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cobra kai 15000+ posts
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cobra kai 15000+ posts
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If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that the good Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck taketh away.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
There are no disabled people in the world. Only those people who have felt the wrath of Chuck Norris.
Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris beard. There is another fist.
In the movie "Back to the Future" they used Chuck Norris Delorean to go back into time and into the future. When they gave it back to him with a scratch on it he was angry and roundhouse kicked Michael J. Fox, which years later was the cause of his Parkinson's disease.
Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. The only time he didn't was in 1941, otherwise known as the beginning of the Holocaust.
Chuck Norris can enter up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, Select, Start using only his erection.
Crop circles are Chuck Norris way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
Chuck Norris once walked down the street with an erection. There were no survivors.
Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
When Chuck Norris was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's Chuck Norris!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.
Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
Chuck Norris is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose's shit.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
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Joined: Feb 2005
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I hunger 300+ posts
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I hunger 300+ posts
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PJP said:
SINISTAR could kick Zod's ass.................easily.
Raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrgh
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Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 47,853 Likes: 20
Hip To Be Square 15000+ posts
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Hip To Be Square 15000+ posts
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Quote:
Rob Kamphausen said:
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that the good Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck taketh away.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
There are no disabled people in the world. Only those people who have felt the wrath of Chuck Norris.
Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris beard. There is another fist.
In the movie "Back to the Future" they used Chuck Norris Delorean to go back into time and into the future. When they gave it back to him with a scratch on it he was angry and roundhouse kicked Michael J. Fox, which years later was the cause of his Parkinson's disease.
Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. The only time he didn't was in 1941, otherwise known as the beginning of the Holocaust.
Chuck Norris can enter up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, Select, Start using only his erection.
Crop circles are Chuck Norris way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
Chuck Norris once walked down the street with an erection. There were no survivors.
Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
When Chuck Norris was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's Chuck Norris!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.
Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
Chuck Norris is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose's shit.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
Way to jump on the Mxy bandwagon a month late!
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Joined: Dec 2000
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devil-lovin' Bat-Man 15000+ posts
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devil-lovin' Bat-Man 15000+ posts
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*sigh* I'm used to being ahead of my time by now.
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Joined: Oct 2001
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Hip To Be Square 15000+ posts
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Hip To Be Square 15000+ posts
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Joined: Dec 2000
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devil-lovin' Bat-Man 15000+ posts
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devil-lovin' Bat-Man 15000+ posts
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He's been after my ass since 1999.
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Joined: Dec 2000
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devil-lovin' Bat-Man 15000+ posts
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devil-lovin' Bat-Man 15000+ posts
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Which is why he wants me so bad: he loves me like it's 1999.
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Joined: Oct 2001
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Hip To Be Square 15000+ posts
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Hip To Be Square 15000+ posts
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He wants you to be his special friend!
Rob has renamed his house "Neverland Too"
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Posts: 32,001 Likes: 1
We already are 15000+ posts
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We already are 15000+ posts
Joined: May 2003
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TK is posting this in MySpace and passing it off as his idea.
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Son of Anarchist 15000+ posts
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Son of Anarchist 15000+ posts
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he's black so I understand!
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At Risk Youth 400+ posts
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At Risk Youth 400+ posts
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I still like the Vin Diesel ones better.
Voted "Biggest Waste Of Space" On The Bat-Boards For "Multiple Reasons" Jerry Falwell On Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer:"Those hollywood, homosexual, jewish types making a show about a reindeer who is 'different' and just cant 'hide it'. Everyone knows if he tries hard enough he can convert himself to a normal, black-nosed reindeer." I am 95% addicted to Porn. What about you?
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Son of Anarchist 15000+ posts
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Son of Anarchist 15000+ posts
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Vin Diesel's facts no longer befit him after he did Pacifier. Norris, on the other hand, is still omnipotent even after being kicked in the crotch by Bruce Lee.
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Timelord. Drunkard. 15000+ posts
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Timelord. Drunkard. 15000+ posts
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Chuck Norris killed Bruce Lee then ate his heart to gain his power.
whomod said: I generally don't like it when people decide to play by the rules against people who don't play by the rules. It tends to put you immediately at a disadvantage and IMO is a sign of true weakness. This is true both in politics and on the internet." Our Friendly Neighborhood Ray-man said: "no, the doctor's right. besides, he has seniority."
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Hip To Be Square 15000+ posts
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Hip To Be Square 15000+ posts
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The hairs Bruce Lee ripped from Chucks chest,choked Lee to death!
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Timelord. Drunkard. 15000+ posts
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Timelord. Drunkard. 15000+ posts
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Those headaches that Bruce was having before his death were caused by the concussion waves of the roundhouse kick Chuck was sending the the side of his skull.
whomod said: I generally don't like it when people decide to play by the rules against people who don't play by the rules. It tends to put you immediately at a disadvantage and IMO is a sign of true weakness. This is true both in politics and on the internet." Our Friendly Neighborhood Ray-man said: "no, the doctor's right. besides, he has seniority."
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Son of Anarchist 15000+ posts
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Son of Anarchist 15000+ posts
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he roundhouse kicked Bruce so hard, even his son died.
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Timelord. Drunkard. 15000+ posts
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Timelord. Drunkard. 15000+ posts
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whomod said: I generally don't like it when people decide to play by the rules against people who don't play by the rules. It tends to put you immediately at a disadvantage and IMO is a sign of true weakness. This is true both in politics and on the internet." Our Friendly Neighborhood Ray-man said: "no, the doctor's right. besides, he has seniority."
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Joined: Jan 2004
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Living the dream 15000+ posts
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Living the dream 15000+ posts
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Joined: Dec 2000
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devil-lovin' Bat-Man 15000+ posts
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Quote:
Son of Mxy said:
he roundhouse kicked Bruce so hard, even his son died.
And Stan Lee, who shared Bruce's last name, became a talentless hack.
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Hip To Be Square 15000+ posts
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And Jim Lee,a 6 foot tall black man,turned into a short asian comic book creator!
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cobra kai 15000+ posts
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cobra kai 15000+ posts
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http://chucknorris.com/html/events.aspxIN RESPONSE TO THE "RANDOM FACTS" THAT ARE BEING GENERATED ON THE INTERNET I'm aware of the made up declarations about me that have recently begun to appear on the Internet and in emails as "Chuck Norris facts." I've seen some of them. Some are funny. Some are pretty far out. Being more a student of the Wild West than the wild world of the Internet, I'm not quite sure what to make of it. It's quite surprising. I do know that boys will be boys, and I neither take offense nor take these things too seriously. Who knows, maybe these made up one-liners will prompt young people to seek out the real facts as found in my recent autobiographical book, "Against All Odds?" They may even be interested enough to check out my novels set in the Old West, "The Justice Riders," released this month. I'm very proud of these literary efforts. ~ Chuck Norris
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4000+ posts
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4000+ posts
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Thing is- I can’t spell or type. I spell so badly my spell check doesn’t even know what I was trying to spell. And I have five Eisners HAHAHAHHA!!
-Brian Michael Bendis
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graemlin protector 6000+ posts
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graemlin protector 6000+ posts
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Son of Anarchist 15000+ posts
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Son of Anarchist 15000+ posts
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and well hung.
....OR SO I'VE HEARD.
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graemlin protector 6000+ posts
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graemlin protector 6000+ posts
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chuck rules! chuck vs saint of all killerz dammit. 
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4000+ posts
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4000+ posts
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I don't have a Chuck toy!
Maybe I could put a cowboy hat on something else...
Thing is- I can’t spell or type. I spell so badly my spell check doesn’t even know what I was trying to spell. And I have five Eisners HAHAHAHHA!!
-Brian Michael Bendis
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1000+ posts
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1000+ posts
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6000+ posts
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Chuck Norris uses a nightlight. Not because he's a afraid of the dark, but because the dark is affraid of him.
Before monsters go to bead they check thier closet for Chuck Norris.
Then there's Mr T:
Mr. T isn't black, the sun is just affraid to shine on him.
Putting the "fun" back in Fundamentalist Christian Dogma.
" I know God exists because WBAM told me so. " - theory9
JLA brand RACK points = 514k 
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devil-lovin' Bat-Man 15000+ posts
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Mr. T wasn't born black, Chuck Norris smacked the black outta someone else and it fell on T.
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Joined: May 2003
Posts: 10,988 Likes: 43
Doog the MIGHTY 10000+ posts
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Doog the MIGHTY 10000+ posts
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Bush was going to send Chuck Norris into Iraq to find Saddam, but he was afraid the concussive blast of his roundhouse kick would explode all the oil refineries in the middle east.
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Joined: Dec 2000
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devil-lovin' Bat-Man 15000+ posts
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devil-lovin' Bat-Man 15000+ posts
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Bush was going to send Chuck Norris to fight in Iraq, but then he was retarded.
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Joined: Oct 2001
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Hip To Be Square 15000+ posts
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Hip To Be Square 15000+ posts
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Quote:
The Indestructible Man said:
That toy is faulty!
Whats with the somersault action?
A somersault aint no fucking roundhouse kick!
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Posts: 10,988 Likes: 43
Doog the MIGHTY 10000+ posts
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Doog the MIGHTY 10000+ posts
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The roundhouse kick couldn't be included in the toy because it's so powerful it would kill the child playing with it.
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4000+ posts
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4000+ posts
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Thing is- I can’t spell or type. I spell so badly my spell check doesn’t even know what I was trying to spell. And I have five Eisners HAHAHAHHA!!
-Brian Michael Bendis
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Joined: May 2005
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graemlin protector 6000+ posts
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graemlin protector 6000+ posts
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yes, i the audience demands chuck vs the saint of killers. demand!!!! if it was that chump steven segal you could just use a cobra trooper or somthing, crap is crap. but not for the mighty chuck
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4000+ posts
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4000+ posts
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By "the audience" do you mean you?
Thing is- I can’t spell or type. I spell so badly my spell check doesn’t even know what I was trying to spell. And I have five Eisners HAHAHAHHA!!
-Brian Michael Bendis
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Joined: May 2005
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graemlin protector 6000+ posts
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graemlin protector 6000+ posts
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of course. i only worry bout me. and a mighty life ending roundhouse from the mighty chuck.
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graemlin protector 6000+ posts
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graemlin protector 6000+ posts
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might is my word for the day.
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Joined: Nov 2003
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Award-Winning Author 10000+ posts
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Award-Winning Author 10000+ posts
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Posts: 12,353 |
Chuck Norris once tried to kick the Pacific Ocean. The resulting tsunami devastated Sri Lanka.
Knutreturns said: Spoken like the true Greatest RDCW Champ!
All hail King Snarf!
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graemlin protector 6000+ posts
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graemlin protector 6000+ posts
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sri lanka should'a known better, he is THE chuck.
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