*Bad Company fills the arena as Balls Nasty walks down to the ring with a mic in hand. He's not wearing his ring gear. Instead, he's in jeans, work boots, and a NASCAR tank top.*
Last week, you saw me do what needed to be done. I gave Slick Willie a concussion and dropped El Superbreasto like a bad habit. Louie, you may have wanted to make me your Crown Jewel, but there was one major flaw in your plan. Balls Nasty doesn't hop around on command like those trained monkeys you have under contract. I'm not here in the RDCW to win you gold and recognition.
*Nasty's tone quiets down a bit.*
You see, folks, I've been doing a little thinking. I wondered why I hadn't soared to the top like I should have. I realized that there was something wrong in my life. Balls Nasty was being held down by the life he was leading. So I took a long walk to think about it. Not here in Roboken, mind you. This town is a shit pile. But I took a walk never-the-less.
As I made my way through the city streets, I found myself drawn to one building in particular. In it were people of strong conviction and inner strength. They sat me down and talked with me. They gave me the insight to see what was really wrong. Why one of the greatest wrestlers to ever lace up a pair of boots wasn't at the top of his game. They gave me the knowledge and the confidence to push myself to where I need to be. With their spiritual instruction I will win the number one contender's bout that I signed up for tonight and continue on to be the Heavyweight Cheese Champion. I can do this because I now understand why I haven't advanced like I should have. Balls Nasty knows who's to blame for his failures.
*Nasty's voice raises as he points out over the audience.*
YOU!
That's right! All of you are to blame. You pissant fans who would rather cheer some shitty gimmick all painted up and covered in glitter so you can have some cheesey onliner on a t-shirt and poster than to watch an experienced, technically sound wrestler display the skills and power of the perfect human speciman. You self serving managers and valets who jump aboard someone's band wagon and try and drain as much fame and money off of someone else's hard work. You ass kissing bookers and writers who fear progression and hold back the greatest talent you've ever seen because you are afraid of the grand possibilities that he will unlock. And finally, you greedy administrators who only want the status quo in your ring and not challenge the fans' preconceived notions of what wrestling is so that you can keep scooping up the revenue from the memorabilia stands.
My new Scientologist friends have taught me that I am not the reason things go wrong in my life. It's the people around me like you and Slick Willie who are dragging me down to the bottom with them. I am a supreme being who is constantly bombarded with your stupidity and holding me back. Not anymore! Tonight, Balls Nasty breaks free and shows the RDCW and the rest of the world what a true champion looks like.
