Chris Oakley vs. Killconey
Kanye West's "Golddigger" thumps from the Cheesedome's PA speakers as Killconey struts to the ring dressed in outrageous Snoop Dogg-style pimp garb.Mike "The Mouth" Monroe is aghast.
MONROE:Killconey's not taking this match seriously at all!
LOUIE BASTARDO:He doesn't have to,Monroe--he knows Oakley's a worthless chump!
As Killconey shamelessly mugs to the camera,"Rooster" erupts from the PA and Chris Oakley charges out from behind the curtain;pausing just long enough to flip Louie the bird,he tears into his opponent like a man possessed.
LOUIE:Jesus,Oakley's insane!
MONROE:No,just eager to prove you and everyone else who still doubts him dead wrong!
Killconey tries his best to mount a sustained offense,but after ten minutes it's all over but the shouting;after nailing his foe with the Kill 'Em All,Oakley locks in the Snuff the Rooster.
LOUIE:C'mon,Killconey,break the hold,for Chrissake!You don't wanna lose to OAKLEY,do you?!!
MONROE:Looks like you made a big mistake kicking Chris out of the family....
LOUIE:Shut the hell up,Monroe!
Killconey's hand drops for the third time and the referee signals for the bell,indicating that Chris has won the match.He exits the ring and starts high-fiving his fans as he makes his way back to the locker room;just as he's about to step through the curtain,he seems to hesitate--then,with a demented smile on his face,he reaches into his T-shirt and pulls out a lighter and a glossy color photo of Arnold Judas Rimmer.
LOUIE:Is Oakley on crack or something?
MONROE:This is definitely unusual post-match behavior,even for him.
As the Cheesedome crowd lets out a startled gasp,Chris takes the lighter and sets the Rimmer photo on fire.
LOUIE:Holy shit,we've got an arsonist in RDCW!Somebody call the cops!
MONROE:Chris Oakley sending a clear and threatening message to the Tuesday Night Rockers...he's out to burn 'em up alive next week in the 3-on-1 handicap match!!
