Falls Count Anywhere
Captain Sammitch vs. Pig Iron
Marcum: “ Oooh, I think its coming.”
Monroe: “ What’s coming, what’s coming?”
Marcum: “Falls Count Anywhere!”
Sirens echo through the cheesedome and Countdown to Armageddon erupts through the speakers.
Marcum: “Methinks Pig Iron is going to fall tonight to the man, the legend…Captain Sammitch.”
Monroe: “And remember..Falls Count Anywhere.”
Pig Iron enters the ring to a variety of cheers and boos from the crowd and takes off his hooded robe.
“Let’s Get It Started” begins playing and the crowd erupts into a fury of roars and mania. Captain Sammitch begins to enter the ring wearing his trademark attire in blue and white.
Monroe: “There he is.”
PI wastes no time and makes a running slide under the bottom rope and spears CS as he is entering the ring. Both wrestlers land on the floor and exchange blows. CS stands up holding his lower back and PI leaps from his knees into a run and again spears an unsuspecting CS into the guard rail. Both wrestlers topple over the railing into the crowd. The crowd goes wild and as both men stand up they again begin to exchange punches. Guards move in to move back the crowd of fans. CS spins around behind PI as he fakes a punch and puts PI into a sleeper hold. PI seems to be blacking out but fights to keep his faculties.
Monroe: “ Sleeper. Sleeper!”
CS has the upper hand and appears ready to get the limp arm win when PI lifts his legs grabs CS’s head from behind and drops to the ground turning the move into a Pork U (rude awakening). Both wrestlers are hurt and the concrete has taken its toll. Weary, the men try to get to their feet and stumble to keep their balance.
The cameras fade into a live backstage shot with Bookkaki.
B: This is Bookkaki, Havoc numbah one anoncah! I wus eating my dinnel when Spandeecckks monkah man came lunning in wi a gasorine Kahn and a bic righter. He set the entile buffah taber on file..it’s all on file!
Monroe: “ What’s that cheeky monkey up to?”
As both wrestlers stand up they again begin to punch each other trying to get some needed adrenaline. CS gets PI reeling backwards and begins to lay a devastating assault of blows.
Crowd: “ One…Two…Three..Four…Five…Six….”
CS then puts the Sammitch Spin spinning kick right into PI’s noggin. PI rolls backwards into the stairs leading to the backstage area as they keep moving and battling through the crowd. PI slumps to the floor facedown CS then drops down to flip PI over and as the count goes to 2 PI gives CS a quick knee to the jewels from his back as CS was too far over top of him. CS is writhing in pain..looking like he’s going to puke as PI staggers to his feet and begins the trek up the stairs into the backstage area. The camera follows the beleaguered PI as he makes his way down the dim hallway..he nears the metal, double doors. The doors blast open into a blare of bright light as Sammitch made a running tackle into PI through the double doors again onto the concrete.
Marcum: “ Bughawd! Bughawd!”
CS gets up quickly..still looking groggy and stands over the face down and woozy PI….
Monroe: “ It is..he’s going to do it…he is…SAMMITCH SUBMISSION!”
Wrenching down on the modified walls of Jericho CS has PI in a world of pain. PI begins to grimace in pain and then he reaches his arms back and pulls down CS’s warm up pants and undees. CS lets his grip go to cover up his embarrassment.
B: “ Bookkaki sah Sammerch bars..sammerch bars!”
PI is on his feet and backpedaling closer to the flaming buffet table in obvious pain and bloody faced from landing on the concrete floor. CS makes another run at PI… and PI reverses into CS’s own Sammitch Suplex right onto and through the flaming buffet table. PI grinds CS’s face with his elbow the ref moves into to stop the maneuver. CS brings his closed fist up to hit PI and misses nearly hitting the ref.
Monroe:” NO..NO.”
PI grabs a hot silver serving dish and whacks CS across the head 3 times then brings the deformed serving dish sideways (with all his weight) into CS’s stomach/rib area. CS doubles over in pain still writhing on the floor.. The table’s flames have lit up CS’s warm up pants, barely aware he attempts to get to his feet and snuff the flames. PI then puts the distracted CS into…
Marcum: “ Bughawd….Schwein Slop Suplex.. Can sammitch break the modified Northern Lights?”
CS is head down into a bowl of fruit and wincing, trying to get a grab of the concrete to break the maneuver….1….2…….3…… The ref motions…
Crowd: “ Boooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.”
Sammitch gets to his knees and looks quite distraught and in disbelief…shaking his head.
SPAMM goes over to Pig iron and whispers in his ear. Pig Iron reaches down and grabs a burned banana from the crushed bowl of fruit. He peels the banana and throws the peel at the defeated Captain Sammitch..
PI: “ SPAMM wanted me to give you something to remember from the Dark Lords”
Throws CS the banana…”Thank SPAMM for the fried bananas.”
SPAMM sticks his tongue out at the Captain..
Monroe: “ Well, at least this wasn’t a title bout. A good showing by the Captain…can you believe that silver platter? Where do the dark Lords with a victorious Pig Iron go from here?”
