Main Event
6 Man Tag
Sammitch/Chewy/Killconey vs. Midnite/Allied Powers
"Rob's Killer Instinct Rip-Off Theme Music" plays over the speakers as the Allied Powers and Doc Mid-Nite make their way to the ring, followed closely by Joe Mama, who makes his way to the announcer's table and sits down. The crowd cheers for the trio of wrestlers in the ring, but falls eerily silent as JLA strips off his shirt to reveal the words RACK me!! Sharpied on his chest, then begins murmuring uneasily as JLA leaps to the top of the turnbuckle and proclaims "I am a golden MOD!!!"
Monroe: And joining us at ringside is the IV's manager, former Heavyweight Champion Joe Mama. Good to see you, Joe.
Louie: Heya Joe, looks like you're starting to follow in a certain former mentor's footsteps!
Monroe:
JM: Gentlemen, it's good to be here. Louie, I'm willing to say that these men are easily as good as a certain mentor's former associates. I expect big things in the coming months.
"Let's Get it Started" blares throughout the Cheesedome and the fans go wild as Captain Sammitch, Chewy Walrus, and Killconey make their way to the ring. Mid-Nite and the Allied Powers vacate the ring, and JLA is visibly irritated that their celebration has been cut short. Killconey jumps around the ring like a madman as Chewy Walrus strikes a pose and Sammitch climbs another turnbuckle to salute the crowd, pumping the volume up even higher...>
Louie: Joe, you don't seem too troubled by the SDC's grandstanding.
JM: I don't begrudge anyone the right to play up to the crowd. Let these Chippendale wannabes do their dance...
The match starts off with Chewy Walrus and Captain Howdy in the center of the ring. Chewy attempts to shake hands with Howdy before starting the match. Howdy stares incredulously for a moment, then slaps Chewy's hand away and delivers a shot to the face.
Monroe: What a cheap shot!
Louie: That's where bein' nice gets ya!
JM: I didn't see a cheap shot. I saw one man start the match while his opponent tried to make buddies.
Howdy attempts to whip Chewy into the ropes, but the much bigger Chewy reverses and slings Howdy across the ring. Howdy stumbles a bit on the rebound, and Chewy seizes the opportunity to execute his Walrus Wallop clothesline!
Monroe: Buhgawd!
Chewy circles around and attempts his Wrecking Ball (Samoan leg-drop), but Mister JLA yanks Howdy out of the way by one leg, then scurries out of the ring when Chewy gets up and decides to come after him instead. Chewy tags in Killconey, and Howdy tags in JLA...
Monroe: Looks like MisterJLA is a bit more eager to take on someone closer to his own size.
Louie: That's disrespectful, Monroe!
JM: Actually, I can't argue too much...same size, same mindframe, same skill set. Though, let's face it, JLA's a certified Champion. Killconey's just plain certifiable...
Killconey lands a couple good moves, but JLA's size advantage allows him to push Killconey around for a minute or two. Killconey manages to get to his corner and tries to tag Sammitch, but stumbles and tags Chewy in instead. Chewy shrugs and heads back into the ring.
Louie: Are Sammitch and Mid-Nite gonna come out and play at some point?
JM: Of course, Louie! When the time's right...
JLA barely manages to keep Chewy at arm's length for another minute or so, then manages to lure him into the corner, where Howdy hops up onto the other side of the ropes and lands a couple good hits. Chewy staggers back for a moment, and when he turns around, it's just in time for JLA to deliver Final Justice!
JM: JM: Looks like this match is about over...
JLA tags Howdy in, and Howdy immediately drops to the mat and begins hammering away at Chewy before going for the cover. Lothar counts to two - a bit slowly according to Howdy - and Chewy kicks out right before the three-count.
JM: BULLSHIT!!! THAT COUNT WAS BULLSHIT!!!
Louie: Kind of a slow count if you ask me!
Monroe: It's the same count everybody gets!
Louie: Are you saying Lothar's slow, Monroe?
JM: I want a copy of the tape of this match! That was gross incompetence on Lothar's part!!!
Louie: He sounds like a great manager already!
An irate Howdy tags in Doc Mid-Nite and the crowd cheers. At the last instant, Chewy manages to roll to his corner and tags in Captain Sammitch! The cheers intensify as the two face off in the ring.
Monroe: Here we go!
Howdy continues to rant and rave at the officials for the slow count that prevented him from claiming the win, but unfortunately he remains stationary on the apron long enough for Killconey to launch off the nearest turnbuckle and execute Xenocide, piledriving Captain Howdy into the arena floor! Both wrestlers appear to have been knocked out cold, but inside the ring, the action continues.
Louie: Lothar's lost control of this match...
JM: That moron should be calling this match and awarding my guys with the victory! If Lothar isn't the worst ref in the RDCW, I'm damned if I know who is!!!
Doc Mid-Nite is quick and vicious, but Captain Sammitch is a step quicker and his martial-arts bankground gives him an edge in experience... and in patience. Mid-Nite wastes no time unloading on Sammitch, unleashing almost every move in his arsenal, while Sammitch dodges as many of Mid-Nite's attacks as he can and rolls with the ones he can't.
Louie: What's Sammitch waiting for? He's gonna get demolished if he keeps wasting time like this!
JM: This match is a travesty...
Mid-Nite whips Sammitch into the corner and charges at him, landing a hard dropkick to the midsection. Sammitch rebounds off the turnbuckle and staggers across the ring, winded. Picking up momentum, Mid-Nite leg-drops Sammitch, then rolls away and lets Sammitch slowly get to his feet before attacking again.
JM: At this point, I think it's easy to see who's the better wrestler in this match.
Louie: I've said it before and I'll say it again. He's just barely too good to be all talk, but Captain Sammitch is at least ninety percent show!
Mid-Nite takes the initiative and slings Sammitch into the other corner and charges again - only to be cut off by a kick to the side of the head.
Monroe: Buhgawd! Is this a taste of what we're going to see in the Running Man Match at the Rumble?
Now furious, Mid-Nite whips Sammitch toward the ropes one more time, but Sammitch reverses, then on the rebound locks Mid-Nite up for the Sammitch Suplex! The crowd counts along...
ONE! TWO! THREE!! FOUR!!!
After the fourth Sammitch Suplex, Doc Mid-Nite breaks the hold and staggers away.
Meanwhile, Captain Howdy has somehow regained consciousness and has dragged himself to his feet at the edge of the apron across from the announcer's table. He picks up where he left off, shouting and cursing at the ref about the slow two-count, which distracts the ref long enough to buy Mid-Nite some time. Mister JLA slips into the ring as Sammitch watches Mid-Nite, and sizes Sammitch up for the Final Justice. But before he can get Sammitch to turn around, he is grabbed from behind by Killconey! JLA struggles, shouting "You can't do this to me! I AM A GOLDEN M-" before he is cut off by Chewy's Walrus Tusk spear.
During this altercation, Doc Mid-Nite manages to regain his rhythm, and he gets in a few good attacks on Captain Sammitch. The match looks to be going Mid-Nite's way, and the crowd begins frantically cheering Sammitch on as Mid-Nite slings Sammitch into the corner yet again, then charges after him. Mid-Nite attempts to set Sammitch up for a top-rope Lethal Dose as the crowd reaches a deafening volume...
Louie: Both men are climbing the ropes!
JM: C'mon, Doc...finish this thing...
Doc Mid-Nite launches himself off the top rope for the Lethal Dose, but incredibly, Captain Sammitch reverses in midair and slams Mid-Nite into the mat with a force that shakes the whole ring!
Monroe: Sammitch Slam!!! I don't believe it!
Louie: How in the hell did he do that?!?
Sammitch goes for the cover, and James White rings the bell. The crowd goes ballistic as Chewy Walrus and Killconey jump into the ring and the trio celebrates.
Monroe: A helluva match between these two teams!
Louie: Are you kidding? Lothar botched this match and cost the IV the victory! I'm sure, Joe m'boy, you can't be pleased with what you've seen!
JM: Actually, Louie, I'm very happy overall. Sure, Lothar's an idiot and this match will have to be reviewed by the powers that be. And, sure, the SDC is a strong team that works well together. But I've had plenty of time to scout them tonight and I like our chances at the Randy Rumble.
Monroe: I think you're just trying to spin...
JM: Monroe, be a bit smarter. Do you really think my men were working at 100% tonight? The SDC won this battle but, at the Randy Rumble, I guarantee that we'll win the war!
Louie: Spoken like a true manager! I'm so proud...
Monroe: Get ready, folks! Rob's Randy Rumble is almost here!
