Three Way Match
Inter-Cunt-Inental Title
Captain Sammitch (C) vs. Darth vs. Doc. Mid-Nite
Joe Mama came down to ringside and joined Louie and Mike at the announcers' table right before the start of the match. The three combatants entered the ring and immediately began hammering away at one another. After a brief opening skirmish, Doc Mid-Nite went right after Captain Sammitch as Darth looked on from the corner, waiting for a good opportunity to strike. Mid-Nite whipped Sammitch into the corner and charged after him, but the speedy Sammitch dodged out of the way just in time for Mid-Nite to collide with the turnbuckle. Mid-Nite staggered back, winded, and Darth picked that moment to go after him as Sammitch ducked out of the way and headed over to the far corner. Darth executed his Concussion Missile (missile dropkick), and Mid-Nite toppled to the mat as Darth went for the cover!
Louie: This could be it! We could have a new champion!
Darth covered, but Doc Mid-Nite kicked out after a quick two-count!
Joe: Better not count him out just yet, Louie!
Mid-Nite got to his feet as Darth propelled himself off the ropes for The Omen (running DDT) and charged into the Sith Lord's path. Just as Darth prepared to attack, Mid-Nite grabbed his arm and whipped him back in the other direction! Darth stumbled, off balance, and grabbed the only nearby object to steady himself - Captain Sammitch! Darth regained his balance and whipped Sammitch into the ropes, then prepared to pummel him on the rebound. But as Darth waited for Sammitch to arrive, Mid-Nite came up from behind and tried to lock Darth up for the Lights Out (Cobra Clutch). Rebounding off the ropes, Sammitch had been readying himself to reverse whatever move Darth was lining up, but Mid-Nite's last-second move threw him off, and Sammitch plowed into the tangled grapplers, sending all three to the mat!
Monroe: Buhgawb!
Louie: It's a slaughterhouse!
Lothar began counting to ten, and by the time he got to three, nobody had even twitched...
Monroe: All three men could be out cold!
The crowd began getting anxious. Mixed cheering began spreading throughout the Cheesedome, and chants for Sammitch and Mid-Nite started up. A replay showed Sammitch throwing up both arms to protect his head and Mid-Nite shoving Darth forward to use him as a human shield...
Joe: Holy shit! Lookit that!
The replay continued, and it showed Darth's head being slammed between Sammitch's forearm and Mid-Nite's elbow, then snapping back to reverse-headbutt Mid-Nite across the nose.
Monroe: Looks like Darth's gonna have quite a headache!
Lothar had counted to seven, and Mid-Nite and Sammitch were finally struggling to their feet. The cheers intensified as Sammitch managed to haul himself upright first. Mid-Nite was still on his knees, blood gushing from his nose, but he was just about to stand when...
Louie: Darth's got him! Darth's got ahold of Mid-Nite!
Sure enough, the barely-conscious Darth had Mid-Nite's left arm in a vise grip!
Joe: What the hell is this?
Mid-Nite flailed at Darth with his free arm, trying to shake the Dark Lord off, but Darth wouldn't budge. The count reached ten, and Lothar signaled for the bell as James White announced that Captain Sammitch had won the match by count-out!
Monroe: It's over! Captain Sammitch is still the Inter-Cunt-inental Champion!
The crowd cheered as Captain Sammitch - still barely able to walk - slid out of the ring and headed over to the announcer's table to retrieve the IC title belt.
Louie: What the hell kind of a match was that?
Joe: What a fucking travesty!
Joe started to grab for the IC belt before Sammitch could get it, but Mike Monroe snatched it away and handed it to Captain Sammitch. In the ring, a furious Doc Mid-Nite was raining punches on Darth. As blood dripped from Mid-Nite onto the incoherent Darth, the Sith Lord let out a maniacal cackle as Mid-Nite continued to flail away at him. Chewy Walrus came down the ramp to assist Sammitch, and the Y Division champion helped the IC champion exit the ring as chaos reigned in the ring and at the announcer's table...
