Career Grudge Match
Chris Oakley vs. The Killer
The Killer hits the ring to the strains of "Angel of Death", accompanied by his new manager Justun Bearable. The crowd boos both men lustily, and at least one person can be heard shouting death threats in the masked heel's direction; Killer just flips the guy off and shows the crowd a mock headstone with the words "CHRIS OAKLEY'S CAREER REST IN PEACE". Killer is about to take to the mic when "Rooster" erupts from the Cheesedome PA system and Chris Oakley, accompanied by El Daga, Mario Barini, and Hombre Lagarto, marches down the aisle to insanely loud pops from the crowd.
Marcum: I don't believe this! Oakley's got an unfair advantage in numbers!
Monroe: All he's doing is making sure that that damn little coward Justun Bearable can't interfere in this match!
No sooner does the timekeeper ring the bell than Chris Oakley tears into the Killer like a rabid dog. He assaults the masked menace with everything that isn't nailed down--and several things that are--while Barini, Lagarto,and Daga get in a staredown with Justun Bearable outside the ring. The Killer tries to take Oakley out with the Body Count, but Chris counters it into a Full Metal Jacket;he then signals the crowd that he's going to apply the Snuff the Rooster on Killer, prompting more insanely loud pops.
Monroe:Here we go...the Snuff the Rooster!!
Marcum: If he gets the Killer to tap out to this,this place is gonna erupt like Mount St. Helens!!!
As Killer starts to stagger back to his feet, Chris clamps him in the Snuff the Rooster while Hombre Lagarto and Mario Barini chase Justun Bearable back to the locker room; senior referee Lothar of the Hill People raises Killer's hand once, twice, three times....then signals to the timekeeper to ring the bell because the match is over. The RDCW fans give Chris a huge ovation as he is proclaimed the winner by ring announcer James White; Chris then pulls Killer into a sitting position while El Daga starts to undo the laces on Killer's mask.
Marcum: This is it,folks!!
Monroe: At last we'll get to know the true identity of the masked maniac who has been stalking Chris Oakley for six long years...
As soon as El Daga has finished untying the laces of Killer's mask, Chris pulls the mask off with a flourish to reveal none other than...his Robblemania XX opponent, the Captain of Outer Space!
Marcum: SON OF A BITCH!!! I KNEW IT!!! I KNEW IT WAS HIM ALL ALONG!!!
Monroe: The Captain of Outer Space,revealed as the true identity behind the Killer!! But his plot to take Chris Oakley down has backfired with a vengeance!!!!
Shocked murmurs reverberate throughout the Cheesedome as Rooster blasts over the speakers.
Hardcore Porn Championship
Darth (C) vs. El Superbeasto
Del Castillo's "Back From the Grave" blasts over the speakers as El Superbeasto makes his way to the ring carrying-
Monroe: Is that a kitchen sink?
Marcum: He did say he was going to give it new meaning!
As El Superbeasto walks up the ring steps, the lights go out, and "Imperial March" begins to play. Lightning strikes the ring posts and the center of the ring, and when the lights return, there is a golf bag alone in the center of the ring. The "Imperial March" continues to play as a red mist rises from the ground. El Superbeasto cautiously enters the ring, and holds the sink at the ready. Darth begins to rise from beneath the stage.
Monroe: Golf clubs in the ring, a kitchen sink, what else are these two monsters going to use tonight?
Marcum: The question is, what aren't they going to use?
Darth makes his way to the ring, and as he climbs up the ring steps, El Superbeasto runs at him with the sink. Darth holds up his hand, as at it makes contact with the sink, it shatters it.
Monroe: Buhgawb!
Marcum: I'm not going to have to break out the Lysol, am I?
El Superbeasto backs away as Darth enters the ring. The two stare at each other as the bell rings. Finally, El Superbeasto makes a run at Darth with a Giant Headbutt, but Darth again holds up his hand, and the impact causes El Superbeasto to fall backward, onto the mat. El Superbeasto holds his head in pain, as Darth stands over him, in a golf stance. Suddenly, a nine iron slips out of Darth's sleave and into his grip, and he pulls back and yells "FORE!" Darth then swings right at El Superbeasto's groin.
Monroe: Buhbawb! It was a golf club all this time!
Marcum: That's a relief!
Monroe looks over to Marcum, who shrugs.
Marcum: What?
Darth tosses the now bent golf club aside as El Superbeasto rolls on the mat in pain. Darth pulls out another club from the bag, and looks to take a swing at the giant luchadore's head. In an act of desperation, El Superbeasto climbs to all fours, and launches himself in a spear at Darth, sending him hard into the corner. The entire ring shakes from the impact. Darth releases the club, and El Superbeasto takes one into his own hands from the bag, striking Darth with a-
Fat Retard: SLOBERKNOCKER TO THE STERNUM! THE STERNUM!
Darth falls forward after repeated blows from El Superbeasto, who then begins working on his back. Darth manages to roll out of the ring. El Superbeasto follows him out, and grabs a chair from ringside. He stands over Darth, and strikes his back with the chair. El Superbeasto then lifts Darth up and walks over to the Spanish announce table, sending Darth through with a sidewalk slam. El Superbeasto leans over to lift Darth again, but Darth hits him with a chair, and El Superbeasto backs away, again holding his head. Darth rises to his feat, still holding the chair.
Monroe: Oh no! It looks like the Sith Lord is about to completely lose it on the giant luchadore!
With El Superbeasto's back to him, Darth swings the chair, hitting his back and dropping the chair. The giant luchardore's hand goes instinctively to the spot Darth hit, and Darth grabs his head, falling backwards into a reverse DDT.
Monroe: Sithspawn!
Darth gets back to his feet, and lifts El Superbeasto up. He rolls him into the ring, and then reaches under, pulling out some trashcans. Darth throws them into the ring, along with the lids, and slides under the ropes. El Superbeasto grabs one of the cans as he gets back to his own feet, and as Darth charges him with another can, he flies at Darth, knocking Darth's trashcan into his face. Darth manages to stay on his feet, and El Superbeasto connects with a Giant Headbutt, sending Darth to the mat. He follows that up with a Giant Elbowdrop. El Superbeasto then runs to the ropes and jumps backwards off of them for the Giantsault. Unable to withstand the impact, the ring collapses. Lothar finds himself outside the ring, and he tries to make his way to the center to make a count. Precious seconds are wasted, and when Lothar finally sees that Darth is pinned and counts to two, Darth throws El Superbeasto off of him.
Monroe: Buhgawb! How can the match continue without a ring?
Marcum: This is hardcore! They don't need a ring!
Both monsters get back to their feet, and as they turn to face each other, they simultaneously grab each other's throats. As they struggle to left each other into a chokeslam, Darth pulls El Superbeasto closer to him. With lightning speed, Darth turns their deadlock into a Sabrestretch. Darth goes to execute the Darkside Slam, but El Suberbeasto grabs his head and turns it into a DDT.
Monroe: Buhgawb! I've never seen anything like this!
Marcum: El Superbeasto is unbeatable!
El Superbeasto rolls Darth over, but Darth kicks him out of the remains of the ring, and sends him towards the announce table. Monroe and Marcum quickly jump to their feet and back away, as Darth approaches the giant luchadore.
Marcum: You don't think he's going to-
Monroe: I don't think anything!
Marcum: That's true!
The two monsters trade punches as they climb on top of the table. Darth kicks El Superbeasto's knee, causing him to drop. As Darth reaches for his throat, El Superbeasto picks up one of the moniters, and smashes it into Darth's head. As Darth staggers back, El Superbeasto grabs his throat, and chokeslams him through the table. This time, Lothar is there to make the count, and El Superbeasto becomes the new Hardcore Porn Champion!
Women's Boobie Belt Championship
Sneaky Bunny (C) vs. Lor
Sneaky Bunny and Lor lock up in a series of holds and roll-ups as the match gets underway. Neither can get an early pin, and after trading several suplexes, Sneaky connects with the Bunny Flop. She tries to hit the Taxidermy, but Lor gets her knees up, and Sneaky rolls off of her clutching her gut. Lor gets back to her feet and delivers a couple more suplexes before locking in the Harlequinaid.
Monroe: No way Sneaky breaks this hold! With all the suplexes executed in this match, she can't have the strength!
As Lothar looks to Sneaky's right hand, he doesn't notice her left hand pull something out from her pocket. Lothar watches Sneaky's arm fall, and that's when the Bunny uses brass knuckles on the side of Lor's forehead. Lor releases the hold, and Sneaky falls forward, sliding the brass knuckles out of the ring.
Marcum: She's still a sneaky one! Lothar never saw the hit!
Monroe: But was that the smart move to make?
Marcum: Of course it was! She's still the champ, and the match is still on!
Sneaky crawls to the corner ropes and uses them to get back to her feet. As Lor begins to approach her, Sneaky quickly climbs the ropes, and hits Lor with the Bunny Hop. Sneaky quickly goes for the pin, but Lor kicks out at two. Lor is slow to get up, and blood is pouring down the side of her head.
Monroe: Oh no, Lor is losing a lot of blood! This is not looking good for the lone she-wolf!
Lor makes a run at Sneaky, who exectutes a-
Fat Retrad: DROP TOE HOLD! SLOBBERKNOCKER!
Lor rolls out of the ring to collect herself, and Sneaky patiently waits as Lothar begins to count. As Lor gets back to her feet, something catches her eye. She bends down, and picks up the brass knuckles, stained with her blood. Sneaky Bunny doesn't notice this, and Lor slips the brass knuckes onto her own hand. She then slips into the ring before Lothar can finish his count. Sneaky turns to face her, and Lor punches her in the stomack with the brass knuckles. Lor then pulls back to punch Sneaky in the face, but Lothar sees the weapon and tries to stop her. His attempt is only mildly successful, as Lor instead punches him in the face. Lothar drops and signals the bell while clutching his nose.
Monroe: Oh no, Lor just got herself disqualified!
Marcum: That maniac! She took out Lothar, and now Sneaky is all alone! Someone has to stop this!
Sneaky tries to get away, but Lor stops her and punches her in the head with the brass knuckes. She then slips out of the ring, and goes for the Boobie Belt. James White tries to stop her, but he gets a punch to the gut. Lor grabs the belt and slips back into the ring.
Marcum: That ain't right! What did James do to deserve that? How could Lothar allow Lor to bring that dangerous weapon into the ring?
Monroe: If you remember, it was Sneaky Bunny who brought the brass knuckles into this match! And now she's going to pay for it in blood!
Lor places the Boobie Belt on the mat infront of the now bloody Sneaky Bunny. She helps Sneaky back to her feet, and gives her another punch to the stomach. Sneaky bends over and spits up some blood. Lor places Sneaky in a standing head scissors, and hooks both of her arms. She then drops, sending Sneaky into the Boobie Belt with an underhook facedriver (Pedigree).
Monroe: Buhgawb! Lor just had the Last Laugh!
As a group of referees finally make their way down the ramp, Lor stands up. She seductively blows them a kiss, and then slips out of the ring, disappearing into the crowd.
