Heavyweight Match: King Snarf vs. Captain Sammitch


King Snarf: Finally!

Llawler: But we were having so much fun!

KS: Yeah, whatever. It’s go time!

<Without music or announcement, Snarf makes his way to the ring amid boos from almost the entire crowd. He drinks in the hatred and smiles as he takes a bow…>

Monroe: This crowd is not very happy with King Snarf since he interfered with the tag match just before the ad break!

Marcum: He’s just doing what he does best! That’s why he’s gonna be champion again before too long!

<The lights in the Cheesedome dim and the music starts, very faintly. As it grows into the guitar hook from Boston’s Peace of Mind, Captain Sammitch appears at the top of the ramp and the crowd goes ballistic…>

Monroe: And making his first appearance in the new RDCW, it’s none other than Captain Sammitch!

<Sammitch makes his way down the ramp and acknowledges the crowd. He steps into the ring and eyes King Snarf coldly. James White rings the bell, and the match begins…>

Marcum: Here we go!

Fat Retard: Resplendent!

Monroe:

<The wrestlers circle the ring. Captain Sammitch is watching intently for King Snarf to make the first move. But King Snarf seems to just be idly circling the ring, almost taunting him, refusing to rush in for the opening lock-up…>

Marcum: Looks like Snarf doesn’t wanna wrestle!

Llawler: He’s a lover, not a fighter!

Monroe: Earlier tonight, King Snarf attempted to leave the building and ditch out on this match. It took Chewy Walrus and Killconey bodily dragging him back into the arena to even get him into the ring. But it might be just as hard to get him to wrestle now that he’s in there!

<Sure enough, Chewy Walrus and Killconey appear at the top of the ramp and make their way to the ring. Snarf sees them out of the corner of his eye and tenses. Finally he charges at Sammitch and attempts to lock him up…>

Monroe: Thank. You!

<Sammitch breaks Snarf’s initial grapple before Snarf can apply the headlock. When Snarf locks Sammitch up again, Sammitch reverses and delivers two Sammitch Suplexes before getting back to his feet. As the combatants continue fighting, Sammitch keeps Snarf at arm’s length with quick, sharp martial-arts strikes…>

Marcum: Sammitch doesn’t want the headlock!

Monroe: Captain Sammitch is adjusting his game plan and forcing Snarf to use some actual moves!

<Snarf still won’t crack. He keeps angling for the headlock until Sammitch leg-sweeps him to the mat. Something seems to snap, and Snarf jumps to his feet and comes out swinging!>

Marcum: Lookit this!

<Reverting to his old moveset, Snarf puts a surprised Captain Sammitch on the ropes with some old-fashioned brawling. Sammitch fights his way out of the corner, and the two commence beating the crap out of each other…>

Monroe: I don’t think anybody expected to see this!

<Suddenly, Brad Lee appears at the top of the ramp and rushes down toward the ring. Shoving security aside, he tries to slip past Killconey and Chewy Walrus…>

Marcum: What’s this? What’s Brad Lee doing back out here?

<In the ring, King Snarf and Captain Sammitch are almost evenly matched. Sammitch gets in another leg-sweep, but Snarf rolls away and hops up across the ring against the ropes. But before Sammitch can come after him, Snarf is yanked out of the ring from behind by Brad Lee!>

Monroe: Brad Lee is attempting to exact some revenge!

<Doc Paragon, flanked by additional security, charges down the ramp. He signals for the bell, and James White obligingly rings it…>

James White: Ladies and gentlemen, the match has been declared a draw due to a double disqualification!

Monroe: Buhgawb!

Marcum: Another no-decision?!?

<Paragon, clearly furious, takes the mic from James White and proceeds to speak. . .>

DP: "Now all night long, I've had to keep an eye on Snarf's shenanigans just to ensure that the RDCW delivered on it's promised matchups to the fans! Now not only have we not had a winner in our opening tag match, but the participants in that match have seen fit to make their way down and involve themselves in this match as well!

Gentlemen, since the six of you can't seem to stay separate from each other, we're going to settle this the way we did it in my day! Next week on Havok, it's going to be a six man tag match! King Snarf and the Masked Avengers vs. Captain Sammitch, Chewy Walrus, and Killconey!"

The crowd erupts as Snarf and Brad eye each other warily. Sammich, Chewy, & KC are pumped, and high five each other as they head up the rampway to the back.

DP: "Oh, and one more thing, gentlemen. If any of you are considering not showing up for next week's match, you will be considered in breach of contract, and not only will you be terminated, but you will also find yourselves on the wrong side of a lawsuit!"

Paragon leaves the ring as the crowd erupts again. Snarf and Brad Lee slowly make separate exits, watching each other closely.