, just a decision from you. I just hired Dave here to be the RDCW’s legal expert. He’s been busy looking over legal issues for the league. And, well, I’m going to cut to the chase. I asked him to look over both the RDCW and DCMB Charters, regarding titles from other leagues. Do you want to guess what he found?
JLA’s eyes dart back and forth nervously…
JLA: …nnnnnnoooo….?
Dave: In article 32, subsection 5 of the RDCW Charter, it explicitly states “No wrestler employed with Rob’s Damn Championship Wrestling shall be permitted to be recognized as a champion, if party of the first part is currently acknowledged as a champion from a rival organization. Party of the second part reserves the legal right to rescind champion status from party of the first part, unless party of the first part vacates his or her championship from the secondary organization.”
JLA: Wha…?
thedoctor: It means that you can’t have titles from two different organizations, you idiot! You can’t have titles from both the DCMB, and RDCW at the same time! Right here, and right now, you can either drop your “World” title from the DCMB league, or both of your titles from MY league! Take your pick!
JLA: I actually have three shiny titles! See? The IC Belt, the RDCW World Tag Titles, and the RDLL…
thedoctor: And Damnit, the RDLL Tag Belts don’t even exist anymore! I don’t want to see those things on MY program again! Shove them up your ass, put them in the JLA Trophy Case, or…
JLA:Trophy ROOM. The JLA Trophy ROOM.
thedoctor: I don’t care what you call it! I don’t want to see them anymore! Now make a choice! Either represent this league by being the IC and World Tag Champion, or continue to run around with a belt from a league that folded in March!
JLA: You heard about that, huh? Yeah, the DCMB league is no more. But I was, and still am its champion!
thedoctor: Just make a decision!
JLA: doc, you and Dave have conspired against me. You can’t stand the fact that I have done so well here, and now you want to take me down a peg. I fought hard to be the greatest DCMB Champion ever. Balls Nasty stole this belt from me, and I had to beat him in a savage Last Man Standing match to get it back.I defended it against five opponets in an Elimination Chamber match! I have taken this belt to new heights!
This DCMB Title is a WORLD title, and I’m not about to drop it. So my decision is…
Just then, JLA notices what could be interpreted as a sad look on Captain Howdy’s face, but the idea that Howdy could ever feel an emotion like sadness is doubtful.
JLA:…that I will retire the DCMB Championship, right here and now!
The crowd lets loose with a standing ovation!
Monroe: I think they are happy that we never have to see that bogus title again!
JLA: You know, theproctor, you almost had me there. You almost got me to abandon Howdy and our tag team gold. But over the time I spent with the Captain, I went from hating the man, to, well still hating him, but I respect him, and one day may call him my fr…frien…
Howdy: Don’t say it!
JLA: Don’t worry, I won’t. I’m not going to get all mushy on you Captain: but I will help you beat the shit out of these two clowns!
Before the Powers can act; thedoctor and Dave rush out of the ring, and don’t stop running until they hit the backstage area. The Allied Powers’ music hits, and MisterJLA and Captain Howdy almost shake each other’s hands, but think better of it and leave the ring.
