<'Let's Get it Started' blares over the speakers and the crowd cheers as Captain Sammitch makes his way to the ring. He slips between the ropes, acknowledges the crowd with a smile, then calms them with a gesture.>
Captain Sammitch: Thank you. Thanks very much. But honestly, I don't deserve any of that.
Monroe: Sammitch is obviously still distraught over what happened at Uncircumsized.
Marcum: I'll say! He just can't think of a good excuse for why he couldn't win the title!
CS: I didn't accomplish what I set out to do. I didn't win the title from Joe Mama. But that's not what has me upset. I went out there and gave it my best shot. So did he. And he proved that at least for that night, he was the better wrestler. And you know what? That didn't bother me as much as I was afraid it would. Or at least it didn't bother me as much as what happened after the match.
<Sammitch gestures to the Cheese-O-Tron, which picks up the action from Uncircumsized:
Pig Iron and Spamm target Sammitch as Darth and Grimm go to work on JM. Spamm hits Sammitch with a Spandex Superkick, knocking him back into Pig Iron's grasp. PI gorilla presses Sammitch and follows up with a Swine-A-Sault!
Grimm and Darth hit a double chokeslam on JM! The Dark Lords tie JM up in the ropes while PI and Spamm finish their assault on Sammitch.
They take turns beating on JM as Grimm picks up the Big Cheese Title. He looks down at the belt and walks over to JM, locked in the ropes. He reaches down and grabs JM by the hair, holding the belt up close in front of his face.
Grimm: Everything you covet has a heavy price. This is your price to pay. Consider your challenge accepted.
The Dark Lords pull JM out of the ropes and Darth picks him up for a piledriver. Grimm climbs onto the turnbuckle and spikes it as they send JM STRAIGHT TO HELL!!!!>
CS: Not cool. I never had a beef with the Dark Lords before. I've helped them as many times - if not more times - than I've fought them. But if this is how they wanna handle business, then so be it.
Monroe: I don't like where this is going...
Marcum: What could Sammitch possibly have up his sleeve now?
CS: I didn't give you fans quite the show you were hoping for at Uncircumsized. I want to apologize for letting you down... but I want to make it up to you. And I think it's only fair that someone is made to answer for what the Dark Lords did to Joe Mama.
Marcum: Since when does Sammitch give a damn about Joe Mama?
CS: Spandex Monkey Man? Pig Iron? You wanna come after me in the ring? Here's your chance.
Monroe: Here it comes...
CS: Tonight... in Roboken... right here... you two are gonna get to face off against me in a Handicap Match!
<Huge pops from the crowd>
Marcum: Has Sammitch lost his mind? Didn't he take enough punishment from those two at Uncircumsized?
CS: I wasn't able to bring the title back home for the SDC, and I couldn't stop the Dark Lords from putting a worthy opponent in the hospital. But tonight, I'm gonna do the best that I can to start setting things right. Because I owe that much to the Sudden Death Connection, to Joe Mama, and most of all, to all of you. See you all later tonight!
<The crowd goes wild as Captain Sammitch exits the ring and disappears backstage amid his entrance music>
Monroe: Well there it is, folks! We're gonna see Captain Sammitch take on half of the Dark Lords in a Handicap Match... tonight!
Marcum: BUHGAWD, Mike!
Fat Retard: The People's Elbow!
