Hardcore Porn Title
El Superbeasto (C) vs. Balls Nasty
"Badd Company" begins to play and the challenger,
Balls Nasty heads down to ringside for the match. As Balls stands in the ring awaiting his opponent, multicolored strobe lights begin to flash around the CheeseDome and a large ufo descends from the rafters. The ufo lands at ringside and a short, round man in a silvery mask and costume walks out.
The silver costumed man climbs into the ring and begin to speak in an poorly distorted voice. The man points at Balls.
"Balls Nasty, I am the higher being you scientologists know as Xenu. I am here, Balls Nasty, to take you from this place and give you your just rewards. Come with me, Balls Nasty, on a journey that never ends. Let us ride. Let us ride. For I am Xenu!"
Nasty has a huge smile on his face. Nasty grabs xenu's hand and pulls him in close. Nasty leans into Xenu and says:"On behalf of my fellow Scientologists, let me be the first to kick your ass!" before hitting kicking Xenu in the gut and delivering the Tavernsmasher.
Xenu is down and nasty begins pulling off his silver mask.
MarcuM: He's taking off Xenu's mask! He can't do that!
Monroe: It's Louie Bastardo!
MarcuM:
plan by Louie!
Monroe: That brilliant plan just got his ass kicked!
MarcuM: Yeah, but he left Balls open for attack!
Nasty tosses Xenu Bastardo out of the ring as Superbeasto's music begins to play and the giant rushes down to the ring!
El Superbeasto charges into the ring with a steel chair in his hand. He swings it at Nasty, but Balls ducks out of the way and hits a neckbreaker on the Giant Luchadore. Nasty takes his boots to Beasto's head.
Monroe: El Superbeasto took that damaging blow to the head at the hands... or should I say knee of Balls Nasty last week. Nasty is targeting what he knows to be a weakened part of the Giant Luchadore's body.
Nasty drags Beasto to his feet and tries to execute a suplex.
Monroe: El Superbeasto isn't moving!
MarcuM: Of course not! El Superbeasto is too much man for Balls Nasty to take.
Monroe: Uh.... that sounds gay.
MarcuM: That ain't right.
Superbeasto slams his arms together on each side of Nasty's torso three times to break the hold. He then uses a Giant Headbutt to knock Nasty to the canvas. Grace has appeared at ringside with a garbage can full of plunder for the match. Beasto empties the can into the ring and picks up a pinata stick. As Nasty pulls himself off the mat, El Superbeasto crowns him with the stick several times. Beasto places two chairs in the center of the ring. He then picks up Nasty and executes a sidewalk slam onto the top of the chairs. With Balls laying on the ground, Beasto executes a Giant Elbow. Nasty rolls out of the way. The ring groans under the impact and the clattering of the chairs echoes in the arena.
Nasty crawls to the corner and climbs up. Balls seems to pause at the top rope, as though he's catching his breath. Beasto gets to his feet and charges into the corner. At the last second, Nasty rolls out of the way. Beasto is already in the air to hit the splash and can't stop. He hits the turn buckle face first and falls to the mat.
MarcuM: That's cheating! Nasty took the cover off the turnbuckle.
Monroe: He sure did! And El Superbeasto hit that exsposed buckle with all 415 pounds of weight driving him into it!
Nasty attacks Beasto with a stop sign, striking the Giant Luchadore several times across the back. Nasty climbs out of the ring and returns with a table. He sets the table up near the turnbuckle. Slowly, he's able to drape El Superbeasto over the width of the table with the Giant Luchadore's head hanging over the side. Balls then places a chair across Beasto's face and chest and then climbs the turnbuckle. From the top rope, Nasty hits a guillotine leg drop, breaking the table that was already bending under Beasto's weight.
Monroe: Looks like that move injured Nasty as well.
MarcuM: He'd better watch out. That stunt probably just pissed El Superbeasto off.
Nasty limps on his right leg a little as he stands. He tosses the chair off of Beasto and covers for the count. 1...2... And El Superbeasto kicks out at the last second. Both men slowly get to their feet. Beasto quickly goes to the side of the ring where Grace is waiting. She produces a bottle of Tekilla. He reaches down for it when Grace points behind him. Beasto turns to see Nasty tossing a garbage can at him. The Giant Luchadore catches it, but isn't prepared for the drop kick Nasty follows up with, driving the can into Beasto's face.
El Superbeasto falls back into the ropes and gets his arms tangled up. Balls Nasty gets up and walks over to Grace, taking the bottle from her hand. He looks at it for a moment, then back at her. She takes off running back up the ramp as Nasty throws the bottle after her. It breaks and spills it contents onto the ramp. Nasty limps over to the other side of the ring and reaches into a bag he left sitting there. He holds the contents up high for everyone to see. It's a bottle of Jack Daniels. He takes off the lid and takes a hefty drink. Nasty then places the bottle in El Superbeasto's mouth and begins to pour. Beasto is struggling, whiskey splashing all around his mouth as his feet kick furiously and his hands flap up and down between the ropes. Once empty, Balls takes the bottle and smashes it over the Luchadore's head.
Balls Nasty unhooks Beasto from the ropes. He then squats down as he places the 415 pound wrestler on his shoulders.
Monroe: He's not going to try....
Straining and grunting, Balls Nasty lifts El Superbeasto. All the while, his injured knee shakes violently.
Monroe: MY GAWD!
MarcuM: That's impossible!
Nasty then executes a thunderous Camero Cut, causing the ring to shake. He covers El Superbeasto for the three count.
Monroe: Balls Nasty is the new Hardcore Porn Champion!
MarcuM: No! No! This is just the kind of ineffecient officiating that the Bastardos won't stand for. I declare a mistrial!
Balls Nasty stands, panting heavily, as he is handed the Hardcore Porn belt.
