RKMBs Forums .::Important::. RDCW Tuesday Night Havoc 1/03/06

This is it, folks! The first Havoc of the new year! Let's see what 2006 has in store for us at the Cheesedome.

• Valet Grudge Match
  Chesty Lerou vs. Jeeves
  
• Singles Match
  Captain Howdy vs. James Fantastic
  
• Singles Match
  Oakley vs. Killconey
  
• Singles Match
  Johnny Evil vs. MisterJLA
  
• Tag Match
  Dark Lords (Grimm & Pig Iron) vs. SDC (Penwing & Captain Sammitch)

Camera fades to backstage area,where we see Joey Biles standing next to Chris Oakley. Chris is wearing a T-shirt with the caption "THREE DOWN,ONE TO GO."

JOEY: Chris,before we discuss your match against Killconey tonight,what's up with that T-shirt?
CHRIS: Put simply,Joey,it refers to the swath of destruction I've cut through the Tuesday Night Schlockers. I started with Two-Ton Tommy and James Fantastic,and then last Sunday at Arma Gadda Da Vida,I added Tommy "the Surgeon" Savitz to my list of trophies. (Mixed reaction from fans watching the interview on the Cheese-o-tron.) There's only one TNR goon I haven't dealt with yet--Arnold Judas Rimmer. And trust me,his time is coming soon.
JOEY: Chris,in addition to beating Tommy Savitz, you recently posted spectacular victories over Flameswordsman and Pariah,two of the most hardcore men in GBW...you must be pretty confident going into your match against Killconey.
CHRIS: I sure am,Joey. Tonight,I'm gonna tear into Killconey like Louie Bastardo at an Italian buffet.

Joey starts to ask Chris another question,but Chris stops him in mid-sentence and takes control of the mic.

CHRIS: And by the way,on the slim chance that Arnold Jughead Rimmer is watching this,I want to let him know that I'm challenging him here and now to a Gillette Stadium Street Fight at the 2006 RDCW Rumble. (Simultaneous cheers and boos from the Cheesedome crowd as Chris hands the mic back to Joey and walks off camera.)

Camera dissolves to Mike "The Mouth" Monroe at ringside.

MONROE: Well,folks,it's safe to say that any doubt anyone might have still had about Chris Oakley's determination to finish off the Tuesday Night Rockers is gone! Chris has just thrown down the gauntlet to TNR manager Arnold Judas Rimmer...only time will tell if Rimmer picks it up!

Suddenly, 'The Boys are Back in Town' plays and AJR makes his way to the ring. The crowd cheers him, but it's not a major pop like Joe Mama gets. AJR gets into the ring, mic in hand, and proceeds to alk to the centre of the ring

AJR: Poor old Chris Oakley. It seems that the former Intercuntinental Champion has taken one too many blows to the head, and has taken leave of his senses. He wants to fight me at a Pay-Per-View? My dear chap, I'm more than ready to face you in the ring, but let's not make people pay money for the privelege!

Monroe: Either AJR really cares about the fans or he doesn't have a lot of confidence in the match!

AJR: However, one thing does occur to me. You want a final, once-and-for-all match with the Rockers? Fine. You can have your Street Fight. But you won't just be facing One Rocker. You won't even be facing Two Rockers. No, you'll be taking all three of the most electrifying tag team in the RDCW!

The crowd cheers enthusiastically, and AJR drops the mic and does a 'Howdya Like THAT!' look at the camera

*"Detroit Rock City" starts playing over the speakers. Some fans cheer but others remain silent until PenWing, forehead bandaged, and dressed in street clothes, steps onto the stage. He raises his Sherwood and begins making his way to the ring to a loud standing ovation from the crowd. PenWing takes a mic from James White and waits for the crowd to settle down.*

I came, I fought, I got my ass handed to me... Joe said it was nothing personal, just war... Well, I may not have accomplished what I wanted to, but I survived, and I'm still standing right here!

*Pops from the crowd.*

Still, after that match, as I was lying on the stretcher being tended to by ER personel, all I could think about was why I was the first to go. What was I missing in there? What did everyone else have that I didn't? I put it all out there, injured or not, it didn't matter to me. I was willing to do whatever I had to. And yet, there I was, the first to be eliminated. Why?

And then it hit me. Joe's right, this is war. And in war, the rules are different. In war, you have to be willing to do things that most people would cringe at. Most people don't have the stomach to do what needs to be done. I'm not going to be one of those people. Not anymore!

*More pops from the crowd. PenWing rips off the bandage from his forehead.*

You see this? This is the best Grimm could do to me! The Big Cheese Chapion could only put a little scratch on my forehead! Grimm, you and Pig Iron talk about pain a lot. You talk about a willingness to do what needs to be done. But Grimm, you didn't finish the job!

*PenWing starts slamming his Sherwood into his forehead to gasps from the crowd.*

Grimm, you may have the big title, but you've gone soft along the way!

*PenWing slams his Sherwood into his head some more, and opens the cut, causing blood to ooze down his face.*

You want pain, Grimm, I'll bring pain! You want blood? HERE'S MY BLOOD!

*PenWing takes his hand to the gash on his forehead and wipes the blood from his brow, sprinkling some to the mat as if it was sweat.*

You can take my blood! You can break my bones! You can torture my spirit! But you will NEVER break me! No matter how much you bring, I'll bring more! No matter how hard you punch, I'll punch harder! No matter how much you bleed, I'll bleed more! I see now what it takes, Grimm! I see what you've been talking about all this time! You and your Dark Lords have posed a question to the RDCW, and by Gob, I will BE that answer!

*The crowd cheers. PenWing lifts his Sherwood with both hands and breaks it in two over his head.*

Tonight, Grimm, the war doesn't end. Our war hasn't even begun yet! When you and Pig Iron set foot in this ring, that's when it starts, and where it ends, only hell knows!

*PenWing throws the pieces of his Sherwood to the mat as "Detroit Rock City" begins to play. He drops the mic and makes his way to the ramp. At the top, he turns to face the crowd and raises his arms once more before disappearing into the back.*

"Ecstasy of Gold" plays as Louie Bastardo ambled out onto the rampway and walks down to the announce position. Taking a headset, he sits down next to Mike Monroe and puts it on.

Monroe: What on Gob's green earth are you doing here?

LB: Well, if you'll stop flapping your lips for two seconds, I'll tell you! When the greatest announcer who ever lived decided to hang up his headset, the RDCW asked a collective question: What will we do now that Madman MarcuM's voice no longer fills our lives each week on television? Then, they asked another question: Who could possibly ever replace him? That's right, ME!

Monroe: Oh, no. . .

LB: First, I was the greatest manager ever to set foot in the RDCW! Then I was the greatest talk show host in the RDCW! And now, I'm the greatest announcer in the RDCW! Eat it, Monroe!

Monroe: Fans, let's get back to ringside before I vomit.

LB: Is this thing on? Good, becau-

Louie is cut off by the next person's intro music as the cameras cut back to the ring.

The Cheese-O-Tron comes to life as Grimm's music plays. Grimm is sitting down in a hallway with Harleykwin on his lap. She's holding the World title across her chest and running a finger up and down it.

Grimm: So PenWing wants to know why I haven't hurt him. Why should I hurt you, PenWing, when you're more than willing to do the job yourself?

Ask your friend, Captain Sammitch, about the scars on his back. The ones he doesn't talk about. The ones he tries to forget about at night when he can't sleep. The scars from when flaming steel impacted into flesh. While the hands that held that flaming chair weren't mine, the will that directed that action most certainly was. And while my hands may not have slammed that hockey stick into your head earlier, it was by my will that it happened.

You see, PenWing, I'm inside your head now. You are my puppet, and when I pull your strings, you dance to my will. While the physical scars that I will leave on your body may one day heal, the emotional scars I leave on your soul never will.

I am the pied piper leading you and everyone else in the RDCW down the path of barbarism and violence. While certain people like Paragon and Willie Williams wish to drape some sort of thin veneer of civility over us, my associates and I know that such things will never work, because they are not solutions at all. You cannot control a bursting dam by sticking a band-aid on it. Such is the case with the RDCW and the actions within it.

The blood dimmed tide is come. The sun has set on the RDCW, and only those who know true darkness will thrive. Puppets like PenWing and the SDC, once they've served their purpose will be cast onto the flames as kindling. The Dark Days are now. Abandon all hope.

The Cheese-O-Tron flickers out as the cameras cut back to the stunned figures of Mike Monroe and Louie Bastardo at ringside.

Monroe: Wow. I'm speechless.

LB: We'll be back after this break!

Valet Grudge Match
Chesty LeRou vs. Jeeves

Havoc kicked off this week with a very unusual match. Chesty LeRou and Jeeves, two valets had agreed to square off in the ring! A few months earlier, Chesty had spit Hellfire (red mist) directly into Jeeves' face and MisterJLA had petitioned the RDCW matchmakers for this bout to even things up!

Jeeves hit the ring first, dressed in one of MisterJLA's spare ring outfits. The crowd booed heavily as Rob's Killer Instinct Ripoff Music resounded through the CheeseDome.

Then the Imperial March began to play as Chesty made her way to ringside. The fans cheered the busty valet as she climbed into the ring in her trademark corset and long, black skirt attire. Chesty stepped into the ring and Jeeves cautiously attempted a lockup. Chesty quickly reversed it into a hammerlock and brought the butler to his knees. As Jeeves attempted to escape the hold, MisterJLA berated him from the video feed of the Cheese-O-Tron.

Jeeves attempted to rally and pulled Chesty down by her feet, dropping her to the mat, but Chesty grabbed Jeeves with a leg scissors around his waist, keeping him held down. Jeeves tried to roll out and the two began rolling around the ring. Lothar attempted to keep up and the two rolled right over the referee!

Jeeves managed to escape by pulling Chesty's hair which further earned him the enmity of the crowd. He pulled the girl down to the mat viciously! Chesty tried to recover as she checked her top.

Monroe: Chesty almost had a wardrobe malfunction!

Bastardo: Serves her right. She should stay out of the ring!

Jeeves attempted to hit the "Final Justice" but Chesty grabbed his leg and spun him around before again spitting Hellfire into his face! As JLA's butler reeled, Chesty hit him with a flying bodypress and got the pin! The fans celebrated as Chesty walked to the back. Following the match, JLA and Capt. Howdy berated Jeeves on the loss as Jeeves followed them back to the locker room.

Chris Oakley vs. Killconey

Kanye West's "Golddigger" thumps from the Cheesedome's PA speakers as Killconey struts to the ring dressed in outrageous Snoop Dogg-style pimp garb.Mike "The Mouth" Monroe is aghast.

MONROE:Killconey's not taking this match seriously at all!
LOUIE BASTARDO:He doesn't have to,Monroe--he knows Oakley's a worthless chump!

As Killconey shamelessly mugs to the camera,"Rooster" erupts from the PA and Chris Oakley charges out from behind the curtain;pausing just long enough to flip Louie the bird,he tears into his opponent like a man possessed.

LOUIE:Jesus,Oakley's insane!
MONROE:No,just eager to prove you and everyone else who still doubts him dead wrong!

Killconey tries his best to mount a sustained offense,but after ten minutes it's all over but the shouting;after nailing his foe with the Kill 'Em All,Oakley locks in the Snuff the Rooster.

LOUIE:C'mon,Killconey,break the hold,for Chrissake!You don't wanna lose to OAKLEY,do you?!!
MONROE:Looks like you made a big mistake kicking Chris out of the family....
LOUIE:Shut the hell up,Monroe!

Killconey's hand drops for the third time and the referee signals for the bell,indicating that Chris has won the match.He exits the ring and starts high-fiving his fans as he makes his way back to the locker room;just as he's about to step through the curtain,he seems to hesitate--then,with a demented smile on his face,he reaches into his T-shirt and pulls out a lighter and a glossy color photo of Arnold Judas Rimmer.

LOUIE:Is Oakley on crack or something?
MONROE:This is definitely unusual post-match behavior,even for him.

As the Cheesedome crowd lets out a startled gasp,Chris takes the lighter and sets the Rimmer photo on fire.

LOUIE:Holy shit,we've got an arsonist in RDCW!Somebody call the cops!
MONROE:Chris Oakley sending a clear and threatening message to the Tuesday Night Rockers...he's out to burn 'em up alive next week in the 3-on-1 handicap match!!

Johnny Evil vs. MisterJLA

Fat Retard is waiting outside the "IV" locker room, hoping to catch JLA. After a few moments, he does...

Quote:

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Fat Retard: BY GOD! JLA! I want to be the first to hear your comments, about the Allied Powers' loss of the Tag Team Cham...

JLA: ...

Fat Retard: JLA?

JLA: ...

---

JLA winds up his leg, and connects with...



"Final Justice"!

Fat Retard slumps to the arena floor. JLA picks up the fallen mic, and stares into the camera...

Quote:

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JLA: Did you all see that? That was EEEE-VIL! Kicking a defenseless fat nimrod in the balls is the very definition of evil!

And how appropriate that tonight, I face Johnny EEEE-VIL! Johnny, you don't know what Evil is all about! Evil is what I do! Evil is going out to the local tittie bar, sitting there for hours on end, and not even buying a drink, nor a dance! Evil is scouring the Internet for porn passwords that other suckers paid for! Evil is spamming Rob's precious little boards, in an attempt to amuse oneself, AND to piss people off!

You might be the toughest Faggot to compete here, but I'm going to show the RDCW the difference between a lightweight like you, and a true heavyweight like me!

---

JLA looks down at Fat Retard with disgust. He picks him up by his shirt.

Quote:

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JLA: As for the RAWKERS...their days are numbered.

And Big Fat Elvis...I have a plan for him as well!

---

JLA snaps his fingers, and Captain Howdy and Jeeves emerge from the locker room, and flank JLA.

Quote:

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Howdy: Snap yer fingers at me again, you bloody cunt, and I'll break 'em off!

JLA:

---

Rob's Damn Killer Instinct Rip Off Theme Music plays, and the three make their way to the ring. Johnny Evil, his wife Ariel and her bodyguard Big Fat Elvis are already in the ring.

Quote:

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Howdy: Crickey! Elvis is HUGE!

JLA: Yeah, I heard he's on the "LLance diet". No matter, it's your job to neutralize him. Jeeves, can you see to it that Ariel doesn't get involved?

Jeeves: You can count on me, sir!

JLA: Considering how Chesty did you earlier, I have my doubts.

Jeeves:

---

JLA enters the ring, and we're off!

Before Evil and JLA lock up, JLA, knowing that Evil is big on martial arts and striking, gets in a defensive position!



Evil charges him, and quickly knocks him to the canvas with a kick of his own!

The match goes on for about 20 minutes, as Evil hits JLA with a variety of strikes and a few moves, while JLA counters with an array of semi-botched moves and holds!

The momentum turns in Evil's favor, when JLA attempts his Final Justice! Evil steps out of the way, and delivers "Mr. Toad's Wild Ride": A Cradle neckbreaker that starts out like a fisherman's suplex!

Evil holds JLA in a pinning position, but before Lothar can make the 3 count, Howdy jumps on the apron and distracts the ref!

Big Fat Elvis immediately pulls Howdy off the apron, and the two begin to brawl! Jeeves then puts his gentlemen like qualities aside, and chases Ariel back to the locker room!

Quote:

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Jeeves: I do apologize my dear, but these are my employer's orders! This is nothing personal, I assure you!

Ariel: AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

---

Lothar finally turns his back away from the chaos outside the ring, and makes the count.

1...2...JLA kicks out!

Quote:

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Monroe: Evil had him pinned for a 10 count!

---

Evil complains to Lothar, and turns his back on JLA. JLA gets to his feet, and wisely spins Evil around, and delivers a...

Quote:

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Fat Retard: DROP TOE HOLD!

---

Evil's face hits the canvas with such force, that his nose is bloodied.

Quote:

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JLA: GOSH! His nose is bleeding! Lothar, get this man a towel!

---

Lothar foolishly turns his back on the action, and leaves the ring to retrieve a towel. JLA smirks, stands up Johnny Evil, and then connects with "Final Justice"!



Evil falls to the mat, and JLA pins him.

Lothar re-enters the ring, looks confused for a moment, drops the towel, and then makes the count.

1...2...

But JLA breaks his own pin. An EEEE-VIL look is on his face, as he picks JE off the canvas, and then throws him over the top rope!

Quote:

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Monroe: He could have had the pin!

---

Howdy and Elvis still duke it out, while Lothar counts Johnny Evil out.

Quote:

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James White: The winner, by countout: MisterJLA!

---

JLA dives out of the ring, and helps Howdy beat down Big Fat Elvis. The Allied Powers roll him into the ring, then proceed to try to throw him over the top rope.

Quote:

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Howdy: This bugger is heavy! Help me out!

JLA: I'm trying! Lift with your legs!

Howdy: FUCK! I think the top rope is going to snap!

JLA: Just pretend it was that sheep you were trying to help over the fence!

Howdy: Fuck off!

---

The Powers finally manage to throw Big Fat Elvis over the top rope. He lands close to Johnny Evil. JLA gets the mic from James White...

Quote:

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JLA: I just threw two men over the top rope! That was a small preview of Rob's Randy Rumble! I'm going to be in that FUCKING event, and if I have to eliminate the other 29 wankers in the battle royale, I will!

Howdy: You git, don't you realize I'm in the battle royale, too?

---

JLA and Howdy look at each suspiciously...

Dark Lords (Grimm & Pig Iron) vs. SDC (Penwing & Captain Sammitch)

“Cemetary Gates” plays as Harleykwin and Heidi Schwarz lead Grimm and Pig Iron to ringside. The Dark Lords step into the ring and Grimm sits in one of the corners as kwin sits on his lap. Pig Iron stands in another corner as Schwarz playfully bats at him with her nightstick.

“Let’s Get It Started” cues up as Captain Sammitch makes his way to ringside alone.

Monroe: I don't understand, where's PenWing? The SDC always come out to the ring
together.

Bastardo: PenWing probably passed out from all that blood loss earlier. He’s not the sharpest knife in the drawer, Monroe.

Sammitch climbs into the ring, looking stoic. He surveys the ring and removes his jacket."Detroit Rock City" hits and PenWing makes his way to the ring. He's still dressed in his street clothes, and the front of his shirt is drenched with blood. The gash on his forehead is bandaged again. PenWing is carrying a Sherwood, heavily taped. PenWing rolls into the ring and poses for the crowd.
PenWing motions for Grimm to start against him, but Grimm turns his back and steps out onto the ring apron as the crowd booes heavily. Sammitch attempts to corral PenWing back into his corner, but PenWing blows right past him and attempts to get at Grimm.

He’s blocked by a spear from Pig Iron, however. PI works PenWing over with several elbowdrops. He steps on PenWing’s throat and taunts Sammitch on the ring apron before setting up for a Pork U. PenWing slips out and tries for a Drag-N-Whip, but PI reverses into a Hog Heaven! Pin attempt gets two, and Pig Iron berates Lothar.

Bastardo: I don’t understand why an incompetant like Lothar is allowed to keep his job!

Monroe: Lothar calls it down the middle, Louie! Unlike some people.
Pig Iron goes for an Iron Cross, but PenWing ducks under and rolls into his corner, tagging in Sammitch.

Pig Iron and Captain Sammitch circle each other in the ring a few times before locking up. Pig Iron immediately uses his size advantage to throw Sammitch into the corner, and he runs at him with a shoulder, but the Captain gets out of the way, and locks his arms around Pig Iron for a Sammitch Suplex. Sammich can't maintain the hold, and Pig Iron goes flying out of his arms on impact. Both wrestlers return to their feet, and Sammitch begins assaulting Pig Iron with a series of martail arts chops and kicks, keeping his opponent off balance. Unexpectedly, Sammitch sends Pig Iron to the mat with a Sammitch Spin, and quickly goes for the cover. He makes the pin and PI is down, but Ms. Schwarz
took that moment to climb the ring apron and tell Lothar that he's been a naughty boy.

Monroe: Sammitch just won this match! Look at the blatant cheating going on right now!

Bastardo: Did Schwarz just call Lothar a naughty boy?

Sammitch gets up to check on affairs, but Grimm hits him with a clothesline, sending him crashing to the mat! Grimm laughs and turns but PenWing flies into him from the top turnbuckle! Grimm lands on the mat, but rolls over and begins pounding away at PenWing’s forehead opening him up again.

Bastardo: That’s never gonna heal if you keep playing with it!

Monroe: PenWing is not himself tonight, fans!

Bastardo: Of course he isn’t! Grimm’s gotten into his peanut head and driven him insane!

Sammitch breaks things up with a Sammitch Spin, knocking Grimm off and goes for the Sammitch Series of Suplexes. But Pig Iron catches him off guard with an inverted ddt, following up with a Pig on the Wing!
PI tries for another pin attempt, but Sammitch gets his shoulder up at the two count. PI locks in the Hogtied Cradle, but Sammitch manages to get to the ropes. Schwarz and Harleykwin begin calling Lothar over to the corner again, blowing kisses at him. Lothar is sufficiently distracted and Grimm and Pig Iron go for a doubleteam.

But PenWing runs in and the four brawl across the ring. Lothar tries to restore order and eventually does. PI tags in Grimm, who continues working over Sammitch, applying the dragon sleeper. Lothar checks Sammitch’s arm, but Sammitch rallies as the fans chant his name.

Monroe: Sammitch is fighting his way out!

Bastardo: He’s listening to all those humanoids in the audience!

Sammitch fights out and elbows Grimm in the sternum, before whipping him into the ropes! He nails a Sammitch Slam and goes for the pin, but is interrupted by Harleykwin! Sammitch is unsure what to do as kwin runs him down in the ring, but is soon reassured as Meeko hits the ring and takes kwin down! The two women fight to the outside where Schwarz joins in, pounding Meeko with her nightstick!

Pig Iron steps in and goes for the Schwein Shlop Suplex, but PenWing hits him with a BC 2 Hander, sending him to the floor! Sammitch and PenWing hit the Sudden Death on Grimm and Sammitch makes the pin! Lothar counts to three and the SDC wins the match!

Sammitch and PenWing celebrate, but Pig Iron rolls back in and nails them both with chairshots, dropping them to the mat! Grimm hits Triple 6 Bombs on both of them and motions to the back where Spandex Monkey Man runs down to the ring with a canister of gasoline.

Spamm pours gasoline around the ring as the Dark Lords take to the floor. Captain Sammitch rolls to the floor holding his head and attempting to recover. Spamm produces a lighter and sets the ring ablaze!

Monroe: Buhgawb! They’ve set the ring on fire with PenWing in it!

PenWing recovers and looks around the ring before beginning to laugh uncontrollably!

Monroe: He’s. . .he’s laughing!

Bastardo: The knucklehead’s gone insane!

Monroe: Someone call 911! We have to shut off this blaze! Fans, we’ll be back next week!