<The Cheesedome fades to black as the Cheese-O-Tron comes to life. 'We Will Rock You' thunders throughout the arena as a montage of memorable moments from Penwing's career plays out on the screen. The crowd cheers, and some take up chanting Penwing's name. As the montage ends, the music abruptly gives way to the Black Eyed Peas' 'Pump It', and the lights come up to reveal Captain Sammitch standing in the ring flanked by Chewy Walrus and Killconey. The three men are wearing plain black suits with white shirts a la Reservoir Dogs. Sammitch raises a microphone to his mouth and speaks...>CS: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen!
<Cheers from the crowd...> We're here tonight to entertain, as always, but before we can do that, you should probably be made aware of a few things. First of all, the reason we showed you that video montage is because tonight I am announcing that former RDCW heavyweight champion Penwing... will be
retiring from the RDCW.
<Mixed reactions from the crowd, murmurs and even a little booing...>CS: I know it's a bit abrupt, and you're probably wondering why I'm the one telling you this. The fact is that Penwing has been sidelined by a number of serious injuries for quite some time. The cumulative damage from those injuries has left him in a great deal of chronic pain, to the point that it would be greatly inadvisable for him to continue to participate in this sport. Penwing is still in physical therapy, but he will make an appearance at his earliest convenience, and there'll be a better tribute for him and farewell speech for you at that time.
<The crowd continues to murmur, clearly dismayed by the news...>CS: Obviously, there have been a lot of changes around here. As
Sudden Death was essentially Penwing's trademark in this promotion, we don't quite feel right calling ourselves the
Sudden Death Connection - it wouldn't quite describe us. But don't panic - no matter how many things have changed, you've still got plenty of reason to
get pumped...
<'Pump It' blares out over the speakers again as the lights dim and strobes and chasing spotlights sweep across the ring. The crowd jumps to its feet and cheers (particularly the women in the crowd) as the three wrestlers strip out of their jackets and shirts to reveal their ring attire...>CS: Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the high-flying master of mischief, the one-man freak show who knows no fear, the once and future Y Division champion,
Killconey!<The crowd thunders its applause as Killconey runs up the turnbuckle and balances atop it before backflipping into the center of the ring, then darting to the opposite corner and repeating. Killconey grabs the microphone from Captain Sammitch and continues the introductions...>KC: Here he is once again, ladies! The towering titan of testosterone, the unstoppable force of nature, the once and future Y Division champion, and the once and future hardcore champion! Give it up for the mighty
Chewy Walrus!<Huge pops from the crowd as Chewy Walrus poses dramatically at the center of the ring. Chewy takes the microphone and continues...>CW: Last but never least, I give you one of the most skilled combatants and most talented entertainers in RDCW
history - the man with plenty of moves and an answer for plenty of other people's moves. He's won
every title in the RDCW save one, and it won't be long before he brings
that one home too. Put your hands together for the incomparable, the unstoppable, the one and only
Captain Sammitch!<The crowd goes ballistic as Captain Sammitch leaps to the top of the nearest turnbuckle and salutes the crowd in sync with a spectacular pyrotechnic blast from the other three. The music fades out but the cheers continue as the lights come up, and Chewy hands the microphone back to Sammitch...>CS: Tonight, you will all get to see what promises to be a
spectacular tag match. Grimm and Johnny Evil have battled hard to win the tag titles, and they'll have to fight just as hard tonight to defend them - because the Inter-Cunt-Inental and Y Division belts are also on the line! With
four champions in the ring and
four belts at stake, expect nothing short of an EPIC brawl... possibly the most EPIC brawl EVAR!
<Pops from the crowd...>CS:Captain Sammitch and associates are back, and HAVAK's gonna be one hell of a show!
Poice!<The crowd goes wild as 'Pump It' blares again and the three exit the ring and head up the ramp. Killconey taps Sammitch on the shoulder on the way up the ramp with a question...>KC: We got a name yet, dude?
CS: 
Workin' on it.
CW: What the FUCK is JLA up to?
CS: I'd ask, but that would involve
way more conversation than I'd prefer having with the guy...
all three: 
Yeesh...
