“Bad Boys..Bad Boys..Watcha gonna Do?“ begins playing over the Cheesdeome speakers..
Marcum: “What is this-- a video clip? Ooh, I know what this is. It’s a clip of Doc Paragon’s post-Anathema Wednesday housecleaning.”
Monroe: “Are you sure? Why didn’t Doc tell us about it?”
Bukake: “This is Bukaki..Havok numbah one announcah. We here at Loboken rocar station thlee. It appears sevelar of our westrels are being put in plison. Being numbah one announcah I have forroed story from its inception. Here is video clip.”
Marcum: “Inception? Can kids watch this video?”
Monroe: “Oh, Marcum.” Shakes head.
*The video begins playing. Horrible camera work is displayed as the cameraman is running with Bukaki in the lead. Darth and Grimm tag team an officer.
Grimm: “Darth, run.”
*Grimm and Darth run out the loading doors of the Cheesedome.
SPAMM: “Eek Ock OOOOOOOK.”
Pig Iron: “Hold on man there’s only three of them.“
*Spamm takes three nightstick clubs to the head, and continues to struggle to free himself.
PI: “Hell yeah SPAMMer give em hell.”
Suddenly 3 more officers arrive and entrap the beleaguered Spamm and PI.
Bukakee: “This is clazy. Ret’s forrow them, come on this is hot stoly.”
*The video shows a heavily edited chase scene with Bookaki chasing after the police cruiser until they arrive at Roboken Local Station 3. “Bad Boys” playing in the background.
*Back to Bukacki.
Bukakie: “We are hele now. How can Connivel Selies go on without SPAMM and Pig Ilon? Ret’s take a rook.”
*SPAMM is sitting at a desk having his information taken by a lovely, young female officer.
*Officer: “Come on. Please answer my questions. Again, what is your current residence?”
SPAMM: The wastelands of nuclear war. The scream of pain that echoes through the night. The entire recorded output of William Shatner. I reside, officer, in the places of true darkness.
Officer: "Huh?"
Pig Iron: “Hah.”
Officer: “What are you laughing at, Mr My Real Name is Pig Iron?”
PI: “Hey, what can I tell you? I’m working off the script.”
Officer: “I assure you this is very serious.”
PI: “Oooh, I’m sure it is. Who issued the aahhh, complaint, Ma’am?”
Officer: “One Dr. Paragon.”
PI: “Officer???”
Officer: “Schwarz.”
PI: “Interesting. Anyway, Officer Schwarz, my friend SPAMM and I are working off of a heavily contrived script provided by Doc paragon. He is as completely unoriginal as he is imbecilic. You see, Officer Schwarz, we are real men of darkness. We beat people until they are bloodied and crumpled into a lifeless mass on the floor….this is true. We are the last of a select group of warriors left ...true Whoaayaaahhhs of pain and darkness in a world of untalented jobbers and fake breasts.”
Officer Schwarz: “Huh?”
SPAMM: “Eek Ock Ook..Occckk, oooocckkk, aaaakkkk.”
PI: “OK, SPAMM, I’ll tell her. Don’t you ever get tired. Tired of the falseness of what you do. Trying to help, but never being able to. Trying to be something important, trying to be real in a world of H2s and make-up for men. I bet you get tired of it. The world is pain, and SPAMM and I, well we just dish it out to those that deserve it…and we get paid for it.”
Officer Schwarz: “So, you're hired muscle? For who, the mob?”
PI: “No, no, no, you don’t get it…”
OS: “No, your confusing me. You don’t speak English.”
PI: “Officer, let me speak clearly…..””
*PI jumps up from his chair (foolishly uncuffed ) and swipes all the clutter off of Schwarz’s desk…Officer Schwarz goes for her nightstick.
PI : “Let me speak more clearly…We are entertainers, real men in a world of metro-sexual jobbers like Captain Sammitch, Mister JLA, and Joe Mama. We will not be simplified and classified and categorized into a simple world of black and white, good and evil. We are real men of darknessssss, whoayaahhs of painnnnnnn. Whooayyahhs of grey in Doc Paragon’s world of black and white. We are two of four that make a team of one. We are unity and clarity of purpose. We will not stop until our message is heard, and undertstood...am I clear now Officer Schwarz?”
OS: “OOO Joe mama?? Yeah, you’re wrestlers…I get it.”
SPAMM: “Eeeeeeeekkkkk.” Spamm covers his eyes and shakes his head.
PI: “So, you know Joe Mama…isn’t that nice for you?”
OS: “That Sammitch he’s kinda cute.”
PI: “Did you understand anything else?“
OS: “yeah, you guys are the bad guys..”
Bukahki: “Good thing fol her that they ah no buffeh tabres alound.”
PI: “Schwarz I just spent 3 minutes explaining to you that we are not evil, or bad. We are just doing our jobs. It takes a dedicated individual to do their jobs, Schwarz. Don’t you feel left out and used sitting here pushing paper while other officers are out there doing the glory work..the real work? You’re work is important, but others don’t see it…don’t appreciate it. You make a difference, but no one notices it….or cares. SPAMM and I are making a difference. We are changing things, but sitting in here listening to trumped up, scripted charges is just foolishness.”
OS: “It says here assault with intent to do harm, and pre-meditated….wait. Pre-meditated intent to maim and assault with a deadly chair??? These are trumped up charges.”
SPAMM: "Proof, if ever proof were necessary. Paragon is weak, a blinded old fool struggling to impose order in a world of chaos"
PI: “Do you see now? Doc paragon’s money can infest even the Roboken Police department. Do you see the horrible scripts? Do you see the state of the whoorrllldd? I tell you Officer Schwarz, people like us can make a difference, when one becomes a whoaayyah of darkness…a Dark Lord..one can do the things that need to be done..clean up the establishment, a person can live and act in the grey areas and promote change from within. Let’s go SPAMM.”
OS: “Wait, I can’t just let you go.”
PI: “Hit SPAMM with your nightstick. 3 times ..right upside the head.”
SPAMM: “oooook.”
PI: “It’ll be OK..Do It..Do your job!”
*Officer Schwarz hits SPAMM..hard..and gives him 3 strikes to the head. SPAMM shakes it off, and doesn’t fall.
PI: “See, that’s a real man of darkness…a whoaayaaahh of paaaiinnn. No one can stop us, not even the Doc Paragon infested Roboken Police Dept. Join us Officer Schwarz, together we can usurp the power of Doc Paragon, and rule the RDCW, and then the whoooaaallld…one step at a time. Your dedication to protect and serve is wasted here…you cannot protect and serve until you dish out some painnn.”
SPAMM: “Eeek?”
PI: “Of course..you too SPAMM. Officer Schwarz, do you want to make a difference?”
OS: “Uuummmmm, are you hitting on me?”
PI: “Yes, but that really isn’t the point right now.”
OS: “I won’t be doing paperwork right?”
PI: “Oh, no..I see your potential very clearly revealed to me already.”
OS: “In that case…”
*All 3 leave the room….
Bookakie: “ That was just weild. Rike a tlanscendentarist.. This is Bookake Havok numbah one announcah with an excrusive lepolt.”
Monroe: “Trannie, what?”
Marcum: “I have no idea what we just watched. So, did those two get booked?”
Monroe: “No, it looks like the Dark Lords just enlisted anew recruit. Buhgawd.”
*The lights at the Cheesedome go dark and Cemetary Gates begins playing over the speakers.
Monroe: "Unexpected..what is this, the Dark Lords."
Marcum: "Wait, where is Grimm? And hey, is that Officer Schwarz following behind them?"
Last edited by Mike The Mouth Monroe; 2005-12-11 9:27 PM.
