Hardcore Porn Title
Balls Nasty (C) vs. Charlie
Monroe: Up next is the Hardcore Porn Championship bout between former teammates Charlie and Balls Nasty, the reigning champ!
Marcum: Yeah, and Charlie is going to take the title back for the Family after Nasty stole it from El Superbeasto!
Monroe: Say what you will, Madman, but..... wait...... I'm getting word that something is going on backstage.
Marcum: What? Did the Hotties already start their match? With Jell-O? I wanna see!
Monroe: Will you shut up! Our crew just got a cameraman back there.
The Cheese-o-tron comes to life with a shakey picture as the cameraman runs down the hall. He turns a corner to see Balls Nasty cracking a shovel over Charlie's back.
Monroe: My gawd! Balls Nasty has attacked Charlie backstage.
Marcum: Does he have no shame?
Nasty drops the broken shovel handle and shoves Charlies face first into the wall. As Charlie wobbles on his feet Balls rips off the Michael Myers mask and tosses it away. Nasty then punches Charlie in the face a couple of times before hitting a clothesline. A ref finally runs in and keeps to the sidelines.
Monroe: I guess this means the match is officially underway!
Nasty goes for the pin, but Charlie kicks out after only a one count. As Nasty pulls Charlie to his feet, the Brit elbows Nasty in the midsection several times to break the hold. He uses a few punches to weaken Nasty before trying to break away to regain some energy. Nasty recoups and follows after Charlie. As he rounds a corner, Charlie hits him with a flourescent bulb right across the face. Nasty falls back, covering his eyes.
Charlie goes on the offensive and hammers Nasty with lefts and rights, before spinning him round and slamming him headfirst into a wall. The Million Dollar Pitbull then goes for a pinfall, but Nasty kicks out on one. As Balls gets to his feet Charlie attempts to nail him with a steel chair, but Nasty dodges and kicks the chair into Charlie's face.
Monroe: Who leaves all those damn chairs lying around?
Nasty then picks up Charlie, but the Family Enforcer comes back with a series of elbows to Nasty's ribcage, and the pair proceed to pummel each other with a series of vicious
punches that carry them all the way to the carpark. There, Nasty spears Charlie into the side of a car before picking him up and powerbombing him onto the bonnet.
Monroe: Whose car is that anyway?
As Charlie rolls onto the ground Nasty climbs on top of the car and hits The Kentucky Falls, driving Charlie's face into the concrete. Nasty then goes for a pin, but Charlie manages to kick out on two. However, he struggles to get back to his feet, and Nasty promptly slams him headfirst into the window of a big black Ferrari, busting him open.
Marcum: Hey, that's Charlie's car!
As Balls Nasty picks up Charlie and continues the fight, they come upon an attractive woman who, although clearly not Asian OR high-school aged, is dressed up in a Japanese
schoolgirl-style sailor suit.
Monroe: Wait a minute, she looks familiar.
Marcum: Of course she does! She's Street Fighter Alpha's Sakura!
Both wrestlers seem distracted by the woman in the Sakura costume, though Balls Nasty seems suspicious.
Monroe: No, there's something funny about this.
Marcum: Well, I'll admit she fills that Sailor Suit in nicer than Sakura did.
Suddenly, a huge man dressed up as a robed Sumo wrestler crashes into Balls Nasty as Charlie looks on, looking as if he'd been expecting this.
Monroe: Now this is terrible!
Marcum: GOOD GOB! It's about to get worse, he's taking off his robe!
The man in the E Honda costume removes his robe and goes for a 100 hand slap, managing to miss all 100 times. The woman in the sakura costume uses the distraction to go after Balls Nasty with an odd sort of roundhouse kick that gratuitously flashes her panties.
Marcum: The flower kick! I almost gave myself carpal tunnel syndrom making sakura do that move over and over!
Monroe: Why would you even say that on the air? I've figured out what's going on here!
Marcum: Me too! The cosplayers have risen up on this, their day of greatest power and are overthrowing society! I, for one, welcome our new, costume-clad overlords and offer my services as a well known TV host to further their cause.
Monroe: Would you cut that out?
Charlie, after getting a few moments rest, is now helping the two people in Street Fighter costumes attack Balls Nasty. The three of them step away as another man steps into
frame. He can only be seen from behind, but the long, blonde wig as well as the red, sleeveless Karate outfit he's wearing could only indicate he's the Street Fighter group's Ken. He pulls out a lighter and what apperars to be tissue paper.
"Ken": HADOKEN!
"Ken" lights the paper and throws it at Balls Nasty, creating a fireball
Monroe: I know who they really are! "E Honda" must be big Fat Elvis! And that means "Sakura" and "Ken" must be...
"E Honda" holds a chair in front of Balls Nasty and "Ken" smashes it into Balls Nasty's face with a spinning hook kick.
Monroe: ...Ariel and Johnny Evil!
Johnny Evil: He's all yours.
But Balls Nasty isn't ready to give up the fight just yet. He swings out wildly with punches that almost manage to connect.
Monroe: He's still somewhat blinded from the fireball!
Nasty attempts to grab Johnny Evil but BFE takes a run up and hits a Big Splash onto Balls Nasty. He then picks up Balls Nasty as Charlie steps back in and drills Balls with a running knee to the groin. BFE then hands him the bag from Charlie's promo.
BFE: Y'forgot this
Charlie then grins, and unzips the bag, producing a steel bar which he beats Balls Nasty over the head with, sending fresh blood pouring down his face. Charlie and the group then bundle Balls Nasty into the back of his car and drive off.
Monroe: Where's Charlie going?
Marcum: All I know is I wouldn't...wait, here he comes!
Sure enough, Charlie's car drives down the ramp and Charlie gets out, dragging Balls. He goes to throw Balls into the steel ringsteps, but Balls reverses the throw and drives Charlie
headfirst into the steel!
Monroe: Balls Nasty is making a comeback!
Marcum: It'll never last! Remember, Johnny Evil is still around!
Johnny, Ariel, and BFE follow the two down to ringside, where BFE steps up behind Nasty and begins hammering him with forearm blows to the back! BFE picks Nasty up and bodyslams him on the arena floor as Johnny climbs up onto the apron and hits an asai moonsault onto the Hardcore Porn champion!
Marcum: I KNEW IT! The Family is unstoppable!
Charlie staggers back to his feet, and Johnny hands him a pair of diamond encrusted knuckle dusters before picking Balls Nasty and irish whipping him towards Charlie, who
brings him down with The Million Dollar Pitbull. Balls drops to the mat with a resounding thud, and Charlie covers him for the pin!
Marcum: Brilliant! Charlie's just got his first belt, and the Family have finally brought an end to Balls Nasty!
Johnny Evil then grabs a mic and speaks.
Johnny Evil: Ladies and Gentlemen...Evil has returned to the RDCW!
