<As Charlie stands impatiently in the middle of the ring, the guitar hook from Boston's 'Peace of Mind' blares throughout the Cheesedome. The crowd leaps to its feet as Captain Sammitch makes his way down the ramp...>

Monroe: I was beginning to wonder if he'd show up or not!

Marcum: Who cares? Sammitch isn't even a contender!

<Sammitch makes his way to the apron. Grabbing a microphone, he begins slowly walking around the ring as he speaks...>

Captain Sammitch: Charlie, Charlie, Charlie. Been a while, bro. <Charlie tenses...> Relax, pal, I didn't come down here to throw down just yet. If I were here to kick your ass, it most likely would have already been thoroughly kicked by now.

Monroe: Whoa!

Marcum: All talk, as usual...

CS: Y’see, Charlie, I’m not especially interested in your offer of a bribe. One, because I don’t really believe you’ve got the disposable income to just cut a check on the spot. Two, because I firmly believe you don’t have what it takes to go through all of us.

Marcum: How can he underestimate the Million Dollar Pitbull?

CS: Okay, okay, I’ll spot you Tim and Krazed. I mean, come on… <Laughs from the crowd> Nothing personal, guys. But anyway, anyway, three, if you think that any competitor of the caliber of myself or THE MONSTER GRIMM is gonna punk out of a title shot for ANY amount of money, you don’t know us very well, and you don’t have a very good handle on what this competition is all about. <Charlie clenches his fists…> Which suggests to me that you really need to be taught. Because even if you do have the money to try and buy us off, you’re still letting your mouth write a check that your fists can’t cash.

<A furious Charlie slides out of the ring and glares at Sammitch from across the apron, contemplating whether or not to go after him…>

CS: You don’t wanna, Charlie. I mean you’re good. But think about it. Save it for the match. You’ll need it.

<Charlie thinks a moment, then turns and storms up the ramp, glaring back at Sammitch as Sammitch enters the ring…>

CS: Good evening, everyone. I’d just like to take a moment of your time to correct some of the misapprehensions I’ve picked up on from my opponents. It seems my friend Joe Mama is offering a title shot to the winner of this match, and his money’s on Grimm. Not a bad choice, not at all. But, Joe, if you think I don’t have what it takes to walk out of this match tonight with that title shot, you haven’t been paying attention very well. You’re looking at a two-time hardcore champion, a former lightweight champion, Eurotrash champion, Inter-Cunt-Inental champion, and a tag champion several times over. Let me remind you of that.

Monroe: Captain Sammitch is pulling no punches tonight!

CS: There’s only one title missing from my collection. And I think it’s time I rectified that. Not just for me, but for all these people out here who have supported me for so long. You say I won’t fight dirty in front of the fans. You might be right about that. But I sure as hell am NOT about to let these fans down! Just because you rely on cheap shots and low blows to win titles doesn’t mean I can’t win without them. But I’ll let you find that out for yourself another night.

Marcum: Keep diggin’, Sammitch! It’s getting’ deep!

CS: And now a few words for the guys I will be facing tonight. Tim, Krazed, like I said before, I’ve got nothing personal against you guys. Any other time we might all be able to be buddies. But tonight, there’s a title shot on the line, and while I don’t dislike you, if you get between me and that title shot, I won’t hesitate to do what I have to in order to remove you from the equation.

Charlie, I’ve already told you what I think. Joe said it himself – you’ve got some natural talent and you’ve shown a lotta promise. But as one former hardcore champ to another, it’s one thing to go mano a mano with one other guy in the ring with a weapon in your hand. This match, the Stairway to Hell, promises to make the toughest hardcore match of your career look like a cakewalk. You offered to buy us off. I’ll call your bluff. Are you sure you’ve got what it takes to come out of this match with that title shot? It’s not too late for you to bow out.

Ghost Hog, you’ve shown yourself to be a crazy bastard and one tough sonofabitch. One might even go so far as to call you a Warrior of Pain. But tough and crazy will only get you so far without a game plan. Will the pain and devastation in everything you destroy be enough to satisfy you if you’re not willing to create opportunity from them? I can’t answer that for you. But I can tell you that I do know what I want, and everyone else in this match is after it too. You say you’re talented at violence and pain. Congratulations. You’re qualified to be in this match. But beyond that, all your spooky talk isn’t about to dissuade me from what I came here to do. Do your worst; I would be disappointed with anything less. Just don’t expect me to back down.

And that leaves only Grimm. The monster Grimm. I’d be foolish to anticipate anything but hellish and brutal violence, sharing this ring with you. I’ve seen what you’re capable of, and I’ve experienced what you’re capable of dishing out. But know this. I’m here for a chance at the title, for me and for all these fans. I can’t – I won’t – stop until either I win the match and the title shot or until I’ve got absolutely nothing left to give. That’s what you’re up against. I have a lot of respect for what you can do, but I’m not afraid of you. If it comes down to you and me, you may be in for a surprise.

<Pops from the crowd, some of whom begin chanting Sammitch’s name…>

CS: I’m done talking. But you’ll hear – and see – plenty more from me before tonight’s over. And all of you… <Sammitch points a finger into the crowd, then sweeps around to encompass the whole of the Cheesedome crowd…> can expect nothing short of sheer Havok!

<The crowd erupts as Sammitch exits the ring and makes his way up the ramp and out of the arena…>

Monroe: Captain Sammitch was intent on having the last word, and did he ever make use of it! The gauntlet has been thrown down, and it looks like we’ll be in for a spectacular main event tonight!

<Fade to black…>