<The arena lights come up amid the cheers of fans, and Jay's Rap from Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back blares over the speakers...>
Fuck, fuck, fuck,
Mutha mutha fuck,
Mutha mutha fuck fuck,
Mutha fuck mutha fuck noinch noinch noinch
One, two, one two three four
Noinch noinch noinch
Shmokin' weed, shmokin' wizz, doin' cokes, drinkin' beers,
Drinkin' beers beers beers
Rollin' fatties shmokin' blunts...
Monroe: I wonder who
this could be...?
<Killconey and Chewy Walrus head down the ramp dressed as Jay and Silent Bob and are greeted by a mixture of cheers and laughter. Chewy is wearing the Hardcore belt around his waist but is otherwise in character. Killconey is waving his arms wildly, trying to get the crowd going...>
Marcum: Look at
these clowns!
Monroe: Why don't we wait and listen to what they have to
say? 
Killconey: What up, bitches? I'm the main man Killconey, and this here's my hetero-life-partner Chewy Walrus!
<Chewy simply nods, acknowledging the crowd...>
Marcum: Hetero-
what? 
Monroe: Gimme a break! That's right out of the
movie!
KC: Tonight, you're about to witness a fuckin'
circus of ass-whoopin'! That's right - the Bastardo Bitches are
goin' down like that "secretary" of theirs after two or three Cosmos... and after I get up behind that bitch and
smack her on the ass like...
<Killconey begins pantomiming the topic at hand. Chewy Walrus taps him on the shoulder, scowls, gestures at the crowd around them, and shakes his head, gesturing for Killconey to cut the 'demonstration' short. The crowd erupts into laughter...>
KC: You're laughin'
now, fools, but you're gonna fuckin'
flip when the Bastardos get
bitchslapped by the
Faction of Action, the
one and only Sudden Death Connection!
<Huge pops from the crowd...>
Marcum: I doubt
that's how it's gonna end up!
KC: But before all that goes down, give it up for the
new Hardcore champion, the man himself,
Chewy Walrus!
<Chewy nods in acknowledgement amid huge pops from the crowd...>
Marcum: Champion? He only has that belt because Balls Nasty cheated! You can't
earn the title by cheating!
Monroe: Never seems to bother you when the
Bastardos do it. Besides,
how do you
cheat in
hardcore???
KC: Not
only can this man lay down some serious smack with a buncha bike chains on a stick, the tubby bitch swings a mean
battle axe.
<Chewy gives a noncommittal gesture...>
Marcum: What's he talking about?
KC: So the fuzz decides to throw us in the can after things got out of hand at Analgesic Wednesday or whatever the hell it was called, and I use my phone call to tell the girlfriend 'Baby, bring me my
Player's Handbook and my bag of dice!' So I'm all locked up and shit with Chewy in my cell, and across from us we got the boy Fantastic and dude Savitz, when I bust out the character sheets and we throw down. D&D, muthafuckas!
<Chewy puts a hand to his forehead, obviously not intending for Killconey to share this revelation...> 
Monroe: After beating the hell out of each other, these gentlemen relax with a good game of
Dungeons and Dragons!
KC: So my badass halfling rogue bitch, she fuckin' levels
twice, but Chewy, man, he comes out swingin' with his half-orc barbarian and kicks
ass nonstop. Fantastic was all doin' his pretty-boy shit with his half-elf wizard, when...
<Chewy taps Killconey on the shoulder and motions for him to cut it short again...>
KC: Okay, bro!
Damn, you're a pushy motherfucker!
Marcum: Can't that bozo just cut to the chase already?!?
KC: All y'alls can be ready for a fuckin'
spectacle here tonight! Tonight, not only will the S-D-fuckin'-C come out on top thanks to Sudden Death and the Sammitch Slam, but Chewy Walrus here is
really gonna show you how a
champion throws down!
< Killconey raises Chewy's right arm amid massive pops from the crowd...>
KC: Tonight,
get ready to get rowdy, 'cuz y'alls are about to see some crazy shit in this here ring.
Poice!
<Killconey's entrance music - Also Sprach Zarathustra
from 2001
- blares over the speakers as the crowd cheers wildly. Killconey takes a bow and Chewy Walrus acknowledges the crowd before the duo exits the ring and heads up the ramp and backstage...>
