First Amongst Daves - A Colonel of the Regiment. Loves a strong cup of Russian Caravan tea, playing silly mid-on, and wearing no pants into combat as a sign of bravery.
Sam Bellamy - A Colonel of the Regiment. Epee scars from Heidelburg. Fine bone china tea set from a tour of duty in Asmara. Wicketkeeper.
Timothy Trust - A Lieutenant-Commander of the Regiment. Dabbler of buxom womenfolk from the Orient. Manly chest, covered in hair like a bear's pelt. Plays at gully.
Henry Quantos - Regimental doctor, honorary Captain of the Regiment. Believes anaesthetic is for small children and the French. Believes needles are for seamstresses, and surgical cotton for lacy underwear. Plays at sqaure short leg.
Prometheus - A Colonel of the Regiment. Fond of marmalade on toast, hot baths, and slaughtering native uprisings with sabre drawn. Grown a goatee to assist in foreplay. Plays at first slips.
Hideo Inakajimita -Corporal and aide-de-camp to Colonel First, and shipbuilder. Responsible for the construction of the Grand Admiral Neilencio on Rodrigo Island. Enjoys eating rice grains from the stomachs of naked Western women, using his "special" set of chopsticks. Plays at point.
Captain Sammitch - A Captain of the Regiment. A bully at Eton, Sammitch will beat his captive foes to death with his bare fists, between eating canapes and hors d'oeurves. Plays at deep fine leg.
Squeegeeman - A Sergeant-Major of the Regiment. Will not urinate in the jungle. Plays at extra cover.
Dagwood Foreman - A Sergeant-Major of the Regiment. Carries the regimental gramophone. Plays at third man.
Nowherehowdy - A Commander of the Regiment. Like the French, fights with his feet, and makes love with his face. Plays at leg gully.
Rotten Balls - Corporal and aide-de-camp to Commander Nowherehowdy. Often drunk in taverns in York. Plays at deep square leg.
David Hasselhoff - Commander Nowherehowdy's private. Holds Nowherehowdy's cutlass, and polishes his boots ship-shape and Bristol-fashion. Plays at leg slip.
Ella Chen - A Colonel of the Regiment. Guerilla fighting hell-raiser from Mindanao. Likes Japanese girls. Thought he was on his way to Kobe when he arrived in Shartak. Very unhappy man. Refuses to play.
