El Superbeasto's Former Hardcore Porn Champion Invitational Battle Royal
Chris Oakley over JQ, Zod, Jaburg, Urg, Capt. Howdy, TK, Wednesday, Darth, Bibbo, and PenWing

Del Castillo's "Back From the Grave" begins to play as the Hardcore Porn Champion El Superbeasto and Louie Bastardo make their way down to ringside. They step into the ring and begin to speak.

LB: Tonight, you losers are about to witness a historic event! As the greatest Hardcore Porn Champion of all time, El Superbeasto has issued the invitation to all former Hardcore Porn titleholders to take part in this battle royal to determine who will challenge for the title at Uncircumsized!

Monroe: Greatest Champion? He hasn't even defended the betl since he won it!

MarcuM: He doesn't need to! Let the so called challengers prove themselves first!

LB: Let the battle begin!

Louie and Superbeasto take seats at ringside as the competitors make their way down one by one. Lothar motions for the bell to be rung and everyone jumps into the fray!

Half the competitors target Urg, while the other half target Darth. Both monsters fight them off until their standing nose to nose in the center of the ring!

The behemoths begin to brawl and people start pairing off. Chris Oakley picks up a metal ladder and begins swinging wildly, knocking Jaburg over the top rope and sending Zod headfirst into JQ! They collide as Howdy hits a Howdyslam on JQ and sends him over the top!

TK and Wednesday hit a double dropkick on Bibbo, and he goes flying over the top! The Playaz Club members celebrate with some high fives until PenWing nails them both with a Sherwood! He goes to toss Wednesday out, but TK breaks it up with a cookie sheet to the head!

Darth and Urg continue their battle, fighting into the corner. Darth is pounding away at Urg, who tries to resist. Urg goes for a comeback, but as he does, Superbeasto stands up and walks over to him, smashing a huge bottle of tekilla over the caveman's head!

Urg staggers out of the corner and Darth hits a Darkside Slam, allowing him to toss the caveman over the top!

Monroe: El Superbeasto's interfering in the match!

MarcuM: It's his match, his rules!

Chris Oakley hits a Red Alert on Zod and sends him over, before Howdy nails a low blow! TK climbs to the top to attempt an aerial maneuver, but PenWing throws Wednesday into the ropes and TK lands on the rope! Darth shoves him over and out to the floor and sends Wednesday hurling out for good measure!

Monroe: The Dark Lord appears to be unstoppable, Madman!

MarcuM: He could go all the way tonight!

Monroe: The final four! Darth, Howdy, PenWing, and Oakley! Who will win?

Howdy circles Darth as PenWing and Oakley renew their battle. Howdy's leg, injured earlier, begins to bother him again, as Darth moves in to choke him in the corner. Darth whips him across the ring, but Howdy stumbles and drops before hitting the ropes. JLA walks out from backstage and begins yelling at Howdy about getting hurt. JLA climbs on the ring apron and Howdy pulls himself to his feet as the two continue arguing.

Darth impacts into Howdy with a spear, sending him out of the ring as the Allied Powers hit the floor!

Monroe: Is what the future holds? Could we see the Dark Lords taking down the Allied Powers for the titles?

MarcuM: MisterJLA would never let that happen!

Back in the ring Oakley and PenWing have continued to batter each other with various forms of plunder, including but not limited to chairs, stop signs, a ring bell, and a Frank Sinatra album. Oakley has grabbed a piece of wire and is choking PenWing out with it.

Darth heads over and batters Oakley with an axehandle and picks him up for a Sabre Stretch! He drops Oakley and tosses PenWing out of the ring and to the floor.

At that moment Prometheus drops down through a skylight, landing in the middle of the ring. He has had adequate prep time and is prepared for every eventuality. He lights a cigarette and inhales deeply. He looks around and begins to speak.

Pro: Okay, Chewy, this is what we need to do-wait. . .this isn't TOMB! I'm in the wrong universe!

Pro snaps his fingers and disappears in a burst of violet light as everyone in the arena looks confused.

Darth circles back around and picks up Oakley. He tosses Oakley over to the ropes and nails him with a clothesline. He hits a Sabre Stretch and seems to be ready to toss Oakley out.

Monroe: Darth seems ready to take it all here!

MarcuM: Oakley's a goner for sure!

Darth gorilla presses Oakley and prepares to toss him when El Superbeasto climbs into the ring holding a pinata shaped like a burro. He nails Darth in the back with the pinata and the Dark Lord goes down. Darth drops down and Oakley lands on top of him. Superbeasto rips apart the pinata, revealing a large sewer lid inside it. He laughs and tosses the lid aside before leaving the ring and heading to the back.

Monroe: What the hell was that?!

MarcuM: He wasted the chance to eliminate both of them!

Oakley and Darth slowly get to their feet, pullng themselves up by the ringropes. Darth charges in, but Oakley hits a kick to the

Fat Retard: STERNUM!!!

and hits a Red Alert. He picks up the sewer lid and hits Darth in the face, sending the Dark Lord into the ropes. Oakley follows up with a Kill 'Em All dropkick that sends Darth out of the ring!

"Rooster' cues up as the Bond Brigade members run down to the ring and lift Oakley up on their shoulders in celebration!

Monroe: Oakley wins! Oakley wins! Oakley wins!

PostMatch:
*PenWing is walking backstage, headed for his locker room when he passes Charlie, standing in the hallway. Charlie speaks.

Charlie: Bit of a laugh, isn't it? You getting tossed out like that when you used to own the Hardcore Porn division. But then I guess it shouldn't come as much of a surprise since you dropped the big belt to a loser like Joe Mama.

PenWing becomes irate and shoves Charlie up against the wall.

PenWing: "You don't get it, do you? I've been there, I've got nothing left to prove. You, on the other hand, what exactly have you done since you got here? I mean, without the help of Howlerama and Slick Willie?"

Charlie becomes very unnerved and motions for PenWing to release him.

Charlie: Hey, man, it was just a rib, you know? I din't mean nuffin by it! Cool out.

*PenWing begins to calm down and releases Charlie. He starts to walk away when Charlie hits a savage Tower of London, dropping him on the hall floor. Charlie begins pounding away at PenWing's head, busting him open and bloodying him up.

His savage assault continues until Capt. Sammitch runs in, chasing Charlie off down the hallway. Sammitch returns and helps PenWing back to their locker room.