ECW Rulez Hardcore Porn Championship: Captain Howdy vs. Darth
With Captain Howdy already in the ring, littering it with trash cans, bats, chairs, and anything else not nailed down in the Cheesedome, the lights go out, replaced by a red glow. "Imperial March" blasts over the speakers as Darth rises from beneath the stage. Howdy waits for him as he approaches the ring, and as soon as Darth enters, he swings at him with a steel chair, hitting him across the head. The lights return, and Darth is still standing.
Monroe: Buhgawb! Darth just took a chair shot to the head, and it didn't even faze him!
Marcum: It didn't faze Howdy either!
Howdy grabs Darth's arm and whips him into the ropes. As Darth bounces back, Howdy knocks him down with another chair shot.
Marcum: He got him that time!
Howdy drops the chair and goes for a bat. Darth pops back up, and rises to his feet. He picks up a trashcan. Howdy turns around and swings the bat, but Darth blocks it with the trash can. Darth then runs at Howdy with the trashcan in hand, knocking him to the mat.
Monroe: Buhbawb! Darth just knocked Howdy down with a hit and run!
Darth throws the trash can out of the ring and picks up a gulf club. He turns around and stand by Howdy's midsection.
Marcum: Holy hell!
Darth: (in his raspy voice) FORE!
Darth nails Howdy in the groin with the golf club. Howdy quickly roles onto his side clutching his groin as Darth drops the club and picks up a chair. As Darth approaches Howdy, the Captain of hardcore quickly jumps back to his feet and off them, dropkicking the chair into Darth.
Monroe: Unbelievable! Howdy is back in the match!
Marcum: Was there ever any doubt?
Howdy quickly helps Darth back to his feet and lifts for a sidewalk slam onto the chair. Howdy goes for the cover, but Darth throws him off after two. Both wrestlers get back to their feet and begin trading blows. Darth pulls Howdy towards him and knocks him down with a devastating clothesline. Darth goes for the pin but Howdy kicks out at two. The two continue to trade blows while using the various weapons available in the ring. Bloodied and battered, Howdy and Darth both reach for each other's throats at the same time. Howdy tries to lift Darth, but it's Darth who lifts Howdy up into the air, and executes the Sabreslam onto a steel chair. Darth goes for the cover, and gets the pin.
Monroe: Buhgawb! Darth is the new Hardcore Porn Champion!
Marcum: This does not bode well for the division!
As Lothar raises Darth's hand in victory, El Superbeasto suddenly attacks Darth from behind with the kitchen sink.
Marcum: It's El Superbeasto, and he brought the kitchen sink!
El Superbeasto pulls Darth to the corner and climbs over the ropes. He turns around to face Darth, and grabs his throat. El Superbeasto begins to climb.
Monroe: Buhgawb! Darth is about to be sent to oblivion!
El Superbeasto exectutes the Chokeslam to Oblivion, and the ring collapses from the impact. El Superbeasto rises from within the fallen ring, and demands a mic from James White.
El Superbeasto: Puta, tonight, I give new meaning to the phrase "everything but the kitchen sink." Tonight, I give you a preview of what I will do at SummerScam! And when I'm done with you, puta... (licks his lips) I break your little girl! She will learn the meaning of true lucha style!
Monroe: Buhgawb! Can nothing stop El Superbeasto!
Marcum: Not one thing! Darth should be smart and find a new area code! He's gonna need it!
Monroe: Right now, we need a new ring!
