The camera shifts back to Mike Monroe and Madman MarcuM at ringside. Monroe: Fans, earlier today, the Dark Lords were in downtown Roboken and took a tour of the illustrious Kamphausen estates in preparation for the Rob’s House match later tonight! Our RDCW cameramen were on hand. Let’s go to the footage.
Camera opens on the outside of the Kamphausen estates. The Dark Lords are gathered outside of the gates. Grimm: Hold that camera steady. Okay, go.
Chesty: Chesty Lerou here, on location with the Dark Lords at the venereal Kamphausen estates. Grimm, tonight you face Joe Mama in the first ever Rob’s House match. How will you face Joe here in Rob’s House?
Grimm: Well the match itself will be in the ring, with items from Rob’s House placed around it. We’re just here to do some scouting and get a feel for the place. To get into the mindset of “Rob’s Damn House.” Let’s go inside.
They open the front door and walk inside. There is a large pile of mail lying on a table. Grimm walks over and begins rifling through them. Chesty: What are those?
Grimm: Looks like they're bills.
Chesty: Ooohh.
Pig Iron: Who's Bill?
Harleykwin picks up a small bundle of papers tied together. She lifts them to her nose. Harleykwin: Scented.
She unties them and reads through one or two. Harley: Dear Rob. Please mention me in your blog. Thanks. Here's another. And another. Oh, wait. Dear Rob. Enclosed is a petition to make me a mod. Thanks. And another. And another. Dear Rob. Oh, ewwwww. I'm not reading that. These are all love letters from MisterJLA!
She drops the letters down as the group laughs and begins to explore the house. Harleykwin: I wonder if there's any honey in the kitchen?
Grimm: See if he's got any beer.
The group wanders down a hallway and Grimm opens a door. Lights flash and loud booty music starts playing. Grimm shuts the door again. Grimm: Let's move on.
Chesty playfully leads Darth away from the other Dark Lords. She opens a door to what looks like Rob's bedroom. Monroe: Where are they?
Marcum: I think this is the boss’s bedroom!
Chesty runs to open every drawer and cabinet, and finds a drawer full of unmentionables. Chesty: Oh my! Our boss seems to have quite the love life! He has an entire collection of Victoria's Secret in this drawer alone! Oh, he must be quite the lover! Hmm...I wonder if he'd notice if I took anything in my size...
Marcum: I knew it! Our boss is a living legend! Oh great and powerful Gob, please tell us your secret!
Chesty continues to rummage through the drawer. Darth walks up behind her and reaches down, examining some of the items. Chesty: Huh. This doesn't make any sense. All of these are the same size! Why would all the contents in a conquest drawer be all the same size?
Darth: I don't think this is his conquest drawer.
Chesty looks puzzled, but then she begins examining some bras more closely. Monroe: Why would our boss have a drawer of unmentionables if they weren't conquests?
Marcum: They could be from the same woman. Of course! That must be it! There must be only one woman in the heart of our great Gob!
Chesty: You know, these are kind of small... Say, you don't think these are-
Darth: His?
Darth and Chesty look at each other and Chesty breaks out laughing. She leans her hand against a light fixture protruding from the wall, and almost falls over as it moves. Darth catches her, and they watch as a hidden door slides open. Together, they step inside the secret chamber. Chesty gasps. Chesty: Oh my!
Suddenly, the door begins to slide shut behind them, cutting them off from the camera. Marcum: What could be in there?! What does Gob have hidden in his secret chamber?
Pig Iron and Spamm are exploring another room of the estate... Pig Iron: Hmmmm, What are all of these goofy Batman action figures doing here? Batman may be a dark knight, but he is not a true maaann of Darkknessss.
Pig Iron picks up one of the action figures and fiddles with it a bit, turning it’s head backwards before laying it down on the table. Pig Iron: The Dark Lords would crush his puny darkness. We are woaayaahsss of the darkness. Dark Woaayyaaahhss.
Pig Iron motions to Spamm, who walks forward with Mr. Sledge Hammer. After a loud cry of “OOK OOK ACK EEK!” Spamm brings Mr. Sledge Hammer down, smashing the action figure and cracking the table top. Pig Iron: Hahaha, this man has shown his true colors. He has a Nintendo Gay-Boy on his coffee table. Does the DS stand for dong sucking? Hahahahaha.
Pig Iron picks the game console up and throws it violently onto the floor, as he and Spamm take turns stomping on it. Finally Spamm smashes it up with several shots from Mr. Sledge Hammer. The two look around for more things to destroy and stumble back to the action figures. Batgirl, Robin, Nightwing, etc. get smashed one by one. PI throws a Two-Face figure to Spamm. Immediately after, PI spots a Harley Quinn figure. He picks it up and smiles with evil glee. PI: Here, smash this one too!
PI turns and throws the Harley figure to Spamm. Out of nowhere a hand catches the figure in mid-air. Harleykwin steps out of the shadows and holds the figure to her chest. Her other hand remains hidden behind her. Kwin: (she smirks and purrs) I think I’ll keep this one…
PI and Spamm look at each other and then back at kwin for judging by the gleam in her eyes she has something else to say. Kwin: While you boys were playing with your toys, there were rooms with other treasures to be found… (smiling wickedly) It appears that Gob has some secrets of his own… (Kwin brings her other hand forward revealing a whip that she has found). This may prove useful in the match tonight…
Spamm: (surprised) Where did you find that?
Kwin: In the same room that Gob has his disco ball and the naked life sized posters of Ron Jeremy…
PI and Spamm visibly shudder at this news. Spamm: Do you know how to use it?
Kwin raises an eyebrow and without another word skillfully snaps the whip in their direction. There is a deafening "Crack!" as the whip hits the Two-Face figure in Spamm's hand spliting it in half. Spamm's hand is left untouched and unmarked. Harley smirks and says nothing.Marcum: (uneasy) What do you think Harley plans on doing with that? Do you think she’d actually help Grimm by using it in tonight’s match?
Monroe: I dunno, but I’m more disturbed to learn of Gob’s Ron Jeremy fetish! It’s almost as creepy as JM’s obsession with Grimm!
Grimm walks into another room. Grimm: This must be the Hogan shrine. Videotapes, dvds, action figures, giant framed portraits. . .is that? Gross. Hogan's old tights! They still smell like him, too.
Pig Iron sticks his head in the door. PI: Hoke Hogan.
Grimm: What the hell is this. . .
PI: Rob has a light saber?
Grimm picks the object up and holds it in the air. It's purple. As he lifts it up, it begins to vibrate suddenly. He tosses the object back onto the pile of memorabilia. MarcuM: That's fucked up. That ain't right.
Grimm: I think we've seen enough here. Let's go.
As the Dark Lords, Grimm, Harley, Pig Iron, and Spandex Monkey Man prepare to leave Rob's house... Grimm: Anyone seen Darth and Chesty?
Everyone shrugs and looks around, but no one answers. Grimm: All right then, they're gonna have to find their own ride back to the Cheesedome.
Just then, Darth and Chesty walk into the main hallway. Chesty's hair is disheveled, and Darth's face paint is smudged. Darth: Let's go.
Grimm:Heh.
The Dark Lords exit the house together.Monroe: Well that was. . .unique.
MarcuM: I wonder what else they found that will prepare them for the match tonight?
Monroe: I don't know, but here's something for the fans to find. The Anathema Wednesday shirt available at the RDCW shopzone!
