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This is The Madman here, kids and do we have a hot one for you tonight! Fresh off of Uncircumsized, MisterJLA will attempt to retake the Inter-Cunt-inental title from Nowhereman! But that's not all, JLA has had a special referee assigned for this match: Captain Howdy!
JLA's a freakin' genius!
It's Tuesday Night, so let's get ready for some Havoc! 
El Superbeasto (C) (45%, 10 Votes)
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Balls Nasty (55%, 12 Votes)
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Howlerama (70%, 14 Votes)
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Homeland Security (30%, 6 Votes)
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Elisa / Batwoman (C) (64%, 14 Votes)
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Nuriko / Terri Savitz (36%, 8 Votes)
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Pig Iron / Spamm (48%, 11 Votes)
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Captain Sammitch (52%, 12 Votes)
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Nowhereman (C) (30%, 7 Votes)
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MisterJLA (70%, 16 Votes)
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The Madman says: "that's fucked up. that ain't right."
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*Backstage, in the Family's dressing room, El Superbeasto is sitting in a chair and reading a book. He seems to be a bit perplexed. Howler & Highwayman walk up to the Giant. Howler: "See the look on PenWing's face when we tore him up last week?" Highwayman: "Sure did. Hey, Superbeastie. Whatcha reading there?" Superbeasto: "Is book. Dianatetics by L. Ron Hubbub." H&H: "Huh?"  Howler: "What are you readin that for?" Superbeasto: "Tonight, I finally have match against turncoat Balls Nasty. Senore Bastardo and I figure that since Nasty is now Sciencetologist like Tom Cruise, reading up on Sciencetology will let me. . .how you say. . .get in Nasty's mind." Howlerama slowly smile and nod to each other. Howler: "Riiight. Well, buddy, if you have any problems getting into his mind, just let us know, kay?" Superbeasto: "Is done deal, amigos."  Howlerama walk off as Superbeasto goes back to his reading.
I will destroy all of you putas. Greetings from El Superbeasto.
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I Am Groot 5000+ posts
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I Am Groot 5000+ posts
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*"Rooster" erupts from the Cheesedome as Chris Oakley heads down to the ring with a clipboard in one hand.He picks up a mic and motions the crowd for silence.*
Well, folks, I've good news and bad news... The bad news is, Mario Barini has quit RDCW and decided to go back to racing. (a handful of mock groans from some of the wiseguys in the front row) The good news is, I spoke with Senor Perdicion's trainer and personal doctor a few minutes ago-- he's been cleared to return to the ring and will be back in action here in RDCW soon! (huge pops from the crowd; several fans, wearing Monstros Azules costumes, yell "VIVA PERDICION!")
Now then, down to business-- even though I lost the triple threat hardcore title match against Darth and El Superbeasto at Uncircumsized, I'm proud of how I performed in that match. Why? Because I reminded people once again that I'm willing to take any risk for the sake of climbing to the top of the RDCW ladder!
Which brings me to my main point....
(holds clipboard up to the camera) Believe it or not,there's some idiots out there who still don't believe I can handle the pressure of being an RDCW main eventer! So I have here in my hand an open contract for any RDCW superstar to face me one-on-one on next week's "Havoc"! (INSANE pops from the Cheesedome fans)
MARCUM: Didn't Oakley take enough punishment in the triple threat match?!!!
MONROE: He's never backed away from a showdown before, and he's not about to start now!
I don't care who signs this contract, Captain Sammitch, Joe Mama, Highwayman, Tommy Savitz, Big Fat Elvis, the Boston Strangler, the Man in the Moon, Cosmo Kramer-- what I do care about is that someone says they're willing to step up and take me on head-to-head in that ring! And if I don't get an answer to my challenge by the time tonight's show's over, I'll personally tear down the Cheesedome brick by brick!
*Chris tosses the mic down and starts making his way back to the Bond Brigade dressing room as "Rooster" plays over the Cheesedome PA again*
MONROE: The former RDCW IC and hardcore champion has thrown down the gauntlet...
MARCUM: Let's hope somebody picks it up soon-- Oakley in a rage is NOT a pretty sight, believe me!
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'Sweet Child of Mine' starts to play, and James Fantastic makes his way down to the ring, with AJR in tow. Fantastic stops Chris from going any further, and AJR hands him a mic
James Fantastic:Y'know, Chris, I've realised something. I owe you a lot.
Monroe: What does Fantastic mean?
James Fantastic: When I first came here, you were one of my biggest supporters, a guy who made a point of encouraging me and supporting me through all my matches. When we were both fired, you offered me a spot in The Bond Brigade. And since I joined SD-6 I've kinda neglected you, right?
The crowd pops Fantastic's show of friendship, behind the Tuesday Night Rocker in a big way
James Fantastic: I'll admit, there was the whole car thing a while back, but hey, what's an argument between friends? Seriously, though, I seem to getting over with the guys in the seats out here...
Laughter, and huge pops from the crowd
James Fantastic: So I reckon it's time I did you a favour in return.
Fantastic takes the clipboard and signs the contract.
James Fantastic: Next week, the two of us are going to tear the roof off the Cheese-Dome, and slam it back down! And I'd like to make a challenge for the next Pay-Per-View, whatever the hell it is! How's about some good old fahioned 6-man tag action, Bond Brigade against Tuesday Night Rockers?
The crowd pops Fantastic, and he poses for the fans as Chris returns to the back. Fantastic then follows him, pausing to sign autographs for the fans.
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*Havoc returns from break as we see Mike "The Mouth" Monroe sitting at ringside with a somber look on his face.
Monroe: Fans, Joe Mama was supposed to be here tonight. He was scheduled to make an appearance discussing his match at Uncircumsized last week, as well as his apparent injury at the hands of the Dark Lords.
Joe Mama is not here this week. He is still hospitalized. He is at Kamphausen Medical Center in downtown Roboken, under the care of Dr. Zachary Smith. Please send your well wishes to the RDCW and we will forward them to Joe Mama. Thank you.
On behalf of the RDCW, to all of you watching at home and all of you here at the CheeseDome I apologize fans. Hopefully next week, we will have some sort of update for you on Joe Mama's status. Once again, we apologize.
The Madman says: "that's fucked up. that ain't right."
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terrible podcaster 15000+ posts
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terrible podcaster 15000+ posts
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Posts: 17,801 |
<'Let's Get it Started' blares over the speakers and the crowd cheers as Captain Sammitch makes his way to the ring. He slips between the ropes, acknowledges the crowd with a smile, then calms them with a gesture.>
Captain Sammitch: Thank you. Thanks very much. But honestly, I don't deserve any of that.
Monroe: Sammitch is obviously still distraught over what happened at Uncircumsized.
Marcum: I'll say! He just can't think of a good excuse for why he couldn't win the title!
CS: I didn't accomplish what I set out to do. I didn't win the title from Joe Mama. But that's not what has me upset. I went out there and gave it my best shot. So did he. And he proved that at least for that night, he was the better wrestler. And you know what? That didn't bother me as much as I was afraid it would. Or at least it didn't bother me as much as what happened after the match.
<Sammitch gestures to the Cheese-O-Tron, which picks up the action from Uncircumsized:
Pig Iron and Spamm target Sammitch as Darth and Grimm go to work on JM. Spamm hits Sammitch with a Spandex Superkick, knocking him back into Pig Iron's grasp. PI gorilla presses Sammitch and follows up with a Swine-A-Sault!
Grimm and Darth hit a double chokeslam on JM! The Dark Lords tie JM up in the ropes while PI and Spamm finish their assault on Sammitch.
They take turns beating on JM as Grimm picks up the Big Cheese Title. He looks down at the belt and walks over to JM, locked in the ropes. He reaches down and grabs JM by the hair, holding the belt up close in front of his face.
Grimm: Everything you covet has a heavy price. This is your price to pay. Consider your challenge accepted.
The Dark Lords pull JM out of the ropes and Darth picks him up for a piledriver. Grimm climbs onto the turnbuckle and spikes it as they send JM STRAIGHT TO HELL!!!!>
CS: Not cool. I never had a beef with the Dark Lords before. I've helped them as many times - if not more times - than I've fought them. But if this is how they wanna handle business, then so be it.
Monroe: I don't like where this is going...
Marcum: What could Sammitch possibly have up his sleeve now?
CS: I didn't give you fans quite the show you were hoping for at Uncircumsized. I want to apologize for letting you down... but I want to make it up to you. And I think it's only fair that someone is made to answer for what the Dark Lords did to Joe Mama.
Marcum: Since when does Sammitch give a damn about Joe Mama?
CS: Spandex Monkey Man? Pig Iron? You wanna come after me in the ring? Here's your chance.
Monroe: Here it comes...
CS: Tonight... in Roboken... right here... you two are gonna get to face off against me in a Handicap Match!
<Huge pops from the crowd>
Marcum: Has Sammitch lost his mind? Didn't he take enough punishment from those two at Uncircumsized?
CS: I wasn't able to bring the title back home for the SDC, and I couldn't stop the Dark Lords from putting a worthy opponent in the hospital. But tonight, I'm gonna do the best that I can to start setting things right. Because I owe that much to the Sudden Death Connection, to Joe Mama, and most of all, to all of you. See you all later tonight!
<The crowd goes wild as Captain Sammitch exits the ring and disappears backstage amid his entrance music>
Monroe: Well there it is, folks! We're gonna see Captain Sammitch take on half of the Dark Lords in a Handicap Match... tonight!
Marcum: BUHGAWD, Mike!
Fat Retard: The People's Elbow!
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Monroe: Breaking News, fans! Spandex Monkey Man has just responded to Sammitch's challenge!
Cut backstage to an abandoned area of The Cheese-Dome. It's littered with trash, and sitting in the middle of it is Spandex Monkey Man, with a different look. He now looks like a twisted combination of a goth and a superhero
Monroe: What's happened to SPAMM?
Marcum: The Dark Lords happened, Mouth!
SPAMM: When The Dark Lords took me, they did me the greatest favour of my career. Up to that point, I was lost. Lost in a mire of stupid gimmicks and stupid matches with a joke and his bodyguard. I was after a title wanted by five men. And, now, now I'm a hardcore machine, ready to deal out pain and destruction to all!
there are mutterings among the crowd. This isn't the SPAMM they know and love
SPAMM: Captain Sammitch, you think you can beat me? With no less than Pig Iron behind me? Tonight, I will grind you down and break you. I'll beat you until you scream for mercy, and then I'll crush your skull. I have new friends now, new and deadly friends. Friends like...Mr. Sledge Hammer!
SPAMM hoists a Sledge Hammer out from the rubbish. It has a little face painted on. The crowd bursts out laughing.
Monroe: Well, what do you know? Doesn;t look like SPAMM's changed that much after all!
SPAMM: And...Mr. Staple Gun! Only he doesn't have a face 'cos it wouldn't fit
He produces a staple gun from the wreckage. By now the crowd are in stitches!
SPAMM: Tonight, Sammitch, you will bleed, and you will die. So Sayeth The Monkey Man.
OOK OOK ACK EEK!
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I Am Groot 5000+ posts
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Posts: 5,813 |
*After a quick 30-second plug for the next Havoc,we fade to the Bond Brigade dressing room,where we see Chris Oakley with the Crotch.*
CROTCH: Chris, earlier tonight James Fantastic accepted your challenge-- now are you going to accept his?
CHRIS: Without a doubt, Crotch. (huge pops from the crowd watching the interview on the Cheese-O-Tron) It's been way too long since I've been involved in a solid six-man tag match, and besides that it'll be the perfect way for Senor Perdicion to make his return to RDCW. (further pops) When the Bond Brigade and the Tuesday Night Rockers go head-to-head at the October pay-per-view, it'll become the standard by which all other six-man tag team bouts are measured.
CROTCH: What about your ongoing war against the Bastardos?
CHRIS: Trust me, I haven't forgotten about them-- but for now, all my attention is focused on my match against James Fantastic next week. Speaking of which, I've got some old tapes to review. If you'll excuse me....
*Chris closes the Bond Brigade dressing room door as the camera zooms in on Crotch.*
CROTCH: There you have it, folks: Chris Oakley has officially accepted James Fantastic's challenge for a six-man tag team bout at the next RDCW pay-per-view-- now back to ringside.
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Hardcore Porn Title
El Superbeasto (C) vs. Balls Nasty
"Badd Company" begins to play and the challenger,
Balls Nasty heads down to ringside for the match. As Balls stands in the ring awaiting his opponent, multicolored strobe lights begin to flash around the CheeseDome and a large ufo descends from the rafters. The ufo lands at ringside and a short, round man in a silvery mask and costume walks out.
The silver costumed man climbs into the ring and begin to speak in an poorly distorted voice. The man points at Balls.
"Balls Nasty, I am the higher being you scientologists know as Xenu. I am here, Balls Nasty, to take you from this place and give you your just rewards. Come with me, Balls Nasty, on a journey that never ends. Let us ride. Let us ride. For I am Xenu!"
Nasty has a huge smile on his face. Nasty grabs xenu's hand and pulls him in close. Nasty leans into Xenu and says:"On behalf of my fellow Scientologists, let me be the first to kick your ass!" before hitting kicking Xenu in the gut and delivering the Tavernsmasher.
Xenu is down and nasty begins pulling off his silver mask.
MarcuM: He's taking off Xenu's mask! He can't do that!
Monroe: It's Louie Bastardo!
MarcuM:  plan by Louie!
Monroe: That brilliant plan just got his ass kicked!
MarcuM: Yeah, but he left Balls open for attack!
Nasty tosses Xenu Bastardo out of the ring as Superbeasto's music begins to play and the giant rushes down to the ring!
El Superbeasto charges into the ring with a steel chair in his hand. He swings it at Nasty, but Balls ducks out of the way and hits a neckbreaker on the Giant Luchadore. Nasty takes his boots to Beasto's head.
Monroe: El Superbeasto took that damaging blow to the head at the hands... or should I say knee of Balls Nasty last week. Nasty is targeting what he knows to be a weakened part of the Giant Luchadore's body.
Nasty drags Beasto to his feet and tries to execute a suplex.
Monroe: El Superbeasto isn't moving!
MarcuM: Of course not! El Superbeasto is too much man for Balls Nasty to take.
Monroe: Uh.... that sounds gay. 
MarcuM: That ain't right. 
Superbeasto slams his arms together on each side of Nasty's torso three times to break the hold. He then uses a Giant Headbutt to knock Nasty to the canvas. Grace has appeared at ringside with a garbage can full of plunder for the match. Beasto empties the can into the ring and picks up a pinata stick. As Nasty pulls himself off the mat, El Superbeasto crowns him with the stick several times. Beasto places two chairs in the center of the ring. He then picks up Nasty and executes a sidewalk slam onto the top of the chairs. With Balls laying on the ground, Beasto executes a Giant Elbow. Nasty rolls out of the way. The ring groans under the impact and the clattering of the chairs echoes in the arena.
Nasty crawls to the corner and climbs up. Balls seems to pause at the top rope, as though he's catching his breath. Beasto gets to his feet and charges into the corner. At the last second, Nasty rolls out of the way. Beasto is already in the air to hit the splash and can't stop. He hits the turn buckle face first and falls to the mat.
MarcuM: That's cheating! Nasty took the cover off the turnbuckle.
Monroe: He sure did! And El Superbeasto hit that exsposed buckle with all 415 pounds of weight driving him into it!
Nasty attacks Beasto with a stop sign, striking the Giant Luchadore several times across the back. Nasty climbs out of the ring and returns with a table. He sets the table up near the turnbuckle. Slowly, he's able to drape El Superbeasto over the width of the table with the Giant Luchadore's head hanging over the side. Balls then places a chair across Beasto's face and chest and then climbs the turnbuckle. From the top rope, Nasty hits a guillotine leg drop, breaking the table that was already bending under Beasto's weight.
Monroe: Looks like that move injured Nasty as well.
MarcuM: He'd better watch out. That stunt probably just pissed El Superbeasto off.
Nasty limps on his right leg a little as he stands. He tosses the chair off of Beasto and covers for the count. 1...2... And El Superbeasto kicks out at the last second. Both men slowly get to their feet. Beasto quickly goes to the side of the ring where Grace is waiting. She produces a bottle of Tekilla. He reaches down for it when Grace points behind him. Beasto turns to see Nasty tossing a garbage can at him. The Giant Luchadore catches it, but isn't prepared for the drop kick Nasty follows up with, driving the can into Beasto's face.
El Superbeasto falls back into the ropes and gets his arms tangled up. Balls Nasty gets up and walks over to Grace, taking the bottle from her hand. He looks at it for a moment, then back at her. She takes off running back up the ramp as Nasty throws the bottle after her. It breaks and spills it contents onto the ramp. Nasty limps over to the other side of the ring and reaches into a bag he left sitting there. He holds the contents up high for everyone to see. It's a bottle of Jack Daniels. He takes off the lid and takes a hefty drink. Nasty then places the bottle in El Superbeasto's mouth and begins to pour. Beasto is struggling, whiskey splashing all around his mouth as his feet kick furiously and his hands flap up and down between the ropes. Once empty, Balls takes the bottle and smashes it over the Luchadore's head.
Balls Nasty unhooks Beasto from the ropes. He then squats down as he places the 415 pound wrestler on his shoulders.
Monroe: He's not going to try....
Straining and grunting, Balls Nasty lifts El Superbeasto. All the while, his injured knee shakes violently.
Monroe: MY GAWD!
MarcuM: That's impossible!
Nasty then executes a thunderous Camero Cut, causing the ring to shake. He covers El Superbeasto for the three count.
Monroe: Balls Nasty is the new Hardcore Porn Champion!
MarcuM: No! No! This is just the kind of ineffecient officiating that the Bastardos won't stand for. I declare a mistrial!
Balls Nasty stands, panting heavily, as he is handed the Hardcore Porn belt.
The Madman says: "that's fucked up. that ain't right."
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Tag Division Match
Howlerama vs. Homeland Security
Howlerama defeated Homeland Security at the twenty two minute mark following a brutal top rope Kapitalizm! After the match, Howler & Highwayman continued to brutalize their opponents in an attempt to injure them the way they did PenWing at Uncircumsized.
Louie Bastardo, still dressed as Xenu, raised his boys hands and declared them the next World Tag Team Champions!
Lipstick Lesbian Tag Titles
Princess Elisa / Batwoman (C) vs. Nuriko / Terri Savitz
The Champs took the win when Elisa made Terri tap out to Absolution! Watching from the entranceway, Lor looked on, seemingly mocking Elisa by holding up the Women's Booby Title.
The Madman says: "that's fucked up. that ain't right."
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Handicap Match
Captain Sammitch vs. Pig Iron and SPAMM
'Let's Get It Started' played first, and Sammitch made his way to the ring to huge pops from the crowd. "Cemetary Gates" then played, and Pig Iron and Spandex Monkey Man came down, to a mixture of cheers and boos.
Monroe: The fans don't seem to want to let go of SPAMM!
As the bell went, The Dark Lords laid into Sammitch, dropping him with a series of vicious punches before stomping him down whilst he lay on the mat. Pig Iron then distracted the ref whilst SPAMM went to get Mr. Staple Gun. This gave Sammitch the opportunity he needed to get back to his feet, and decked SPAMM with a Sammitch Spin before rolling up Pig Iron for a pin. SPAMM broke it up before the ref could get past a 1 count.
Pig Iron then took over, hitting Sammitch with a vicious series of punches before whipping him into the turnbuckle. He then punished Sammitch with a series of vicious forehand chops. However, as Pig Iron went for a stinger splash, Sammitch dodged the blow, causing Pig Iron to slam full force into the turnbuckle. The Captain then turned to SPAMM, reversing an attempt at a clothesline into a Complete Shot before locking in an anklelock. SPAMM made it to the ropes to break the hold, but an attempted comeback with a reverse bear hug was reversed as Sammitch spun round to get behind his foe before hitting a series of german suplexes, as the crowd gleefully counted along.
Crowd: 1! 2! 3! 4! 5!
On 5, however, Pig Iron grabbed Sammitch's legs and flipped him into the ropes. He and SPAMM then took over, hitting Sammitch with a damaging double reverse DDT before attempting to hit a double leg drop. Sammitch rolled out of the way, however, and the pair landed on their asses. Sammitch then hit both of them with a spectacular cross body, leaving SPAMM flat on his back whilst Pig Iron struggled back to his feet. He went charging towards Sammitch, but The Captain hit a shoulder back toss to fling Pig Iron to the ring floor.
Monroe: BUHGAWD! Pig Iron's gonna need help to come back from that one!
As Sammitch turned to check on Pig Iron, SPAMM hit a vicious Powerpunch before setting up his foe for a Spandex Monkey Driver. However, Sammitch suddenly reared up, grabbing SPAMM's legs and hitting an Alabama Slam into the turnbuckle. Sammitch then climbed the turnbuckle, and hit a Sammitch Slam that reverberated around The Cheese-Dome!
Monroe: He's going for the pin! 1! 2! 3! He's done it! Sammitch just beat 2 of The Dark Lords!
Following the match, Pig Iron stormed back into the ring tossed a chair at Sammitch. Sammitch grabbed the chair , but PI was ready and laid out Sammitch with a vicious Roaring Elbow, knocking the chair into Sammitch's face!
He held Sammitch prone for Spamm to deliver Here Comes Mr. Sledgehammer, followed up by one of Pig Iron's own Swine-A-Saults!
Monroe: BUHGAWB!! Won't somebody help Sammitch out here?!
MarcuM: Who's left, Monroe? The Tuesday Night Rockers split from them and PenWing's in the hospital! Sammitch doesn't have any other friends except Meeko! And I'd hate to see her get involved in this!
Monroe: That much we agree on!
The Madman says: "that's fucked up. that ain't right."
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Posts: 34,506 Likes: 64
"Hey this is PCG342's bro..." 15000+ posts
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"Hey this is PCG342's bro..." 15000+ posts
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 34,506 Likes: 64 |
Quote:
Monroe: It's Main Event time! For the Intercuntinental title, the fist EVAR and current champion Nowhereman, defends against the man he took the title from at SummerScam: MisterJLA!
JLA is using the rematch clause that was written into the SummerScam contract: not only does JLA get a rematch when he demands, but he also gets to choose the stipulation: and that stipulation is JLA gets to assign the guest ref! The guest referee is none other than JLA's tag partner, Captain Howdy!
Howdy is a longtime associate of Nowhereman, and Howdy's interference cost JLA his IC Belt at the PPV! Some think his interference was directed toward Nowhereman, others think he booted JLA in the head on purpose!
Now JLA and Nowhereman will get to see where Howdy's loyalties lie!
Marcum is backstage ready to kiss JLA's ass, I mean interview him now!
A fat guy with a beard and mustache is seen outside JLA's locker room. He is surrounded by security guards. He knocks on JLA's door, and out steps one half of the World Tag Team Champions...
Quote:
Marcum: JLA! This is the moment of truth! Tonight's ref, Captain Howdy will be put to the test! Will he call this match for his old ally Nowhereman, or his current tag partner, you?!?
JLA: If he wants to stay a champion, if he wants to remain a part of the greatest tag team EVAR, he'll do the right thing. I'm sure he remembers where his career was headed before I saved him. If he fucks this up, there will be no going back. I showed the world last week, that he CAN be replaced. Jeeves did a Hell of a job as a tag partner last week.
Marcum: But he gave you a "Twisted Buster" last week!
JLA: I'm guessing that was revenge for me hurting his widdle weg in the ladder match. We're even now, and now it's back to business: MisterJLA holding more RDCW gold!
IC Title Special ref: Captain Howdy
Nowhereman (C) vs. MisterJLA
JLA walks through the Cheesedome curtain, and is immediately attacked from behind! Nowhereman slams JLA onto the ramp, and continues to pummel him!
Guest referee Captain Howdy soon rushes to the scene, and orders both men to get in the ring. Nowhereman ignores him, and continues to punch away at this opponent. Howdy finally pulls Nowhereman away, and while he is holding him back, JLA sucker punches Nowhereman and sends him reeling!
He continues to punch away and kick Nowhereman. JLA finally leads Nowhereman to the ring, fires him under the bottom rope, and begins his own assualt. Howdy calls for the bell, and we're officially underway!
Quote:
Marcum: Did you see that? Howdy held Nowhereman up for a beautiful punch from JLA!
Monroe: I think he was just trying to get both of them in ring! This is for the IC Belt, this is not a hardcore match!
JLA has the advantage, and measures Nowhereman up with knee and elbow drops. He attempts an early "Justice Lock of America", but Nowhereman fights out of it with a boot to the head.
Nowhereman then follows with a tombstone piledriver, a powerbomb, and a swinging neckbreaker, carefully connecting on each move for maximum damage.
Quote:
Monroe: He's softening him up for the cuntface!
The match goes on, and Nowhereman takes a cautious approach. Each manuever, punch, kick, and chop is released with great precision.
JLA tries to stem the tide with a few eye gouges, but Nowhereman shrugs them off. In desperation, JLA swings wildly at Nowhereman with a clenched fist, but the champ ducks it, grabs JLA's arm, and applies "The Crippler Cuntface"!
Quote:
Monroe: A CUNTFACE! A CUNTFACE! A CUNTFACE!
JLA uses his free hand to try to pull himself to the ropes, but he doesn't make it very far. Howdy continually askes him if he wants to tap, but the challenger refuses. After time, JLA finally manages to drag himself to the ropes. Howdy calls for the break, but Nowhereman refuses!
Quote:
Howdy: You have to break the hold, poof!
Nowhereman: I don't HAVE to do anything, tosser! You don't like it, then disqualify me!
Howdy once again seperates Nowhereman from JLA. While the ref and the champ argue with each other, JLA hits Nowhereman in the back, sending him into The Captain. The two knock heads, and hit the canvas. JLA then rushes out of the ring, and approaches Monroe:
Quote:
Chair.
Monroe sheepishly stand up, folds his steel chair, and hands it to JLA. JLA then rushes back into the ring.
Both Nowhereman and Captain Howdy stand up at the same moment. Howdy is facing JLA, and sees him armed with a chair. Nowhereman has his back turned to JLA.
Suddenly, Howdy clutchs his head, and falls to the mat.
Quote:
Marcum: He fainted from the collision!
Monroe: Oh, come on!
Marcum: What? It was a delayed reaction!
As soon as Nowhereman turns around, JLA hits him over the head with the chair, busting him open. He then places the chair on the canvas, and piledrives the IC Champ directly on the chair. He then throws the chair out of the ring.
Quote:
Marcum: A Night Cap on the chair! Brilliant!
JLA then picks up his enemy, slaps him in the face, and then hits a "Final Justice"!
JLA then grabs the knocked down champ by the foot, and applies the "Justice Lock of America"!
Almost immediately, Howdy springs to his feet! He asks Nowhereman if he wants to tap, but he just shakes his head "No"!
Nowhereman iches closer to the ropes, and is almost there!
Just then, Howdy calls for the bell!
A confused James White sounds the bell after some hesitation, and makes the announcement:
Quote:
White: Uh...ladies and gentlemen...um...
Howdy walks over to White, and shouts at him from the ring.
Quote:
White: The winner of the match, as a result of a submission...and new Intercuntinental Champion...MisterJLA?
Monroe: What a...screwjob! He never quit! I think this match will forever be known as the "Roboken Screwjob!"
JLA breaks the hold, and begins to dance in the middle of the ring. Howdy takes the IC Belt from White, and fastens it around his tag partner's waist.
Nowhereman gets to his feet, and attacks Howdy! JLA takes the IC Belt off, and smashes the former champion over the head with it.
The Allied Powers then stomp away at Nowhereman, until he rolls out of the ring.
JLA and Howdy are celebrating in the ring, but their celebration is cut short when "Cemetary Gates" begins to play and the Dark Lords head down to ringside.
The new IC Champion ducks behind his tag partner as the Lords make their way into the ring. Grimm has a mic and he and Darth walk up the Powers while Spamm wanders the ringside area and Pig Iron sits atop a turnbuckle.*
Quote:
Grimm: Well well well. Isn't this quite a sight? Captain Howdy and. . .Mister. . .J. . .L. . .A. The RDCW World Tag Team Champions. The premiere tag team in the sport of professional wrestling. A bonafide hardcore legend and a cowardly pervert. You believe these guys, Darth?
*Darth sneers at the Powers as Grimm continues his tirade.*
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Grimm: I can only conclude from looking at you that your title run has lasted so long only because we haven't gone after the belts. Well, guess what. . .
*Grimm steps up into Howdy's face*
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Grimm: We want those belts now and we'll be taking them from you next week.
*Grimm throws the mic down as he and Howdy stand nose to nose in the ring.
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JLA: You guys just had to piss on my parade, didn't you? Look, we defeated you guys already. Back when Darth had the good sense to leave you hanging high and dry, Grimm. So...no. No shot at the Tag Gold for you.
You expect us to put the Belts up for grabs, when you offer nothing in return?
JLA scratches his chin. An amazed look washes over his face!
Quote:
JLA: That's it! You want a match, fine! But YOU will have to put something up for... grabs: Chesty! When we win, and we will win, I get a date with Chesty. Oh yes!
Darth: <sith-esque> We will not accept any stipulation that puts a third party alone with you, you sick little man. We do not not need you to agree to any match. What you will not give us freely, we will take from you by force. Do not question the power of the darkside.
Chesty: Hold on just a sec here. I'm a big girl, Darth. I can take care of myself. Besides, <a sinister smile makes it's way across Chesty's face> do you really think the Dark Lords can lose to the Allied Powers in hell? Does anyone here believe that the Dark Lords can lose to anyone, in a fifteen foot steel cage with no way out? JLA, the Dark Lords will accept your stipulation so long as you accept mine. If you can defeat the Dark Lords in Hell in a Cell, then you can have one date with me, including all it's costs and benefits.
*Darth's eyes go wide, not believing what Chesty just said. Grimm puts a hand on his shoulder. Grimm whispers something to Darth. Darth's eyes light up as a grin makes it's way across his face and he chuckles.*
Quote:
Darth: Very well, JLA. The darkside has spoken. We accept your terms.
Grimm: It is settled then. Next week. The Dark Lords. The Allied Powers. The World Tag Titles. Hell in a Cell. But before we leave here, I thought you two would like a taste of what we have planned for you next week.
*All four members of the Lords jump on Howdy and JLA and a brawl ensues. The lights begin to flicker on and off several times. No one can really see exactly what is happening. Finally the lights go down for a few moments before coming back on.
The Dark Lords have disappeared. The entire ring and the Allied Powers along with it, is covered in blood. The Powers are laid out in the ring. JLA revives and tries to stand. He slips on the blood and tries to use one of the ring ropes to pull himself up. He looks down at his blood covered form in disgust and shouts:
Quote:
JLA: Holy Fuck! I hope Jeeves has something to get these stains out!
*Havoc fades out as security attempts to help the Powers out of the ring.*
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