Sirens erupt from the screen and speakers….merging into the music.
Music then blares loudly…. The ‘Countdown To Armaggedon” intro music blares through the arena.
Pig Iron enters the Cheesedome, head down, in his trademark black hooded robe grabbing a mic from Marcum along the way. He stares at Marcum, Marcum backs up in his chair..security then surrounds Marcum and Monroe, and Pig Iron enters the ring.
Music stops…..
Marcum: “Why does he always grab my mic?”
Monroe: “Maybe he just likes touching your hand?”
Pig Iron: “Some of you may ask why the need for fire and metal? It is a symbol of ancient power…power from the darkness of men’s souls. Fire and metal forged swords—swords used to smite those far weaker, that vanquished enemies. Fire and metal forge steel in the dark furnace of my heart…steel used to create a Hog of War.”
Marcum: “Ummmm, yeah?”
PI: “A Woooaaahyaaahhhh of Paaaainnn created of steeel from the dark furnace of my heaaarrt and sssouullll. That is why I am a Dark Lord…why I was chosen. Dark does not mean evil, darkness does not necessitate villainy. I am a Dark Lord because the darkness of my heaaarrrrt and soouulll cry out to be free…to flow outward and demonstrate that horrrrrrible power and fury upon the weaaakkkk willed. As I earlier bequethed an example of that living force to the insignificant fool that is Captain Curmudgeon.”
Monroe: “Lord help us!”
Marcum: “Don’t you mean Dark Lord?”
Monroe: “Do you even listen to yourself?”
PI: “I see a vision of darkness perpetually surrounding the young Captain and his first mate Chewy. Like an impenetrable cloud I will follow and stalk them like a shadow they cannot escappppeee. If they see me, if they perceeeeivvvve my haunting footsteps I will show them what lies in darkness of my heart. Fury, rage, an elemental force of nature more ancient than the steel that felled them. And that is only me where will the spandexmonkeyman be?”
Monroe: “I’m thinking Chewy is more like the Skipper. Is he making a Gilligan’s Island reference?”
PI: “ Captain, Chewy. If you venture into the heart of darknessss, the shadowy soul of the Dark Lords…prepare to be met with steeeelllll. Steel brought down from the Dark Lords and the Pig of Iron—forged into perfect steeeellll—a Hog of Woaaahhh—a Woaaahhhyaaaahhh of Paaaiiinnnn!”
Marcum: “I said he lost it before, but I was mistaken. I think he just lost it even more.”
Monroe: “I didn’t think that was possible.”
Marcum: “me either, Little Buddy, me either.”
*PI exits music playing and security surrounding him…
