Why when people ask you "what three things would you bring with you on a desert island?"
no one ever replies, "A BOAT"
It is replied and the person asking says, "That's cheating!"
Why are elderly people often called "old people" but children are never called "new
people"?
Because babies don't give a fuck.
If the FBI breaks your door down do they have to pay for it?
Nope, it's part of your debt to society for being a suspicous person.
If they have angel food cake on earth, do they have people food cake in heaven?
in heaven, all needs are met. There is no hunger.
If you fart and burp at the same time, would it make a vacuum in your tummy?
No because there are many sphincter muscles creating various compartments separating both orifices from the "tummy."
Do they call a fortune teller who cant see a "blind seer"?
Probably.
Why do you put two cents in when its only a penny for your thoughts?
It's a penny if they're interested, otherwise you have to pay to get people to give a fuck.
Yes, your tear ducts can produce saline whilst submerged.
You know the signs on restaurant doors? No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service? what if someone
goes in with No Pants? Would the restaurant still have to serve them?
No, because in the USA, non-government businesses are allowed to refuse service to any customer at their own discretion. Also, being pants-less violates public decency laws and is therefor illegal.
If an African elephant comes to America, is it an African-American elephant?
Nobody gives a fuck about animal nationalities because they cannot be legal citizens. So not really.
Why doesn't flavored gum turn your mouth that color?
The flavor is one chemical additive, the color is a completely different chemical additive. Flavor chemicals are typically clear, yellowish, or brownish in my experience. Color dyes are extremely potent little shits that you use the tiniest smidgen of and end up wasting three times as much due to air currents in the vicinity.
If a doctor suddenly died while doing surgery, would the other doctors work on the doctor or the patient?
No, they would continue their current jobs and have one of the assistants call for other doctors to retrieve the failing Dr.
Why do we sing "Rock a bye baby" to lull our little ones to sleep when the song is about
putting your baby in a tree and letting the wind crash the cradle to the ground?
Have you ever had a child that wouldn't fall asleep for anything? You really want it to be dead (only not really-really).
Why do we say we're head over heels when we're happy? Isn't that the way we normally are?
I never understood that one either.
If the Wicked Witch of the West melts in water... how did she ever bathe?
The white powder they shower with in the Tank Girl movie.
If bald people work as chefs in a restaurant,do they have to wear hairnets?
According to OSHA, yes.
Why do sleeping pills have warning labels that state :'Caution: May Cause Drowsiness?
Same reason a woman won a lawsuit saying that the 'Caution: HOT!' on a McDonalds' coffee cup wasn't big enough. People are stupid.
Do nudists have pin-ups of people with clothes on?
I suppose they use the same pinups as anyone.
How can Darth Vader breathe and talk at the same time?
Old effects technology wasn't advanced enough to cut out at applicable times.
If there's a wheelchair-bound comedian, is it still called "stand-up"?
Yeah, but they probably use that cheap-ass joke in their routine.
When the French swear do they say pardon my English?
No, they hate English and Americans.
Do people who use sign language see little hands in their head when they think about what
somebody said, or do they hear the words in their head?
Assuming they're deaf, they can't hear words in their head. From my understanding, they think in gestures and concepts.
How did Walt Disney figure out how to make people pay to stand in lines all day?
He didn't, his company did.
