|
"Hey this is PCG342's bro..." 15000+ posts
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 34,506 Likes: 64 |
Camera shows a jam-packed Cheesedome. Mike "The Mouth" Monroe is shown seated at the announcer's table. Before he can say a word, Rob's Damn Killer Instinct Rip Off Theme Music booms over the Cheesedome speakers!
Quote:
Monroe: Wha...?
The IV hit the rampway. World Big Cheese Champion MisterJLA is leading the group, with his World Title fastened around his waist. He is wearing a karate gi, just like Street Fighter character "Ryu"...
Joe Mama is wearing a tailored suit, Hardcore Poon Champion Captain Howdy is wearing a leather jacket with jeans, Doc-MidNite and Charlie are in their wrestling gear, and Allied Powers' butler Jeeves is wearing traditional butler's suit.
The IV enter the ring, and JLA brandishes a mic, seemingly out of thin air...
Quote:
JLA: Hola, Tokyo!
The crowd boos wildly!
JLA turns to Joe Mama...
Quote:
JLA: What'd I do?
Joe Mama: We're not in Tokyo anymore! And even if we were, "Hola" is Spanish!
JLA: Oh, right. Where are we, then?
Captain Howdy: We're in Roboken, New-
JLA: Ah, got ya!
JLA turns back to the still angry crowd...
Quote:
JLA: HELLO ROBOKEN NEW HAMPSHIRE!
This only angers the crowd more...
Quote:
Captain Howdy: Jersey, you twat! New JERSEY!
JLA: HELLO ROBOKEN NEW JERSEY!
The crowd settles down...
Quote:
JLA: Ah, that's better! The IV and the RDCW are back in the good ol' U.S. of A! Yeah! Now, in case you here in America have been leaving under a rock, and didn't hear, the RDCW toured Japan for the last several weeks!
I, your Big Cheese World Champion, bravely defended my title successfully against the best Japan's message boards had to offer! Your Hardcore Poon Champion, Captain Howdy, was successful in all of his title defenses as well! Matter of fact, there were no title changes at all! Nope!
Now, if you're wondering why none of this was shown here, that's because...
JLA stops and scratches his chin. He looks to the IV, but they offer nothing but shrugged shoulders.
Quote:
JLA: I got it! This was never shown here...because the Japanese don't like cameras in their wrestling venues...?
JLA again looks to the IV. They all look at each other, shrug their shoulders again, and then nod in agreement.
Quote:
JLA: OK, then! And now we're back, and ready to resume! So while all of your champions remain the same, something EPIC did happen in Japan...and here to share the news, is Rob Kamphausen himself!
Rob's Damn Killer Instinct Rip Off Theme Music plays again, and a very sad looking Bobo makes his way to the ring...
Quote:
JLA: Welcome, Rob! I'm sure you're all wondering what happened in Japan that was so EPIC. Well, here's the news: I grabbed a stewardess' ass on the initial flight out there!
The crowd grows silent.
Quote:
Monroe: Well fans, I don't know how that's newsworthy!
JLA: AND Captain Howdy got in a few bar fights!
Monroe: Again, nothing exciting fans! I wonder where JLA is going with this?
JLA Now I'm know you're all questioning "Where is JLA going with this?" So here's the news: Rob got his ass sued royal!
The IV start to  while Rob has to 
Quote:
JLA: Bobo here got sued eight ways from Sunday! Rob, being the peacemaker that he is, settled the cases and had to sell 51% of his stock in the RDCW, and guess who bought it up...ME!
The crowd boos and throws empty (and full) bottles of water into the ring.
Quote:
JLA: The stewardess and the guys that Howdy beat down sued the company, and not us, so we got over! Yeah! So now that I'm the majority stockholder in the company, my first act is to say to our GM, thedoctor: YOU'RE FIRED!
He couldn't make it tonight, but I'm sure he got the memo! OK Rob, you can go now!
Rob leaves the ring, and says "I'm sorry" to several fans at ringside before he disappears again.
Quote:
JLA: So now that I'm running the FUCKING show, I've got some major announcements! From now on, HAVAK will be aired once every two weeks, with PPV's every six weeks!
This will give all of our wrestlers time to wr....ERRRRRR get ready for their matches!
And speaking of matches, I have some lined up for tonight!
Howdy whispers to his teammates...
Quote:
Howdy: I bet JLA goes easy on us! He'll have us fight Oakley's Bond Brigade, I reckon!
JLA looks at Howdy, Joe Mama, Charlie, and Doc. Mid-Nite...
Quote:
JLA: But before I get to that, I think we have some house cleaning to do.
Joe Mama, you've been inactive for too long. That ends tonight! And to get that ring rust off of you, you will wrestle...
JM whispers to Charlie...
Quote:
JM: I bet it's a real pushover. Probably MARIO FABINI!
JLA pauses...
Quote:
JLA: PJP IN A BASEBALL JERSEY MATCH!
Joe Mama: 
The crowd goes wild!
Quote:
Joe Mama: JLA, shouldn't we talk about this?
JLA: Of course not! That's right folks, the first Baseball Jersey match EVAR! It's a simple enough match: We have a hook that will be lowered from the ceiling! Whoever climbs a ladder that will be provided later, and hangs the jersey of their favorite baseball team, wins the match! PJP will be given an A-Rod jersey to hang, while Joe will try to climb the ladder, and hang his "Big Papi" or whatever his name is jersey!
Joe looks around, and then nods in agreement...
Quote:
JLA: Captain Howdy, I got plans for you my friend!
Howdy: I taint yer friend!
JLA: Moving right along, of all the IV, you have made me the most proud!
Howdy: Don't really care!
JLA: And you will continue to make me proud, by successfully defending the Hardcore Poon Championship...cameraman?
JLA points to the CheeseTron, which shows a junkyard.
Quote:
JLA: Tonight, Jeeves will drive you to that junkyard, where both Nowhereman and Arnold Judas Rimmer will be waiting to fight you...in a Junkyard Triple Threat Hardcore Poon Championship match!
The crowd goes wild!
Quote:
Monroe: What? Is that even possible, considering Howdy, Nowhereman, and Rimmer are the same...style of wrestler? Won't that be a bit much?
JLA: Charlie, you got Spandex Monkey Man. You two had a nice rivalry going before...the tour...interrupted everything.
And you, MidNite, you're gone! Out of The IV you go!
A startled Mid-Nite looks at his "teammates", who suddenly gang up on him, and throw him out of the ring.
Quote:
JLA: Mid-Nite, you did NOTHING with your time as a member of The IV! I defended the World Title, Howdy was the best Hardcore Poon Champion EVAR, Charlie took initiative and clashed with SPAMM, but you did nothing!
And let this be a warning to anyone on the roster: either...participate, or get ejected like Mid-Nite!
Now then, I will now announce two more matches for tonight.
Y Division Champion Jeremys, will team up with ICunt...
Charlie starts to laugh...
Quote:
JLA: What? Y Division Champion and ICunt Champion Captain Sammitch will join forces to face the World Tag Team Champions: Grimm, and Johnny EEEEEvil!
If Grimm or Evil get pinned or tap out, they lose the Tag Gold! If Sammys is pinned or taps, there goes his ICunt title to the opponent who defeats him! Same with Jeremys! A title will change hands, but that's not all of my plans for those titles!
A bored Joe Mama whispers to Howdy...
Quote:
JM: I bet the Y and IC champions wrestle each other in a special unification match on the next HAVAK...
JLA: Are you ready for this news? The Y and IC champions wrestle each other in a special unification match on the next HAVAK!
Will it be Grimm vs. Sammys? Grimm vs. Jeremys? Jeremys vs. Sammys? Evil vs. Jeremys? Evil vs. Sammys? Sammys vs. Grimms?
Howdy: You already covered that one, gimp!
JLA: Why, the possibilities are endless!
Howdy: No, you ran through every one, dunce!
JLA: But that's not all! I'm going to break tradition, and defend the Big Cheese Championship: On live, free T.V.!
The crowd lets loose with a collective "W H O A!"
Quote:
JLA: You betcha! just to show all of you my commitment to making the RDCW better than EVAR, I will defend the World Title against former champion: Kristogar Velo!
Monroe: Eh.
JLA: More matches will be added in a way that looks spontaneous, but in reality, they have been booked weeks ago! HAVAK begins now!
PJP (8%, 3 Votes)
|
Joe Mama (92%, 35 Votes)
|
Charlie (5%, 2 Votes)
|
SPAMM (95%, 36 Votes)
|
Captain Howdy (c) (8%, 3 Votes)
|
Nowhereman (5%, 2 Votes)
|
Arnold Judas Rimmer (87%, 33 Votes)
|
Grimm/Johnny Evil (Tag Champions) (3%, 1 Votes)
|
Captain Sammitch (IC Champion)/Jeremy (Y Division Champion) (97%, 37 Votes)
|
MisterJLA (c) (10%, 4 Votes)
|
Kristogar Velo (90%, 36 Votes)
|
"Are you eating it...or is it eating you?" [center] ![[Linked Image from i13.photobucket.com]](http://i13.photobucket.com/albums/a275/captainsammitch/boards/banners/blogban3.jpg) [/center] [center] ![[Linked Image from i13.photobucket.com]](http://i13.photobucket.com/albums/a275/captainsammitch/boards/banners/jlamiska.jpg) [/center]
|
