RDCW World Heavyweight Championship
Joe Mama (C) vs. Captain Sammitch
The Cheesedome lights dim...
Marcum: Uh oh, look out!
Another pyrotechnic charge detonates, and as the opening bars of “Kashmir” blast over the speakers, Captain Sammitch appears at the top of the ramp amid the flash and smoke.
Marcum: Whoa!
The crowd cheers wildly as Captain Sammitch, still in his black gi, high-fives fans all the way down the ramp.
Monroe: Captain Sammitch is making his way to the ring, where the fight of his career is about to begin!
Marcum: As soon as he finishes wasting time with the fans!
Sammitch enters the ring and climbs to the top of a turnbuckle, where he salutes the fans, sending them into an even wilder frenzy.
Monroe: After the war of words earlier this evening, there's little doubt that most of this crowd is securely in Sammitch's corner. Listen to that!
Sammitch hops down from the turnbuckle and adjusts his gi. He stretches his arms for a brief moment, then turns to face his opponent. “Kashmir” fades, but there is a lull as the arena gradually goes quiet. With no entrance music playing, and no sign of movement from the back, both the crowd and Sammitch himself start getting a bit restless. Sammitch confers with the referee, who doesn't seem to know what's going on.
Monroe: What's going on? Where's Joe Mama's entrance music? Where's the Champion to defend his title? Has Captain Sammitch rattled him enough that he's lost the will to compe-
The lights at the top of the entrance ramp go black as a figure steps out. Backlit against the lights of the Cheese-O-Tron, the figure casts an ominous silhouette, with microphone in hand. But it's clearly not Joe Mama. The mystery person comes out from the dark and it's...
Louie Bastardo: Ladies and Gentlemen, it is my privilege and my damn right as a Hall of Famer to introduce the RDCW Heavyweight Champion...The Enforcer, JOE MAMA!!!!!!!!!!!
[And now “Faded” blasts over the speakers and the lights go up. From the back steps Joe Mama, his face a mask of intensity. He moves forward to stand by Louie Bastardo's side, eyes locked on his opponent as Louie basks in the crowd reaction – a mixed chorus of boos and cheers. Louie slaps the Champ on the shoulder and they walk to the ring. Joe Mama's eyes narrow as his look of intensity gives way to one of intense dislike.
Marcum: I can say for sure what's going through the Champ's mind, but I'm willing to bet something very bad is about to happen to Captain Sammitch, Monroe.
Louie Bastardo and Joe Mama enter the ring. As Captain Sammitch takes a step back to allow Joe Mama to have his moment in the center of the ring, Louie Bastardo walks over to the referee and they have a conversation for a moment before Louie leaves the ring. Joe Mama stands in a corner, making no move for the center, ignoring the fans, eyes still locked on Sammitch. The referee walks over to Joe Mama and asks for the title belt, which Joe Mama takes from around his waist and hands to the ref, eyes still locked on Sammitch. The referee holds up the strap for the crowd to see, hands it to a ring attendant, and motions for the match to start. The bell rings...
Captain Sammitch moves quickly into the center of the ring, waiting for the champ, but Joe Mama slowly circles his opponent. As Sammitch moves in for an collar and elbow tie-up, Joe Mama starts to respond to the hold but then shoves Sammitch off to the side before the lock up can be cinched. Sammitch attempts the same hold, but the same thing happens. Captain Sammitch moves in again for another tie-up but Joe Mama slips halfway out of the ropes, forcing the ref to push Sammitch back towards the center.
Monroe: What the hell is this? First Joe Mama takes his sweet time getting to the ring, and now he won't even wrestle?
Marcum: Is that what you're seeing? Cuz I see a Champion who knows how to govern the pace of this match!
As Joe Mama steps back into the ring, Captain Sammitch moves towards him. It's easy to read lips: “What the hell are you doing? What's wrong with you?” Joe Mama responds by shoving Sammitch back and then flipping him the bird. Then the two competitors lock up. Joe Mama gets a headlock and starts punching Sammitch repeatedly. The ref is about to move in because of the closed fist but Sammitch is able to break the headlock and push Joe Mama into the ropes. The Champ bounces off the ropes, gets hit with crescent kick, and falls back into the ropes. Captain Sammitch moves in to press the advantage, but Joe Mama sidesteps him, pulls him tighter into the ropes, and drives a knee into Sammitch's midsection. As Sammitch stumbles away from the ropes Joe Mama follows him, driving fist after fist into the side of Sammitch's head.
Marcum: Still look like the Champ didn't come for a fight, Monroe?
Monroe: That's exactly what this is. These fans expected a wrestling match and that's what they deserve!
Marcum: Weren't you paying attention? Joe Mama doesn't care what they want or “deserve!”
After a few more moments of brawling, Joe Mama Irish whips Captain Sammitch into the ropes and goes for a clothesline. But Captain Sammitch is able to duck the arm, ricochet off the opposite ropes, and use his momentum to deliver a spinning heel kick that knocks his foe to the mat. He goes for a quick pin which the Champ kicks out of before the ref can count to one. Captain Sammitch pulls Joe Mama up and hits him with a flurry of martial arts chops, punches, and kicks that push him back to a ring corner. The ref breaks up the attack, so Sammitch steps back to allow Joe Mama out of the corner. He stumbles forward and swings wildly on Sammitch, who lets the Champ's momentum carry him around so his back is turned and he is able to lock in and execute the series of suplexes know as...
Monroe: THE THREE AMIGOS!!!
With Joe Mama lying on the mat, seemingly knocked out, Captain Sammitch takes a moment to catch his breath before going for the pin. The ref counts to two before Joe Mama kicks out. Sammitch tries for another pin, which Joe Mama kicks out of. One more with the same result. Sammitch starts to pull Joe Mama up, but Joe Mama locks his arms around Sammitch and hits an atomic drop that momentarily stuns Sammitch. Joe Mama moves back and then runs forward for another clothesline, but Captain Sammitch ducks at the last moment and the ref is the victim of the brutal move.
Marcum: Did you see that??? Captain Sammitch meant for that to happen!!!
Monroe: Oh shut up, Marcum!
With the referee knocked out, Joe Mama moves in on Captain Sammitch and starts punching him in the head again. He drags Sammitch to the ropes and uses them as leverage to choke him out. Then he jerks the top rope up, catapulting Sammitch back to the mat. Joe Mama pulls Sammitch up and hits two suplexes of his own and then Irish whips him into one of the corners. Sammitch bounces off and stumbles forward into Joe Mama, who executes a...
Marcum: SPINEBUSTER!!! The Champ has hit one of his signature moves! It won't be long now!!!
Captain Sammitch slowly crawls to the opposite corner as Joe Mama rolls out of the ring. He grabs the title belt and rolls back in. Joe Mama takes a moment to check the ref (who is still unconscious), and then steps into the center of the ring. He's watching Captain Sammitch pull himself to his feet, sizing him up. The Champs eyes widen in anticipation. Captain Sammitch is on his feet with his back turned to the Champ. Joe Mama's waiting for him...waiting for Sammitch to turn. The crowd is going wild, chanting for Captain Sammitch, fearfully aware of what's about to happen. Captain Sammitch turns to his opponent, and Joe Mama...
Monroe: OH NO!!!
Marcum: OH YES!!!
...tosses the belt into Captain Sammitch's hands.
Marcum & Monroe: Wait, what?
Captain Sammitch looks confused as he stares at the belt, then looks at the smiling Joe Mama, and then looks out at the fans. The fans are shocked but cheering. More than a few are motioning what they want Sammitch to do with the belts. Captain Sammitch looks at Joe Mama who sees these fans, looks back at Captain Sammitch, and smiles. Captain Sammitch walks towards Joe Mama as if to ask him something and Joe Mama responds by turning his back on his opponent and raising his arms from his sides in mock supplication. That fans are going nuts! They're chanting his name as he stares at the belt. Joe Mama's smile is horribly gleeful as he nods to the crowd. Not even attempting to do anything. Not even bracing himself.
Monroe: What the hell is this? What the hell is Joe Mama doing? He's giving this match away!!!
Marcum: That's the point! The Champ is handing this match to Captain Sammitch! This match, and the Heavyweight Cheese Title, is all his! All he has to do is hit the Champ with the belt. It's the perfect crime for both men! Sammitch wins the title he's been coveting for years, but at the cost of his SOUL! He knows that this is his moment! Hit him, Sammitch! Hit him with that belt and show the world who you really are! Or toss it aside and prove to everyone that you're everything Joe Mama ever said you were! You KNOW he's better than you! You KNOW this match is his! Hit him with that belt, Sammitch! You KNOW it's the only way!!!
Captain Sammitch stares, stunned, at both the belt and the back of Joe Mama's head and then...
Captain Sammitch step back...
And...
Secures the Heavyweight Cheese Title belt around his waist to the cheers of the fans!
Monroe: YES!!! That's right, Marcum! This young man's soul is NOT for sale! He'll never take the easy way out! That's why he's...
Marcum: A CHEAPION! Look at him! Soaking up the fans' adulation! Going for the cheap pop! He better take that belt off before Joe Mama sees him and...oh no! OH NO!!!
Joe Mama's smile fades away as he turns around and looks at his opponent. He sees Captain Sammitch, basking in the glory of the moment, and something visibly snaps. It goes beyond having his plan thwarted. Joe Mama's face is a mask of blind rage as he rushes at Sammitch, howling like an animal. Sammitch barely has time to raise his arms in defense before Joe Mama is on him, punching wildly at him. Captain Sammitch falls back under the force of the assault. The belt falls from around his waist and someone kicks it aside. Joe Mama flings Sammitch into the ropes and almost decapitates him with a running lariat. He drops onto Sammitch's chest and subjects him to a flurry of punches.
Monroe: This is disgusting! What the hell kind of display is this? This is disgraceful!
Marcum: This is exactly what Captain Sammitch deserves! How DARE he defile the title like that? Who is he to wear that belt before he's won it? What right does he have to lessen its meaning for cheap applause from these fans? He just might have well have come out here and belittled every match, every injury, and every hospital trip Joe Mama ever took in defense of the title that means so much to him! Sammitch isn't nearly getting what he deserves!
Monroe: You don't believe that, Marcum. There's no way you believe any of what you just said! All Captain Sammitch wanted was to make these fans smile. All he did was give them a bright moment in this match. You can't justify what's happening in that ring! You don't agree with this!
Marcum: It doesn't matter what I agree with or believe. I'm telling you what's happening in Joe Mama's mind. And I hope that moment you mentioned was worth it to the fans and to Sammitch now that he's paying the price!
The ref has come to, and Captain Sammitch is mounting a bit of a comeback. He's able to deflect most of Joe Mama's shots and get a few of his own in. But the attack has visibly taken its toll on the challenger. He attempts a spinning crescent kick, but Joe Mama pushes at the leg, forcing Sammitch's momentum to swing him around in a circle. Joe Mama quickly scoops him up and hits an East Coast Hammer. He rushes to a ring corner, hops up on top, and crashes on top of Captain Sammitch with a Flying Tea Bag Slam. But, instead of going for the pin, Joe Mama pulls Captain Sammitch up, drapes Sammitch's back across his own shoulder, and delivers a Bay State Sledge. Captain Sammitch lies prone, barely conscious, and it is then that Joe Mama drops for the pin and the victory. “Faded” plays as Joe Mama stands up, barely aware that the ref is raising his hand in victory. The belt is placed into his hands and Joe Mama looks down at it, surprised to see it there. The crowd is decidedly mixed as the ref leads Joe Mama to the ropes and motions for him to leave the ring area. The EMTs are rushing to the ring to care for Captain Sammitch. Joe Mama is about to leave the ring, but stops. He looks back at the body of Captain Sammitch, looks out at the crowd, raises the title belt up, and (amid the cheers and boos of the fans) points to the belt and then at himself. He shouts, “MINE!!!” a few times and then leaves the ring...
