Dark Lords versus The Allied Powers with Nowhereman and Joe Mama
Pantera’s “Cemetary Gates” cued the start of this match. The arena was dimly lit, adding to the atmosphere of the Dark Lords’ arrival. One by one, the Dark Lords came to the ring – SPAMM…Pig Iron…Darth…and, finally, Grimm (accompanied by Harleykwin). The crowd was awed and silent as they entered the ring. Finally the music faded and the lights came up to show Grimm standing with a microphone in his hand…
Grimm: Bring out the condemned!!!
Mick Mars’ guitar licks answered the call and, as “Kickstart My Heart” rocked the arena, Nowhereman arrived to the cheers of the crowd. As he came to ringside, SPAMM and Pig Iron dared him to enter the ring alone, but Nowhereman’s cocky grin never faded as he flashed a reverse peace sign to them, causing the crowd to cheer harder.
“Rob’s Damn Killer Instinct Music” faded in and the Allied Powers were the next team members to arrive. The crowd never let up as Captain Howdy and a pleasantly confused, and formally dressed, MisterJLA came down the ramp and stopped at Nowhereman’s side. MisterJLA removed the topcoat he was wearing to reveal a T-Shirt with the caption “I nailed Chesty…twice”. Darth’s eyes widened with rage and MisterJLA added to the insult by turning around to reveal another caption: “She thanked me”. Darth maintained his composure and motioned for MisterJLA to enter the ring; he responded by giving Darth the same salute that Nowhereman had just given.
Finally “Faded” started up and Joe Mama came to the ramp amid the cheers and chants from the arena. Joe Mama’s approach was slow as he hyped up the crowd. He finally stood by his team and let the cheers wash over the competitors. Grimm yelled something to him at which point he pointed to Grimm, then to the Heavyweight Cheese Title, and then made the gesture of “missed it by that much”. Then he pointed to the Dark Lords, gritted his teeth, and dragged his thumb across his throat. This seemed to be the cue because the team, as one unit, slid into the ring and a brawl between the two groups broke out.
Monroe: Looks like there’s more than a little unity on the part of Joe Mama’s team, Marcum!
Marcum: Doesn’t mean a thing, Monroe! This match hasn’t even started!!!
Joe Mama and Grimm traded blows and somehow ended up on the ring floor. Nowhereman got the upper hand on Darth and sent him over the ropes before going to his corner. Somehow the ref was able to break up Captain Howdy and Pig Iron, leaving MisterJLA and SPAMM to start the match. What should have been a mismatch due to JLA’s obvious size and strength advantage was neutralized by his lack of actual skill. SPAMM was able to use moves and his speed to keep things even in the early goings. MisterJLA suddenly pointed to the Dark Lords’ corner and yelled something to the ref about a double team. The ref turned to reprimand the Dark Lords (who weren’t doing anything), giving MisterJLA the chance to deliver Final Justice on SPAMM. The ref turned around to see MisterJLA going for the pin. A three count later saw SPAMM eliminated.
Monroe: I’m liking what I’m seeing in this team! They may not like each other, but they’re getting the job done!
Marcum: If you like that, you’ll love what Pig Iron’s about to do…
While the ref was dropping to the mat and making the count, Pig Iron hopped up on his team’s top turnbuckle. After getting the pin, MisterJLA stood up and celebrated his triumph…and turned around just in time to get caught by the Pig On The Wing. Another three later, and the odds were once again even. As both captains joined their teams, Captain Howdy rushed into the ring and locked up with Pig Iron. That was the extent of the technical portion of this match-up. Both man were soon trading punches in the center of the ring. Captain Howdy forced Pig Iron to the ropes, Irish whipped him into the opposite ropes, and then caught him with a big boot to the face. Pig Iron hit the canvas and Captain Howdy delivered a jolly good stomping to the Dark Lord before pulling him to his feet and hitting a vicious DDT. Captain Howdy then got the next pin and elimination.
Captain Howdy stood up and got a big boot of his own as Darth rushed in and delivered The Maul. Then he bent forward, grabbed Captain Howdy by the throat, and pulled him up to deliver the Sabre-Slam…twice. On the third attempt Captain Howdy was able to break Darth’s grip on his throat and deliver a poke to the eyes, temporarily blinding Grimm’s right-hand man. Captain Howdy rushed back to the ropes to build momentum and then ran forward to hit a clothesline, sending the Dark Lord to the mat. Captain Howdy started stomping Darth, but the Dark Lord sat up and got to his feet, ignoring the assault. Captain Howdy delivered a kick to the guts, which Darth caught, and then spun Captain Howdy around. From here Darth locked in and executed a Sithspawn, eliminating Captain Howdy.
Nowhereman made a move to enter the ring, but Joe Mama stopped him and whispered something in his ear. Nowhereman protested a bit, but Joe Mama whispered something else that seemed to satisfy the big Englishman. Joe Mama entered the ring and pointed to Grimm, motioning for him to enter the ring. The crowd cheered and Grimm looked like he was about to enter the ring but Darth stopped him, turned to Joe Mama, and slowly waved a finger at him. Joe Mama demanded that Grimm enter the ring, but Darth didn’t move.
Darth: You aren’t worthy to face Darkness Himself!!!
With that, Darth moved in to face Joe Mama. As he moved in, Joe Mama faked a lock-up and then kicked Darth in the gut, causing him to pause. Joe Mama Irish whipped Darth into the ropes and executed his Enforcer, driving Darth to the mat. From there, Joe Mama delivered closed-fist headshots to the Dark Lord. Once again Darth started to his feet, which gave Joe Mama the opening to work a Fireman’s carry and hit the East Coast Hammer. As Darth lay in the ring Joe Mama turned and mocked Grimm, pointing to Grimm and then to his crotch. Grimm started to enter the ring, but stopped and stayed behind the ropes. Joe Mama turned to see that Darth had stood up again. Darth Irish whipped him into the ropes and rushed forward to clothesline him, sending both men to the ring floor. Both men stood up and started trading blows as the ref began his count.
Monroe: What are those two doing? Get back in the ring before you both get eliminated!
Marcum: I don’t think they realize that there’s a count! Either that, or they just don’t care!
As Grimm and Nowhereman stood in the ring, the ref counted to ten, eliminating both Darth and Joe Mama. Both men continued brawling as they worked their way backstage. Grimm and Nowhereman looked at each other for a moment and then Grimm flashed his old Hellions hand gesture. Nowhereman returned it, and then the two started brawling in the ring. Neither man seemed to get the upper hand at first. Nowhereman was able to stun Grimm long enough to hit The Kik Tracee, but Grimm was able to quickly recover and hit a Kobe Special. From the outside, Nowhereman pulled Grimm out of the ring, feet first, and they continued to brawl outside the ring. The ref started the ten count, but stopped when he saw Joe Mama rushing down the ramp, chair in hand.
Monroe: Look at that chair! Look at that…distinctive…dent in the middle of it!!!
Marcum: I guess we won’t be seeing Darth interfering…
The ref got out of the ring and intercepted Joe Mama, demanding that he go back to the locker room. Joe Mama tried to bypass him, but the ref kept stepping in front of him. Meanwhile, Grimm and Nowhereman got back in the ring where they continued their fight. Nowhereman got the upper hand and quickly delivered a Hardline, followed by The Slammin’ Gladys. With Grimm stunned, Nowhereman went over to a corner and set up The Twisted Sister.
Monroe: This match is about to come to a decisive end!
Marcum: Not yet, Monroe! Look who’s about to get involved…!
Doc Mid-Nite came out of the crowd, rushed up behind Nowhereman, and shoved him off the top turnbuckle. As Nowhereman crashed to the mat, Doc Mid-Nite entered the ring and executed a Blackout Bomb on Nowhereman. Then he rushed to a corner, hopped up, and delivered his second Long Kiss Goodnight. Then he flipped Grimm onto Nowhereman and slid out of the ring. The ref, having moved Joe Mama to the top of the ramp, rushed back into the ring and delivered a clean three count, eliminating Nowhereman and giving the Dark Lords the final victory of the night.
