19. Time may be a great healer, but it's also a lousy beautician.
20. Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone
21. Life not only begins at forty, it begins to show.
22. I don't mind the rat race, but I could do with a little more cheese.
23. The only time a woman wishes she were a year older is when she is expecting a baby.
24. Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen.
25. I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.
26. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
27. I misplaced my dictionary. Now I'm at a loss for words.
28. Money talks....it says good-bye.
29. School days are the best days of your life...provided your children are old enough to go.
30. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
31. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
32. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
33. The Bible was written by the same people who said the Earth was flat.
34. Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
35. Nostalgia is like a grammar lesson You find the present tense and the past perfect.
37. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
38. Gravity...it's not just a good idea. It's the law.
39. If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.
40. Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism.
41. If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic!!
42. You can't have everything, where would you put it?
43. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
44. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat drinking beer all day.
45. My Mother Is a travel agent for guilt trips.
46. That man could have had any women he pleased--he just couldn't please any!
47. The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
48. A pessimist is a man who gets a clean bill of health from his doctor, then goes to get a second opinion!
49. I am grateful that I am not as judgmental as all those censorious, self-righteous people around me
50. What we see depends on mainly what we look for
