*Havoc returns from commercial to see the Doctor standing in the ring, mic in hand.*
I know all of you want to know how I escaped from Christine and the Oakley Clan last week. Well, let's just say that the Havoc after Convolution will have whoever the reigning Tag Team Champions are defend their belts agains The O.C. The winners get the belts, and the losers get Christine. Or, should I say, Christine Oakley will get the losers.
Now, on to other pressing matters. Last week my birthday celebration was crashed by a teary eyed Joe Mama and his little group of wacky, mad-cap wrestlers. I just couldn't get over how whiny he and many other wrestlers on the roster were. Then, I realized that I shouldn't get mad at him. It's not his fault. It's not like he knowingly broke a rule that had been made public knowledge to him, the IV, and even the fans. It's not like he knew that coming to the ring during a championship match would lead to harsh sanctions. You see, it was all my fault because I forgot to pin the note reminding him to his shirt before the PPV.
And when it came to his punishment, it's not like I gave him an option to opt out and sit at home for a month. I mean, only a complete moron would decide to take that kind of embarrassment if such an option is present. And I must confess right now. Not only do I not play golf, I don't even like golf. So I'll let all of you try and figure out why that little Bob Saget moment happened.
But, fans, the reason I'm out here right now is because, after last week's program, I did a little introspection. I realized that all the wrestlers were right. I have been involved in numerous conspiracies against multiple members of the roster. After all, destroying your talent is the best way to keep a wrestling promotion afloat. Each time I refused their off the wall demands for unearned title shots, hugely expensive gimmick matches to finish their personal vendettas, or simply not giving them carte blanche to the whole company, I wasn't being a good businessman looking out for the welfare of the RDCW or the amusement of you fans. I was merely trying to crush them. I forgot that I'm not running a world-class, kick to the balls wrestling promotion. It's a gobdamn daycare for overgrown, spoiled brats!
*The Doctor's face is now red as he almost screams into the microphone.*
They're right. I haven't given them enough. I didn't do enough for Nowhereman by opening up his wretling schedule so that can film his movies or record his latest album in the studio. I haven't done enough for Grimm by giving him paid leave during his many recent injuries. I haven't given enough to MisterJLA by hiring him after the DCMB fed went belly up and no other promotion would give him a job, much less a title shot. I didn't do nowhere near enough for Joe Mama when I took money from my own pocket so that he can pay his bills, keep his apartment, and buy new ring gear to come work here at RDCW after having gone over six months without a single paycheck from Evil Cunt Wrestling.
*His expression calms as his mood returns to normal.*
Well tonight that's going to change. I'm going to start giving back to the wrestlers. Right now, I'm going to start with the IV. I've got some career advice for you. Watch your backs. That's not a threat. I'm not posturing out here, trying to make you scared of me. I just run the business the way it needs to survive. I'm talking about a danger much closer. A hidden snake, coiled up, ready to strike. I'm talking about your #5. Your manager, Joe Mama. What happens when he decides that he wants back in the ring? You think that you're all just going to have one big committee meeting and discuss your name change? Or do you think that he's just going to cut the one he considers the weakest out from the herd? That's if he even decides to stay with the IV. Let's face the facts. Joe Mama changes affiliations faster than PJP does avatars. The second you can't take him any further, he's gone.
And what happens, MisterJLA, when Joe decides that he wants that championship belt back. Or, better yet, when he decides that he can take it from you? Will he just out and attack you? Or will he have snaked his way deep into the minds of the IV, whispering his temptations until they all turn their backs on you? The main thing I've learned about Joe Mama is that he wears many faces. Don't believe me? Just ask Son of Mxy, King Snarf, PenWing, and all the Bastardos just how Joe Mama plays the game. Is he Joe Mama of the IV? The Family Enforcer? Who? Remember that every night as you lace up your boots in the same dressing room as him, as you walk down that ramp to this ring. Hell, even as you sit back in your locker room right now, telling you that this is all just some ploy by me to drive a wedge into the IV. Think about all this and ask yourself, "Which Joe Mama am I looking at now?"
*The Doctor drops the mic and, without music or pyro, leaves the ring area.*
