Grudge Match
PenWing vs. Darth


*The Imperial March plays over the speakers as the lights dim. Darth and Chesty Lerou rise from beneath the stage and slowly walk to the ring. At the steps, the couple part ways as Darth enters the ring and Chesty makes her way to the announce table.

Monroe: Is Chesty coming to sit with us?

Louie: I believe she is, why don't you get a chair for her?

Chesty: Gentlemen. Why thank you, Mike.

*As Chesty sits down, "Detroit Rock City" starts playing and PenWing runs down the ramp and slides into the ring. He goes right after Darth and Lothar signals the bell. Darth is initially caught off guard by PenWing's attack, but soon the match looks to be well in the Sith Lord's hands as Darth takes advantage of PenWing's wild attacks.

Monroe: In all my years, I have never seen anyone in the RDCW self destruct like PenWing has.

Louie: You're not giving Darth enough credit tonight, Monroe. PenWing may have lost his mind, but the fact is, Darth is not someone you want to cross. Just ask my former associate, the Reverend Willie Williams.

Chesty: Ha! Now there's a good laugh. Louie, I don't know why you went into business with that sleaze bag.

Monroe: Sleaze bag? Chesty, the man has reformed! He's going to bring respect back to this company! Unlike some people...

Chesty: And just what are you alluding to, Mike?

*Darth is about to Sabreslam PenWing, but the former Cheese champ twists out of the move and pulls the Sith Lord to the mat with a DDT. The move takes a lot out of PenWing, and it takes him too long to make the cover.

Monroe: Darth kicks out at two!

Louie: I think Monroe was referring to Joe Mama's comments earlier about your private life. Personally, I have no interest in who you spend time with on the side, so long as you know what you're doing.

Chesty: Oh, that... Joe's got a big mouth.

Monroe: You mean you and Joe Mama?!

Louie: That lucky bastard! He truly is a Bastardo after all!

Chesty: Boys! If that's what it would take to motivate Darth to win it all, then maybe I would let the rumors Joe is spreading stand. But the truth is so much better.

*PenWing hits the Drag'n'whip on Darth, but the Sith Lord manages to avoid the spear, and PenWing gets tangled in the ropes. Darth runs at him with a clothesline, and both wrestlers fall out of the ring.

Chesty: You see, boys, I'll be honest here. All these rumors started after the Christmas party last month. You remember the party, right?

Louie: How could I forget? The drinks, the girls...

Chesty: The mistletoe.

Louie: Ah, yes, the mistletoe. I believe Monroe here finally got his first kiss from one of our divas because Marcum pushed him under the mistletoe. Good guy, that Madman.

*Darth launches a Concussion Missile at PenWing, standing outside the ring. The impact sends PenWing's head into the crowd barrier, busting him open. Darth begins to slam his head into anything he can find. PenWing manages to stop Darth from sending his head into the ring steps, and instead sends Darth's head into them.

Chesty: Well, I don't know about that, he happened to push Mike here into me. And that's when things got a little out of hand. See, after I gave Mike the obligatory kiss, a very drunk Joey Biles got the idea to tear down the mistletoe, tie it around his head, and run around trying to get all the girls to, well, kiss his sorry ass.

Louie: You know, I do vaguely remember something about that.

Chesty: You would, he tried to kiss you.

Louie:

Chesty: It's okay, Louie, you were saved when Nowhereman jumped up on a table and started shouting for all the divas to show their tits.

Monroe: Speaking of T.I.T.s, don't forget to tune in next Havoc as the tournament continues!

Louie:

*Darth lifts PenWing up and throws him over the ropes and into the ring. The Sith Lord enters the ring after him, but PenWing trips him with a drop toe hold. Slowly, PenWing stands up and drops an elbow on Darth's head. PenWing then tries to lock Darth into the Sharpshooter, but the Sith Lord kicks him into the corner. Darth gets back to his feet and runs at PenWing with a Stinger Splash. Darth whips PenWing to the other corner and runs at him for another Stinger Splash, but PenWing falls to the mat, and Darth runs into the turnbuckle.

Chesty: Well, at that point, Joey was about to pass out, so I took pity on him and helped him to the bathroom, where he proceeded to, well, you know. He broke the rules, he paid the price. Anyway, the guy looked so pitiful, I figured I would at least do something to try and put a smile on his face, so I flashed him.

Louie: What did he do to deserve that?

Chesty: Nevermind that, it was the biggest mistake I ever made. The poor guy was a mess, and I went and did him a favor like that, and the next thing I know, Joe Mama's spreading rumors backstage that I've been spending private time with people other than Darth! Well, Mr. Mama, I know you're watching right now, and I'll have you know that my needs are special, and you couldn't last five seconds with me, let alone the five hours I- heh, maybe I should stop now...

*PenWing tries another Drag'n'whip, but it's Darth who whips PenWing into the ropes. As PenWing runs back at Darth, the Sith Lord Mauls him and immediately goes for the cover. However, before Lothar can count, there is a loud "Eek!" Darth looks up and finds Spandex Monkey Man about to leap off the corner ropes with Mr. Sledge Hammer. The Sith Lord quickly roles out of the way and Spamm hits PenWing with Here Comes Mr. Sledge Hammer. Lothar signals the bell and disqualifies Darth.

Monroe: Buhgawb! Spamm just cost Darth the match!

Louie:

Chesty: I think I better go now...

*Darth walks over to Spamm, who is standing over PenWing, and the two begin to argue.

Darth: Just what do you think you're doing?

Spamm: What're you talking about? I carried out the plan. See, right here: Hit Faggy dude in face with Mr. Sledge Hammer. I couldn't find MisterJLA, so this was the best I could do. See, I've even got the plan here.

Spamm produces a crumpled piece of paper with some notes jotted down on it. Darth takes the paper into his hands, crumples it up, and throws it out of the ring.

Darth: You were supposed to wait until after the match.

Spamm: See, THIS is the sorta thing you shoulda told me first. And anyway, that plan sucks. You get to do the fun beat-down first, and he'd be all saggy and beaten by the time I got to him.

*Spamm folds his arms and looks defiantly at Darth. The Sith Lord is fuming, and it looks like he's about to turn on his tag team partner when Chesty slips between them.

Chesty: Boys! This is not how to instill fear into your opponents! Spamm jumped the gun, it happens! So what are you going to do now?

*Spamm sits down cross legged on the mat. He rests his chin on one fist in a thinking position, and starts scratching his head with his other hand. After a few seconds, he raises his finger as if a little idea bulb lit up outside his head. The Monkey Man exits the ring and walks over the to announce table. He begins removing the video monitors. Darth follows his lead and drags PenWing's limp body to the side of the ring. The Sith Lord steps out of the ring and lifts PenWing into the Sabrestretch.

Monroe: Oh no, he's not going to do this! Chesty, you have to stop him! This is madness!

Chesty: No, Mike, this...is darkness!

*Darth executes the Dark Side Slam, sending PenWing through the table. The Dark Lords then exit the arena as the Imperial March plays over the speakers.