Bastardo Lumberjack Match: King Snarf vs. Joe Mama
“The Ecstasy Of Gold” played as Louie Bastardo, Slick Willie Williams, and Grace escorted the members of Family Business to the ring.
Monroe: Is that Charlie with them? How is he allowed to participate after last week’s injuries?
Marcum: Who’s gonna tell him he can’t? You? Me? Charlie has a big score to settle and he intends to take care of business tonight!
The Family Business’ music faded and “When It All Goes Wrong Again” starts up. King Snarf walks out to both cheers and boos from the crowd. As he approaches the ring, the lumberjacks move away from him, giving him a wide berth to enter the ring untouched. King Snarf says some choice words to the lumberjacks, then enters the ring and plays up to the crowd.
Marcum: Looks like the Family gave him a pass. Could King Snarf be wrong about his accusations? Has he made the biggest mistake of his life?
Monroe: I can’t read either side, Marcum. But there’s definitely something going on.
Finally, “Faded” starts and Joe Mama walks to the ring. The crowd is as much on the fence about him as they were about King Snarf. This time the lumberjacks take their positions. There’s enough of an opening for Joe Mama to enter the ring but, as Joe Mama approaches this gap in lumberjacks, Charlie steps in front of him. He says something to Joe Mama, who nods and responds to him. No one can hear the exchange. Charlie, eyes locked on Joe Mama, moves away from the gap. Joe Mama says one last thing to Charlie, whose face flushes in anger, then enters the ring.
Marcum: What was that about? Were they talking trash…or strategy?
Monroe: I couldn’t hear them. There’s something about to happen…
Joe Mama and King Snarf stare each other down for a few moments. Then the bell rings and the match begins.
King Snarf and Joe Mama trade blows for a minute or two then Joe Mama manages to get the advantage. He flings King Snarf into the ropes and, when King Snarf ricochets back, drops to one knee and drives a fist into King Snarf’s gut. From there, he uses a reverse atomic drop to stun King Snarf. As he stumbles back, Joe Mama clotheslines him out of the ropes and onto the ring floor.
King Snarf immediately gets to his feet and assumes a defensive stance, but the lumberjacks don’t do anything. King Snarf yells at them, daring them to “come get a piece”, but Louie gestures and they hold their positions – though Charlie does shout at King Snarf to “get his pussy ass in the ring”. King Snarf looks up to make sure that Joe Mama is away from the ropes before reentering the ring.
Marcum: Did you see that? The lumberjacks just gave him a free pass! King Snarf is still part of the Family!!!
Monroe: But what was that gesture that Louie made?
Marcum: He was telling the lumberjacks to relax! King Snarf has nothing to fear tonight!!!
Monroe: Maybe…
The competitors lock up. This time, it’s King Snarf who gets the advantage and snaps in a headlock on Joe Mama. King Snarf forces his way onto the mat and cinches his finisher in tight. King Snarf sits out and then leans back, putting pressure on Joe Mama’s head and neck. But Joe Mama uses his Greco-Roman background to turn the dreaded finisher into a pinning combination, locking his arms around King Snarf’s waist and rolling him onto his shoulders and back. The ref gets a two-count in but King Snarf kicks out. Standing up, King Snarf tosses Joe Mama through the ropes and onto the floor and screams at the lumberjacks to “prove him wrong”.
Joe Mama gets to his feet as the Legbreakers move in. He stands defiantly and motions to them to make their move. The Legbreakers pause and glance over at Louie, who doesn’t move one way or the other. Joe Mama turns and stares down Sneaky Bunny before rolling back into the ring. He stands up and stares at King Snarf. The two have a verbal exchange and then clash.
Monroe: It was like Family Business didn’t know what to do…
Marcum: It’s all part of Louie’s plan! They’re both Family members – Louie’s just letting them work out their differences for themselves!!!
Monroe: There’s something wrong here…
Joe Mama and King Snarf trade punches in the center of the ring. King Snarf seems to be taking the worst of it, falling back a step or two per punch. Joe Mama Irish whips him into a corner and then hits him with a spear. King Snarf stumbles out of the corner, only to get bulldogged to the mat. Joe Mama stands over him, alternating between berating him and turning to berate Louie. Joe Mama picks up King Snarf, throws him into the ropes, and hits King Snarf with the Enforcer.
Marcum: Looks like the tide’s turning against King Snarf!
Monroe: Look! Louie’s motioning to the lumberjacks!!!
As Joe Mama starts to set up a Brain Buster, the lumberjacks start circling the ring like a group of sharks. The sudden movement distracts Joe Mama long enough for King Snarf to get free. He hits Joe Mama with a drop kick before seeing what the lumberjacks are doing. He screams at Louie and then pulls Joe Mama to his feet. The competitors trade blows again. Joe Mama hits a short clothesline and follows King Snarf to the mat. Joe Mama drives fist after fist into King Snarf’s face, busting King Snarf open. Blood runs from King Snarf’s nose but he fights back. He fights back to his feet, splitting Joe Mama’s lip as he stands. The match has become a straight brawl, with both men bludgeoning each other.
Louie makes another gesture. Charlie rolls into the ring and rushes towards the combatants.
Marcum: Here it comes! Charlie’s about to balance the books!!!
Monroe: But whom is he going after? Who is the Family siding with?
Charlie closes the gap just in time for both men to see him. King Snarf screams “I KNEW IT!!!” and clotheslines Charlie. Charlie tries to get to his feet but King Snarf is quickly on him, driving punches into Charlie’s injured ribs. King Snarf pulls Charlie to his feet and then throws him over the top ropes at El Superbeasto. As the giant Luchador catches his teammate, King Snarf turns towards Joe Mama in time to catch a kick to the stomach, which turns into a quick East Coast Hammer. As Joe Mama gets the pin, the Family Business rushes in. The Family splits into two groups: the Legbreakers, Charlie, and Sneaky Bunny rush towards King Snarf while El Superbeasto, Balls Nasty, and Howlerama surround and assault Joe Mama.
