Top Ten Dr. Phil Weight Loss Tips
10. "Stop eating, you fat load!"
9. Changing your life is difficult -- changing the dial on your scale is not
8. Don't waste an hour of your life every day sitting in front of the television
7. Build your own self-esteem by making fun of people who are fatter than you
6. Bully your staff into saying how skinny you look
5. "Do what I did -- borrow money from Oprah and get yourself a personal trainer"
4. No hair equals less weight
3. Start a hobby -- like manufacturing your own psychology degree
2. Resolve to spend no more than $1,500 a week on food
1. Once you find your authentic self, haul its ass in to get some liposuction
